Three Office ficlets: Angela/Gil, Katy/Kelly & Michael/Darryl.
You know what The Office fandom doesn't have enough of yet? Crackfic. (Spoilers through The Secret.)
Gnarls Barkley in Scranton, PA - Angela/Gil, Oscar/Gil
Oscar comes back into the house three minutes after he left for work. Gil looks up, surprised, from his cereal.
"My car won't start," says Oscar. "And I'm going to be late. Can you drive me?"
The air conditioning in Gil's car is on the fritz again so they drive to the office park with the windows rolled down. It's getting muggy even this early in the morning and Oscar rests his arm on the open window and fiddles with the radio. Gil yawns as they sit at a stop light but stops when Oscar switches the station to one that's playing that song about being crazy.
"Ooh, leave it here," he says and starts mouthing the lyrics and Oscar tries not to smile.
He tenses up when they pull into the parking lot, though. In a perfect world, Gil would be as far away from work and Michael and the cameras as humanly possible. The next state would be too close, really.
Gil taps on the steering wheel with his thumbs as Oscar unfastens his belt and turns around to fumble in the back seat for his briefcase. He's still backwards when he looks up through the back window and groans.
"What?" says Gil, turning around to look.
"Angela," says Oscar, nodding to where she's locking up her car.
"Oh, I want to see!" says Gil, craning his neck.
"No, don't--" says Oscar. She's walking toward the building now, and it'll take her right past them.
"Wait, *that's* Angela?" says Gil, just as Angela glances over, pauses, and looks again. She changes her path and starts walking toward them. This is so not okay.
"... Gil?" she says as she gets close enough to peer in the driver's window.
"Angela!" says Gil, his voice a little too high. "Um, hi, wow. How are you?"
"I'm fine," says Angela, and pauses. Beat, beat. "It's been a long time."
"Oh, yeah," says Gil, and Oscar finally gets his briefcase unstuck and gets out of the car as quickly as he can.
"Well, thank you for the ride," he says, and Angela straightens up and looks at him over the roof of the car.
"No problem," says Gil. "Um, bye. Bye Angela."
"Bye," says Angela and she and Oscar stand and watch Gil turn the car around and drive away.
"My next door neighbor," says Oscar briskly. "My car broke down this morning."
Angela looks over at him and turns to walk inside. He follows.
"We went to high school together," she volunteers as they show the security guard their badges.
"Oh!" says Oscar, with something like relief. "Small world, I guess."
In the elevator, Angela pushes the button for the second floor and clears her throat.
"If you must know," she says. "We went out a few times."
Oscar chokes as the doors slide closed. There's something almost like approval in Angela's voice.
"He was always a perfect gentleman."
Blushingham Palace - Katy/Kelly
"Ohmigod, Toby," says Kelly. "Don't you think the girl with the purses is super pretty? I like her hair. Why don't I have hair like that?"
"Um," says Toby.
"Maybe I should buy a purse," says Kelly, looking through the windows of the conference room. Michael is talking to the purse girl. She laughs uncomfortably and looks around like maybe someone will show up to save her. "Ohmigod, I think I see a pink one."
Kelly goes in after Michael leaves and looks at the purses. The purse girl smiles at her and her teeth are white and even. She asks if Kelly's looking for anything in particular.
"Oh, I don't know," says Kelly. "I'm Kelly, by the way."
"Hi, I'm Katy," she says, offering her hand, and Kelly shakes it. Katy moisturizes well.
"Ohmigod, is that OPI Blushingham Palace?" she says and Katy looks down at her nail polish, surprised.
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"I saw it in Cosmo last month!" says Kelly.
"Oh, cool!" says Katy. Kelly smiles. She's extra glad she wore her new eye shadow today.
A Very Dinkin' Flicka Christmas - Darryl/Michael
It's a good thing Darryl's this drunk or Michael being a total freak would be weirding him out even more. Somehow he managed to grab the seat right next to Darryl at Poor Richard's and he's sitting just a little too close. Drunk, he's weirdly quiet, but he keeps reaching up to touch the Santa hat Darryl's still wearing. Darryl shifts in his seat so he's even closer to Roy on his other side. Roy looks up from his beer.
"What's up?"
Darryl shakes his head. "Nothing."
"Hey man," says Michael. He's swaying a little in his seat. "I just wanted to say I'm sor-- I mean, about the hat thing, um. Sorry about that."
"'s cool, man," Darryl says. "Don't worry about it."
"So are we, you know," Michael lowers his voice. "Dinkin' flicka?"
Darryl bites his lip hard to keep from laughing.
"Yeah, we're dinkin' flicka."
Michael nods seriously. "Good. Good good."
His attention drifts over to where Todd Packer is saying something that makes the redheaded chick guffaw and the temp look awkwardly out the window, where it's still snowing. Darryl shakes his head and calls for another drink.
Gnarls Barkley in Scranton, PA - Angela/Gil, Oscar/Gil
Oscar comes back into the house three minutes after he left for work. Gil looks up, surprised, from his cereal.
"My car won't start," says Oscar. "And I'm going to be late. Can you drive me?"
The air conditioning in Gil's car is on the fritz again so they drive to the office park with the windows rolled down. It's getting muggy even this early in the morning and Oscar rests his arm on the open window and fiddles with the radio. Gil yawns as they sit at a stop light but stops when Oscar switches the station to one that's playing that song about being crazy.
"Ooh, leave it here," he says and starts mouthing the lyrics and Oscar tries not to smile.
He tenses up when they pull into the parking lot, though. In a perfect world, Gil would be as far away from work and Michael and the cameras as humanly possible. The next state would be too close, really.
Gil taps on the steering wheel with his thumbs as Oscar unfastens his belt and turns around to fumble in the back seat for his briefcase. He's still backwards when he looks up through the back window and groans.
"What?" says Gil, turning around to look.
"Angela," says Oscar, nodding to where she's locking up her car.
"Oh, I want to see!" says Gil, craning his neck.
"No, don't--" says Oscar. She's walking toward the building now, and it'll take her right past them.
"Wait, *that's* Angela?" says Gil, just as Angela glances over, pauses, and looks again. She changes her path and starts walking toward them. This is so not okay.
"... Gil?" she says as she gets close enough to peer in the driver's window.
"Angela!" says Gil, his voice a little too high. "Um, hi, wow. How are you?"
"I'm fine," says Angela, and pauses. Beat, beat. "It's been a long time."
"Oh, yeah," says Gil, and Oscar finally gets his briefcase unstuck and gets out of the car as quickly as he can.
"Well, thank you for the ride," he says, and Angela straightens up and looks at him over the roof of the car.
"No problem," says Gil. "Um, bye. Bye Angela."
"Bye," says Angela and she and Oscar stand and watch Gil turn the car around and drive away.
"My next door neighbor," says Oscar briskly. "My car broke down this morning."
Angela looks over at him and turns to walk inside. He follows.
"We went to high school together," she volunteers as they show the security guard their badges.
"Oh!" says Oscar, with something like relief. "Small world, I guess."
In the elevator, Angela pushes the button for the second floor and clears her throat.
"If you must know," she says. "We went out a few times."
Oscar chokes as the doors slide closed. There's something almost like approval in Angela's voice.
"He was always a perfect gentleman."
Blushingham Palace - Katy/Kelly
"Ohmigod, Toby," says Kelly. "Don't you think the girl with the purses is super pretty? I like her hair. Why don't I have hair like that?"
"Um," says Toby.
"Maybe I should buy a purse," says Kelly, looking through the windows of the conference room. Michael is talking to the purse girl. She laughs uncomfortably and looks around like maybe someone will show up to save her. "Ohmigod, I think I see a pink one."
Kelly goes in after Michael leaves and looks at the purses. The purse girl smiles at her and her teeth are white and even. She asks if Kelly's looking for anything in particular.
"Oh, I don't know," says Kelly. "I'm Kelly, by the way."
"Hi, I'm Katy," she says, offering her hand, and Kelly shakes it. Katy moisturizes well.
"Ohmigod, is that OPI Blushingham Palace?" she says and Katy looks down at her nail polish, surprised.
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"I saw it in Cosmo last month!" says Kelly.
"Oh, cool!" says Katy. Kelly smiles. She's extra glad she wore her new eye shadow today.
A Very Dinkin' Flicka Christmas - Darryl/Michael
It's a good thing Darryl's this drunk or Michael being a total freak would be weirding him out even more. Somehow he managed to grab the seat right next to Darryl at Poor Richard's and he's sitting just a little too close. Drunk, he's weirdly quiet, but he keeps reaching up to touch the Santa hat Darryl's still wearing. Darryl shifts in his seat so he's even closer to Roy on his other side. Roy looks up from his beer.
"What's up?"
Darryl shakes his head. "Nothing."
"Hey man," says Michael. He's swaying a little in his seat. "I just wanted to say I'm sor-- I mean, about the hat thing, um. Sorry about that."
"'s cool, man," Darryl says. "Don't worry about it."
"So are we, you know," Michael lowers his voice. "Dinkin' flicka?"
Darryl bites his lip hard to keep from laughing.
"Yeah, we're dinkin' flicka."
Michael nods seriously. "Good. Good good."
His attention drifts over to where Todd Packer is saying something that makes the redheaded chick guffaw and the temp look awkwardly out the window, where it's still snowing. Darryl shakes his head and calls for another drink.