Death...By Snow
I was going through my old notebooks, and I found this. Now I miss Hampshire. A lot.
(Amanda, Waly, and Seymour, get locked in a passionate embrace. Isabella sneaks in and joins them. Lights out, scream, wolf howl. Lights up, Waly is hung, Seymour is gone, Isabella is stunned. Where's Amanda? Other rush in.)
Thea: What happened?
Isabella: They died! AGAIN!
Hannah: (Looking in a dryer) AMANDA! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
(Shot of a really bad dummy, I mean Amanda, shoved into a dryer. Hannah flings herself at it and sobs. Thea pulls her away. Everyone but Sasha is looking away in disgust. Gwynne runs in)
Gwynne: NO! They can't be dead! It's just not possible!
Marie-Laure: They were so, what is word, full of life! They were so sexy! Now who will explain the oral sex? (Cries)
Sasha: At least she'll always be clean.
Thea: That's horrible!
Sasha: Yet highly amusing.
Hollie: Get a grip you guys! We've made it back to school at least! Come on, let's get out of here.
(They step out the door and end up in the Dakin basement.)
Hannah: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!
Thea: Well, at least we know where we are now.
Marie-Laure: Where?
Thea: The Dakin basement.
Hannah: NO! NOT THE BASEMENT!!! (She cries. Everyone looks at her funny) Sorry. I just miss Amanda.
Hollie: What was with you two?
Hannah: Nothing!
Marie-Laure: Come on guys, let us get out of this death pit of a world!
Hannah: Hey, have you guys seen Louis?
(Cut to Louis in the woods ad-libbing about where everyone is. Back to basement. Marie-Laure has discovered an interesting article of clothing on the ground.)
Marie-Laure: Oohlala! What is this?
Thea: Um, Marie-Laure? (She whisperes jock-strap)
Marie-Laure: Eeewww!!! Mondue! I must get clean!
Hollie: I don't think that's a good idea...
Marie-Laure: I am dirty! I must take a shower!
Hannah: No! Everyone dies in the shower!
Hollie: Hannah, this is not a horror movie!
Isabella: Shower!!
(Marie-Laure turns and rund to the bathroom. She sings All That Dirt. Isabella sneaks into the stall)
Marie-Laure: Oui, oui, oui, oui, (lights flicker) No, no, no, NO!
(Blackout etc. Lights up to shot of blood runnig down the drain. Isabella is wet and sobbing.)
Isabella: Why! Dear God why!
(Others rush in)
Thea: Not Marie!
Isabella: No! What will I do! All the hot ones are dead!
Others: hey!
(Seymour enters)
Isabella: Oh thank God! (She flings herself at him) I need a man! (His plants eats her)
Seymour: Oops. Sorry.
Others: It's okay, no problem, happens all the time etc.
(Seymour exits)
Hollie: Come on guys, we HAVE to get out of here!
Thea: Where are Sasha and Gwynne?
Hollie: The killer must have gotten them. Come on guys, we'll look for their bodies later.
(They exit the basement. Stranged scream. Hollie and Hannah turn to see Thea suffocated in the snow.)
Hollie: She's dead.
Hannah: By snow.
And that's it, all that remains of the Death by Snow script.