(no subject)
Life continues to be more interesting than I want, and consistently painful. I really don't like who I am these days, especially as I see some thing that needs to be done in the near future, that I desperately don't want to do or feel able to do, but feel like I must. The kicker is, that I can't even vent about it without feeling worse - too many of my friends would be able to do it and wouldn't understand my fear. As it is, a number of the things which are overwhelming me just now get a reaction from friends/family of (essentially) "It's not that big a deal, get over it).
With Greg, this might be possible. Scary still, but possible. Now, I guess things are still possible, but so overwhelming I get physically ill. I really don't know how to keep this up anymore. Daily my will to be here fades more and more. I didn't think I could want to be with Greg any more than I did before, but it's worse now than ever.
As usual, no choices. Or rather, it feels like there are no choices.
With Greg, this might be possible. Scary still, but possible. Now, I guess things are still possible, but so overwhelming I get physically ill. I really don't know how to keep this up anymore. Daily my will to be here fades more and more. I didn't think I could want to be with Greg any more than I did before, but it's worse now than ever.
As usual, no choices. Or rather, it feels like there are no choices.