Being in the shower too long will make your skin all wrinkled (Part I)
Title: Being in the shower too long will make your skin all wrinkled (Part I)
Author: Kyoutari
Warnings: Dialog spamming. Stupidity. Badly written sections. OOC-ness
Disclaimer: Gintama is property of Sorachi Hideaki
AN: This fic was too long to be posted all at once, so I had to split it into two sections... orz And I don't know why LJ likes to make my sentences really far apart... References are listed in Part II.
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“Owwwwww… This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever done… Ugh, I’m all wet now… Tch, what was that brat thinking…?”
A silver-haired boy sat up in knee-deep water.
“Man… this is bad… All our books are wet… Sensei’s going to kill us… We’re so going to get a beating… That’s if we can get out of this in the first place… This is all your fault, you know, Zura.”
“…Zura…?” He looked around. A figure sat up abruptly in front of him.
Gintoki’s face paled to an unhealthy grayish colour.
“UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
“I-i-i-it’s Okiku! D-d-d-d-don’t kill me! I s-still need to live out my life as a lazy sugar-loving guy who doesn’t pay rent!”
“…It’s not Okiku... it’s Katsura… Who are you calling Okiku, Gintoki? I lost my hair tie and my hair got wet, that’s all. Don’t go around screaming your head off.”
Gintoki returned his sword to his sash and stood up, “It’s not my fault you looked like that. It’s dark down here, you hair’s loose, you’re pale, and you have this huuuuuge bruise on your cheek.”
“I have this bruise because my face landed on your sword hilt. My face is pale because I was sick yesterday. And it’s your fault for standing so close to a well. What would we have done if the well was full?”
“We could always count plates.”
“No.”
“Fine.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Zura… how are we going to get out?”
Katsura wrung the water out of his hair, took off his haori and attempted to do the same to it. “It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura. How would I know? You shouldn’t have stood so close to the well, Gintoki.”
“And you shouldn’t have tried to help that kid, Zura.”
“It is the duty of a samurai to help those in need, Gintoki. How was I supposed to know he was going to shove us in?”
“It was written all over his face, stupid… And he wasn’t trying to shove us in; he was trying to shove you in. You pulled me in with you. Some stupid prank that was… Oi oi, it’s easier if you just don’t wear your hakama or haori, Zura. They’re all wet anyway. I’m so glad I don’t wear a haori and hakama. They’re so bothersome.”
“…Gintoki. This well is too deep. Even an adult wouldn’t have been able to get out. How are we supposed to get out?”
“Hmm… I want to try something. Stand by the wall, Zura.”
“It’s not Zura, it’s- Gintoki, what are you- let go- OW OW OWWW, GET OFF ME, IDIOT! YOU’RE GOING TO RIP MY HAIR OUT!!! DON’T STEP ON MY HEAD!!! OWWWWW!!!”
“You should just cut it off, Zura. It usually gets in the way anyways. And stay still! See, we’re getting closer to the top!”
“THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE STANDING ON ME, MORON! YOU’RE HEAVIER THAN ME, SO IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND! GET OFF ME NOW!”
“Oh come on, Zura. My arms are probably longer than yours, and I have a sword, so it would be easier to- uwaa!”
Gintoki flailed his arms in vain as he and Katsura wobbled dangerously. In an attempt to not fall, Gintoki stabbed his sword into the wall. Temporarily stabilized, the two boys sighed in relief.
“That was close…”
“Yes, it was…”
Katsura stared at the dirt piling at his feet, “Gintoki… do wells have feelings…?”
“What kind of stupid question is that, Zura? I think you… Perhaps wells do have feelings, Zura… This is bad, isn’t it…?”
“Yes, it is…”
“UWAAAAAAA!!!”
The natural perm spat out a mouthful of well water and stared at the mountain of rubble in front of him, his sword sticking out from the pile.
“Gintoki… Next time you try something, please think it through. It will save others great amounts of stress and pain.” Katsura sat up, “Now we’re all wet again, and muddy too.” He rubbed his head, “Because of you, my head hurts… Gintoki, why are you making that expression? Gintoki?”
“Zura… we’re going to die, aren’t we? I don’t want to die in this place. I want to go home, Zura. I’m sure that thing behind you really wanted to go home too, but it couldn’t, because it fell into this well and couldn’t get out, na, Zura.”
Katsura turned around. “It’s not Zura, it’s… Why… Good afternoon… It’s a good d-day today, isn’t it, G-Gintoki…?”
“”Yes, it’s a g-good day, Zura…”
“…”
“…”
“UWAAAAAAA, G-G-G-G-GET ME OUT OF H-H-H-HERE! I D-D-DON’T WANT TO DIE HERE! UWAAA, GINTOKI, STOP SCREAMING AND DO SOMETHING!”
“Y-Y-Y-Y-YOU’RE THE O-ONE SCREAMING, ZURA! OI, DON’T CLIMB ON ME! OI, ZURA, DON’T STEP ON MY HEAD! UWAAAAAAA, IT’S GRINNING AT YOU, ZURA, IT’S GRINNING AT YOU!!!”
“LIAR, YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE THING! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO STICKING YOUR SWORD INTO THE STUPID WALL?! IT’S COMING THIS WAY, ISN’T IT?! IT WANTS YOUR LIFE, DOESN’T IT?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, GINTOKI?!”
“THE ONLY LIFE IT WANTS IS YOURS, ZURA! DEAD PEOPLE DON’T WANT NATURAL PERMS, THEY WANT LONG STRAIGHT HAIR!”
“WHAT KIND OF TWISTED LOGIC IS THAT?! ALWAYS BLAMING THINGS ON YOUR HAIR!”
Gintoki’s forehead slammed into the wall as Katsura jumped up.
“OWWWW!!! ZURA, YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE, DIDN’T YOU?! I KNOW YOU DID! ZURA?!?!?!”
The naturally permed boy stared in shock as his friend hung onto a rock above him. His shock quickly turned into horror.
“OI, ZURA! DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE ME IN HERE WITH THAT THING! DON’T YOU DARE!!!”
“Don’t worry, Gintoki! I will surely find someone who will come help you! A samurai should sacrifice himself and get help for his friend, even if it means leaving his friend with a monster!”
“YOU’RE TWISTING IT, BASTARD! YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH THE BUSHIDO BUT YOU’LL ABANDON IT AS SOON AS YOU SEE A CHANCE TO SAVE YOURSELF!”
“Do I look like I care?! I just want to get out of this stupid well! Farewell, Gintoki! This will be the last time we ever see each other! I’ll miss you! I’ll make sure to honour your dear sacrifice every day!”
“YOU BASTARD! YOU’RE CONTRADICTING YOURSELF! GET DOWN HERE AND I’LL GIVE YOU THE BEATING YOU DESERVE!”
Gintoki dragged Katsura down and wrapped his arms around Katsura’s neck. Katsura clawed at Gintoki’s arms.
“K…k… Let go of me, Gintoki! You asshole, let me go this instant!”
“Hell no! You deserve this, Zura! You so deserve this! I’m going to beat the contradictions and the vulgarity out of you!”
“What are you talking about?! You’re more vulgar than I am! Did I mention you’re violent?! Young children should not be violent or vulgar!”
“That goes for you too, who the hell slams their friend’s head into a wall?!”
“Shut up, you vulgar child! Let go of me, let go! I still have a nation to protect!”
“Vulgar and violent children who run away from danger should not be allowed to protect their nation! And you’re not old enough! Ow, stop that!”
“That goes for you too! Lazy people can’t protect anything! Young, violent, vulgar children should not be allowed to carry sharp objects! Let go of me, Gintoki, I can’t breathe!”
“How come you’re still talking if you can’t breathe?!”
“That’s because I need to bash some sense into that thick head of yours! Why is your head so paa?!”
“Shut up! It’s not my fault I was born with a natural perm! And my head did not go paa!”
“If it didn’t go paa, why is your hair like that?!”
“Shut up!”
The two friends continued in this fashion until the small circle of sky visible to them turned gray with rainclouds, casting shadows on the pile of animal bones lying near the rubble.