Possession (MyungYeol edited version) - One shot
Title: Possession
Pairing: Myungsoo/Sungyeol
Rating: PG-13 (mention of committing suicide and sexual situation, just a little bit)
Genre: Angst
Summary: I killed him. I was killed. This world killed us.
WC: 4,697.
A/n: This is one of my old works, I happened pass by it today. And since it seems to suit MyungYeol, I decided to change it into this version. Actually I always have a feeling that Myungsoo has something special toward Sungyeol, and all the MyungYeol thingy are kinda slightly one-sided. IDEK, it’s just my opinion :(
Possession:
니가 있어야만 여기가 paradise
억지로 너를 가둬 버린 paradise
깨어선 갈 수 없는 슬픈 paradise
영원히 함께 할 수 있는 paradise
<< This place is a paradise only if you’re here
A paradise that has locked you in against your will
A sad paradise that you won’t go if you’re awake
A paradise that we can be together forever>>
When Myungsoo was still a small boy, he was always remembered as a possessive child. He never wanted to share neither his toys nor his foods with everybody, even his brother.
It wasn’t that he liked his things too much.
It was just that he didn’t want his things being touched by others. What belongs to him is his forever. Only Myungsoo can touch it.
And no one could touch, nor take it from him.
No one.
***
Myungsoo was fifteen when he came to high school. Even at that early age when many teenagers were still confused physically and mentally, Myungsoo was different than other students in his school. He was more confident, intelligent, mature, calmer, and even weirder. He hardly had friends, but it was okay since he also didn’t mind about being lonely.
Myungsoo was way too handsome but he had never had a girlfriend. People who didn’t know him thought it was because he hadn’t found his true love yet. But to Myungsoo himself and some people in that school, they had already known the real answer. The answer could make somebody disgusted but Myungsoo didn’t care, anyway. He was born that way, and it was none of other’s business.
The boy didn’t have a girlfriend just simply because he wasn’t straight.
Myungsoo met Dongwoo in his first year as a high school student. They studied in the same class and Myungsoo couldn’t help but pay attention to the boy sitting at the front desk. He seemed so bubbly and innocent and nice.
And it also didn’t take the boy too long to grow his affection toward the other. So Myungsoo tried to be friend with Dongwoo, and politely, Dongwoo accepted his attempts and talked to him.
Dongwoo was handsome, of course.
He was intelligent, good.
He was kind, excellent….
Dongwoo was ALMOST perfect, at least Myungsoo still remembered that nobody’s perfect in this world.
But out of everything, Dongwoo wasn’t gay. He was straight.
And he didn’t even have any affection toward Myungsoo like the way the other boy did.
At the time when Myungsoo knew Dongwoo, he also knew another boy in their class. That certain boy sat next to Dongwoo at the front desk, and soon Dongwoo and he became good friend, even best friend. With dark brown eyes, brown hair, full lips and slim figure, the boy sometimes looked so fragile and delicate (at least when he didn’t walk, because his limbs were too long and sometimes he even tripped himself up). He was handsome and some boys even wanted him to be their boyfriends (if it was possible)… Anyway, even sometimes acting like a clumsy girl, he was still the kind of male student whom almost all female students (and even female teachers) squealed loudly while thinking of, the kind of student whom teachers nodded their heads proudly whenever his name was mentioned, the kind of people always receiving some soft spots from other persons,... Because he was nice, too nice, and he had never resisted people around him.
He, that very boy, was named as Sungyeol.
Lee Sungyeol.
And if anyone was still curious, then you would just need to know one more thing about the boy.
Sungyeol wasn’t gay.
He was straight. As straight as his best friend Jang Dongwoo was.
***
Some people stated that when you wanted to get closer to a person, you needed to get closer to his/her best friend. Myungsoo didn’t think that he could find Dongwoo’s old friends as they didn’t study in the same school with him, but he should find the person who was right besides Dongwoo at that moment. So he chose Sungyeol. He wanted to be friend with Sungyeol.
He must be friend with Sungyeol, if he still wanted Dongwoo.
They talked a little at school, and one night Myungsoo decided to message the other boy. Like an opened book, Sungyeol could read through Myungsoo easily. The boy was surprised, rather shocked at first, but then just brushing the thought off hesitantly. It wasn’t bad much if someone understood you too much, though Myungsoo knew clearly that if that person wasn’t Sungyeol, then maybe he would have just thrown a tantrum.
Maybe he had already known that Myungsoo was gay because just when the boy started talking about his love life, trying not to hint at his crush with Dongwoo too obviously, Sungyeol had cut off and gave him a question.
No, it wasn’t like he was asking Myungsoo and demanding an answer. It seems more like a statement:
“It’s Dongwoo, right? The one you like.”
Myungsoo thought that Sungyeol would stay away from him after knowing the truth. He thought that the other would just tell Dongwoo about their conversation and he would never and ever have a chance to be with Dongwoo. He thought that Sungyeol would feel disgusted about him. He thought that, really.
But much to his surprise, Sungyeol still talked to him like nothing happened. He still tapped his shoulder or smile at him. And the most important thing was, Sungyeol agreed to help Myungsoo to show his feelings for Dongwoo. He helped Myungsoo to buy presents, he helped Myungsoo to send letters, and he helped Myungsoo to do anything relating to Dongwoo… Somehow Myungsoo felt a hint of happiness from all of those actions. And even when Dongwoo rejected his confession, even when Dongwoo had already had a girlfriend, Sungyeol was still with Myungsoo. From a person whom Myungsoo just wanted to take advantage of, Sungyeol became his friend. And not long after that, Sungyeol became his best friend. His very best friend.
***
Sungyeol wasn’t a simple person. He looked simple outside, and people might misunderstand him as someone bubbly, but it was just façade. Sungyeol was way deeper inside. There were many times Myungsoo just wanted to commit suicide, but then it was always a pair of those hands showed out and pulling him back.
One night, Myungsoo held a blade and was staring blankly at his wrist. The boy had just sent a message to Sungyeol:
“To Sungyeol:
If I die, I wanted to be cremated.”
Just when he was about to cut his wrist with that blade, the sound of his phone vibrating disturbed the deathly silence of the room. It was Sungyeol calling. Myungsoo held the phone near his ear and listened to what the other said. And inattentively, he cried.
Because Sungyeol was also crying.
He cried for Myungsoo.
“Please, don’t. I need you.”
Sungyeol needed him.
But why, when Myungsoo was the one supposed to need Sungyeol? His heart all of a sudden wrenched hurtfully and Myungsoo shook his head. No, Myungsoo didn’t need anybody. He just needed only himself.
Nevertheless, Myungsoo didn’t die.
Yet.
***
There wasn’t a certain reason for Myungsoo to call Sungyeol as his hyung, even when they were in the same age. It just started in a starry night when they talked and suddenly the shorter boy said, out of the blue:
“I don’t know why… I think of you as a normal friend, but then the next second you’re really like my adviser. You seem as if you’re mature than me…but sometimes you’re so childish. I always want to tease you, like you’re my toy…”
Sungyeol laughed at the incoherent speech Myungsoo gave as he slapped the latter playfully:
“I’m not your toy Myungsoo.”
“Yeah, I know you aren’t…. You’re… Hey I know! You’re my hyung!”
“What?” o.O
“From now on I will call you as hyung okay?”
“You said as if I was really older than you.”
“Let me call you like that. Please, hyung.”
Myungsoo said, using his puppy eyes. Sungyeol stared at him and shook his head in disbelief:
“You’ve already called me as ‘hyung’ so why need to ask for my permission?”
***
There was one thing Myungsoo really liked, which was hugging Sungyeol. He usually did it whenever feeling tired or attempting for an apology. Sungyeol’s scent was really special and Myungsoo just wanted to inhale it forever. The scent had never been enough for him. It’s not the scent of perfume or candies, but something really nice and light. It brought comfort and good memories for Myungsoo, and only Sungyeol could have that kind of scent.
Sometimes Myungsoo wondered Sungyeol was way too easy, because he let everybody hug him. So Myungsoo just held him a little bit tighter and longer than usual.
And it seemed that the other didn’t mind.
***
Even when Sungyeol was Myungsoo best friend, even when Myungsoo had already known that the other really loved him, like a person could love his best friend, there were still some differences and sometimes distance between them.
Like Myungsoo always called Sungyeol with some nickname, even “Kim Sungyeol” while the other just simply called him as “Myungsoo”
Like Myungsoo always wanted to hug and cuddle with Sungyeol while the other never hugged and cuddled with him first.
Like Myungsoo always sent a message full of love to Sungyeol while the other never sent that kind of message to Myungsoo.
Like Myungsoo always glared at the person who dared touch Sungyeol while the other just shrugged if he heard Myungsoo called someone else as “yeobo”
Like Myungsoo always felt angry whenever seeing Sungyeol go with other people while the other never really cared if Myungsoo had a one night stand with someone else.
Like Myungsoo sometimes gave a small joke that he wanted to date Sungyeol and the other just laughed half-heartedly while turning his head away.
Like Myungsoo always said that Sungyeol was his while the other never said something so possessive.
It wasn’t that Sungyeol was indifferent, heedless and unconcerned. Myungsoo once saw him being overjoyed while hearing Dongwoo’s love story or hugging Dongwoo tight. And it either wasn’t that Sungyeol didn’t really love him. There were many times Myungsoo saw the concern and worry filled in those brown eyes, but they were never shown much in actions.
The way Sungyeol acted and treated Myungsoo just showed one thing obvious that he considered the other as his best friend. Not more.
***
Myungsoo knew that Sungyeol once loved a girl. He loved that girl too much that he could throw away all his pride, dignity and even his own life for her. They used to be happy together, always smiling, cuddling, and kissing. To Sungyeol that girl was all his own world and maybe the girl also had that thought too.
But everything wasn’t a fairy tale. They broke up, in sadness and suffering. Everybody was sorry for them.
Everybody, but not Myungsoo.
The girl knew Sungyeol longer than Myungsoo did, but to him, she was nothing. Myungsoo hated her. Myungsoo hated the way she smiled with Sungyeol, hated the way she held Sungyeol’s hands, hated the way she hugged Sungyeol, hated the way she kissed Sungyeol… He hated everything about that girl, and even sometimes he hated Sungyeol for showing too much affection toward her. He knew he didn’t have any right since he was just a friend while that girl was Sungyeol’s girlfriend, but he couldn’t help. Jealousy, possession, anger, frustration… All those kind of emotions overtook him little by little, and Myungsoo sometimes lost his temper. He shouted at Sungyeol, he pushed Sungyeol away. They fought, and everytime like that Myungsoo could see a hint of sadness in Sungyeol’s eyes. But he just ignored it.
Sungyeol had already had his girlfriend, so why did he need Myungsoo anymore?
Myungsoo thought everything would be solved right when Sungyeol and that girl broke up. That Sungyeol would come back to him and they could be friends again.
Best friends.
However, he was wrong.
After Sungyeol’s heartbroken love story ended up, the boy decided to concentrate on his study as it was his last year before leaving high school to start a new life as an adult. Myungsoo knew clearly that Sungyeol wasn’t ready to fall for someone again, so he was kind of satisfied and pleasant with the thought. But Sungyeol wasn’t ready didn’t mean that other persons wasn’t either. In their school there were many girls, even guys having huge crushes on the boy, and they always tried to approach him. Myungsoo hated all those persons, really. Who the hell they thought they were? How did they think that they could steal Sungyeol away from Myungsoo again? Sungyeol was his hyung, was forever his best friend, and he would never let the other boy go. Myungsoo had lost Sungyeol once, and it was enough.
Myungsoo glared at anyone who talked and smiled with Sungyeol.
Myungsoo threatened anyone who dared make a move toward Sungyeol.
Myungsoo beat anyone who dared say that he/she loved Sungyeol.
Graduating then moving to University, there was a new guy with jet black hair stepping into their small world. It was too obvious to notice that he was interested in Sungyeol and they soon became friend
At first sight, Myungsoo didn’t like Woohyun, if not saying that he hated the other. And he also could tell that the other wasn’t fond of him much, either. They avoided each other as much as possible, though both being friends with Sungyeol. Being the one who was too sensitive, Sungyeol also knew the hatred the two guys shared between each other, and he tried to solve it. But every attempt was just useless. Myungsoo hated Woohyun and Woohyun hated Myungsoo. It wasn’t a one-sided opinion anymore but rather mutual feeling.
Nam Woohyun was bisexual, in case you were curious.
And that was the exact reason why Myungsoo hated him. Not to mention the way Woohyun always looked at him with a challenging smirk while draping over Sungyeol.
***
Sungyeol had a lot of friends, as he was too friendly and no one could resist his special charm. No one, even Woohyun.
Woohyun had dated many girls and guys. All of them are pretty, handsome, perfect, but somehow when it came to Sungyeol, there was a different kind of feelings overwhelming him. It wasn’t like Sungyeol was more beautiful than them. It wasn’t like Sungyeol could give him things like others could. It wasn’t like Sungyeol loved him, in a special way… It was maybe because Sungyeol was innocent, kind, and honest. In this world being full of betrayal, hatred, anger, lies…he was really something. Everybody approached Woohyun just because he was rich, he was handsome and he could give them what they wanted while Sungyeol came to him just because he thought they could be friends. Woohyun liked him… No, exactly he was kind of respectful to the other. He wanted the best for Sungyeol, so he didn’t understand why Sungyeol could be friend with Myungsoo.
At first Woohyun thought they were a couple, but as soon as he knew that Sungyeol wasn’t gay and saw the way he treated Myungsoo, he understood that there was nothing from Sungyeol. But from Myungsoo, things were more complicated. Myungsoo acted as if he were something to Sungyeol, but then the next second he was just a best friend of Sungyeol. When Woohyun talked to the brunette, from the corner of his eyes he could see Myungsoo eyes were burning with anger and jealousy.
Myungsoo always looked as if he was Sungyeol’s boyfriend. But to Woohyun’s, he just saw the possession in those dark eyes Myungsoo used whenever looking at Sungyeol.
There was one time Woohyun asked Sungyeol about Myungsoo. The other boy just laughed off and avoided talking about that topic. But when he turned his head to the side and stared at the window, Woohyun could hear obviously the heavy sigh Sungyeol heaved out.
“You should stay away from him Sungyeol. He was unpredictable…and I don’t know if he can do anything bad to you.”
“What if I can’t?”
“Sungyeol ah…”
“He needs me.”
***
They went out for a small trip on mountain and accidentally Sungyeol fell. His knee was knocked on the hard rock and there was congestion there. The boy just thought it was okay and hurt a bit, but when the evening came the injured knee became swollen and it tortured him badly. Dongwoo looked at him in worry while they were in their shared hotel room and said:
“I’ll go and get ice for you.”
At that time Myungsoo was drunk a bit, but his mind still worked when it came to Dongwoo saying that Sungyeol was in pain. He quickly went to his room and took some ice cubes in a bowl. Then the boy came to Sungyeol’s room and handed him the things. Sungyeol was surprised a bit, but then accepted the bowl with a small “thanks”. Myungsoo was about to help Sungyeol and his knee but somebody had entered the room without knocking on the door, and the next thing Myungsoo could hear is Woohyun’s voice:
“What’s wrong with you, Sungyeol?”
He was frozen in his spot and just stood there, staring blankly at Woohyun going back and forth, taking care of Sungyeol and his injured knee while the other boy sitting on the bed smiling weakly in response. He wanted to push Woohyun aside and punch on his face, but the sober part in his drunken head told him not to do it.
Because Woohyun was Sungyeol’s friend and he wasn’t supposed to punch him.
So he just stood at the corner helplessly. It took Myungsoo about five minutes to drag himself out of Sungyeol’s room.
Later that night, when Myungsoo was too drunk at his own risk, the boy stumbled into Sungyeol and Dongwoo’s shared room. The words were slipped off his tongue, and Sungyeol was surely taken aback with them:
“I was helpless right? He could do everything, while I couldn’t.”
The heavy silence enveloped them before Sungyeol shook his head tiredly. He was quick enough to understand what the other meant, and it either wasn’t the first time he had to deal with a drunken Myungsoo:
“We’ll talk tomorrow Myungsoo, when you are sober.”
***
Myungsoo looked at the way that girl squealed in happiness, eyes sparkling as she stared in awe at Sungyeol. And Sungyeol was smiling at her too, his sweet smile that Myungsoo once saw when Sungyeol was with his old girlfriend. The kind of smile that was never given to Myungsoo, even how much he tried to have it.
And they kissed.
And Myungsoo could hear clearly those three words escaping from Sungyeol’s mouth:
“I love you.”
Every attempt Myungsoo did just to have Sungyeol was now all nonsense. Sungyeol had never wanted Myungsoo like the way he did. And he didn’t even know if he really loved the other boy. It was like he loved him, but then at the same time, it wasn’t. He could sleep with many guys, and girls, but never had he thought that he wanted to do all those things with Sungyeol. He wanted to keep Sungyeol by his side, wanted to show everybody that Sungyeol was his forever. Nobody could touch him without his permission. If Sungyeol was just a doll, Myungsoo would place him deep inside his drawer and never let anybody saw him. Only Myungsoo could see that beautiful doll.
But Sungyeol wasn’t a doll.
He was a human. A human with a normal life, having friends, relationships, and affairs.
Sungyeol said he needed Myungsoo, but he never needed Myungsoo like the way the other did. He always the one gave Myungsoo a shoulder to lean on. He was always the one listened to Myungsoo’s problems and solved them for him. But Sungyeol never let Myungsoo know his weak side. He did cry, but he had never cried in front of Myungsoo… Was it because Myungsoo wasn’t good enough for Sungyeol? Myungsoo had done everything to hold Sungyeol back. But never one of them could affect Sungyeol. Every time Sungyeol saw them, he would just smile a sad smile and repeated his old words:
“You’re my best friend Myungsoo. I love you as my brother. So you don’t have to do that.”
He was Sungyeol’s best friend, he knew that.
But Sungyeol needed to be by his side.
Sungyeol MUST be his.
***
When Myungsoo was still a small boy, he was always remembered as a possessive child. He never wanted to share neither his toys nor his foods with everybody, even his sister.
It wasn’t that he liked his things too much.
It was just that he didn’t want his things being touched by others. What belongs to him is his forever. Only Myungsoo can touch it.
And no one could touch, nor take it from him.
No one.
And if he couldn’t have what he wanted, then he would just destroy it.
Even when he wanted it badly.
***
Myungsoo pushed the struggling boy, making him fall on the bed harshly. He hovered on top of Sungyeol, studying his face closely. The brunette protested weakly, trying to push Myungsoo off of him but in vain. Myungsoo was always stronger than him.
There was a hint of fear, scare and even sickness filled in Sungyeol’s dark brown eyes. Myungsoo stared blankly at them as he just gave out a dry laughter before leaning closer and whispering huskily into Sungyeol’s ear, sending shiver down his spine:
“What are you thinking Kim Sungyeol?”
“Let me go Myungsoo.”
Sungyeol was on the verge of tears, pleading his best friend helplessly. It wasn’t the Myungsoo he used to know. Or exactly, the Myungsoo he once knew had already died years ago. The Myungsoo he became friend with was an innocent boy having a pure soul and kind heart. The boy who always smiled happily and Sungyeol could feel the belief whenever being with him. Not the one who tried to take him away from his friends, who tried to keep Sungyeol only for himself, who was on top of him at that moment.
“You’re mine. Only mine. Remember?”
Myungsoo smirked before leaning down. He captured Sungyeol’s lips with his own ones in a harsh kiss, ignoring the salty liquid falling from the boy’s eyes. His hands travelled down until they were under the shirt of the said boy.
***
Sungyeol stared blankly at the blade in his hand one more time. His eyes travelled up and took a small glance around his room until they stopped at the picture of them.
Them.
Myungsoo and Sungyeol.
Smiling happily together when they were just 15.
Sungyeol looked at the picture, and inattentively, he cried.
Why was everything becoming like that?
It wasn’t that Sungyeol didn’t love Myungsoo. He just didn’t love Myungsoo like the way a lover did. He loved Myungsoo as his own brother. He wanted to see Myungsoo smile, see Myungsoo happy, see Myungsoo find a new love and start a real life. Myungsoo’s family had never wanted to admit him as their son, Myungsoo was lonely in that world and he needed someone. Someone for Myungsoo to believe in, to lean on and to be his family. Someone accepting every single side of Myungsoo, willingly forgiving Myungsoo even when he made a big mistake…
Sungyeol understood that and on the day Myungsoo tried to commit suicide, he had told himself that until the moment Myungsoo found somebody really loving him, he would be that person for Myungsoo.
He had never shown Myungsoo his concern and worry obviously not because he didn’t love Myungsoo. He just didn’t want to give Myungsoo failed hope. He just didn’t want to make Myungsoo misunderstand his actions.
Sungyeol saw through the changes in Myungsoo, even the way Myungsoo treated his friends, his girlfriend, and he tried just ignore them. He didn’t want to hurt Myungsoo. But he wanted to change Myungsoo again. And he kept on being with the other boy, holding a little hope that maybe if he was still there for Myungsoo, one day the other would realize and come back to the old Myungsoo he used to know.
But he was so wrong.
The present Myungsoo he knew didn’t love him like the old Myungsoo. The old Myungsoo considered him as his hyung and loved him with all his heart, while the present Myungsoo just wanted him. The present Myungsoo just considered Sungyeol as his toy, his private property.
Everything was over.
His friendship with Myungsoo was over and Sungyeol wasn’t worth for his girlfriend anymore.
He was dirty, and impure.
It was all his fault. Sungyeol had to pay for it. Now.
The blade cut sharply on his pale wrist and blood started draining from the wound.
***
Dongwoo and Woohyun entered the room quietly. That room was just purely white with slight breeze blowing from the windows. At the corner was a small bed, and there sitting on it was a man holding a pillow tight while staring blankly into the space in front of his face.
It took the two males a while to break the heavy silence:
“We come here to visit you. How are you today?”
The male sitting on the bed just barely took a small glance at his visitors before turning around and observing outside from the windows. All green leaves on trees had already turned to red and yellow color.
“He likes autumn very much.”
He whispered and hugged the pillow even tighter. A small smile was drawn across his lips as his hand caressed the side of the pillow.
Dongwoo and Woohyun just sighed.
“He’s…kind of better than the previous months when he first came here. At least he has stopped shouting, yelling and breaking things.”
The doctor said as he was talking to Dongwoo and Woohyun outside the room. The old man fixed the glasses on the bridge of his nose while continuing:
“I can’t believe that someone young and having a bright future like him has to go here and spends his entire life in a mental hospital. Poor him! Everything in the past must be a shock to him.”
“Yeah…Kind of.”
Dongwoo muttered under his breath. Woohyun bit his lower lip thoughtfully:
“Out of us, is there anyone else coming here to visit him?”
“Yes, there’s also his mother.”
There are some sounds coming from the room behind their backs and Woohyun turned around, observing inside the room through the glassy window. The male inside was holding and talking to the pillow, his hand was caressing it. Dongwoo opened the front door slightly in order to hear what the said man was saying:
“Hyung ah, are you happy that we’re together again? You are happy, aren’t you?”
There was a brief silence and Woohyun could see a smile on the latter’s face.
“I always want to hug you like this… Just the two of us in this world. I want to be with you every day. Do you want me to sing for you?”
And suddenly his tone changed to be more panicky and fearful:
“You said what? What have you just said hyung? No, you don’t mean that right? I’m sorry hyung, I’m really sorry. I’ll never do that again, I promise. Please, don’t leave me. I need you! You’re the one in this world loving me, you can’t leave me! I can’t live without you so please don’t go! I’m begging you!” He sobbed, his voice cracked: “Please don’t go Sungyeol. I’m sorry… Don’t go…”
“Oh, I forget to tell you… Every time coming here his mother just cries and says sorry to him. She’s hurt very much to see her son being like this.”
The doctor’s words just swept past Dongwoo and Woohyun as they looked at Myungsoo crying in the room.
Sometimes, it was too late to say sorry.
END.