taking a break from work..
i am inordinately excited about starting this up again, and i hope my friends do as well. i stayed up late last night re-reading old posts, and was pleasantly surprised to remember that at one point, we were all corresponding pretty well using this medium. not consistently, not every week or even every month, but by posting about our lives and loves and angst, when we needed to - in a way we were confiding to each other maybe more intimately than we would have in real life. i miss that. i miss them.
to be honest i don't really have any "close" friends right now, no barkada to hang out with or call up just to chat. local society for me consists of 1) my relatives (on mom's side), 2) my husband's family and relatives, 3) my husband's friends and 4) my coworkers. having family close by is of course nice, and we actually have quite a few cousins in the area who are around our age. it's just that there's no one i particularly click with.
my husband's friends are also very nice - almost suprisingly so - but i think it's a testament to what a great guy my husband is, that all his friends are very, very cool as well. not "cool" in the sense that they are hip or "popular" (but who is anymore, outside of high school or college? :)) - but that they are friendly, without being overbearing or fake or syrupy about it. they are responsible people, professionals in their respective fields, who know how to have fun while still being mature about it. they are down-to-earth and just "real". and i guess that really shouldn't be surprising, but it is. there is no jerk within the group, no "loser" (though i would hesitate to label anyone this anyway). and they were actually pretty accepting of me as well, when lloyd started dating me. that in itself is a pretty big deal, with any clique. i do wish that we could hang out with them more, that i could get to know them better. but they are busy with their own engagements, as are we, even more now that that most of us are young families. it takes some planning ahead to set anything up.
as to my coworkers - there are some, who i could've been close to if i'd made more of an effort - but the distance between our house and my workplace is not conducive to that. now a few of them have left, and i mostly work from home.. well, i keep in touch with them, once in a while, but it's not stuff to build a friendship with. working camaraderie, yes, but not much more.
and most of it is probably me, too. i haven't really gone out of my way to really get to know anyone, to open up about myself. it's too.. sacred. and i don't want to force it either. it ought to come naturally, over time. but i've been living here for a few years (can you believe i'll be married for 5 years this year?!) and really how much time should it take?
don't get me wrong. i am not lonely, at least, not in the way i was before. my husband is my best friend, my confidante, and i can tell him anything. but to an extent it's gotten predictable, and sometimes it feels like i'm talking to myself, he understands me so well. and most of the time that's what i need - but other times i do feel like other company, a fresh new viewpoint (though hopefully one that's not annoying to me.. oh ya that might be another hindrance right there :)).
anyway, i think that's enough introspective writing for right now. i have a couple more hours left before my in-laws go home after which i won't have anyone to help me watch baby anymore until husband gets home so i really should try to use those 2 hours as productively as i can.
to be honest i don't really have any "close" friends right now, no barkada to hang out with or call up just to chat. local society for me consists of 1) my relatives (on mom's side), 2) my husband's family and relatives, 3) my husband's friends and 4) my coworkers. having family close by is of course nice, and we actually have quite a few cousins in the area who are around our age. it's just that there's no one i particularly click with.
my husband's friends are also very nice - almost suprisingly so - but i think it's a testament to what a great guy my husband is, that all his friends are very, very cool as well. not "cool" in the sense that they are hip or "popular" (but who is anymore, outside of high school or college? :)) - but that they are friendly, without being overbearing or fake or syrupy about it. they are responsible people, professionals in their respective fields, who know how to have fun while still being mature about it. they are down-to-earth and just "real". and i guess that really shouldn't be surprising, but it is. there is no jerk within the group, no "loser" (though i would hesitate to label anyone this anyway). and they were actually pretty accepting of me as well, when lloyd started dating me. that in itself is a pretty big deal, with any clique. i do wish that we could hang out with them more, that i could get to know them better. but they are busy with their own engagements, as are we, even more now that that most of us are young families. it takes some planning ahead to set anything up.
as to my coworkers - there are some, who i could've been close to if i'd made more of an effort - but the distance between our house and my workplace is not conducive to that. now a few of them have left, and i mostly work from home.. well, i keep in touch with them, once in a while, but it's not stuff to build a friendship with. working camaraderie, yes, but not much more.
and most of it is probably me, too. i haven't really gone out of my way to really get to know anyone, to open up about myself. it's too.. sacred. and i don't want to force it either. it ought to come naturally, over time. but i've been living here for a few years (can you believe i'll be married for 5 years this year?!) and really how much time should it take?
don't get me wrong. i am not lonely, at least, not in the way i was before. my husband is my best friend, my confidante, and i can tell him anything. but to an extent it's gotten predictable, and sometimes it feels like i'm talking to myself, he understands me so well. and most of the time that's what i need - but other times i do feel like other company, a fresh new viewpoint (though hopefully one that's not annoying to me.. oh ya that might be another hindrance right there :)).
anyway, i think that's enough introspective writing for right now. i have a couple more hours left before my in-laws go home after which i won't have anyone to help me watch baby anymore until husband gets home so i really should try to use those 2 hours as productively as i can.