a current agitation, and something unfortunate. . blah, boys.
So here we go. Since I started hanging out with Mr. S again, things in my life have been easier for me to sort out. We started out as friends. . then moved WAY to fast. After that we became "just friends" again. Cool stuff right? Nope. I think in an effort to keep himself/us from being hurt. .he kinda took it over board. He kinda got reeeally cold towards me. It hurt. He came over and we talked about it. It ended with me running down the fire escape and giving him a kiss. We were still friends, that's all. After I went back inside, my brain started working. . .for a few reasons I won't get into, it seemed to me that as friends, we would be awesome. . . but as a couple, I think there are so many little things that, grouped together, they would get big.
My birthday was on the 8th. I more or less "spammed" my AIM list with a message saying "IT's MAH BIRFDAY!!!" I'm sure all of us have people on our buddy lists we've talked to maybe once. Needless to say I got a whole bunch of "oh, happy b day. . . who are you?". I ended up with at least 5 IM windows going, heh. One of which was a guy that a friend a looong time ago had me add so I could read his writing in his buddy info. Lets call him. . .Mr. E. It kinda fits, you'll see in a sec. So yeah, we had an awesome convo, both online and off, for a few hours. It was one of those conversations that is silly at times, and stretches your brains at others. We found like. . maybe 2 things we didn't have in common. Taking all this into consideration, I wasn't like, jonesing on him or anything. I sincerely thought that he was just a cool ass boyo that would be cool to hang with. Anyways, we decide we're gonna try and get together sometime the next day.
Mr. S wasn't too thrilled. Granted things that happened before me have sort of made him sceptical of people, but I felt like he was indirectly telling me how I felt and that I was gullible. He said that no matter what Mr. E had said, he didn't see it as hanging out, that Mr. E saw it as a date. He also more or less said that I could be manipulated into liking this guy. To this I responded, "Hun, if I dont want to be swept, I won't be.". . . well. . turns out I wanted to be swept, heh. Mr. E came over, we watched the Punisher, played some Halo2 and just had a great time. We ended up kissing and just sort of cuddling. It was awesome. He sent me a texts:"just one word, amazing""that's the word that discribes you the best""I miss you already" etc. We hung out the next day too, more of the same.
Then Mr. E kinda went AWOL for a while. I kinda got a little paranoid, thinking I'd done something wrong. I tried to sorta keep some kind of contact with out coming off like a friggin stalker, ya know? Finally got him on the phone, and I guess I was "moving too fast". It's true that he did tell me from the get go that his next relationship would move slow. Again, I did know that, but I didn't realize that I was moving to fast. . partially because he seemed all gung-ho and I was more or less following his lead. This is the unfortunate bit. I just wish that he had said something earlier. I think it could have been discussed and dealt with. NOw it just kinda sucks because here I find this really nice, fun to be around, smart, hot guy. . and I'm afraid he thinks I'm like. . obsessed or something! He could be a really great friend too. . I want to talk to him, or even just fucking play some Halo or something. . There are a few things I'm not quite straight on. For example: does this mean, Ria's outta the picture? Or is it just that he's gonna take an indefinate amount of Ria-less time? I'm just kinda fuzzy about it, which is why I'm all talky about it. I mean, jesus god, I've known the boy for like. .a week. I don't think I'm "in love" or anything. It's just working on my head a bit. How do I go about letting him know what's going on in my head isn't some all smothery "you! Be my boy now!" shit, and tell him the ball is in his court without coming out as an annoyance? Enh, maybe he'll read this.
Mr. S wasn't so happy when I told him about it.. I did tell him the same night it happened. He was all poopy, then he was ok, then we were friends, then he got poopy, then he was ok. So he starts his new jobby, and we don't talk every day like we used to. It was ok though, I mean a call every here and there. I guess he started chilling with this girl um. . "Sandy". Cool with me, glad the boy's doiing well. . of course it's a liiiitle tummy churny, but it always is with ex's. He didn't get that either when I said it was probably a good thing I wasn't at work when he decided to stop in with Sandy. He's like "well we're still friends, so it shouldn't be wierd" (me)"well just cause it shouldn't doesn't mean it doesnt. It's not a "oooh I want him back and she's automatically a whore" kinda thing, it's just. . wierd." . . didn't get it. Keep in mind, I didn't even know she EXISTED until that point. Talk about avoiding being blindsided.
Here's the thing that reeeeally pissed me off. Tell me if I'm outta line here. So for the last . . .almost 2 months, I was supposed to go to Warped Tour with Mr. S, he always buys 2 tickets to shows he's going to. Soooooo, yesterday, I called him at work. He called me back later that day, on his break. He said "Abi was askin me if we were still going to Warped Tour with them." I responded "I was kinda wondering if we were still even going lol, haven't said anything about it in a while, heh". . . . . .. .*big silence*. . "actually. . I'm going with Sandy. . . " What kind of bullshit is that???? Not to mention that this is THE DAY BEFORE THE CONCERT and the only way I became aware of this fact was to call his ass and inquire. . he didn't start off volunteering that info. I was pissed. He's like. .well we don't really talk much anymore. (It had been like. . a week since we stopped hanging out every day. .and we did talk) I ask who's fault that is. He says not to even go there. I ask what happened to "Bros before Ho's", not in a way of calling her a ho, but as in friends before "anything else". He responds that she is just a friend. .yeah. . cause they want to take shit slow. . they do like each other and all that. He tells me that I can still go, tickets are still on sale. What money am I supposed to buy tix with? He responds that he doesn't know, and all his cards are maxed. He says that she said she wanted to go. I respond saying that I sure as hell said that too. . about 2 months ago. Then I ask why he didn't give her that option to buy a ticket, considering he was supposed to take me. This is not a jealousy thing. I have nothing against the girl, hell, how could I? I don't even know her. It's not like. . "but pookie! You said you would take meeeeeeeee". Hell. . pretend we were all just friends. Pretend no liking exists. . . the way I see it, that's a pretty shitty thing to do anyways. So yeah, I'm sitting here, venting, cause I shoulda been at the Warped Tour today. . .I should have seen the Offspring. . .I've loved em for years. . .like. . over 10 years. RAR! So that's the agitation, and the thing with Mr. E is the unfortunate event. God. It makes me feel like I don't even know Mr. S, and that I never did. Can't see him being so callous, turning emotions off, and it even almost seems like he's sort of throwing this stuff in my face. You know what though, more than being pissed, I'm really fucking sad. He is (was? I hope not was) one of my best friends. He has helped me out so much. I miss hanging with him, talking to him, and all that shit. I just wanna sit and talk shit out and make our friendship ok again. He promised me he'd always be my friend, and I do hope that's the case. Sometime, maybe soon, I'll be comfortable meeting Sandy. I can't stress this point enough, it's not that I'm still hung up on the boy, I'm not. It's just crappy to see a friend like him violently be removed from my life. *sigh* blah blah blah
If either of you read this, would ya gimme a call, post a comment, even if it's blank, or a text. . whatever. Just wanna know if you saw it.
My birthday was on the 8th. I more or less "spammed" my AIM list with a message saying "IT's MAH BIRFDAY!!!" I'm sure all of us have people on our buddy lists we've talked to maybe once. Needless to say I got a whole bunch of "oh, happy b day. . . who are you?". I ended up with at least 5 IM windows going, heh. One of which was a guy that a friend a looong time ago had me add so I could read his writing in his buddy info. Lets call him. . .Mr. E. It kinda fits, you'll see in a sec. So yeah, we had an awesome convo, both online and off, for a few hours. It was one of those conversations that is silly at times, and stretches your brains at others. We found like. . maybe 2 things we didn't have in common. Taking all this into consideration, I wasn't like, jonesing on him or anything. I sincerely thought that he was just a cool ass boyo that would be cool to hang with. Anyways, we decide we're gonna try and get together sometime the next day.
Mr. S wasn't too thrilled. Granted things that happened before me have sort of made him sceptical of people, but I felt like he was indirectly telling me how I felt and that I was gullible. He said that no matter what Mr. E had said, he didn't see it as hanging out, that Mr. E saw it as a date. He also more or less said that I could be manipulated into liking this guy. To this I responded, "Hun, if I dont want to be swept, I won't be.". . . well. . turns out I wanted to be swept, heh. Mr. E came over, we watched the Punisher, played some Halo2 and just had a great time. We ended up kissing and just sort of cuddling. It was awesome. He sent me a texts:"just one word, amazing""that's the word that discribes you the best""I miss you already" etc. We hung out the next day too, more of the same.
Then Mr. E kinda went AWOL for a while. I kinda got a little paranoid, thinking I'd done something wrong. I tried to sorta keep some kind of contact with out coming off like a friggin stalker, ya know? Finally got him on the phone, and I guess I was "moving too fast". It's true that he did tell me from the get go that his next relationship would move slow. Again, I did know that, but I didn't realize that I was moving to fast. . partially because he seemed all gung-ho and I was more or less following his lead. This is the unfortunate bit. I just wish that he had said something earlier. I think it could have been discussed and dealt with. NOw it just kinda sucks because here I find this really nice, fun to be around, smart, hot guy. . and I'm afraid he thinks I'm like. . obsessed or something! He could be a really great friend too. . I want to talk to him, or even just fucking play some Halo or something. . There are a few things I'm not quite straight on. For example: does this mean, Ria's outta the picture? Or is it just that he's gonna take an indefinate amount of Ria-less time? I'm just kinda fuzzy about it, which is why I'm all talky about it. I mean, jesus god, I've known the boy for like. .a week. I don't think I'm "in love" or anything. It's just working on my head a bit. How do I go about letting him know what's going on in my head isn't some all smothery "you! Be my boy now!" shit, and tell him the ball is in his court without coming out as an annoyance? Enh, maybe he'll read this.
Mr. S wasn't so happy when I told him about it.. I did tell him the same night it happened. He was all poopy, then he was ok, then we were friends, then he got poopy, then he was ok. So he starts his new jobby, and we don't talk every day like we used to. It was ok though, I mean a call every here and there. I guess he started chilling with this girl um. . "Sandy". Cool with me, glad the boy's doiing well. . of course it's a liiiitle tummy churny, but it always is with ex's. He didn't get that either when I said it was probably a good thing I wasn't at work when he decided to stop in with Sandy. He's like "well we're still friends, so it shouldn't be wierd" (me)"well just cause it shouldn't doesn't mean it doesnt. It's not a "oooh I want him back and she's automatically a whore" kinda thing, it's just. . wierd." . . didn't get it. Keep in mind, I didn't even know she EXISTED until that point. Talk about avoiding being blindsided.
Here's the thing that reeeeally pissed me off. Tell me if I'm outta line here. So for the last . . .almost 2 months, I was supposed to go to Warped Tour with Mr. S, he always buys 2 tickets to shows he's going to. Soooooo, yesterday, I called him at work. He called me back later that day, on his break. He said "Abi was askin me if we were still going to Warped Tour with them." I responded "I was kinda wondering if we were still even going lol, haven't said anything about it in a while, heh". . . . . .. .*big silence*. . "actually. . I'm going with Sandy. . . " What kind of bullshit is that???? Not to mention that this is THE DAY BEFORE THE CONCERT and the only way I became aware of this fact was to call his ass and inquire. . he didn't start off volunteering that info. I was pissed. He's like. .well we don't really talk much anymore. (It had been like. . a week since we stopped hanging out every day. .and we did talk) I ask who's fault that is. He says not to even go there. I ask what happened to "Bros before Ho's", not in a way of calling her a ho, but as in friends before "anything else". He responds that she is just a friend. .yeah. . cause they want to take shit slow. . they do like each other and all that. He tells me that I can still go, tickets are still on sale. What money am I supposed to buy tix with? He responds that he doesn't know, and all his cards are maxed. He says that she said she wanted to go. I respond saying that I sure as hell said that too. . about 2 months ago. Then I ask why he didn't give her that option to buy a ticket, considering he was supposed to take me. This is not a jealousy thing. I have nothing against the girl, hell, how could I? I don't even know her. It's not like. . "but pookie! You said you would take meeeeeeeee". Hell. . pretend we were all just friends. Pretend no liking exists. . . the way I see it, that's a pretty shitty thing to do anyways. So yeah, I'm sitting here, venting, cause I shoulda been at the Warped Tour today. . .I should have seen the Offspring. . .I've loved em for years. . .like. . over 10 years. RAR! So that's the agitation, and the thing with Mr. E is the unfortunate event. God. It makes me feel like I don't even know Mr. S, and that I never did. Can't see him being so callous, turning emotions off, and it even almost seems like he's sort of throwing this stuff in my face. You know what though, more than being pissed, I'm really fucking sad. He is (was? I hope not was) one of my best friends. He has helped me out so much. I miss hanging with him, talking to him, and all that shit. I just wanna sit and talk shit out and make our friendship ok again. He promised me he'd always be my friend, and I do hope that's the case. Sometime, maybe soon, I'll be comfortable meeting Sandy. I can't stress this point enough, it's not that I'm still hung up on the boy, I'm not. It's just crappy to see a friend like him violently be removed from my life. *sigh* blah blah blah
If either of you read this, would ya gimme a call, post a comment, even if it's blank, or a text. . whatever. Just wanna know if you saw it.