(no subject)
Title: Room 304, Cherry Blossoms of White Death
Author: diru69
Chapter: 2/about six
Disclaimer: Dir en grey owns each other, if you know what I'm a-sayin ;)
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter, but I can promise you some hot mental sex soon.
Summary: Kyo goes mentally ill after experiencing tramautization, and wakes up in an asylum with no recollection of what it was that made him insane. All Kyo has left is a blank journal... And maybe the people that the doctors are having him meet.
A/N: SO! I know this is as rushed as always, but I'm havin a fun time writing this ^^ I noticed that if you listen to "Schism" by Tool while reading this, the melody kinda fits :DD plz read and review, comments give me the happiez ^^
1999, May, 28
Today was average. Nothing much happened out of the ordinary, it was pretty much a replica of yesterday, only Kaoru didn't freak out and Die was distracted by a crack on the tile instead of a clump of dust... And this time it was for about forty five minutes. We got to know about each other more, which made me feel better, as if I was actually living in their world. Wait, correction: I learned things about Die and Kaoru, while Toshiya and Shinya stayed dead quiet and cast us occasional glances. I didn't have any weird nightmares, which helped somewhat. My doctor talked to me again today, after I came back from the group section room I belong to. It feels so weird saying that... "...that I belong to". Maybe because I really don't belong to it.
1999, May, 29
Alright, now I know I didn't write much yesterday, please don't be mad at me. It isn't my fault nothing happened and after an hour long session with Doctor Dickhead I didn't feel like writing. But I'll probably be writing a lot today because some weird shit happened. I can't even wrap my head around some of this crap... So it seemed like it would be average, as yesterday was. I woke up to the sound of a nurse knocking on my door yelling that it was time for breakfast, today I actually decided to eat it because it's that time of the week again, I took a shower, and sat in complete boredom for a couple hours until another man came by, this time the dude who had my prescription glasses. My escort came shortly after and took me to my group section room. I was greeted with the image of the four gathered around the T.V. Shinya directly in it's fuzzy, marsh-green light, Kaoru standing in front of it, twitching just slightly, Toshiya curled into a loose ball in a spot that seemed impractical for watching anything on the television set, and Die standing up beside him, his neck craned to get a better view from where he stood. "Kyo!" The red head exclaimed as he heard my footsteps followed by the familiar clinks and clicks of the door being re-locked. "Look," He said, pointing to the television that was currently the object of everyone's focus. "The damn thing's actually working today!" I squatted down beside Shinya to get a look at what they were watching. Looked like a crappy drama of some sort... I was about to ask why the fuck they were on that station, when I noticed that there was no remote for the T.V, nor any buttons on the T.V to change the volume or channel. Just a power button.
Weird, huh? "I take it the T.V doesnt work very often." I observed dully. "Why do you think we'd be puttng up with this crap if it did?" My gaze turned back to the T.V screen, just in time time for me to catch Ricardo cheating on Julia with Nancy. "Point taken." This was truly horrible... "At least it's something though." Kaoru noted, finishing off my train of thought. A few seconds after saying that, the image on the screen wavered and wobbled, until it finally went back to fuzz. Everyone-bar Shinya nd Toshiya- cursed loudly. "Fuck it, Kaoru, you jinxed it!" Die said half-jokingly. "Me?" The purple haired man said defensively. "You were the first one to go 'It's working! It's working!'" I exhaled a gust of breath and looked up at them. "What do we do now?" I asked. Die shrugged, opening his mouth to say something. No words came out since he was interrupted by the loud sound of the door swinging open. Two doctors walked in, whom of which I'd never seen before. Probably worked in a seperate wing. "I'm here for Ando Daisuke?" One said. "And I need Niikura Kaoru." The other finished. The "guitar buddies" exchanged a knowing look, muttered with annoyance, and walked over to the doctors with deep frowns. They left just as soon as they came, only now there were two less people in the turned-silent room... Toshiya shook his head and went over the window to sit down. I didn't really see what the difference between the spot he was in before and the spot by the window was, but judging by the look on his face, he had some insight as to why the pair had been taken out of the room.
I casually followed him and leaned up against the wall next to his crouching form with a subtle cough. "So, um... Why did they leave just now?" I inquired. Toshiya shook his head a second time without looking up at me. "It happens to all of us here. Once or twice a week, your doctor will come to collect you for a while to 'reflect' on your progress and talk about the problems you still have. Once you've been here for a little while, they'll start doing the same to you." It was obvious by his tone of voice that he considered the weekly/biweekly sessions with the doctors to be utterly pointless. I slid down to the ground with my back still pressed against the wall the muttered an 'Oh'. There wasn't much else to say, really. At least that's what my first thoughts were; then I could feel a pair of dark eyes casting direct gazes somewhere into my body. I turned to face the man I'd seated myself next to. "There something I can help you with?" I said bluntly. It probably sounded more rude than I intended, it was more of a reflex than anything else. Besides, now that I was closer to him, I could see that Toshiya was really beautiful... "How did you get that scar?" He asked. His eyes were locked in place, he still wasn't looking into my eyes, and I realized he was talking about the barely noticable mark I got when I rope-burned my neck. I clapped a hand over it and glared at him. Suddenly he didn't seem so beautiful anymore. "Nothing." I shot apprehensively. I guess I was just a bit touchy because I strongly disliked the idea of talking about it...
"Did you get it from a rope?" I felt my eyes expand and shoot fire at him. "How did you know that?" Finally, his eyes met mine. "So it was from a rope?" He asked yet again. "I asked you first!" I retorted. "Actually, I asked you first. When I brought it up." He countered calmly. I sighed and looked down at my knees, knowing he caught me. "Yes. Yes, I got it from a rope. And I did it on purpose, it was no accident, and if they let me, I'd finish the job. Happy?" I didn't want to see his face, but I couldn't stop him from answering with his voice. All he asked was "Did you do it on the mountain? The rope was already tied on a tree, wasn't it?" Okay, now I was a little worried. My head turned back to his pale face. "Alright... seriously, how do you know all this?" The hand on my neck fell limp and retreated back to my side, dangled on the floor. "I tied the rope ...." Huh? "Are you being serious?" "Well, I'm not too good at joking nowadays, so I'm pretty sure I am." He rolled his eyes. There was a bout of silence, caused by the fact that neither of us really knew what to say. Ironically, Toshiya broke the silence at last. "I didn't think anyone would so much as find it." Luckily, it didn't look like Shinya could even hear us since he was on the other side of the room the entire time and showed no reaction to our words. "How did you, anyway? Find it, I mean." He asked, a little embarassed. "Hm..." I smiled weakly and bitterly as I tossed my gaze to the floor. "There's a cherry blossom tree outside my room. They took me outside and one day, they left me alone. I wandered to the side of the building and noticed that the tree seemed relatively easy to climb. I got to the other side of the fence... and you know the rest, really."
"Thats how I did it... I climbed the cherry blossom tree when no one was looking." Then it donned on me that Toshiya tried to commit suicide. He tried to take his life... "What stopped you?" Toshiya looked over at Shinya, shaking his head. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave Die and Kaoru and Shinya all alone. I know they have each other, but I promised them that we'd get through this Hell together. If I died, I would break my promise." My words got caught in my throat. Until then, I didn't know what sort of person Toshiya was... well, now I knew. "What stopped you?" He asked curiously. "More like who stopped me. If I could've just died, I would've." Toshiya's eyes widened and to be honest, the lack of apathy on his face made him look like a totally different person... "I guess unlike you, I didn't have anyone to make promises to." I explained. "You said you guys are going to live through this Hell together... Don't you think you'll be here forever?" Toshiya looked grim... "I don't know. But they think they'll leave, and I have to have faith in them. Why, you think you'll never leave?" I smiled almost maniacally and let out a short laugh. This conversation was so in place, the way we were talking like people from two seperate worlds. "I'm leaving this place soon." The blue haired man looked suprised. "They're releasing you?" He asked incredulously. "No, no... of course not." "So then... someone's going to watch over you? Like a family member is coming to pick you up?" I shook my head 'No'. "You can't mean that you're going to escape... They'll just have you sent back here, Kyo-kun!" I shook my head a second time and then Toshiya looked at me pleadingly. "Y...You're not going to try to hang yourself again, are you?"
I grunted lowly. "If it didn't work out the first time, why would it work the second time? No, I'm not going to hang myself." He furrowed his eyebrows and seemed to be in deep confusion. "But then how-" Maybe I should start counting the amount of times that door has interrupted someone, because it did it again. "Hey, that was kinda fast!" I said as Die and Kaoru were ushered into the room, me making my way over toward them. I wanted to ask them what happened, yet as we started talking, I couldn't help the feeling that I'd just abandoned Toshiya.
1999, May, 30
I decided when I got back from the group section room that I'm not going to do it today, I have to make sure Toshiya's alright first... Something happened today when we were in there. I walked into the room, and I know he's depressed, but it was worse than usual. He was tucked into himself, shivering uncontrollably. I said 'Hi' to Kaoru and Die, but I immediately made my way over to the tall man. I felt.... bad for excluding him yesterday. Die pulled me back when he noticed where I was going though, clearly shaking his head. "He's not doing great today, Kyo. Another day." He said sadly. That's when I noticed the shaking, and frowned. "What's wrong?" I whispered quietly. Die motioned that no one knew. I didn't care, I had to talk to him, he at least needed to know I cared, so I shrugged Die's hand off of my shoulder and continued walking toward the blue mop of hair. He didn't show any signs of noticing I was there, even as I sat down next to his thin body. "What happened....?" I whispered. His hands reached up to clutch his head as though he had a migraine.... "I had a nightmare..." He choked out in a cracking voice. "What happened in the nightmare?" I continued softly. He shook even more... "Someone... someone who I know is gone was with me. They were here again, but I know they're not.... Not in real life." It reminded me of what happens to me in my nightmares, all of them are just like that. I know what that felt like, so I put my hand on Toshiya's shoulder... I wanted him to know I was here for him. But it backfired. Toshiya's head shot straight up, unveiling bloodshot, tearing eyes as he let out a horrible scream. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" He shrieked at the top of is lungs, throwing his entire body backwards and away from me.
I stared at him, shocked. Did I do something wrong? "Toshiya, what's the matt-" I started as I reached out a hand toward Toshiya. I stopped mid-sentence as his fist connected with my right cheek painfully. The blow forced me onto my back. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" He screamed, breaking into sobs and tears. I pressed my hand against the part of my face that he'd hit, noting by the way it stung that it'd definately hurt in the morning. "Toshiya what's wrong?!" I asked, panick striken. What was happening? Shinya ran over to his side and for the first time ever, I heard him speak. "Toshiya, it's okay, it isn't him... Everything's okay..." He uttered the words over and over in a shushed tone to the seemingly broken being. "Don't let him touch me.... Just stay away..." Toshiya repeated almost deliriously. No one else said anything until he had cried so much that he finally exhausted himself and fell asleep. "What did you do, Kyo?" Die asked. "I... I don't know. One minute we were talking then I put my hand on his shoulder and he totally freaked out. I'm so sorry, Die, I didn't know he would react that way, I don't even know what happened just now!" He leaned in closer toward me. "Listen," he said very quietly. "Never touch Toshiya, okay? I think he was beaten by someone in his family, and it traumatized him..." I felt horrible... I should've known. He said he had a dream that was very painful for him, of course he didn't want anyone touhing him, even if he hadn't been beaten by someone. We let him sleep, but then lunch rolled around and an escort would be there to take us to the cafeteria any second, so we had to wake him up. He immediatly started apologizing to me for punching me, but I don't see why he thought he should've been the one apologizing when I was the one who had hurt him... I didn't mean to, but somehow I did.
The whole day he seemed off because of that. He apologized again and again, and then, he stopped to talking to me period. I need to see if he's okay first, then I'll leave.
1999, May, 31
I walked down the now-familiar hall to that now-familiar room, something I'd call a routine if it weren't about to end. This time, when the door opened, there was only one person inside: Toshiya. He sat under the lavandar-tinted light from the window sadly, looking up hopefully when I stepped in only to have the door locked behind me. "Kyo." He croaked. I looked from side to side as I walked over to him, just making sure I wasn't going even crazier and imaging that the others weren't here. "Kyo... they took Kaoru away." Toshiya lamented. I snapped my head toward him and sat directly infront of him so that we were facing each other. "What do you mean they took him away?!" I demanded. "He-he was in his room and he started having hallucinations. They said that he was starting to hear voices that told him they would only go away if he wrote a hundred prayers to God, begging him to kill him. So Kaoru wrote 'God, please kill me' a hundred times over on all these papers. But the voices didn't go away, and he started going insane! He started throwing things around and when he threw his bed against the wall, a worker heard him and reported the noise immediately. They tore him away from his room and they said he's going to be in a special care unit for a while, maybe forever. Kyo, what if we never see Kaoru again? He can't go on without us, and we can't go on without him!" Shit, I couldn't believe this happening! "Toshiya, calm down and listen to me. Kaoru will be okay, and he's coming back, alright? Just believe in him and I'm sure he'll be fine." I wasn't sure if even I believed my own words, but Toshiya squeezed his eyes shut in pain and nodded is head. When he opened his eyes, they wandered to the fully surfaced bruise on my cheek.
Guilt flashed in his eyes momentarily. "Did the doctors notice the bruise?" I had nearly forgotten it was even there, so I put my hand to my face instinctually to feel for it. Yup, still hurt like Hell, but only when I touched it. "Oh, yeah, they did." I laughed it off. "I told 'em that I fell off my bed in the middle of the night and landed right on the side of my face. The suckers fell for it." The truth was, I was worried about Kaoru as much as Toshiya, but I didn't want him frowning, I wanted to see him happy. "So where's Die and Shinya?" Toshiya shook his head. "They're in their usual sessions... But that doesn't matter right now, are you okay?" I sighed lightly. "I'm fine Toshiya, it's not like I broke my leg or suffered brain trauma or anything like that." I guess he wasn't convinced.... "I'm so sorry, Kyo..." "Toshiya." I said firmly. "I'm fine. Please stop saying 'sorry', there's no need for it and it's getting annoying." Toshiya stared straight through me though, worried with what he saw. And I'm not talking about the bruise. Taciturnity filled the atmposphere, and he leaned forward a little, enough to remove my new, thin framed glasses. He leaned a little farther, this time to plant a gentle butterfly kiss on my injured cheek. I blinked a couple times, not sure what to make of his actions as he pulled back. I know Die told me not to touch him, but I found myself reaching forward to softly embrace him. He didn't yell or jerk away or hit me this time... He held me back. I felt like I was safe in his arms and didn't have to worry about anything else... Well, until, that damn door opened again.
Toshiya and I scrambled away from each other as Die and Shinya came in, not wanting to arise any suspicion in the guitarist. That... and maybe we were a just little guilty in something. Just slightly. Or was it only me? I don't know. And I decided not to think about it too much as Toshiya asked Die about Kaoru. "Die, did they say anything? Did they tell either of you about Kaoru?" Die looked down, defeated. "They wouldn't tell me anything. I talked to Shinya in the halls, they didn't say a word to him either. The fucking assholes." Everyone was uneasy. I don't know, here in my room writing about this, I feel like now I should wait and see if Kaoru is okay, but I can see what's happening: I'm getting too attatched to them. Even Toshiya. No, especially Toshiya. When he touched me, I felt relaxed and content, I can see what's happening here and I have to leave while I can. They don't need me here, burdening them, I'll just do it now, and hope that someday they'll get out of here alive and live a normal, happy life. I hope they'll be okay...
~+~+~+~
So I took the pills. I downed all of them and washed 'em down with icey cold water from the sink, decided "I'm going to write until they kick in." But considering I OD'd with that many, I figured it wouldn't even be that long before the effects set in and killed me. I set you down on the ground and sat stiffly on my bed, and I was right, I started feeling the drugs almost immediatly. This whole scene was just filled with a hollowed out numbness, I didn't even move when the wrenching pain twisted in my stomach, briefly moving up toward my chest, then returning to my stomach again where the pain was doubled. Not long after, I felt a distinct pain that signaled that I was about to puke... Sure enough, I could feel the bile rising up along with the contents of my stomach, a bunch of blood mixed with yesterdays white rice breakfast spilling out onto my shirt and lap. A burning sensation started in my throat, causing me to clutch at it, then I felt vertigo and fell on my side. I looked around hopelessly, trying to look at the cherry blossom tree one last time before I left, the pinkish mixture spilling onto the bedspread. No matter how hard my body tried to get rid of this shit, it was too late. I could see the blissful light before me, welcoming and embracing me... And then I heard a distant cry... the sound of someone breaking down my door with sheer force... and... wheels? The light disappeared and now my attention was forced to focus a little more on the noise... A man in white yelled orders as I was loaded onto a stretcher. No... I thought helplessly. They rushed me down the halls, each door we passed made me more panicked. NO! They can't do this to me! I couldn't do or say anything, not coherrently anyway... the drugs were too strong.
Everything was becoming blurry, and the voices made me dizzy... And before I passed out, I could see Toshiya, running with all the doctors as he loomed over me. I coudln't tell if he was real or not... I know everything was fuzzy because of the pills, but somehow I'm almost certain he was there. They took me to the emergency room inside the asylum... Pumped my stomach and put me on an IV drip. When I woke up, there was a man, probably a medical doctor, waiting beside me. "Niimura-san. You're awake. That was fast, you were only asleep for three hours." I didn't answer. I was a little distraught that this was my second failed attempt at suicide. I failed at killing myself not once, but twice. Wow. I think that's really as low as it gets. "I know you're going through something, Niimura-san. Obviously, otherwise you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself again... But you have to consider the people that care about you." He said softly. "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have anyone like that, doctor." I said flatly. My eyes looked directly up at the plain-white ceiling, not wanting to face the doctor. "Yes, well..." He started. "I think your friend-who was the one that warned us about you in the first place- would beg to differ." I knit my eyebrows together. "Friend?" I said the word as if I didn't know what it meant. "Yes, a... Hara Toshimasa-san was it? If it weren't for him you'd be dead. He told a doctor that he had a bad feeling about you, to check up on you. A medical staff rushed to your room, just in case, and sure enough, you were on the brink there." Hara Toshimasa... where had I heard that before? Wait, that's right. That was Toshiya's full name. Toshiya did this? How the Hell did he know what I was going to do?
"Anyway," the doctor continued. "You're going to be back in intensive care again... who knows how long it'll be this time, considering this isn't your first time trying this. I know that those psycological doctors can be assholes, but try to sweet talk your way out of it." I smiled. At least I got a doctor who acted like an actual human. "What, no lecture about staying alive? Thank God!" The doctor hesitated for a moment, then talked again. "I'm going to leave that to your friend, Niimura-san. There's clothes on the counter here, knock on the door when you're ready for Hara-san to come in, I'm pretty sure you don't want to be in the that gown that shows your ass when you're talking. Lemme remove that IV for you..." He walked a little closer and removed the safety patch, then the IV needle. The feeling of metal sliding out of my skin felt strange, though the next thing I knew, the hazel eyed doctor left the brightly lit, beeping room. All the shades were pulled over the windows on the wall and the door, so no one could see in as I shed the paper thin hospital gown and slipped on a new white asylum shirt and my black cotton sweat pants. (They didn't especially want me wearing anything black, but they eventually let me wear them.) The pants had obviously been cleaned, there was no trace of vomit on them and they smelled like cheap laundry detergent. Looking over at the large window, I could see Toshiya's shadow pacing back and forth. I knew it was him, no one else here was that tall and I could see the outline of his scraggled up hair. I wasn't sure what to expect from him or what he would say, so I simply took a large intake of breath, rose my fist hesitantly and knocked at the thick wood.
Almost immediately Toshiya opened the door from the other side. He was so fast that my hand was still in mid-air when the door swung open. I shrunk a little at his appearence; He looked pissed. "Doctor, could I ask you a favor?" He said, obviously trying to keep his temper under control for just a little while longer. "Why, of course Hara-san, what is it?" The man idly replied. "Could you and your attendants leave?" Toshiya requested as he gestured to everyone else in the room he just barely stood in. "We won't hear you speaking, Niimura-san's room is practically sound proof, and we won't be liste-" "Please just leave?" The middle-aged doctor looked alarmed for a split second, then a looking of understanding crossed his kind features. "Of course, Hara-san. I understand. Everybody?" He left the room, motioning for everyone besides me and Toshiya to follow him. The moment they were gone, Toshiya shoved me back and slammed the door behind us. "You fucking dumbass!" He cried out. His words were followed by a sharp slap to the face. "How could you be so damn stupid?! Do you have any idea what you were about to do?! Do you know what you were doing to us?! What if you had really died?!" He shouted one question after another in a booming voice that didn't seem to fit someone usually so silent, my mind could barely register anything that was happening and I couldn't keep track of all his sudden questions. My palm tried to nurse the stinging mark on my face that Toshiya had just left as I simply stared at him, not knowing what he wanted from me or why he even cared. "Why should it matter to you?" I asked indifferently... a little too calmly.
Toshiya's eyes flared with ferocious anger and the next thing I knew, he was grabbing the collar of my shirt tightly and pushing me harshly against a wall. My back connected with the concrete slab with a little bit of pain and like a wave, a pain in my head followed the pain in my upper back. "You said you wouldn't try to kill yourself again! You fucking lied!" He screached at me angrily. "I said I wouldn't try to hang myself. And I didn't. I tried to overdose on pills. The drugs would've finished me off if you hadn't tattled either. I would've been out of your life for good, I wouldn't be your problem right now if you had just let me die." My voice kept quiet and void of any emotion. "You can't just walk into someone's life then walk right out, Kyo. It doesn't work like that." He wasn't screaming at me anymore... This man had finally cracked down, now he was speaking shakily, like he was about to break... "We need to get through this together... You're one of us now..." I looked at him blankly, passively. Unbelievingly. "I've only been around you for a few days. Why should I matter to any of you? I was just being selfish, I wanted to see what it was like being with you. Well, I found out, so now I can go. And you won't ever have to be forced to see me again. You should be happy." I didn't mean it. I meant that I wanted him to be happy, him and everyone else, but the truth was, in the short time I'd spent with them, they had become my new family,or at least they were starting to. But I didn't want to do that, everyone I care about always vanished or suffered, so I had to save myself the pain and end it before it was too late. Toshiya shook his head frantically and his grip on my shirt loosened... "I could never be happy if you left."
None of this made sense to me. "I don't get it. Why are you so bent on me staying? Why should I even be anything to you?" Toshiya's eyes watered and my confusion was only doubled as the tears began to trickle down his soft face. Why was he crying? Shit, did I do something wrong again? This is what I meant: All I ever did was cause people pain and suffering wherever I go. That's the thought process I had while all of this was happening, but of train of thought came to a complete halt as he... As he forced himself forward and pressed his lips to mine. Soft, moist, warm, curved lips moving and pressing against my own. How the Hell was I was supposed to respond to that? It felt like we were connected there for all twenty two years of my life, but the practical part of me knew it was only for about six seconds. I could see... everything. It's like everything I've ever seen and experienced jolted before my eyes while I was locked in that precious, newfound warmth. They say that the average human sleeps for about a third of their life, for about eight hours a day. When you're dreaming, it may feel like the dream is lasting through those entire eight hours, a third of your life spent dreaming whether you know it or not, but the truth is, every dream only lasts about 2.4 seconds. It's just a trick of the mind that makes you feel like it's long. A whole story, that you think has spread out over the course of a night's sleep, that in actuality doesn't even last for a minute... That's what it was comparable to. When Toshiya's lips hit mine, it felt like I was asleep, floating around in a dream that was going on forever.
Before all of this, before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I always thought that the meaning of life was to search out who I was and chase it. I told people that I was always running to where I wanted to be standing, chasing myself all the time. But somehow, even though I lost that long ago it feels like I'm standing where I want to be for now. I'm standing in a place that feels like a tingling yet burning fire is coursing through my body and my tongue is dancing behind my touched lips in Toshiya's sweetness. But as soon as I'm satisfied, I'm not. I don't know what he set off, but now I know I want all of him and I want to be with him forever. What just happened to me, anyway? "Because I love you, you fucking jerk!" He yells, bringing me up out of my sleep. I think some people are just exaggerating when they say they feel like they've been hit by a train, but I'm not. His words hit me like nothing else I'd ever felt before. Or maybe I just felt it once before and I had forgotten... I hope to God it wasn't just an effect of a bipolar high, because I want it to be real so badly. I wrap my hands around him tightly for dear life and pull him closer to me so that I can kiss him back. Between kisses I tell him that I love him back and for a moment everything seems perfect, until I'm brought back to reality. I pull away softly yet suddenly, and look down at the ground in disspointment. "What is it?" He asks gently. "We can't do this..." "Why not?" His face turned into a mixture of pain and irritation. "There's someone else, isn't there? Someone waiting for you on the outside." I shook my head slowly. "No... I mean, there used to be, a long time ago, they're gone now... But that's not it." "Then what is?" "You know the rules here. They'd never let us have a relationship, we aren't allowed to."
Toshiya knitted his eyebrows together. "Uh, yeah, that's why we aren't going to tell them. You don't just tell someone you love them and then decide you're going to let 'rules' get in the way of it." He said in a "You aren't too bright" voice. "If they found out, they would seperate us. I really, really want to be with you in the way that you want to be with me, but if they caught us, we wouldn't be able to be with each other at all." Toshiya sighed and pushed a strand of colored hair behind my ear with delicacy. "They won't find out, Kyo. We'll just keep it secret. Please?" I wanted to think it over some more... but to be honest, I lost all will to say 'No' to Toshiya anymore. Rolling my eyes, I sighed and nodded my head, which earned an adorabely crooked smile from Toshiya. "But I won't see any of you for a while. I'm going into intensive therapy for-" I paused mid-way through my sentence as a thought crept its way into my head. "Hey, how did you that I was... that I was commiting suicide?" The beautiful creature that I now belonged to batted his eyes a couple times. "Promise you won't call me crazy?" "You're talking to me here." I pointed to myself to emphasise my point. I caught a glimpse of a brief smile that quickly faded. "It happened when we had all been sent back to our rooms. There was a really severe wind storm outside, clouds were covering the entire sky. A big branch was torn off the cherry blossom tree outside, and it came flying toward my window. It cracked it right open, but at the time, I wasn't really paying attention..."
"Until all the sudden the clouds opened for the sun, and a really bright light started to shine into my room, just as a bunch of cherry blossom petals flew in through the window. They reminded me of you. Of how we both climbed the same tree... And all the sudden, I got this really bad feeling, it was really ominous. So I pulled on the rope and when a worker finally came to my room to ask what was wrong, I told them to check up on you and you know how they overreact... An entire medical squad was called. I guess I didn't actually think that was necessary, until I followed them and you were, laying on your bed... Half-dead and mired in bloody vomit." I felt a guilty pang upon seeing the hurt look on his face. "I won't try to kill myself again. I promise." He smiled, a gorgeous sight that made me feel weightlessly light... I wish he would do it more often. "Don't just tell it to me... You have to promise Die and Shinya and Kaoru." We both thought the same thing at the same time when he said "Kaoru", everyone had reason to be worried about him... "He'll be okay..." I said. I think I was trying to convince myself more than I was trying to convince Toshiya though. He looked like he wanted to say something, but there was a knock from the other side of the door. "Hara-san? Niimura-san? Are you finished in there?" Toshiya sighed heavily. He leaned forward and press his lips against my ear. "Just because I love you doesn't mean I'm not pissed. The next time we see each other, we are going to talk about this." He whispered through gritted teeth before placing a chaste kiss on my lips and backing away. "Yeah, we're ready, you can come in."
I straightened my shirt a little and when the doctor opened the door, I could see he was being accompanied by a rather unpleasant face: Doctor Takada. Ugh... "So, Tooru-san, I hear you stole my pills and tried to commit suicide." He said in a very perturbed, very teacher-like manner. "You shouldn't call people by their first names unless you're their friend, Takada Sensei. It isn't polite." I hissed. "Aren't we friends, Tooru-kun?" In said in a fake-nice voice. "No." was my rather blunt reply. "Friend or not, intensive therapy is mandatory for you as of now, considering your, ehm... 'condition'." The medical doctor laughed. "Oh yes, speaking to him like that is really going to get through to him." Doctor Takada narrowed his eyes at Mister Medical Doctor. "What would you know about getting through to people? This is my profession, I think I know what I'm doing!" Mister Medical Doctor laughed again and shook his head. "Nothing, sir. Nothing at all. Good luck, Niimura-san." I smirked. "Please, call me Kyo." I said that for one of two reasons. The first one being because I like Mister Medical Doctor (still don't know his real name, by the way.) and the second one being that I thought it would be fun to spite Doctor Tamada. I got the reaction I was looking for, the big vein in Doctor Tamada's forhead began the throb and twitch, and when he spoke, he started using that voice which signals he seriously needs one of his special pills. "You're going back to your room, Niimura-san. Intensive care starts first thing tomorrow." Bring it on, bitch.