(no subject)
Greys Anatomy... old school quote. But, one that I felt like I had to find.
Time takes pleasure in kicking our asses. For even the strongest of us it seems to play tricks. Slowing down... hovering until it freezes. Leaving us stuck in a moment- unable to move in one direction or the other.
Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us can want is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time.
It's just so hard. And it makes it harder when they don't understand completely. It makes it hard when you stumble on what you want to say, when you can't get out exactly how you're feeling, how they can't be in your place because it didn't happen to them. Maybe it wouldn't be a big deal to you. But apparently it is to me. And to say she's your friend. After one meeting. Seems like you'd put this acquaintance before me... your girlfriend. Maybe I am being selfish. Maybe I am being a bitch. Maybe I'm being unreasonable. Maybe I am overreacting. Its just, it hurts, and I don't... I don't know what else to be.
Trust - - Pronunciation: \ˈtrəst\ Function: noun
1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b: one in which confidence is placed
That, was just one of five definitions. All with B's... therefore, 10. 10 definitions. And not one that helps someone trust. Not one that even really defines what trust really is. That's the definition of the word, not of the action. I hate dictionary definitions in a way. They're never just to the point. What if you don't know what assured is? What if you don't know reliance? What if these words don't mean anything to you and all you want to do is know HOW to trust. How to love...
There's no dictionary for that.
Time. That's all there is for that.
It wasn't even THAT big of a deal. It's just. I always look ahead. And when I look ahead, it tends to be from a negative outlook. I'm just scared. And it's hard for me to admit that. But, it's true. I. Am. Scared. You have become my life. I don't want it taken away. I'm scared that this was just a foreshadowing. *Damn you Ms. Nelson for making us learn all these literary terms in A.P Language.* I need to learn to trust that it's not.
Fighting like this reminds me of summer. When there was the distance, and we weren't even together. Fighting over the stupidest little things. Now the things may have gotten a tad bigger. Actually, when I look back on this in a few months, I will probably refer to it as "a stupid little thing." It's just, when it's happening, right here, right now. It's hard to gain true perspective. Emotions fuel behavior. And right now, it's probably fueling ridiculous behavior. I wish I could see it from your point of view. Not to feel the way you do necessarily, but to gain a better perspective. I wish you could enter in my head and see it from my point of view. Not to feel the way I do, but to gain a better perspective. But, I am me and you are you, and that can't happen. Because fighting like this reminds me of summer, I am a little more assured that everything will be okay when I'm back in San Diego. Scratch that, when I see you for the first time.
I don't know what it is about you, but your touch. It soothes me. Your voice. It comforts me. Being in your arms, makes me feel like no one can hurt me. Like no one can touch me. Just being in your presence. Makes the my world so much better. But, when I am deprived of all that, it makes it that much worse. Don't get me wrong. I was happy being single, but not this kind of happy. It's so different. So much better, so much... happier. And don't get me wrong. I can survive without you. But, thats just it... I can... I don't want to, but, if I had to.. I could. And that's just it again.. survive. I would be surviving without you. Living without you, now, that would take a bit longer to get used to...
And, its only been 4 months. Well, the love, I guess has only been that long. The like, was there a lot longer. Love is hard. It seems easy. It seems amazing with no downfalls. But, there are some. But, its love. And I know, when I pry myself away from this current situation, that it is all worth it. Because the good times, always overshadow the bad. It's just hard to see the good when it's bad. I need to just not overreact. But, am I really? I don't know.
Sigh. This is just hard. Not even the situation, the distance. The time. It's hard. I wish it wasn't but it is. It's life. Life is hard. I think love is even harder...
Time takes pleasure in kicking our asses. For even the strongest of us it seems to play tricks. Slowing down... hovering until it freezes. Leaving us stuck in a moment- unable to move in one direction or the other.
Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us can want is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time.
It's just so hard. And it makes it harder when they don't understand completely. It makes it hard when you stumble on what you want to say, when you can't get out exactly how you're feeling, how they can't be in your place because it didn't happen to them. Maybe it wouldn't be a big deal to you. But apparently it is to me. And to say she's your friend. After one meeting. Seems like you'd put this acquaintance before me... your girlfriend. Maybe I am being selfish. Maybe I am being a bitch. Maybe I'm being unreasonable. Maybe I am overreacting. Its just, it hurts, and I don't... I don't know what else to be.
Trust - - Pronunciation: \ˈtrəst\ Function: noun
1 a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b: one in which confidence is placed
That, was just one of five definitions. All with B's... therefore, 10. 10 definitions. And not one that helps someone trust. Not one that even really defines what trust really is. That's the definition of the word, not of the action. I hate dictionary definitions in a way. They're never just to the point. What if you don't know what assured is? What if you don't know reliance? What if these words don't mean anything to you and all you want to do is know HOW to trust. How to love...
There's no dictionary for that.
Time. That's all there is for that.
It wasn't even THAT big of a deal. It's just. I always look ahead. And when I look ahead, it tends to be from a negative outlook. I'm just scared. And it's hard for me to admit that. But, it's true. I. Am. Scared. You have become my life. I don't want it taken away. I'm scared that this was just a foreshadowing. *Damn you Ms. Nelson for making us learn all these literary terms in A.P Language.* I need to learn to trust that it's not.
Fighting like this reminds me of summer. When there was the distance, and we weren't even together. Fighting over the stupidest little things. Now the things may have gotten a tad bigger. Actually, when I look back on this in a few months, I will probably refer to it as "a stupid little thing." It's just, when it's happening, right here, right now. It's hard to gain true perspective. Emotions fuel behavior. And right now, it's probably fueling ridiculous behavior. I wish I could see it from your point of view. Not to feel the way you do necessarily, but to gain a better perspective. I wish you could enter in my head and see it from my point of view. Not to feel the way I do, but to gain a better perspective. But, I am me and you are you, and that can't happen. Because fighting like this reminds me of summer, I am a little more assured that everything will be okay when I'm back in San Diego. Scratch that, when I see you for the first time.
I don't know what it is about you, but your touch. It soothes me. Your voice. It comforts me. Being in your arms, makes me feel like no one can hurt me. Like no one can touch me. Just being in your presence. Makes the my world so much better. But, when I am deprived of all that, it makes it that much worse. Don't get me wrong. I was happy being single, but not this kind of happy. It's so different. So much better, so much... happier. And don't get me wrong. I can survive without you. But, thats just it... I can... I don't want to, but, if I had to.. I could. And that's just it again.. survive. I would be surviving without you. Living without you, now, that would take a bit longer to get used to...
And, its only been 4 months. Well, the love, I guess has only been that long. The like, was there a lot longer. Love is hard. It seems easy. It seems amazing with no downfalls. But, there are some. But, its love. And I know, when I pry myself away from this current situation, that it is all worth it. Because the good times, always overshadow the bad. It's just hard to see the good when it's bad. I need to just not overreact. But, am I really? I don't know.
Sigh. This is just hard. Not even the situation, the distance. The time. It's hard. I wish it wasn't but it is. It's life. Life is hard. I think love is even harder...