meh
Dear Readers,
Today i went around with a fake smile and a plastic mask. I tried to hide everything, so everything i did today really doesn't matter.
I find things getting harder and harder to get through, Silly little life things that just won't go away. I know that part of it is missing Randy, and knowing that we might never have what we had again...and another part is knowing that i Love someone that i might not ever have. It's so hard to love two people and know that you can't have them, and then it also sounds so cheap to think that you share love with two people...you would think that it's only ment for one. I don't know...then there is the whole thing of my brain realizing that there is this gigantic shity experience going on in my life...and it won't tell me what it is..or how to fix it..so all i am left with is the dam feelings. I hate emotions, i wish i could tie them up and loose them in the sea. Ashley asked me what emotions i was feeling..this is what i came up with:
shity
depressed
fucked
damed
like there is know way out
i am sufficating
and so much more. I wish i knew where it was all coming from, but i am sure you are all sick of hearing me complain...i don't mean to bring anyone down, or put them on the spot. Just had to get things out there
Sincerely
Michelle
PS..I miss it all...and the way I felt when I had it.
Today i went around with a fake smile and a plastic mask. I tried to hide everything, so everything i did today really doesn't matter.
I find things getting harder and harder to get through, Silly little life things that just won't go away. I know that part of it is missing Randy, and knowing that we might never have what we had again...and another part is knowing that i Love someone that i might not ever have. It's so hard to love two people and know that you can't have them, and then it also sounds so cheap to think that you share love with two people...you would think that it's only ment for one. I don't know...then there is the whole thing of my brain realizing that there is this gigantic shity experience going on in my life...and it won't tell me what it is..or how to fix it..so all i am left with is the dam feelings. I hate emotions, i wish i could tie them up and loose them in the sea. Ashley asked me what emotions i was feeling..this is what i came up with:
shity
depressed
fucked
damed
like there is know way out
i am sufficating
and so much more. I wish i knew where it was all coming from, but i am sure you are all sick of hearing me complain...i don't mean to bring anyone down, or put them on the spot. Just had to get things out there
Sincerely
Michelle
PS..I miss it all...and the way I felt when I had it.