Musings on nocturnality and writer's block
I need to write fanfic.
It never fails---when I'm for any reason unable to get at the computer (sister usurpage, not at fucking home, really damn tired, et cetera), I have inspiration out the wazoo, fire to write, the story is clear in my head---then I get to the computer and I'm just dead in the water, idly skimming through other people's writing and complaining that the fandom doesn't produce enough Prowl/Bluestreak or enough GOOD Megatron/Starscream or ANY Sunstorm/First Aid, and would CrackTran1 please provide me with some more Vortex/Bumblebee?
I've got Optimus/Prowl/Sunstreaker/Sideswipe going around my head, bouncing off the walls of my skull until I get in a position to write it, at which point it dives into the darkest recesses of my occipital lobe and hibernates. And some lovely, lovely, sweet and very epic Megatron/Starscream (four chapters and they haven't been to bed yet) that pulls a perfect Mirage and fades into invisibility whenever I try to write it down.
I'm beginning to once again entertain the idea that I am nocturnal by nature. I've always held this idea in some form or another, but it gets pushed and prodded away by family and life and society. But every time I've been left to my own devices for any length of time regarding when to sleep and when to get up, I've slept from maybe five in the morning until one in the afternoon, or something similar. No matter how early I go to bed, I'm always tired in the mornings; I have to drag myself up---and no matter how early I get up, I'm always bright-eyed and bushy-tailed around ten, eleven, twelve, and continuing quite late into the night.
This makes me seem lazy---people have a tendency to see that I laze about in bed for half of the day, that I'm late to classes and sleepy in the mornings, and not that I'm on fire with creative energy, drawing or painting or writing at four in the morning. If I have a deadline in the morning, a class or what-have-you, it's always hard to drag myself into bed, because even the most mundane thing I might've been doing has become tremendously fascinating---I've dragged myself bleary-eyed into morning classes because I got enthralled by writing down the entire cast of Transformers characters, sorted by faction and occupation, in calligraphy.
I wonder if I'd have more stuff done, art-wise, writing-wise, if I was able to live by that schedule full-time.
It never fails---when I'm for any reason unable to get at the computer (sister usurpage, not at fucking home, really damn tired, et cetera), I have inspiration out the wazoo, fire to write, the story is clear in my head---then I get to the computer and I'm just dead in the water, idly skimming through other people's writing and complaining that the fandom doesn't produce enough Prowl/Bluestreak or enough GOOD Megatron/Starscream or ANY Sunstorm/First Aid, and would CrackTran1 please provide me with some more Vortex/Bumblebee?
I've got Optimus/Prowl/Sunstreaker/Sideswipe going around my head, bouncing off the walls of my skull until I get in a position to write it, at which point it dives into the darkest recesses of my occipital lobe and hibernates. And some lovely, lovely, sweet and very epic Megatron/Starscream (four chapters and they haven't been to bed yet) that pulls a perfect Mirage and fades into invisibility whenever I try to write it down.
I'm beginning to once again entertain the idea that I am nocturnal by nature. I've always held this idea in some form or another, but it gets pushed and prodded away by family and life and society. But every time I've been left to my own devices for any length of time regarding when to sleep and when to get up, I've slept from maybe five in the morning until one in the afternoon, or something similar. No matter how early I go to bed, I'm always tired in the mornings; I have to drag myself up---and no matter how early I get up, I'm always bright-eyed and bushy-tailed around ten, eleven, twelve, and continuing quite late into the night.
This makes me seem lazy---people have a tendency to see that I laze about in bed for half of the day, that I'm late to classes and sleepy in the mornings, and not that I'm on fire with creative energy, drawing or painting or writing at four in the morning. If I have a deadline in the morning, a class or what-have-you, it's always hard to drag myself into bed, because even the most mundane thing I might've been doing has become tremendously fascinating---I've dragged myself bleary-eyed into morning classes because I got enthralled by writing down the entire cast of Transformers characters, sorted by faction and occupation, in calligraphy.
I wonder if I'd have more stuff done, art-wise, writing-wise, if I was able to live by that schedule full-time.