(no subject)
Title: Room 304, Cherry Blossoms of White Death
Author: diru69
Chapter: 3
Rating: PG-13, yo
Disclaimer: I'm about to go grab some cookies and pretend their dir en grey members with Rei. believe me, it's rly fun. I dont own em tho.
Summary: crazy mental asylum drama, this way step right up ppl
A/N: HI RACHELLLLL. she just joined this community... Anyways, I was listening to "Passive" around the part with kyo and his dad, so theres a chapter dedicated to that song since I thought it fit rly well. owchies, my the area where I got a shot is bruised it hurts. >.< anywaiz, plz comment. DO IT, YOU LAZY HOES! Naw jk I love you all.
1999, June 15
They finally released me today, so I guess now I won't feel too tired or depressed to write. My session was half as long as it normally was, and they sent me to the group room immediately afterwards, which I thought was just a little bit strange considering they'd usually put "patients" by themselves for a while after "treatment". All I could think about the entire time I was in therapy was Toshiya's gentle lips running slowly over mine... I hadn't been touced in a while, so I think I was making a bigger deal out of it than it really was. Rather, I was praying to God that I wasn't just confusing the feelings of desperation and longing for love, because even though I'm really convinced this is real, what if it isn't? And I don't believe in a forever either... Not for me. I wish that I could have that, but it never seems to work out that way for me, so I'm guessing I'm just one of those people who are simply meant to live this kind of existance. I don't want to tell Toshiya that, but if he ever asks me, I won't be able to just lie to him about myself. He's almost a perfect stranger to me and I'm nearly certain I'm in love with him... I don't even know his middle name or know anything about his family or what he did before he was locked up here with me and all the other loones. Is that crazy? Oh well, I mean, even if it is, that would make sense, right? Weird, fucked up relationships for weird, fucked up people. And then there's him; What if he doesn't really love me? No, actually, scratch that out. Because I'm pretty sure that he thinks he loves me, so if he doesn't, he isn't even aware of it.
I was lead back into a forgotten place where the scent and lighting was near foriegn to me... but a very familiar form of life that I could never scratch out of my memory no matter how hard I tried was laying in the center of it all, quietly... patiently. "Kyo!" He screamed out in a raspy, anguished voice. My escort sneered at us, like we were lowly animals that didn't deserve to have a capacity for emotions and a need for friends and lovers, but he was wrong. We're more human than he'll ever be. The second the heartless bastard was gone, I made a B-line for Toshiya and slammed him against the wall with need. One of his hands flew to my side to cling needily to my shirt and the other shot up into my synthetically colored hair, while my own hands pressed against the back of his head to gain control of him more easily. We both lunged forward, but I reached his lips first and smashed us together with great intensity. His arm, connected to the hand currently about to rip off part of my shirt, wrapped around my waist tighter than a boa constrictor, then both of his legs lifted off of the grounds to clasp behind my back and around my waist, forming a human body limb-cage around us so that we wouldn't escape until he said so. I panted inside and around his mouth as he parted his lips openly for me. "Where's everyone else?" I meant to say, even though it came out more like "Wherb eberfywun elff?" My tongue delved inside his hot moistness as he tried to answer me coherrently, my tongue doing different things to his between words. "They'll be..." Shove. "Back..." Circle. "Any..." Rub. "Moment.." I pulled away suddenly and looked Toshiya in the eyes. "Wait, what about Kaoru? Is he okay?!"
Toshiya smiled weakly with joy. "He's been back for a while, really. I guess you were gone for so long that-" His head hung down midway through his words and I heard a tiny sniffing sound as he shook just barely. "I missed you so much." He sobbed, throwing himself at me and clutching onto my body. I was slightly stunned for a moment into stiffness and silence before I embraced his warmth with my own. "Can I stay with you?" He asked, the sounds from his mouth muffled out since his face was buried in my chest. "What?" I asked with a little bit o confusion. "Can I stay with you..." He repeated. His left hand slid down and he wrapped his fingers around mine like ribbon. "Of course." We stood there for a moment, relishing in each other's hold as though we were taking refuge in one another. I'm sorry Toshiya, I won't ever try to leave you again. He jolted at the sound of the locks being opened, and slid away from me. Like he said, the others were here. Die's eyes practically split from opening so wide when he saw me, and wasted no time charging toward me and squeezing the life out of my body. "HOLY SHIT YOU'RE OKAY! YOU FUCKING HAD ME WORRIED, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" He bellowed at the top of his friggin' iron lungs. "Die, calm down, you're choking me!" I hacked out. The red head set me down, right in front of Kaoru, who shifted awkwardly like he didn't know what to say. "K-Kyo... Are you okay?" He asked slowly, like he was unsure whether it was was a good idea or not to ask. "Who cares about me, what about you? They didn't do any weird shit to you and mindfuck you, did they?" Kaoru shook his head. "No, it was just... well, you know how the therapy is." I frowned deeply. "Complete and total shit." "Seriously Kyo, are you alright now? I don't want you to... you know..."
"It's fine, I'm fine... The shit they put me through was the only thing that really made me think about it, since they kept bringing it up." Shinya came over to me. "Don't ever do it again." He said softly. I blinked in suprise but shook my head as a gesture nonetheless. "I promise, I won't. Ever." He didn't look completly certain... If only he knew how many times I'd been lied to, how much that drove me to never lie to anyone, he wouldn't even have to think twice about believing in me. It was so awkward and silent, no one knew what to say, until a colorful, red bird flew past our room, back, then perched on the ledge of the window outside. All of us stared in shock. They chose the most remote, lifeless place to build this asylum, all the trees were planted by the volunteer kids from decades ago, kids who were now old folk in their seventies. So besides those artificially grown trees, there was no life out here at all. This was the first form of animal I'd seen since coming here, and judging by my friend's stares, they hadn't seen any either. Or if they had, it was rare. The life here is so scarce, and not just animal life either. The life inside is small too, it's rare, few and far between. Yet somehow, I seemed to find life here, in this place with them.
1999, June 16
So... yesterday, when my time was almost up with Die, Kaoru, Shinya and Toshiya, Toshiya made this motion with his hand to try and get me over to where he was, so of course, I walked over to him. "What did you say your room number was again?" He whispered in my ear. I blinked in confusion, wondering what he was getting at. "I don't think I did. Room 304." I looked at him, expecting him to tell me why he was asking, but he just stayed silent until my escort came for me. Later in my room, I heard a very small noise coming seemingly from inside my lock. (You notice small things when you're locked up in a room with nothing to do.) It sounded like a june beetle, flapping it's thick wings againt the walls of the small metal crevice as if it were trapped inside and trying to get out. I sat up wearily, ears perking up as the sound suddenly stopped and the door was gently cracked open. Whoever was opening my door wasn't doing it with a key, so they weren't supposed to be here. "Kyo?" Toshiya called out softly. The sound of his voice rained gently on my ears and rang around inside my head. "You scared me a little bit, sorry." I said, explaining the expression on my face. He stepped in slowly and gave a cheeky grin as he held up a paper clip. "Learned that trick in boot camp, my bunk buddy taught it to me." He chuckled. "Boot camp?" I asked questioningly. He looked at me with a look I couldn't place... It wasn't easy for me to read Toshiya sometimes, he wasn't predictable like most of the people I knew, he was more like me than anything really. "That was a long time ago. Anyway, thanks to being there, I can break into your room anytime I want! We don't have to worry about anyone catching us here."
"I don't know, Toshiya. What if someone really does find us?" I scratched the back of my head in thought and nervousness. "Everyone is asleep, I double checked. We're fine." He paused thoughtfully for a moment then sighed out of what sounded like relief. "We can do whatever we want here." He walked over to me as my head spun. Here? In room 304? Whatever I want? The concept wasn't easy for me to grasp, I always saw this room strictly as a place where confinement, suffering and longing took place only, leaving no room for things I wanted to taste like freedom and choice. Toshiya was flipping things out of order for me, one act at a time... And that's why I needed him. Before he could even reach me, I literally sprung at him to grip the blue hair at his scalp and jam our lips together. Even though he was clearly suprised, it took no time at all for Toshiya to kiss back... If something that brutal can even be called a kiss. Our teeth nicked into each other's a couple times, in between biting, before I could feel his hot, moist tongue digging through my lips and into my willing mouth. "Mm..." He groaned into my mouth. I pulled him closer to me with my free arm so that there was virtually no space left between us. He pulled his head back for air with his eyes closed and rested his head in the junction of my neck and shoulders. "I love you." He said sweetly. "I love you too." His neck layed outstretched before my lips, so I pressed my mouth to the soft smooth skin and sucked not-so-gently. A warm exhale of air descended upon my neck when Toshiya sighed in response. I was getting a little tired of standing though, so I picked him up and set him on the bed, me on top of him and my lips holding their grasp on his silk skin. "K-Kyo..." He whimpered as my hand dove under his shirt. I assumed it was out of pleasure.
"Kyo!" He yelped. I assumed wrong. "What's wrong?" I rushed out as I pulled back completely. When I looked down at his face I could see that he was trying to control himself and refrain from panicking, but hypervenelation pooled in his eyes. "I... just know where this is going, and I'm not ready." What was going where? As I felt him squirm uncomfortabley beneath me, I suddenly realized what he was talking about. "Oh, no no no." I laughed, getting off of him and sitting by his feet. "I swear, that wasn't my motive. I could care less if we ever did that.... ever. I'm just happy enough to actually have someone to be with, trust me." Toshiya blinked, then sat up to scooch over next to me. "Really?" "Seriously... Oh, but if we never, I'm going to have to resort to masturbating a lot, and I don't think you'll enjoy seeing that." I laughed. He cracked a smile and gave me a rough-house punch in the shoulder. "Fucking pervert..." "How's that being a pervert? It's completely natural!" He laughed again which made my insides feel like they had been lit up. I really felt better whenever I heard his awkward little laugh. It made him sound more... Human? He stayed with me for the rest of the night, until it had to have been around one in the morning. We just sat there and and talked. I learned a lot about him... He was fine until he was fifteen, he said that's when his mom started dating this horrible guy. He didn't say what was so horrible about him, but I remembered Die saying that someone beat him when he was younger... Must've been him. I could understand why someone wouldn't want to talk about that though. All too well, in fact.
After he showed up, everything went wrong. And that's when he developed his severe clinical depression. He stopped trying in school, he dropped out of everything he was involved in, he stopped talking to people... He tried to get his mom to break up with the guy she was dating, but she absolutely refused. She said Toshiya was out of control, she didn't know what was happening to her only son, she saw what was changing in him. But instead of trying to fix it, she told him she was getting married to her boyfriend and that's when Toshiya lost it. He tore apart everything in the house in a huge fit, and when his mom got home and saw it, she immedtiately shipped him away to boot camp. He came back a whole two years later to his home, to find that his mom had taken the hint and hadn't married this bum she was with, but she was still seeing him and she kept her engagement ring. He didn't tell me what he told her exactly but whatever it was it made her break up with the dude and take Toshiya to a mental health clinic. She didn't feel like having to deal with a child with an illness, so after ten months of spazzing out at him because she saw he wasn't changing, screaming at him one second to "cheer the fuck up" and breaking down into tears and begging for forgiveness the next, she sent him here. He's been here ever since he first became an adult... And I thought I had it bad.
1999, June 18
It's been great for the past couple days, seeing everyone during the day and being alone with Toshiya at night. I still felt a little stiff around him, like I wasn't being me, because of the medication forcing me to feel so numb most of the time. Actually, that isn't true... When Toshiya first kissed me in the emergency room, it felt great, but I also felt like it could've been better if my meds weren't locking me up. So after I got out of intensive care I, uh... I stopped taking the pills. I put it in my mouth in front of the nurse, looking like a good little boy. I even swallowed it so that when she checked under my tongue and between my cheek, (A necesity ever since the last incident) it would to look like I took it, but I held my breath tightly while she prodded around inside my mouth, then when she was gone, I stuck my finger down my throat and retched a couple times until the pill popped out of my mouth and into the bathroom sink. I repeated the process every day since then. I'm starting to feel it's effects though. I woke up this morning, with a good reminder of how Toshiya probably feels without his meds: Depressed. And five seconds later, I was bouncing around the room, happy as could be. The nurse came again, right on time as always, and given my ping-ponging feelings, I even considered taking them today. But I couldn't bring myself to really do it when I thought about Toshiya. It felt too good letting myself get that rush I experience every time I see him to let it be drowned out by bits and remnants of appathy created by my pills. So I waited for her to leave, and dug around until I hit my gag-reflex to dry-heave out the pill. I knew it would be nasty on the days I ate food, I'll be throwing up more than just pills. At the same time, it probably won't hurt so much. I feel like such a bulemic...
Sadness came back at around breakfast, then left an hour later. Then came back fifteen minutes later, then left ten minutes later. Then came back as I walked down the halls to the group section room, and left when I saw Toshiya's face. I forgot what this emotional rollercoaster felt like. I think I actually liked the highs and lows. "Kyo." Toshiya smiled. Die gaped slightly. "You know, I don't know if it's just me, but Kaoru, doesn't Toshiya say a lot more when Kyo's around?" "I just said 'Kyo'..." Toshiya pointed out his mouth making a straight line. "You never say my name!" Die whined. "Toshiya loves Kyo more than poor old Dai-Dai!" Die said, fake crying. Kaoru rolled his eyes in exhasperation. "Die, is there a splotch on my arm?" Die looked closely at Kaoru. "Nope..." "Ugh... Oh, well. At least it's not too realistic... Or disturbing." I looked outside with Toshiya, the two of us perched by the window peacefully. "There's a storm coming..." He noted offhandedly. "Yeah." "Kyo!" Die shouted. "Don't talk to the jerk-face, he's being mean to me!" He said playfully. "But Toshiya's my bestest friend ever! Damn, those clouds are gorgeous, aren't they?!" I chirped loudly. Kaoru rose an eyebrow. "'Bestest friend?' That... definately isn't something you hear everyday from a grown man." "Dude, what did you just smoke right now, I want some!" Die smiled. "Whatcha mean?! It's not like I'm seeing shit, but that would be sooo awesome if I was, it's so boring right now. Oh well, at least we have each other, and the weather is so beautiful today!" I said loudly with the widest smile ever. "You... feeling okay Kyo?" Die asked. "Better than ever! I don't think I've been this happy in ages! Everything is like a fucking ray of beauty today!" "That..." Die started. "Didn't even make sense."
"Toshiya, you see the clouds, right?! Tell them Die they're amazing! Die, come here, they're so awe-striking, they're like, a mix of purple and green, I swear, it's awesome!" Kaoru and Die exchanged glances when my voice reached a strangely high pitch, as though I was going through puberty. "Kyo, seriously, you're being weird." Kaoru said. Suddenly I felt enraged and pissed beyond belief, especially at the person who was calling me a freak. Well, he didn't call me a freak, but somehow at the time, I got it in my mind that he did. "What's your problem?!" I boomed. "I can't be happy without everyone saying I'm a fucking phsyco?! I already get enough of that from those shitty-ass doctors around here! Nothing's wrong with me!" Toshiya looked at me with worry, while Kaoru just stared at me with suprised, widened eyes and Die blinked at the loudness in my voice. Shinya, who hadn't been paying attention to us until now, turned his neck toward me in question. "Are you okay, Kyo?" Toshiya said quietly. "I just said I'm FINE! What part of that does no one here get?!" Die's eyes flared up and I could see the anger building up inside him, but Kaoru just looked like he was remembering something. Or he was confused. One of the two. "Hey!" The red-head bellowed out in my direction. "Don't you dare yell at hi-" Kaoru clasped a hand over Die's mouth and his eyes narrowed. "No, let go of his mouth, I want to hear what he was going to say!" I yelled. "Kyo, please, calm down." Toshiya said softly as he held my hand. "Wait Die..." Kaoru whispered. "What did Kyo say when we first met him?" I turned around, hearing every word from Kaoru's mouth; I had really good hearing if nothing else. Die looked at the other vacantly. "He has bipolar disorder, remember?"
First happiness, then anger, now it was sorrow's turn. The emotion's were swinging faster and faster and faster, like some merry-go-round from fucking hell. I could feel slight pain and somberness well up in the pit of my stomach and I clutched Toshiya's hand back. "You can say it to my face, I'm right here you know, it's obvious you're talking about me..." My voice sounded much more quiet and understated, even to my ears, and Kaoru's face paled slightly in guilt. "Sorry..." Die walked over to me and kneeled a couple feet next to my right side. "Kyo, don't they give you medication or something?" I nodded slowly, sadly. "I don't think you're weird or a phsyco, I just think you're being really different. You'v never acted this way before." Kaoru said. It's like they were taking turns speaking, while Toshiya just nodded his head. "I... haven't taken my medication in a few days." I choked on my words. "What?! Why not, Kyo, I know they talk a lot of crap in this shit hole, but they're actually telling the truth when say the pills help." "I know..." "Then why did you quit them?" "They make me feel.... numb. I'd rather be like this than..." Kaoru sighed. "I thought you were fine before." "I was, I had finally forced myself to feel after the first three months of being on the pills. But there's some things I can't feel clearly when I take them." I looked dead into Toshiya's eyes and based on his face, he understood what I was talking about. "Things like what?" Die asked softly. I shook my head and still kept contact with Toshiya's eyes. "Guys, I need to talk to Kyo... privately." He muttered. Shinya sent Die silently screaming messages with his eyes but the other nodded his head at him and exchanged glances with Kaoru, who motioned toward the other side of the room.
They seemed to not pay attention to us, but just in case, we whispered anyway. "Kyo, did you stop taking your meds... because you can't feel anything for me with them?" "No... God, you make it sound like I wouldn't be able to love you because of some dumbass pills." "Then why-!" He said loudly, looked up to see if we cought attention from the other three, then back at me to speak more quietly this time. "Then why aren't you taking them?" "Because." I sighed. "When I'm around you, even with the pills, I feel amazing. But I thought my feelings were being held back by them, and it could be even better. And I was right. It's even better without them." The happiness was about to rev back into action, I could tell. For now, I wasn't depressed, angry, or overly happy though, I was just normal. I had about five more seconds of normality before preppiness kicked into action though. "Is it really worth it?" He asked with heavy concern. "Of course it's worth it..." I said, taking both of his hands in mine. His frown remained, staining his beautiful lips. In turn, a smile burst across mine. "Come on Toshiya, it can't be that bad, right? Cheer up, everything is gonna be fine!" The temporary shot of joy seemed to sadden him deeply with the knowledge that this person wasn't really me, just something birthed from the messed up part of my mind. The door unlocked and my escort walked through. "Niimura-san? You have a visitor." My face dropped in shock. A... visitor? I looked back at Toshiya, who didn't seem fond of the idea of letting me go to meet someone from the outside in my current condition. Die and Kaoru just looked a little dazed and confused.
They were probably thinking something along the lines of "I though he said no one ever visits him anymore. Is he hiding something from us?" Shinya was as fretful as always. He came off as the type who worried about everything and everyone, all the time. I didn't really have a choice in going or not, nor did I have the time to explain that I was just as confused as they were, so I simply left with the escort. He took me to a private room, a big, wide, open space with a giant glass table in the center. The rooms used by people who were actually visited certainly were nice, not run down at all... A kind of stalky, tiny man not much taller than me, with his head shaved and back to my face stood at the far back, peering out of the window. My escort looked a little uneasy for a moment, then patted my shoulder roughly. "I'll give you two some time to yourself." With that, he left. The guy at the end of the room shivered as the door closed, and not really wanting to see who it was considering no matter who they were it had been at least a year since our last meet, I looked around the room. Cheap, twenty dollar a-piece paintings lay scattered about the walls randomly, a decorative lampshade covered the bulb hanging from the cieling, and at the center of the enormous table lie a small glass vase with exactly four orchid flowers inside. The man turned around to face me just as I started looking at the back of his fuzzy, bald head, and my breath stopped. It was my fucking dad. "Tooru... Musuko-chan." My eyes burned with loathe and hatred, increased tenfold by the chemical imbalance created within my brain. "Don't you fucking call me either of those names, do you understand me?!"
"Well, what do you want me to call you?" He asked hopelessly. "I told you a million times, right before I left your ass! Kyo! Say it with me, you fucking asshole, I never want to here you call me the name you gave me, and don't call me "Son" either, because you're not my motherfucking dad!" "Of course I'm your dad, don't be ridiculous..." "A dad doesn't beat the living shit out of you when your too small and weak to even fight back! A dad doesnt leave his own son and daughter with their financially unstable mother just because she made one mistake! A fucking dad doesn't tell you you'll never be anything, that you aren't worth shit, he would show up at his son's mother's funeral, and he wouldn't get drunk at his daughter's following funeral and scream that he wished it was me while they buried her! What the fuck have you ever done that could rightfully earn you that title, except maybe fucking mom, you lowlife shit sucking bastard!?" There was a long silence in the room while he just stared in awe. He would beat me all the time as a kid, even as a teenager who left him, I was afraid to leave because I knew if he caught me, the consequences would be bad. I just left him a note reading "You disappoint me." and ran for my my mom's house. God knows how I ended up in his house after the divorce in the first place. Maybe me and my mom were fighting over something small at the time. The point is, he wasn't used to me standing up for myself. "Listen, To-... Kyo. The other day, I had a near-death experience." I lauged bitterly. "Great, so now you know every fucking day of living my life with you was! Congratulations!" I pounded my fist on the table to emphasise my words. "Please, just hear me out." He pleaded pathetically. I wouldn't be like him, and drown out everyone's voices. So I showed him I was listening and pursed my lips shut.
"I was traveling back from another country. You know how my job sends me everywhere. It crashed, people were severly injured, some died. But I left without barely a scratch, I was so lucky. But it made me think, I saw my life flash before my eyes, Kyo! If I had died right then and there, I would've definately gone to Hell. I've made a lot of mistakes, and I want to fix them." I scoffed and rolled my eyes with a big, wide smile. "People shouldn't do good things because they're afraid of rotting in a gigantic, firey pit after life, they should do good things because it's right. You bashing me upside the head with a vodka bottle the last time you saw me? Not a good thing, asswipe. You coming eight FUCKING years later back into my life after having not seen me because you feel the sudden need to have closure isn't the right thing either. You think I'm going to forgive you, just because you say two little words that mean nothing to you anyway?! Fuck yeah, let's see how that goes, dickwad, go ahead! Say it, see what happens!" He hung his head. "Kyo, I know you're upset. But really, I'm sorry for everything I've done." "Well, there, you said it. You said 'I'm sorry'. Now here's my reaction." I walked over to the center of the table, flipped the vase upside down in my hands and letting all the contents slip out. I ran over to him, broke it against the wall right by his ugly head, and laughed as he cringed in fear. "Not fun being on the sharp end of the knife, is it?!" I looked at the vase, now jagged and rough edged, and tossed it aside. "Don't worry, as much as I fucking despise you, I wouldn't kill you. You aren't worth the energy." I made my way over to the door, when he spoke up again. "Tooru, please!" "I told you to never call me that again you sick twisted bastard!!!" I growled deeply, like a demon. "Kyo, I can get you out of here! I can tell them I'm going to watch over you, you won't have to live here anymore!"
I froze dead in my tracks, back facing him and this time when I spoke, my voice was sickeningly calm. "Last year, when Mom and Imouto died, and I went insane, you were the only one who could have possibley helped me. No one else would do it, but you're blood, it should've been you're obligation especially after what you put me through. Being here ruined my life. I lost my girlfriend that I loved, my friends were too freaked the fuck out by the fact I was in an asylum to care about me anymore, and I was locked up, by myself, with no one to help or talk to me. So now that they finally let me talk to other people, let me get friends, people who love me like a real family, you want to take me away?" I saw Toshiya's face flash before my eyes, and the thought that my father wanted me to leave him filled my body with malice and hatred. I turned around suddenly, and he gasped at the look in my eyes. Now that he was an aging man and I was a full grown adult, I had the upper hand. I didn't want to hurt him, sink to his level. But the rage in my body made me want to crush something so damn badly... I immediatley began destroying everything I could find, the memories of it blurring together angrily. I tore down all the paintings so that the nails were ripped out of the wall, breaking them over my knee and tearing them down the middle with my hands. I took one that was framed in metal and gripped it with all my might, then jammed the sharp end into the table until it cracked and broke. Everything was destroyed and torn to shreds as I screamed in anger and agony, throwing chunks of glass into the wall so that they became tiny little shards, ramming everything I could find into the floor and walls, throwing the rubble across the room... My dad just watched in shock and cowardess. I clutched my head, taking in deep heavy breaths as I looked around at the mess I made. I ran my fingers through my hair for a moment before I all but collapsed on the glass-layered floor.
And when my dad was looking down at me, I think that I saw true realization, like, "This is what I've done to my son." I caught a glimpse, father. I caught a brief look at what you could and might've been. You leaning over here, cold and catatonic. Did you finally wake up and face me? Did you finally stop playing dead, father? Are you human to me now? I don't think so, I think that was just a spur of the moment thing, a feeling for me you'll never have again. But what do I know? Maybe you're better off this way. "I hate you." I breathe out, feeling everything I have slip past and pour out of my mouth. The door opens and three workers gasp in unison. "We heard noise, it's a good thing we came!" One of them shouts while the other two put me in a tight hold, shoving my face straight into the ground. I grunt out and for a second I feel like the burning sting of tears might come, but it leaves, and the inactive man asks my dad "Sir, are you okay?" I struggle to face him, but my face is just shoved into the ground yet again. "Yes, but please, my son!" "Sir, your son will be locked in his room alone for the rest of today and tomorrow. We'll find something else to do with him after that, to ensure this behavior never happens again." "But... no, he's coming with me." His last sentence was so quiet, no one but myself heard it. As we left out the door, I turned around, my arms and hands bound by other arms and hands. "You fucking dissappoint me."