Chapter 14 A: Hollow
Another month passed by with little change in the lives of Super Junior, now 15. The activities of December were finally over and then came the slow of January. Many of the members had been released after the New Year’s activities to their own homes and families who welcomed them with open arms and warmth. Zhou Mi was one of the few that had returned early after the break, mostly in order to keep up with the court proceedings and to prepare. He kept meeting with Kyuhyun who too lived not too far away, Zhou Mi soon went from a band member to something of a family friend.
The first instance that Kyuhyun came to find out about the case was less than pleasant. Zhou Mi was storming out of an office of the S.M. building, clearly vexed. Figuring that it may not be the best time for him to approach the man and ask for an explanation at a time he barely seemed capable of putting too words together in Korean on account of general frustration, Kyuhyun took to asking the manager what was going on.
The manager wasn’t too forthcoming with information at first, but slowly gave in, admitting that Zhou Mi was told to try and keep the court proceedings of his cousin’s rape as far away as possible in fear of damaging his image. The manager himself, by then having developed something of a soft spot for the unusually tall Chinese man understood his frustration with the request (though it could hardly be called that) but agreed- association with a court case, whatever side he held in it would be a dangerous line to walk in terms of a rising star whose position was already insecure with chants of ‘only 13’ rising in the air and catching on like a forest fire.
“Would it make a difference?” Kyuhyun had paused in thought, not wanting to offend Zhou Mi. He measured his words carefully before continuing, “I mean... with the outcome. Are you a witness?”
“No.” Zhou Mi admitted with reluctance, “I mean-” was he? It had occurred to him that he could possibly be a witness to how his cousin was acting. On the other hand, if the defence counsellor were to put him in the spot and make him recite all tha Lá was doing, the way she was acting, he may just be prove their point- as the doctor said. Zhou Mi explained the situation to Kyuhyun, finding a little comfort in relieving the weight off his shoulders. But it wasn’t complete- he knew that it wouldn’t be until he was sure Young Jae was punished, til Lán nd his aunt got the justice they rightly deserved.
Mingmei’s condition had since bettered, though it hurt him to do so, Zhou Mi had convinced his mother to return his aunt to her medicines in case she would have to be presented in court. He had an impending feeling that it would be necessary and that the outcome would be disastrous.
“I don’t know, Kyu...” He shook his head tiredly, letting it drop forward in defeat. Nothing was clear anymore. “I thought this was over. I had to take the stand once or twice the last time after she died-” Not even to Kyuhyun had Zhou Mi made clear that she had ended her life on her own, he was convinced that that was a lie anyway. She had not ended her life, she had been cruelly murdered. It was only the hand that was hers. Young Jae had led her to it. In ways, they all had. “But that was it. And it didn’t matter much anyway, her mom’s eye witness was enough to make clear what happened.”
Kyuhyun could only nod in silence, attempting not to make his sickness known as Zhou Mi spoke about the case. He attempted to take in only the law, the situations- anything but what had led to it. It hit too close to home. Kyuhyun could feel a new depth in the understanding he had of Zhou Mi, the way that his eyes drooped at speaking about his aunts condition, the rage he felt towards Young Jae, he could hear it in his voice as he spoke about it.
And of Lán He would wince, feeling physical pain as Zhou Mi explained, as shortly as possible, what had happened. What happened, that no one was aware of. It wasn’t fair, he realized, not to her, not to anyone around the girl. Not to Mingmei, nor Zhou Mi. It took him a few more days to reflect on that conversation and the empathy he felt for the girl to slowly realize that he had been too hard on himself. It was not his fault that the dreadful incident of the February night from two years ago had taken place. And he was in no way fault for what he didn’t say, for it having had gone on for so long. There was a sense of guilt, though, in the knowledge that he had never spoken to Donghae or Hankyung about what happened with Ryeowook. He was so immersed in his own self-pity that Kyuhyun had forgotten the pain and frustration of those who wanted to help him stand on his own feet and stop what was happening.
And why shouldn’t he? If a young Chinese girl, abused by her step-father and that in a country where she could barely speak the language could take it to the law and bring justice to the man who had done it, why shouldn’t he? Though the restrictions of his status and what it meant for the band were all factors that could not be excluded, it did not justify his own submission to the likes of Kibum- did it?
Whether or not he came to any conscious answers to his questions, Kyuhyun had finally taken a stand- and it wasn’t long before others became aware of it. As February rolled in, the members started filtering in slowly back into the dorms that once again became accustomed to the noises and business off the bunch of boys. After a good amount of time away from each other, everyone was pleasant, happy once again to see their second family after some time apart to miss them enough that the little quirks of the band mates became forgivable for the time being. New variety shows of the New Year and other activities began to color the empty schedule sheets of each of the members, some more so than others.
“Kyu! Did you see my shades with the green wire edges?” the shout coming from the general direction of Eunhyuk’s room didn’t make Kyuhyun even contemplate looking up, he quickly replied that he hadn’t and that Hyuk Jae must have just missed it when he looked through the other four million of them. Now that the meetings with the shrink was deemed unnecessary (not without some insistence on Kyuhyun’s part), Kyuhyun finally had some extra time to himself when they were no longer stooped in schedules.
As he continued flipping through the channels, sprawled out on the couch without a care in the world, life bustled around him as the few members in the dorm got ready to leave for schedules and other personal commitments. Like those which now had Hyuk Jae cursing at lost green wire edged sunglasses that would have gone perfectly with his outfit.
But they were out of the door soon enough and Kyuhyun was left to himself, a refrigerator with little to no food that was recommended in his diet and a large empty dorm. With a few fruits and a book of ‘easy to learn Manadarin’, Kyuhyun found a spot on the ledge of a window that was extended specifically to make more room for seating in case of a group meeting. The granite was far from cushiony, but some of the group had grown to find it incredibly comfortable to sit on; Kyuhyun was one of them. He had come far from the last September, though language was not one of his strongest holds in academics, with the joint efforts of Hankyung, Henry and Zhou Mi, he had grown better at it, and had leaned, if not to write, nor to speak, to understand a slow casual conversation in the language without encountering too much difficulty. He argued that in itself was an accomplishment.
The solitary study session was interrupted a few hours later by the boding click of the door, so quiet that it could barely be heard in the dorms on a usual day. And there were few who were that quiet in their entrance, Kyuhyun who had found himself in the dorms alone often knew this to be true. Each of the members had their own style of coming in, there were times he could even tell their mood by the way they did. But this one was instinctual. He perked up in his seat, glanced at the hallway as the door was not quite visible from where he was seated.
Heavy footsteps sounded through the hallway and to Kyuhyun’s heightened senses, he kept his eyes glued on the book, though his attention was elsewhere. Now strained bones pressed against the rock beneath him and Kyuhyun could feel the cold of its surface creeping up, and he supressed a chill that threatened to cause a small shiver.
There was a pause, a few moments of silence when the footsteps ceased, and the presence of the elder could be felt in the room. Kyuhyun had no doubt in his mind that Kibum’s eyes were trained on him, the ominous feeling of trouble waiting to happen- he could feel it in the air. It took effort to make his breathing appear normal, which should have been telling in itself.
After what seemed to be an eternity, the footsteps picked up again, slower this time as they approached him. Kyuhyun clenched his eyes shut and trained them on the floor. No. o. His stomach twisted and Kyuhyun clenched his fists, opening his eyes to stare angrily at the book. In the corner of his eyes, he caught the metal that glistened in the sunlight.
Kibum looked down at the boy hunched over the book with mixed emotions. Though guilt pulled at him and told him to let back (and fear that this would cause friction between him and Hankyung if it were to get to his ears), seeing the fear and worry, and the utter defeat in Ryeowook had convinced him that Kyuhyun had spilled what happened to someone else. If he had, it was an issue of pride. And of his own image. Kibum lifted his hand and slowly, laid it down on the nape of Kyuhyun’s neck, cupping it as his fingers played with the soft dark hair- all in one being threatening, and belittling the young singer. He was aware of the anger and frustration that it would ignite in Kyuhyun. But it was to serve a purpose, reinforce that he had no choice but to bear it. “You’re getting worse at showing proper respect, Kyuhyun. Don’t you greet your hyungs anymore?”
Before Kibum could go any farther, Kyuhyun had pulled away, turned to face him in a spin as a knife that had bits of strawberries stuck to its side dripped with red more liquid than that of the fruit. It took a second for Kibum to realize it; the sting in his palm of a small cut, had come after the shock and realization that it was in fact Kyuhyun, now, who stared up at him with anger and fear as before, but now determination. Pressed up against a wall though he was, holding out a knife that had Kibum’s blood on it. And speaking words that he had, till then, never thought Kyuhyun would ever say with the command he did.
“I don’t. Like you. Touching me."