Parallel Lines - Sequel to "A boy without a heart" (Kyuwook Version)
Parallel lines | Kyuhyun/Ryeowook | R (Just to be safe) | romance, angst | WC: 7,100~.
A/n: This is a sequel to my old work, “A boy without a heart”. It’s not actually about what happens next, but rather like a parallel story in Kyuhyun’s POV. I don’t guarantee any happy ending here, pardon me, and this, is the biggest failure in my life *wail* I've debated in my inner mind for a long time (about one month) to decide whether to post it or not.
For the good old memories we once shared together, I hope you will be happy again and find someone loving you as much as I do.
Parallel lines:
<<조금만 널 더 더 잡아 둘께 더 더 바라 볼께 더 더 심장이 식을 때까지
난 난 살아야 해 난 난 너 없이도 난 난 지금은 니가 필요해
I’m gonna hold you in a little longer, I’m gonna look at you a little more.
Until my heart cools off a little more.
I must live even without you, but right now, I need you.>>
“The saddest thing in this world is that you find someone meaningful to you, and in the end realize that he was born to be not with you.,,
Kyuhyun finds that piece of paper in one of his old books as he’s trying to reorganize the bookshelf on a free summer night. It’s the book Ryeowook had borrowed from him and it bores Kyuhyun to tears. He has sworn never read it again and maybe it is the reason why Ryeowook put it in there, because he knows Kyuhyun would hardly find it.
“There’re many things I want to do for you, and one of them is never letting you go.”
He’s a liar. And so is Kyuhyun.
He thinks as tears trailing down his cheeks silently.
***
The first time Kyuhyun saw Ryeowook cry, it was awkward.
The boy curled into a ball and sat silently at the corner of an empty classroom (which turned out to be Kyuhyun and Youngwoon’s one), tears were streaming down his face and Kyuhyun was startled at the sight.
Or exactly, he was rather scared.
Scared of not knowing what to do.
They had known each other for merely one year, but in Kyuhyun’s eyes, Ryeowook always turned out to be a bubbly boy, who wore bright smiles on his face and lame jokes were ready to slip off his tongue at any time. Surely, there was time the boy was down and sad, but the smile never left his face and even when it was just a twitch on his lips, it was still a so-called smile. He even joked around with his problems and Kyuhyun got used to the thought tears would never exist in Ryeowook’s body system, until that very moment when he accidentally walked into the classroom to find the crying boy.
And that’s how things awkward.
Ryeowook obviously didn’t want anybody see him cry, Kyuhyun concluded, judging from the way he smiled. Smiled, smiled and just smiled. Maybe sometimes he managed to look cool, maybe to hide his disappointment. Kyuhyun admitted that he was a bit… well, slow (he preferred that word more than “dumb”) in noticing things, but he was quick enough to notice that that time he had intruded in Ryeowook’s “private time”. His brain told him to back off quickly and quietly as much possible as he could, before his friend noticed his appearance in the room. But somehow his heart had stubbornly been against the idea and before he could make things out clearly, his legs had brought him to the corner where Ryeowook was sitting. Ryeowook didn’t expect him to be there, Kyuhyun could tell from the way his shoulders tensed up, just slightly, at the fact that his friend standing right in front of him.
Kyuhyun’s usual shelf told him to make some excuse and leave, now, but his hand had already made its way to have contact with Ryeowook’s shoulder. The other’s muscle tensed up under his touch, but immediately relaxed, a little bit.
And just now Kyuhyun noticed that Ryeowook’s shaking.
“Why are you crying?”
He asked and received nothing. Ryeowook’s still crying.
It took them at least fifteen odd minutes to calm Ryeowook down and wipe away all the tears. The brunette managed to back to his usual shelf (which meant being bubbly and sometimes cool), before looking at Kyuhyun and grinned (But that time Kyuhyun just saw it as a twitch of his facial muscle):
“Why don’t you go home? It’s getting late.”
“We’ll go home now.”
Kyuhyun said and pulled Ryeowook to go with him. To his relief, the other boy didn’t protest even at once, just obediently following him around.
Later that afternoon Kyuhyun acknowledged the reason why Ryeowook cried. Or exactly, he didn’t know the reason, but knew the person who made him cry. Ryeowook just stuttered while talking about it, his eyes averted to look at anything but Kyuhyun’s face.
“It’s okay now Kyuhyun… I mean, it’s nonsense thing. I just overreacted and was hyper.”
Really?
The next day Kyuhyun cornered Donghae in a deserted hallway right before their first class started in five minutes.
“What did you tell Ryeowook yesterday?”
He asked, managing to keep his usual blank look. But a part of his mind was yearning for a quick answer.
“What? I said what? I…don’t remember. Really. Yesterday we just talked about fashion and appearance and he looked normal. He even laughed with me before leaving.”
Donghae furrowed his brows a bit before answered; his face looked so lost and confused. And as much as Kyuhyun wanted to punch him, the dark-haired boy still decided to let his classmate go.
After all Donghae was known to be insensitive and what he had said yesterday, maybe, was just a harmless joke. Maybe Ryeowook really had overreacted.
Kyuhyun vaguely concluded before going back to his classroom.
The second time Ryeowook cried, Kyuhyun didn’t find it as an overreaction anymore.
Their two classes were in the same changing room after P.E period; there were people throwing jokes at each other insensitively and Ryeowook happened to be one of their targets. Kyuhyun heard their friends blabber, both jokingly and evilly, about a pair of awkward legs and being too short and nerdy glasses and ugly face. He saw Ryeowook smile at the jokes, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes and there was something darkened in his usual bright eyes. And by the time the period really ended, Ryeowook had made up some excuse to leave before others.
Kyuhyun found Ryeowook on the back yard of their school, eyes red and stung. The boy quickly wiped away the tears when he heard somebody’s coming, managing a laugh as he saw Kyuhyun. And all the other boy could do was just ignoring the remained tears on his friend’s face while asking:
“Can I come over to your house tonight? You know, for homework; the final exam’s coming.”
Ryeowook’s hesitated, but finally nodded his head.
That night, Ryeowook fell asleep on his chair while they were on half way revising Biology. And as much as Kyuhyun thought it was inappropriate, he still found himself staring at his sleeping friend.
The boy moved his chair a bit closer to examine his skin. It was pale but beautiful, and even when there were some imperfect spots on his cheek and nose, to Kyuhyun, Ryeowook’s skin still looked perfect and smooth and…
Without himself knowing, Kyuhyun’s thumb had caressed the side of Ryeowook’s cheek. The feeling of Ryeowook’s skin under his touch gave Kyuhyun a weird sensation, like electric current went through his body system and he almost jerked his hand back. But the boy needed to admit that it was rather nice and wonderful and he would still be willing to do it once again. Not because of pure curiosity anymore, but something, he didn’t know. Affection? The idea crossed his mind, sending shiver down his spine and Kyuhyun dug his nail deeply into his skin to prevent the train of thought.
It is so inappropriate.
Ryeowook was a boy and Kyuhyun was a boy, too.
Beside him Ryeowook stirred, which took Kyuhyun by surprise. The boy quickly retreated his hand back, shoving it into his pocket as deep as he could while eyes were travelling to a random page in his textbook. Kyuhyun had almost forgotten that Ryeowook was a light sleeper.
“Urgh… How long have I slept?”
He yawned while stretching his arms and in Kyuhyun’s head immediately formed a picture of a kitten after taking a nap. His friend surely did look like one, the boy remarked.
“About 15 minutes.”
“You should have woken me up.”
And Kyuhyun just shrugged shoulders nonchalantly. His eyes secretly found their way back to Ryeowook’s figure as they continued the revision and the shorter boy was too absorbed to his work to even notice the intense stare.
Ryeowook wasn’t that short, his height suited him. His cheeks looked kind of cute, too.
Those were all Kyuhyun could revise on that night, instead of trying to stuff Mendel and all the genetics thingy into his head. The boy surely would fail the exam days later, he thought while solemnly walking back to his house.
(“Do you know about the ‘Ugly duckling’?”
Ryeowook asks and Kyuhyun stops barely to finally realize what the other’s aiming to.
You’ve already been beautiful Wook ah. The words are about to slip off his tongue but for some unknown reason he swallows all of them back down his throat. He isn’t lying, Kyuhyun’s more than aware about it. And he knows it would be nice if he said that to Ryeowook, because Ryeowook always wants to be beautiful while he actually is always beautiful.
But will his friend believe him, or the insecurity will just make him doubt about Kyuhyun’s words over and over again?
He shakes his head lightly and pulls Ryeowook to lie closer to him, so close that the brunette can hear his heartbeat beating steadily against his ears.
“But one day the ugly duckling will turn into a swan, right?”
“Maybe.”
“You will, Wook ah. One day.”
You actually are a swan now.
At least to me.)
***
(There is one thing Kyuhyun has never known. That is, actually, what’s the reason that Youngwoon stopped hanging out with Ryeowook.
Or rather, he knows, but prefers pretending to not understand.)
Youngwoon’s used-to-be-girlfriend was someone called as Hyunmin, or whatever similar to that, Kyuhyun couldn’t bring himself to remember. She sat a couple of desks far from Kyuhyun, and he hardly took notice of her even when sometimes he, Youngwoon and that girl came back home together. She maybe looked nice and pretty, but Kyuhyun wasn’t interested.
He wasn’t interested, until the day he knew that Hyunmin liked him. And she dated Youngwoon just for having better access to know more about Kyuhyun, because Kyuhyun always went home with Youngwoon and they looked kinda close.
Little did she know a fact that Ryeowook was way closer to him than Youngwoon, even when they hardly met. Kyuhyun couldn’t help but smirk lightly while thinking about it. Girls around him were always just that shallow and stupid.
The problem was, Kyuhyun wouldn’t mind much if that girl liked him, because girls liked him, that was a fact. She was just like many high school girls in his school, following him every day, giving him letters and gifts showing pure admiration and love. (Love? Weren’t they too easy when loving someone whom they didn’t know any single thing about? Kyuhyun couldn’t help but snort.) Kyuhyun would just ignore her and play innocent, because he was suited to that role. You know, feigning oblivious while you actually didn’t.
However, Youngwoon didn’t share the same idea with Kyuhyun. Sometimes boys’ egos were unnecessarily too big, and Youngwoon couldn’t accept the fact that his girlfriend just used him and his friend knew but did nothing about it. It felt like being fooled, and Youngwoon wasn’t fond of being called as a fool. Actually every boys wasn’t fond of that.
They fought few days before graduation, containing cursing, insulting and fists. Like, real fists.
“You should have been more decided.”
“And you should say that Youngwoon shouldn’t have been this aggressive.”
Kyuhyun pointed out, grimacing at the painful sensation as Ryeowook applied more ointment on his swollen skin. They were sitting in Kyuhyun’s room, the late afternoon sunbeam flowed into the small space in a lazy manner, bathing the two boys in the sickeningly fade light.
“I can’t believe you told me to skip my afternoon class just because of this.”
“We’re about to graduate, do I need to remind you? There’s no need to study.” Kyuhyun paused briefly, taking a small glance at his reflection in the mirror: “Youngwoon is really too much this time.”
“He’s cheated.”
“And I’m not his girlfriend. He should beat her instead of me.”
“Youngwoon isn’t Youngwoon anymore if he beats a girl.”
“So because he’s Youngwoon so he can hits me?”
“You should tell her sooner that you don’t like her, not going around and being too nice.”
“I’m not Jo Kyuhyun anymore if I’m not being nice. It’s just because I’m too handsome and nobody can-OUCH!!!”
Kyuhyun exclaimed as Ryeowook pushed a bit too hard at his injured knee as the boy was trying to bandage it:
“Pardon me, but you’re not that handsome.”
“I’m handsome enough to make girls wail for me.”
“I’m so pleased to know that.” Ryeowook just rolled his eyes: “Anyway, Youngwoon’s really sad.”
“And I’m not sad? One of my friends has just beaten the hell out of me.”
“Youngwoon really likes her, you know?”
Ryeowook said quietly as he was rearranging the first-aid kit, his eyes didn’t meet Kyuhyun’s. But it was better, because Ryeowook wouldn’t see a glimpse of guilt washed over Kyuhyun’s dark orbs in a flash. Kyuhyun hardly admitted that he was wrong, even when knowing clearly that it was all his fault and he needed to take responsibility. Simply because it wasn’t his type. Because Kyuhyun had never said sorry to anyone.
“Okay, I know that you’re in his side. He has known you longer than me after all.”
Kyuhyun managed to say after a while, trying to climb down his bed and turned his back to Ryeowook. Through the reflection in the glass windows, he could see the confused expression Ryeowook wore on his face as the boy fidgeted the hem of his uniform shirt, being unable to say something to cover the silence.
In the end Ryeowook quietly left and Kyuhyun’s heart sank a little bit. He could hear the faint sound of the other’s voice biding his mother, before seconds later Ryeowook appeared on the crowded street and started walking to the direction of his house.
He shouldn’t have said that in the first place.
Kyuhyun and Youngwoon met again days later as Kyuhyun was on his way back home. The said boy was turning his backpack upside down in a desperate attempt to find a key when Youngwoon appeared right behind him. He was panting heavily (Kyuhyun assumed that he had been running) and their eyes met. Kyuhyun’s right fist unconsciously clenched tighter than usual, being ready for another fight which could be broken out at any time, as the look on Youngwoon’s face wasn’t something welcoming.
But in the end, it wasn’t Kyuhyun’s face but the wall nearby becoming the victim of Youngwoon’s fist that time. The taller boy winced a bit as Youngwoon’s knuckles covered in blood and was about to take some steps forwards, but the other had growled:
“Don’t come near me, asshole.”
Kyuhyun furrowed his brows a bit at the statement. He surely wasn’t the best but the boy believed he was good enough to not be called as “asshole” by his friend.
“It’s all because of you.”
So that was his fault? Kyuhyun could sense his anger was on its way back at any time soon and the boy griped the doorknob nearby to restrain himself until all his knuckles turned white. Seriously, did they need to fight because of a bitch? They had been friends for at least two years and Kyuhyun had thought that it was more important than the affair Youngwoon had with, what, Hyunmin?
“If it hadn’t been him, then I would have just killed you here.”
The words struck Kyuhyun and he looked up only to find Youngwoon had turned his back to him and started walking away. A part of his mind told him to run and confront Youngwoon, but another part restrained him back, because somehow it sounded so useless when Kyuhyun could guess easily who was the person the latter had mentioned.
And in the end Kyuhyun just stood dumbly at the doorstep of his house, watching as Youngwoon’s figure slowly disappeared in the sea of people.
“Youngwoon had broken up our friendship.”
Ryeowook informed Kyuhyun on a summer day as they were in a chat room. The way the shorter boy talked about it seemed so usual, too usual, and even though they were two streets far away from each other and just talking through messages, the dark-haired boy could still be able to imagine the expression on Ryeowook’s face. Along with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.
Is it because of me? Kyuhyun just wanted to run immediately to Ryeowook’s house, but his mind told him not to do it. Fingers lingered around the keyboard a little bit too long, and Kyuhyun knew Ryeowook’s waiting for his answer, but the boy didn’t know what to say in that situation anymore.
“How come?”
“We had a fight. He said he didn’t want to see my face anymore.”
Youngwoon was a liar, Kyuhyun knew. Guilt washed through him again, that time stronger than the last one. But finally Kyuhyun wasn’t the one saying sorry. What if they fought because of something else, not him? He wasn’t someone too important for Ryeowook to exchange his four-year friendship with Youngwoon, anyway.
“I will always stay besides you, believe me.”
Kyuhyun didn’t know what brought him to say that. He just knew he typed those words a bit too fast and without thinking had sent them to Ryeowook.
But it wasn’t that he didn’t mean it.
“Thank you, Kyuhyun ah.”
It took Ryeowook five minutes to reply him and Kyuhyun gave out a huge sigh, obviously wasn’t aware of the breath he had been holding.
Little did Kyuhyun remember that sometimes, things were easier when being said than done.
***
It’s normal having wet dreams at the age of eighteen, when you’re still young and well, human have their own desire. Having sexual frustration isn’t a sin after all, it’s like eating and drinking, all are needed to human. It’s something typical in the body system and people don’t need to deny it.
However, having wet dreams about one of your close friends is something completely different. Especially when that friend is a guy and you are also a guy and he is too innocent. Too innocent that you know clearly in the first place that you shouldn’t cross the line between to break him.
Kyuhyun started having wet dreams about Ryeowook when the new school year had just begun for two months.
The boy was embarrassed, who couldn’t, and disgusted, but couldn’t stop himself staring at Ryeowook’s mouth in the next morning when they accidentally met down the hallway (screw him and his very creative mind. Kyuhyun had never expected that Ryeowook’s tongue could do all those things, at least in his dream. The other must think he had something in his head, judging the way Ryeowook’s brows furrowed.) It was so wrong, Kyuhyun concluded, because they were both straight, let alone the fact that best friends don’t have wet dreams about each other. Ryeowook looked too innocent and was always too nice, sometimes it actually hurt to look at him. Kyuhyun shouldn’t do it, couldn’t do it, or rather, he didn’t have any right to do it. Ryeowook and Kyuhyun weren’t meant to be, after all.
But what happened in the night they celebrated their first year in university was just something slipping off of Kyuhyun’s grip. It was not his intention in the first place, they were left behind in the bar, Ryeowook was drunk (he could never drink) and Kyuhyun was drunk, too. The raven haired boy knew it was a bad idea when he drank too much that night, because if he had known that he would be left behind with the source of his frustration, then he would have never had more than two shots. Ryeowook was too close, just reached his hand out a little bit and Kyuhyun could easily touch him, feel him, and break him. Too easy.
His sober mind told him to back off, but Ryeowook had tried to carry him by shoulders out of the bar. He was too oblivious to the way Kyuhyun flinched under his touch.
The other looked so irresistible under the dim streetlight with messy hair and rosy cheeks. His lips looked full, it was the thing Kyuhyun had been wondering about all the previous months, that how it would feel if he touched them with his, how it would feel if he bit them, how it would feel if they were on his skin, how it would feel… So he didn’t think much, or at least he tried not to think, at the moment pushing the other back against the wall in a dark alley, kissing him with too much force as if he were scared that Ryeowook would run away. But the latter did kiss back, much to his surprise.
Human had never been satisfied with what they had, even when they had told themselves that they had enough. One kiss, two kisses and more… Kissing wasn’t enough for Kyuhyun, he still wanted more. Kyuhyun had never got enough from those lips. The disgusting feeling was still there, fresh in his mind and Kyuhyun thought he was supposed to throw up. But in the end he didn’t, because somehow the sensation, like a spell, was sickeningly too good and Ryeowook wasn’t anything but perfect to Kyuhyun. Their bodies grinded together and Ryeowook moaned helplessly under Kyuhyun’s touches, which really pushed Kyuhyun off the edge of his control. They ended up in a cheap hotel nearby, Kyuhyun just wanted to wipe the dirty smirk on the receptionist’s face off as he handed them the key. But then his anger (or embarrassment?) vanished into the thin air, as there was nothing between them, only Ryeowook’s bare skin on his, moans and whimpers filled in the small space. Everything was too good to be true and in merely some seconds, Kyuhyun just thought that he could blame everything for alcohol effect.
It was not his fault. It was alcohol effect.
The first time was because Kyuhyun was drunk. So, where were the reasons of the second, the third, and the nth time after that?
Anyway, it wasn’t his fault, Kyuhyun concluded.
It had never been his fault.
(“About last night, I was too drunk. It was a mistake…”
That was what he told Ryeowook the next day and the latter’s shoulders tensed up, gaze dropped to the floor and it took him at least some seconds before giving Kyuhyun a weak smile:
“It’s okay, I understand.”)
***
Maybe Ryeowook didn’t know, but there were times inside Kyuhyun’s heart, a certain bubbly feeling was formed and the boy couldn’t stop being overwhelmed by it whenever Ryeowook’s around. He couldn’t stop smiling even when what Ryeowook told him was just a lame joke or his daily routine, simply because it was his stories and he told them to Kyuhyun with all his enthusiasm. His eyes were always shining brightly and the way he covered his mouth while laughing was so… Kyuhyun didn’t know how to describe it, because “elegant” was supposed to be used for women but Kyuhyun still found it in Ryeowook. Ryeowook was not a girl, he was a guy, and he was nice. His handsomeness wasn’t something similar to Kyuhyun’s, but in a manner that attracted Kyuhyun and before he knew, Kyuhyun had already drowned into it.
Kyuhyun still dated girls because after all, like he had said, Ryeowook and he weren’t meant to be. It was normal if he found a girl and started a formal relationship. His relationship with Ryeowook was also formal, but not anymore since the day they started doing things. Kyuhyun was kinda amused that Ryeowook didn’t back off, but every time they did it, Ryeowook hardly looked into Kyuhyun’s eyes. Kyuhyun wasn’t the man of trifling details, but the simple act somehow did hurt him. Was he forced to do it with Kyuhyun, because Kyuhyun knew Ryeowook never said no to anybody’s request? But Ryeowook wasn’t that easy and he would never let people easily get into his pants. As far as Kyuhyun had seen, there was only him.
But why only him?
Ryeowook did go out and make friend and try to date (Kyuhyun had met some of them, they were way too ordinary to stand beside Ryeowook). However, he stopped after few attempts. Ryeowook was easy to be read, at least in some parts, and Kyuhyun knew Ryeowook had never been serious in having a girlfriend, or boyfriend, whatever, at that time. So at least till the day Kyuhyun found a girlfriend, Ryeowook would still stand by him. There were times Kyuhyun didn’t see Ryeowook, the other was probably trying to avoid him for only-God-knew reasons, but the longest was in about two weeks and in the end he still showed up. He would never leave, Kyuhyun thought, because Kyuhyun either couldn’t leave. However much he was disgusted with himself, with the fact that he slept with a guy, he still couldn’t take his hands off. Ryeowook was like a drug to Kyuhyun. They were bound together by an unbreakable spell and nobody could break it. Kyuhyun believe that.
They were far from the words “lovers” after all, so Kyuhyun finally concluded that they didn’t need to interfere in each other’s private lives. Kyuhyun could do anything, go to anywhere, see anyone, and so did Ryeowook. It was a wordless contract they had signed since the second time sleeping together.
Their lives, after all, are two parallel lines. They may run till the end of this world, but never can meet each other and be one.
***
Sleeping with Ryeowook was comfortable, Kyuhyun thought. Compared to girls, Ryeowook maybe didn’t have things physically, but he was gorgeous in some ways and obedient. He knew how to do with Kyuhyun and satisfied him (or just being with Ryeowook satisfied him? He didn’t have any idea.) However, the most important part was that Ryeowook wasn’t a clingy bitch. He didn’t call Kyuhyun every time to check where he was, he didn’t follow him around, he didn’t ask for anything from Kyuhyun. Girls always called for boys’ responsibility after having one-night stand, and Kyuhyun hated responsibility.
However, sometimes, just sometimes, Kyuhyun wished that Ryeowook would tell him to stop flirting with girls. Because if he said that, Kyuhyun would stop. Like really stop.
But he never did, and so Kyuhyun never did stop.
***
Kyuhyun had never wanted to see Ryeowook cry, or sad. Maybe because Kyuhyun only found Ryeowook when he was frustrated and seeing the only person who could cheer him up also not in a good mood wasn’t something nice. The raven haired boy hardly told Ryeowook about his life, he only wanted to hear Ryeowook say. Kyuhyun’s life was like a plain white wall, having nothing and was valueless. Compared to Ryeowook’s, it looked so pitiful. Ryeowook had two supportive parents, a fine study and a bright future, while Kyuhyun didn’t. He had a single mother, his life was just average and there was nothing about him people appreciated except his face.
Ryeowook should smile more, so Kyuhyun also would smile. The reason wasn’t something mushy, only because Kyuhyun would feel more comfortable knowing that the person pleasing him was also comfortable.
(Tears slipped off Ryeowook’s eyes and Kyuhyun just stood there, wordlessly. He was supposed to hold him and tell him that everything will be okay soon.
Ryeowook was trembling but Kyuhyun still just stood there. He had never held Ryeowook back.
And that was one of the biggest mistakes in Kyuhyun’s life.)
***
Ryeowook cornered Kyuhyun on his way back home. He was drunk, Kyuhyun noticed after sniffing the air. The other flung himself on Kyuhyun and the act startled him very much, as Ryeowook wasn’t that kind of person readily jumping on anyone.
“What the hell?”
Kyuhyun shrieked half-heartedly, trying to gain back his balance while holding the shorter boy’s waist. Ryeowook just clung on Kyuhyun in a not-so-Ryeowook manner, arms circled around Kyuhyun’s neck and rested on his shoulders, unlikely to let go at any time soon.
The dark haired boy tried to bite back a small groan as his lower area made slight contact with Ryeowook’s butt.
Not here, okay. They were still outside.
Ryeowook stared down at his friend and grinned lazily. He chanted:
“Kyuhyun ah~ Kyuhyun Kyuhyun Kyuhyun~”
It was so not-Ryeowook. Kyuhyun snorted, shoving hands into his backpack to find the key while humming in return. Ryeowook made some noises, sounded like a whine, down his throat, obviously calling for the taller boy’s attention. His breath caressed the side of Kyuhyun’s neck, around his Adam’s apple. The act wasn’t anything but distraction to Kyuhyun at that moment when he needed to remember where he had put his key.
“Wook, I need to fi-“
His words were cut off as something plump and moist crashed against his lips. It took him some seconds to realize that it was Ryeowook’s lips, but didn’t take him long to be drowned into the kiss. Ryeowook’s tongue licked Kyuhyun’s bottom lip and the taller boy gladly opened his mouth, inviting the familiar intruder in his hot cavern. That was another thing not-Ryeowook, because Ryeowook had never kissed him first and he always kissed shyly with the tips of ears turned bright red. Not kissing him messily and impatiently like that.
It was strange, but Kyuhyun didn’t say that he didn’t like it.
The hungry mouth travelled down Kyuhyun’s neck, kissing, licking and biting here and there. His hip grinded into him attentively and the dark-haired boy had to restrain himself from letting out any moan; hand shakily found Ryeowook’s and held it tighter, wordlessly signaling the boy to stop.
“You don’t like it?”
Ryeowook asked, dark brown eyes widened innocently at Kyuhyun. They were still panting hard after the make-out session. Somehow a part of his heart felt so hurt at the sight, Kyuhyun vaguely thought as he used his other hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Ryeowook’s ear.
“I don’t think it would be appropriated if we went to it here.”
He breathed and Ryeowook, without saying, nuzzled against the crook of his neck, patiently waiting for his friend to find the key to the house. Kyuhyun felt his shoulder and back got wet as hot liquid dropped onto it, but at the same time it was raining and they were standing outside, so Kyuhyun assumed that it was just the raindrops.
Just that.
“Kyuhyun ah, have you still remembered our promise?”
Ryeowook asked as they lied in bed together, covering bodies with nothing but a thin sheet.
“What promise?”
Was it just Kyuhyun’s imagination or the air in the room was suddenly becoming thicker than usual after his answer?
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
Kyuhyun asked as an attempt to cover his forgetful mind. He climbed on top of Ryeowook and stared down at his friend.
“Yah, tell me, or I will tickle you.”
“It’s just…” it was hard to read Ryeowook’s expression in the dark. Kyuhyun just wanted to turn on the lamp on the nightstand nearby, before remembering that Ryeowook didn’t like it when they did things and the lights was still on. He was that shy. “You have promised that you will be good to me.”
“I’m always good to you.”
“Really?”
“Of course.”
Ryeowook gave out a weak laugh, pushing Kyuhyun off of him and turning around to face the wall.
“We should sleep now Kyuhyun. It’s late.”
(On the day Ryeowook left, Kyuhyun didn’t know. But if he knew sooner, maybe he still let him go. Because Kyuhyun didn’t have a heart to tell him to stay. What if Ryeowook still left him? Kyuhyun just didn’t want to be a fool.
They were nothing, after all.)
***
Kyuhyun didn’t see Ryeowook after that night. People said he had left for a voluntary trip to a small village in Mokpo for two months, and after getting back, he immediately changed his classes and schedule. Kyuhyun would have just thought that Ryeowook went to hide away from him for a while and would show up soon, but then the worry, plus suspicion couldn’t stop growing. Kyuhyun was kinda puzzled, because as far as the boy remembered, he had not done anything wrong. Why did Ryeowook act like that? He had always been reasonable. Kyuhyun recalled the last night they spent and realization unluckily dawned on him.
He would rather play dumb than understand the situation and let things slip off his hands.
The boy wanted to call Ryeowook, but his phone was unluckily broken and he lost all his contacts. Just that moment did Kyuhyun realize that he had never remembered Ryeowook’s number, while the other always remembered his. They had some mutual acquaintances but all of them still kept Ryeowook’s old number, so they couldn’t help Kyuhyun much.
He started wandering around the building where Ryeowook studied, but hardly caught a glimpse of the other. And even if he did, the brunette still could easily disappeared into the crowd, leaving no trace behind however much he tried to follow. Kyuhyun came to Ryeowook’s dorm, only to be greeted by an unamused expression of Hyungsik as he informed shortly about Ryeowook’s move-out. However, the boy refused to tell him where Ryeowook went and Kyuhyun almost strangled him, but Heechul was there and Kyuhyun doubted whether he would let him kill the vocalist of his band.
He wanted Ryeowook back. Not only because he needed somebody to have sex with. He just only wanted his friend back, because Kyuhyun missed Ryeowook. He missed him very much. It sounded so not-Kyuhyun, because Kyuhyun was someone careless and indifferent. But Ryeowook was the exception and he needed him.
Where are you?
***
The first time they met again, Kyuhyun almost couldn’t realize that it was Ryeowook. He looked so different, yet similar at the same time. His hair has been cut in a new style; bangs cover half of his left eye. Ryeowook didn’t wear glasses anymore, after all his eyesight actually wasn’t too bad to wear glasses, like he had done during those previous years.
Where was his Ryeowook?
Kyuhyun thought vaguely, but still approaching the other.
“Ryeowook?”
The boy jerked head up in surprise before slowly turning around. Their eyes met and Kyuhyun couldn’t help but flinch a bit.
His eyes looked cold.
“Hi.”
Ryeowook waved back. His eyes traveled to look at anything but Kyuhyun.
“I’ve come to your dorm but your roommate told me that you had moved out.”
“I moved back to live with my parents. They want to take care of me more and I have nothing against the idea.”
“Oh…”
Again, they stand in awkward silence. It took Kyuhyun some minutes to have guts to continue the conversation. As far as he could see, they would come to nothing and Kyuhyun just wanted to stop there, wanted to stay there. Maybe it was the last chance he could talk to Ryeowook, to meet Ryeowook. He could sense what would come next and Ryeowook’s words were like nothing but daggers. He wanted to run away, but Jo Kyuhyun had never run away.
So he didn’t run.
“I can’t call you.”
“I’ve changed my number.”
Ryeowook answered calmly. The other boy fumbled with his shirt for a while, debating whether or not he should say that. Anyway, after all he still slipped off the words:
“Do you still keep mine? You can call me to inform the new phone number and we can…”
“I’ve deleted your number Kyuhyun.” He paused briefly, before adding more: “I need to go now. I have an important meeting downtown.”
“Oh, okay. So, see you later?”
“I don’t think so. Anyway, nice to meet you again. And goodbye.”
“Goodbye?”
“Goodbye.”
Kyuhyun eyed Ryeowook’s left hand stretched out to shake his one for a while, but he didn’t shake hands with the other and his used-to-be friend didn’t seem to mind much. Because he’s quickly gone and never turned back to look at the other again.
And Kyuhyun was also a coward, so he would just stand there and looked as the figure of Ryeowook disappeared at the turn of the hallway.
They were nothing, Kyuhyun told himself. Nothing.
Nothing.
They were nothing, but why did he cry?
Kyuhyun wondered while raising his hand up to catch the tear drops slowly falling down his cheeks.
***
Years later Kyuhyun receives Ryeowook’s wedding invitation.
How ironical it sounds when the man once saying he would never get married finally has a wedding, while the one saying he would get married soon still hasn’t had a lover.
Ryeowook is handsome in the white suit. The woman, obviously his bride, also looks elegant. They make a perfect match together, Kyuhyun hears people around say, and inattentively his heart hurt.
Their eyes meet in merely some seconds and Ryeowook nods lightly, signaling for a greeting, before turning back to the guests beside him. His arm drapes around his bride’s waist; Kyuhyun has to turn away and takes one more shot.
It isn’t what he wanted to see.
“Kyuhyun?”
Youngwoon calls and Kyuhyun turns around, only to find his once good friend behind. They nod lightly at each other and without any hesitation the other takes a seat beside him. What had happened was all in the past, both of them have already turned to 26 so Kyuhyun assumes that Youngwoon doesn’t come here for any payback.
They drink a bit and have some small chats. Kyuhyun learns that Youngwoon did come to university and has graduated. He is now a teacher in high school, majoring in PE. In turn, Kyuhyun tells him about being an advisor in a financial company.
The talk is completely innocent, until the moment Ryeowook approaches them, along with his wife:
“Youngwoon!”
He smiles happily then turns to Kyuhyun, hesitantly calls out his name:
“Kyuhyun.”
Is he scared that Kyuhyun would tell his bride about what they had done in university? Kyuhyun wonders aimlessly.
“She looks so beautiful Ryeowook. You’re lucky.”
Youngwoon says, nudging his rib playfully and Ryeowook does nothing but scratching the back of his neck shyly:
“You should get married soon. And you too, Kyuhyun.”
And the other just snorts in reply. The atmosphere somehow seems to be awkward and finally Ryeowook decides to leave after cracking some lame jokes with Youngwoon. Kyuhyun can sense the suspicion in the way the bride furrows her brows at him, but the man couldn’t care less.
That isn’t her place, he thought bitterly.
“You know, days before Ryeowook did tell me something.”
“I don’t care.”
Kyuhyun growls, forcing another shot down his throat. Youngwoon clears his throat nervously before continuing:
“Listen, I know I shouldn’t tell you, but well, maybe you want to hear them. And I think you have your right to hear.”
“I said I don’t care Youngwoon. Don-”
“Okay, so… Ryeowook told me that he once liked someone in university.” Kyuhyun snorts. So Ryeowook liked someone while still playing around and sleeping with him? “And I think you have already known that Ryeowook always wants to be a father, right? He wants to have his own children and raises them with all his heart. But that person couldn’t give him that.”
“What?”
“I mean, he was also a boy. So Ryeowook couldn’t have a baby with him.”
Something passes through Kyuhyun’s mind like a déjà vu.
“Ryeowook knew it was wrong, because they were both boys and weren’t supposed to be together, but he once thought if that person had told him to stay, then he would never mind even when his parents disowned him or he couldn’t have a proper family.”
Youngwoon pauses briefly, before continuing:
“He said he had chosen that boy over his friends two times. The first time he had fought with his friend because of him, and he was really upset, but then that person promised him that he would always stand by him, so Ryeowook thought it was worth. But in the second time things were fucked up and Ryeowook lost everything. His friends and also that person.”
“I thought that person still stayed with him?”
Kyuhyun asks, his voice’s just above a mere whisper.
“He was still there with Ryeowook, but he didn’t know that the main source of trouble was him. He was too oblivious, wasn’t he? Ryeowook needed him very much, but he never knew. He dated girls and ignored Ryeowook. He just came to him when he needed to fulfill his desire.”
“So, what happened in the end?”
What’s the point of asking, when Kyuhyun has already known the ending?
“Ryeowook left, of course.”
“Why?”
“Because they weren’t meant to be, and that person had never loved Ryeowook. They were friends of advantage, after all.”
“It’s not the truth!”
“But Ryeowook thinks that.”
Kyuhyun glances at Ryeowook again. He’s smiling brightly at his wife and they giggle together. Something inside Kyuhyun breaks down and he almost falls, but his hand has already gripped the edge of the table nearby. His knuckles turn white as the boy holds it a bit too tight.
Beside him, Youngwoon puts his hand on Kyuhyun’s shoulder. Nails dig into his skin through the fabric of the suit as Youngwoon’s hand squeezes:
“He said it was his mistake. Maybe, he had put too much hope into that person. But I’m glad that he finally gets over and even has a wife. Don’t you think?”
But Kyuhyun doesn’t hear Youngwoon anymore.
Don’t marry her, he wants to scream.
That’s my place, not hers.
Please, come back, Ryeowook. Come back.
Blackness enveloped Kyuhyun and he hears people scream, yell, call his name continuously, but there is nothing similar to Ryeowook’s voice.
Ryeowook will never call his name again.
***
Sometimes Kyuhyun just wishes tomorrow would never come.
Because if tomorrow didn’t come, then Kyuhyun would never wake up and tell Ryeowook that their first night was a mistake. It has never been a mistake and Kyuhyun was a liar for saying that.
If tomorrow didn’t come then he would keep Ryeowook a little bit longer, hold him a little bit longer and never let him go, not like what he did in their last night before Ryeowook decided to leave.
Their lives aren’t supposed to be two parallel lines, but Kyuhyun is the one turning them into those. They should have crossed and stayed together forever, but Kyuhyun is the one making them never met again.
Parallel lines run, run and run. And never ever meet.