Other fanfic
Title: Cherries
Author: thetis_argent (Niu Shiy-Ue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: None
Genre: Humor
Chapter: One-shot
Comments: PWP, Yuuri's looking for some help but not the type you'd expect.
"But Wolfram-"
"No buts about it Yuuri!" The fiery blond finally managed to push the Maou out the door and into the hall. "I'm sorry, but I'm just not the person to ask if you need help popping cherries. Go find someone else!" With that he slammed the door in Yuuri's puzzled face. The teenager scartched his head then reached out to the door knob to try and let himself back in the room.
"Drat, he locked it. Oh well, guess I'd better go and do what he says. And here I thought he'd want the honor of doing this all by himself . . . " Still muttering to himself, the confused Maou walked down the hall, away from his short-tempered fiancee.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"Good afternoon, Heika-sama. How's your ankle?"
"Hello Giselle-san!" Yuuri beamed at the green-haired medic. She'd be a perfect candidate to help him! "My ankle's fine, good as new in fact! You did great work!"
She blushed prettily. "Thank you, Heika-sama. Was there anything I could assist you with?"
"Yes! To be honest, I have a slight problem . . . "
"A slight problem?" She cast a worried glance at what appeared to be a sort of first aid kit that she had been packing. "Is it serious?"
"Not really, but I'm on a deadline and I really need someone's help. And since you are a doctor, I figured you would be the person with the best knowledge about the subject and most capable of helping me."
"Tell me what the problem is."
"I need some help popping cherries."
"That's it?" She seemed slightly incredulous. "I'm sorry, Heika-sama, but that's not much of a problem. And I'm afraid I can't help you; you see, this is the day I work in the free clinic in New Makoku and I'm afraid if I delay any more today I'm going to be late."
"Oh, yeah, that's more important. Don't worry, I'm not offended! But would you happen to know of anyone who could help me?"
"I'm sure my father would be happy to help you. Now, I really must be going."
"Thanks for the advice, Giselle-san!"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Yuuri next set off to find Gunter. Unfortunately for him, the first person he ran into was Annisina. On the other hand, he reminded himself, she was very intelligent and good-tempered. If Giselle was unwilling to help him, the scarlet-haired scientist was probably the next best thing. "Hohoho! Gwendal-sama where are yooouuu? I have-oh, good afternoon, Heika-sama."
"Oh, Annisina-san, I was just looking for you!" Yuuri may have been obsessed with justice, but he wasn't above lying for his own benefit.
"Ohoho! And what can the great and talented Annisina help you with, Heika-sama?"
"Yes, well" On the other hand, she was a bit . . . enthusiastic. Maybe he should have stuck to looking for Gunter. "I have a small problem."
"I'm sure I can fix it!"
"Well, I need someone to help me pop cherries."
"Such a simple thing! Well, Heika-sama, I can't do it myself, but I have this absolutely wonderful device in my lab that will do just the thing! All you need to do is power it up-" She grabbed his arm and began to walk towards her lab, all the while preaching about the wonders of her newest invention. Definitely too enthusiastic!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"Heeeiiikaaa-sssaaammmaaa! Where did you go? I thought you wanted to try out my newest and greatest creation!" Yuuri looked around frantically. He had managed to squirm his way away from Annisina, but now he had no place to hide! And it would only be a matter of moments before she found him!
Luckily his fearful eyes managed to find a small door, not quite hidden, but weathered to nearly the same appearance as the surrounding stone. At this point, he couldn't care less if he ended up in another beebear den, just as long as he got away from her! He quickly entered the room then slammed the door shut. "Whew, now I know why Gwendal spends all his free time running away from her. She's scary!"
"Hiding from Annisina?" Yuuri froze, then turned around. He thought he had been alone in this closet!
Fortunately, it was only Yozak, carrying . . . a mop, a bucket and dressed in a maid's outfit?!? "Yozak-san? Why are you dressed like that?"
"Like this?" The taller man did a little twirl in place. "I think I'm putting on a little weight. I wanted to make sure I still fit in my infiltration outfit. It's a little tight, I decided to do some cleaning just to be sure I don't bust a seam while bending over or anything."
"Ah, okay. But why a maid?"
"Why not? Don't I look good in this?"
"Not really" Yuuri muttered under his breath. He straightened up. Yozak seemed fairly competent, maybe he could help him. "Eh, Yozak-san, I've got a small problem . . . "
"That you happened to have told Annisina about?" From enthusiastic to sarcastic. Would no one help him out today?
"Yeah, well, anyway she recommended getting a machine to do it, but I really would prefer a more personal touch. So I wonder if you could assist me instead?"
"Depends. What's this small problem anyway?"
"Popping cherries." Yozak was silent and Yuuri feared he was going to turn him down as well. "I already asked Wolfram if he would help me, but he said that he couldn't-"
"No I don't imagine he could. Anyway, I'm sorry Yuuri, but I don't think I can help you either. At least not with that." Yuuri's shoulders slumped. "Oh well, sorry for aski-"
"Heika-sama! I know you're around here somewhere!"
"However, I can help you with this. This storage closet has two doors, just go out the other one and you're sure to avoid Annisina."
"Ah, thanks Yozak-san!"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Of course, Yuuri has the worst luck in two worlds, so when he came out of the closet, he immediately crashed into Gunter. To compound matters, Gunter had apparently been arguing with Cheri, and as Yuuri knocked him down, he went face-first into her most prominent assets. They ended up in a big pile up on the carpeted floor. "Heika-sama! Are you all right?" Gunter immediately made a thorough check of his body to ensure he wasn't bruised or damaged in any way.
"I'm fine! I'm fine!"
"Gunter get your hands away from there!" Gunter's examination was a little too thorough, and Yuuri was greatful when the blonde woman grabbed him away from the pale man. Of course, that left him with the problem of where to put his hands to push her away.
Finally disentangling himself from his two admirers (where's Wolfram when you need him?) he decided to ask for thier assistance. In another matter, not that of his potential bruises, broken bones, and asphyxiations. "Ah Cheri-sama, Gunter-san, I was wondering if you could help me with something?"
"Of course Heika-sama. I live to serve you."
"Don't listen to him Yuuri. Never send a man to do what a woman can do better."
You'd think, after Annisina, Yuuri would have gained some caution. Guess not. "I need some help popping cherries."
He was immediately glomped. It might have been Gunter, it might have been Cheri, it might even have been both, but Yuuri was too concerned with trying to breathe to have any air left for complex analysis. "Oh my, how wonderful Heika-sama!"
"You're getting to be such a big boy Yuuri!"
"This is such a proud day!"
"We really must celebrate your growing up!"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
When Yuuri finally managed to crawl away from the two enthusiasts, he could barely remember which world he was in or what day it was, never mind the time or where in the castle he might have ended up. At this rate, he was never going to pop any cherries! "Daddy?"
Now who here called him that? Oh, right, Greta. "Greta? Is that you?"
"Yes Daddy. Daddy, why are you on the floor?" He looked up into wide cinnamon eyes. "Because it was the only way to escape your Uncle Gunter's and Grandma Cheri's party preparations."
"Party for what?"
"I don't know. I'm afraid you'll have to ask them." He pulled himself into a sitting position and straightened out his school uniform. "Greta, would you like to help out your parents?"
"Sure. Although I don't know how I can help you; unless you need someone killed?"
"Ah, not right now Greta. Keep that it mind-what the heck am I saying? I mean, NO, no I don't need anyone killed."
"Okay Daddy. What do you need my help for then?"
"Greta . . . would you like to pop cherries?" A pregnant pause filled the corridor. "Um, don't you think I'm a little young for that?"
"I suppose so. I guess I'll just have to find someone else."
"Okay. I hope you find someone to help you Daddy."
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
As luck would have it, the next person he met was Nicola. Her pregnancy was getting close to it's end, but she looked as radiant as she had when he had first met her. She kind of reminded him of his mom in fact. "Hello, Heika-sama."
"You're looking well, Nicola-san. Err, shouldn't you be staying in bed though?"
"Oh I am, I am. I just wanted to grab some pickles, chocolate sauce and a steak from the kitchen."
"Okay. Ah, listen, while you're up, could you help me pop some cherries?"
"Oh I'm sorry Heika-sama." She put a hand to her lower back. "But I just don't think it would be good for the baby, especially in my condition."
"I should have known. Thanks anyway, Nicola-san."
"You're welcome. I'm sure you'll find someone to help you soon."
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
At this point Yuuri wouldn't have been to surprised to run into Stoffel, Raven or Adelbert, that's just the way his day was going. Luckily for him, he did not run into any of those people and instead encountered Conrad. Nice, sane, horrible-sense-of-humor-but-otherwise-completely-sensible, Conrad. "Conrad!"
"Is there a problem Yuuri?"
"Would you like to help me pop my cherry?" Conrad tilted his head a little and thought about it. "Sorry. I don't know how."
"WHAAAT?" Yuuri facevaulted. "You were my last hope! I've asked Giselle, Gunter, Cheri, Yozak, Annisina, even Greta!"
"Did you try asking Wolfram?"
"He's the one who sent me out to find someone else!"
"Oh. Well, I'm sure Gwendal knows how. You haven't asked him yet."
"Argh, if he won't do it, I'm gonna have to look up Alfred and ask him . . . "
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"Are you sure you're prepared for this, Heika-sama? The experience can be quite . . . painful if you're not-"
"GWENDAL!" Yuuri was flushed and panting. "I've been going around all day looking for someone to do this with! I'm damn sure I'm ready!"
"Just making sure, Heika-sama." With that, Gwendal oiled his weapon well and slid forward.
POP!
"You have to be very careful where you poke the skewer, you don't want the cherry to blow back into your face. And don't stick it in too deep, otherwise the whole fruit will explode."
"I don't see why Wolfram was so against teaching me how to do this. After all it was his idea to make a cherry cake for the festival tomorrow."
"I should think the logic of that would be self-evident. It's never a good idea to mix a fire summoner and bombs. It's the same reason why we don't let kids do it."
"Man, I never would have guessed the fruit here would be explosive!"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
AN: The cherry bombs actually come from Piers Anthony's Xanth series, but I thought they'd fit in pretty well in New Makoku.
I am an idiot. I only spotted the Spellcheck button now.
Author: thetis_argent (Niu Shiy-Ue)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: None
Genre: Humor
Chapter: One-shot
Comments: PWP, Yuuri's looking for some help but not the type you'd expect.
"But Wolfram-"
"No buts about it Yuuri!" The fiery blond finally managed to push the Maou out the door and into the hall. "I'm sorry, but I'm just not the person to ask if you need help popping cherries. Go find someone else!" With that he slammed the door in Yuuri's puzzled face. The teenager scartched his head then reached out to the door knob to try and let himself back in the room.
"Drat, he locked it. Oh well, guess I'd better go and do what he says. And here I thought he'd want the honor of doing this all by himself . . . " Still muttering to himself, the confused Maou walked down the hall, away from his short-tempered fiancee.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"Good afternoon, Heika-sama. How's your ankle?"
"Hello Giselle-san!" Yuuri beamed at the green-haired medic. She'd be a perfect candidate to help him! "My ankle's fine, good as new in fact! You did great work!"
She blushed prettily. "Thank you, Heika-sama. Was there anything I could assist you with?"
"Yes! To be honest, I have a slight problem . . . "
"A slight problem?" She cast a worried glance at what appeared to be a sort of first aid kit that she had been packing. "Is it serious?"
"Not really, but I'm on a deadline and I really need someone's help. And since you are a doctor, I figured you would be the person with the best knowledge about the subject and most capable of helping me."
"Tell me what the problem is."
"I need some help popping cherries."
"That's it?" She seemed slightly incredulous. "I'm sorry, Heika-sama, but that's not much of a problem. And I'm afraid I can't help you; you see, this is the day I work in the free clinic in New Makoku and I'm afraid if I delay any more today I'm going to be late."
"Oh, yeah, that's more important. Don't worry, I'm not offended! But would you happen to know of anyone who could help me?"
"I'm sure my father would be happy to help you. Now, I really must be going."
"Thanks for the advice, Giselle-san!"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Yuuri next set off to find Gunter. Unfortunately for him, the first person he ran into was Annisina. On the other hand, he reminded himself, she was very intelligent and good-tempered. If Giselle was unwilling to help him, the scarlet-haired scientist was probably the next best thing. "Hohoho! Gwendal-sama where are yooouuu? I have-oh, good afternoon, Heika-sama."
"Oh, Annisina-san, I was just looking for you!" Yuuri may have been obsessed with justice, but he wasn't above lying for his own benefit.
"Ohoho! And what can the great and talented Annisina help you with, Heika-sama?"
"Yes, well" On the other hand, she was a bit . . . enthusiastic. Maybe he should have stuck to looking for Gunter. "I have a small problem."
"I'm sure I can fix it!"
"Well, I need someone to help me pop cherries."
"Such a simple thing! Well, Heika-sama, I can't do it myself, but I have this absolutely wonderful device in my lab that will do just the thing! All you need to do is power it up-" She grabbed his arm and began to walk towards her lab, all the while preaching about the wonders of her newest invention. Definitely too enthusiastic!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"Heeeiiikaaa-sssaaammmaaa! Where did you go? I thought you wanted to try out my newest and greatest creation!" Yuuri looked around frantically. He had managed to squirm his way away from Annisina, but now he had no place to hide! And it would only be a matter of moments before she found him!
Luckily his fearful eyes managed to find a small door, not quite hidden, but weathered to nearly the same appearance as the surrounding stone. At this point, he couldn't care less if he ended up in another beebear den, just as long as he got away from her! He quickly entered the room then slammed the door shut. "Whew, now I know why Gwendal spends all his free time running away from her. She's scary!"
"Hiding from Annisina?" Yuuri froze, then turned around. He thought he had been alone in this closet!
Fortunately, it was only Yozak, carrying . . . a mop, a bucket and dressed in a maid's outfit?!? "Yozak-san? Why are you dressed like that?"
"Like this?" The taller man did a little twirl in place. "I think I'm putting on a little weight. I wanted to make sure I still fit in my infiltration outfit. It's a little tight, I decided to do some cleaning just to be sure I don't bust a seam while bending over or anything."
"Ah, okay. But why a maid?"
"Why not? Don't I look good in this?"
"Not really" Yuuri muttered under his breath. He straightened up. Yozak seemed fairly competent, maybe he could help him. "Eh, Yozak-san, I've got a small problem . . . "
"That you happened to have told Annisina about?" From enthusiastic to sarcastic. Would no one help him out today?
"Yeah, well, anyway she recommended getting a machine to do it, but I really would prefer a more personal touch. So I wonder if you could assist me instead?"
"Depends. What's this small problem anyway?"
"Popping cherries." Yozak was silent and Yuuri feared he was going to turn him down as well. "I already asked Wolfram if he would help me, but he said that he couldn't-"
"No I don't imagine he could. Anyway, I'm sorry Yuuri, but I don't think I can help you either. At least not with that." Yuuri's shoulders slumped. "Oh well, sorry for aski-"
"Heika-sama! I know you're around here somewhere!"
"However, I can help you with this. This storage closet has two doors, just go out the other one and you're sure to avoid Annisina."
"Ah, thanks Yozak-san!"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Of course, Yuuri has the worst luck in two worlds, so when he came out of the closet, he immediately crashed into Gunter. To compound matters, Gunter had apparently been arguing with Cheri, and as Yuuri knocked him down, he went face-first into her most prominent assets. They ended up in a big pile up on the carpeted floor. "Heika-sama! Are you all right?" Gunter immediately made a thorough check of his body to ensure he wasn't bruised or damaged in any way.
"I'm fine! I'm fine!"
"Gunter get your hands away from there!" Gunter's examination was a little too thorough, and Yuuri was greatful when the blonde woman grabbed him away from the pale man. Of course, that left him with the problem of where to put his hands to push her away.
Finally disentangling himself from his two admirers (where's Wolfram when you need him?) he decided to ask for thier assistance. In another matter, not that of his potential bruises, broken bones, and asphyxiations. "Ah Cheri-sama, Gunter-san, I was wondering if you could help me with something?"
"Of course Heika-sama. I live to serve you."
"Don't listen to him Yuuri. Never send a man to do what a woman can do better."
You'd think, after Annisina, Yuuri would have gained some caution. Guess not. "I need some help popping cherries."
He was immediately glomped. It might have been Gunter, it might have been Cheri, it might even have been both, but Yuuri was too concerned with trying to breathe to have any air left for complex analysis. "Oh my, how wonderful Heika-sama!"
"You're getting to be such a big boy Yuuri!"
"This is such a proud day!"
"We really must celebrate your growing up!"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
When Yuuri finally managed to crawl away from the two enthusiasts, he could barely remember which world he was in or what day it was, never mind the time or where in the castle he might have ended up. At this rate, he was never going to pop any cherries! "Daddy?"
Now who here called him that? Oh, right, Greta. "Greta? Is that you?"
"Yes Daddy. Daddy, why are you on the floor?" He looked up into wide cinnamon eyes. "Because it was the only way to escape your Uncle Gunter's and Grandma Cheri's party preparations."
"Party for what?"
"I don't know. I'm afraid you'll have to ask them." He pulled himself into a sitting position and straightened out his school uniform. "Greta, would you like to help out your parents?"
"Sure. Although I don't know how I can help you; unless you need someone killed?"
"Ah, not right now Greta. Keep that it mind-what the heck am I saying? I mean, NO, no I don't need anyone killed."
"Okay Daddy. What do you need my help for then?"
"Greta . . . would you like to pop cherries?" A pregnant pause filled the corridor. "Um, don't you think I'm a little young for that?"
"I suppose so. I guess I'll just have to find someone else."
"Okay. I hope you find someone to help you Daddy."
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
As luck would have it, the next person he met was Nicola. Her pregnancy was getting close to it's end, but she looked as radiant as she had when he had first met her. She kind of reminded him of his mom in fact. "Hello, Heika-sama."
"You're looking well, Nicola-san. Err, shouldn't you be staying in bed though?"
"Oh I am, I am. I just wanted to grab some pickles, chocolate sauce and a steak from the kitchen."
"Okay. Ah, listen, while you're up, could you help me pop some cherries?"
"Oh I'm sorry Heika-sama." She put a hand to her lower back. "But I just don't think it would be good for the baby, especially in my condition."
"I should have known. Thanks anyway, Nicola-san."
"You're welcome. I'm sure you'll find someone to help you soon."
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
At this point Yuuri wouldn't have been to surprised to run into Stoffel, Raven or Adelbert, that's just the way his day was going. Luckily for him, he did not run into any of those people and instead encountered Conrad. Nice, sane, horrible-sense-of-humor-but-otherwise-completely-sensible, Conrad. "Conrad!"
"Is there a problem Yuuri?"
"Would you like to help me pop my cherry?" Conrad tilted his head a little and thought about it. "Sorry. I don't know how."
"WHAAAT?" Yuuri facevaulted. "You were my last hope! I've asked Giselle, Gunter, Cheri, Yozak, Annisina, even Greta!"
"Did you try asking Wolfram?"
"He's the one who sent me out to find someone else!"
"Oh. Well, I'm sure Gwendal knows how. You haven't asked him yet."
"Argh, if he won't do it, I'm gonna have to look up Alfred and ask him . . . "
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
"Are you sure you're prepared for this, Heika-sama? The experience can be quite . . . painful if you're not-"
"GWENDAL!" Yuuri was flushed and panting. "I've been going around all day looking for someone to do this with! I'm damn sure I'm ready!"
"Just making sure, Heika-sama." With that, Gwendal oiled his weapon well and slid forward.
POP!
"You have to be very careful where you poke the skewer, you don't want the cherry to blow back into your face. And don't stick it in too deep, otherwise the whole fruit will explode."
"I don't see why Wolfram was so against teaching me how to do this. After all it was his idea to make a cherry cake for the festival tomorrow."
"I should think the logic of that would be self-evident. It's never a good idea to mix a fire summoner and bombs. It's the same reason why we don't let kids do it."
"Man, I never would have guessed the fruit here would be explosive!"
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
AN: The cherry bombs actually come from Piers Anthony's Xanth series, but I thought they'd fit in pretty well in New Makoku.
I am an idiot. I only spotted the Spellcheck button now.