To Turn the Other Cheek; part thirteen
Title: To Turn the Other Cheek
Author: Niko
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: YurixWolfram
Genre: Angst/Romance
Chapters: 13/?
Comments: End of series spoilers. Beta read by Karyx. Crossdressing.
Not more than several moments later, there was a knock at the door. Flying from the bed, face still red with fury, Wolfram grabbed his dressing gown and threw it on over his torn dress. The door creaked open slowly and from the hallway Frederick peered inside.
“My Princess, is everything alright?”
Wolfram grasped the robe shut and turned his back to the door. “Everything’s fine,” he lied, trying to dismiss the words Yozak had spoken though his own came out angry and hurt. “I’m sorry for disrupting you and Lady Emily. Please go back and enjoy your visit with your sister. I’m sure she has a lot to talk to you about.”
“I’m sure she does.” The door opened wider for entry, then closed quietly as footsteps came nearer. “But it can wait.”
Wolfram searched the room for some place to hide, then hurried to the curtained divider in the corner. “I’m changing for bed! A little privacy, please!”
Frederick halted in his step. “Of course, my princess. If I may, though...I would like to speak with you. I think I understand better now what is going on.”
Wolfram peered around the corner of the dressing screen, wary. “Fine. Sit there, but don’t peek.”
“On my word as a gentleman.”
He would take that for what it was worth, which was quite a bit so far as Wolfram had seen. Risky as it was, he began to undress, once sure there would be no silhouette to be cast for viewing pleasure. It felt very good to get out of the stuffy dress, and even better to slip the straps from his shoulders that supported the sack of flour likewise strapped around his waist.
“Your lover, was he a mazoku man?”
“Why do you ask?” Wolfram let the dress pool at his feet and set about the quick removal of the rest of his burden.
“You seem so interested in raising your child in Shin Makoku, but you yourself are human. I thought perhaps the reason was that you were afraid to raise a half-blooded child within human territory.” Frederick’s voice was calming and gentle. “Believe me when I say I am no stranger to this world’s prejudice.”
Wolfram paused, eyeing the place he presumed Frederick occupied through the screen. “You? What do you mean?”
“I mean my sister is half mazoku herself. We’re half siblings. She is very much my older sister from our late mother’s previous marriage. It is not something we commonly admit, though. Our neighbors, even some of our own people, wouldn’t be very pleased to know one among us was part of the enemy.”
“The mazoku aren’t your enemy,” Wolfram scolded him. “If anything, they are the only people taking great pains to rectify the prejudices of our world.”
“I know that. But still.... You asked me once why I flew the colors of Shin Makoku, do you remember?”
Wolfram held his breath, setting the flour sack on the stool. “Yes. I remember.”
Frederick paused, the rustle of his clothing showing signs of unease that his voice did not carry. “As long as our small township does not align itself with either side, we go relatively unnoticed. We have no great resources, no army to speak of; we simply exist on the borders of great nations. My sister is very much taken in by his majesty the Maou, though. His heroic deeds and compassion have given her and many like her hope for a better world. If she marries the Maou, we will become part of Shin Makoku. But it is my belief that if we are willing to marry into a country, we are willing to join them without marriage as well.”
That was it. Wolfram leaned against the wall, not sure what to think. A month in disguise in the company of Lord Ackart only to discover his intentions were true and noble in every aspect of his life. He’d succeeded in his task but with little jubilation. “That is...you are a thoughtful and wise leader.”
“I’m pleased you think so. I wish I could be more certain, though. The Maou is very young and inexperienced. If he makes any large mistakes, my home could be easily attacked and destroyed in retaliation. This is something we don’t have to worry about when we are not allied with them or anyone.”
Wolfram frowned for a moment as he rolled down his stockings. “Frederick, whether you are with Shin Makoku or not, they will protect you from all threats. Even though the Maou is inexperienced and young, that also means he is very optimistic and hopeful. I believe in what he says, even if it does sound like childish fantasies sometimes. One day we will all forget that there is a difference between us and live united as Yuri wants.”
There was light laughter. “You really believe in him that much?”
“I have had the pleasure to see him do great things.” Wolfram smiled sadly to himself and moved the flour so he could sit on the stool himself, wishing to bask in a state of undress for a bit before pulling on another girly garment. “I believe in him because has never let his people down.... He loves everyone equally and helps them without pause. If you speak to him about your concerns when he arrives, I’m sure he will find a way to put them to rest. Yuri doesn’t know greed and he’s not all that impressed with power. Integrity and honesty mean the most to him and you’ve plenty of both. Yuri will see that. He almost never overlooks the people he’s around.”
“This Majesty the Maou is a lucky man to have someone like you vouching for him.” Frederick’s voice came nearer the screen. “The way you speak of him, it’s as though you love him.”
Wolfram gathered his dressing gown closer. “I admire him a great deal. Please stay where you are.”
“Of course. I hope you realize, though, that you do not have to flee to Shin Makoku to find peace. I can still offer you and your child everything you need here. I don’t care if it’s half mazoku. It makes no difference to me or my family.”
Wolfram nodded though he knew he could not be seen. “I have considered that. But I still think it is best I leave. Sooner than later, in fact. Perhaps even tomorrow.”
“Have I...done something to offend you? Was it tonight in the parlor? I confess, I was a fool, but please do not judge me on the actions of a lonely man on one evening.”
Biting his lip and closing his eyes, Wolfram’s heart went out to the human noble. “I’m sorry. It wouldn’t work, no matter what you did. Because it’s my fault, not yours. I don’t want you to hold me in high respect, either; I’ve done nothing to earn it. Thank you for being such a generous host.”
He heard the dressing screen scuttle about the floor and glared up where the light had cast Frederick’s shadow. He hadn’t opened the screen, but his hand was laid against it, causing it to move slightly. His voice was choked and Wolfram realized with horror that the other man was crying. “Please...don’t leave me.... I love you.”
Wolfram listened to the sobs, his body trembling with guilt and shame. He wished Lord Ackart had turned out to be an evil man with poor intentions. Then the ruse could be justified at least, instead of his hiding behind the dressing screen while he broke another man’s heart. He’d made those sounds before not long ago, clutching to a one-sided love as though it would spread to the other’s heart if he only held on to it tighter. There was no solace to give him, no words that could be spoken to ease the pain. Wolfram had wished for them in his own time and none had ever come. At least in that, he understood. There was no pity for the human lord in Wolfram’s heart, only empathy. “I’m so sorry...I’m still in love with him, though.”
“Even though he abandoned you? Took you for granted and left you all alone?” Frederick choked out in disbelief.
“In his own way...he was being merciful.” Wolfram tried to explain it, to put into words what he felt was so hard to express. “If the child in him was not done being awed by the light of others’ beauty, he couldn’t be ready to settle down with me. Not with anyone I suppose.... I should stop taking it so personally in that respect. He’s too young and not done seeing what all the world has to offer. He used to look while I was there and it tore my heart to pieces every time. Whether he noticed or not, at least he had the decency to leave me before continuing to do so. I guess...it’s not so bad...I just miss knowing that no matter what, I was the one he was coming back to.” Wolfram gave a private, self-deprecating smile. “I guess there’s still a bit of a child in me too. I don’t like having to share, but when it comes to him, I always have to.”
Wolfram stood and placed his hand over the shadow of Frederick’s. “There’s a lot of reasons why I can’t stay here with you. And even if it seems like the smallest excuse, it’s the most important one. I’m still in love with someone else. And it’s not fair to you to drag this on any longer.”
“I don’t care if you don’t love me. So long as you’re near, I can be satisfied.”
“It doesn’t work that way. Believe me. I’ve tried.” Wolfram removed his hand and turned his back to the screen. “I’m ready for bed now. Please leave the room.”
Another desperate sob filled the air between them, but the shadow of Lord Frederick Ackart soon passed from sight. “Sweet dreams, my princess. May your prince wait for you there.” There was no hint of sarcasm or ill intent present in his sorrowful voice as he made his way out of the room.
The door opened and closed again, and Wolfram waited to be sure he was alone before wrapping the dressing gown around him and locking the door. If Emily had promised to kill him for making Yuri cry, he’d rather not deal with her after making her brother weep so openly.
Sitting on his bed, Wolfram ran his fingers through his hair and removed his contacts, blinking away the irritation they left. In the mirror he saw himself again, not the poor human girl he’d pretended to be for so long. It was sort of scary how accustomed he had become to the reflective image being someone very unlike himself. He was vain, he wasn’t afraid to admit it, and he enjoyed his appearance a great deal. He missed being perceived for his true gender and having the energy to enjoy the fine summer weather, preferably along side his daughter and king.
Looking to the bedside table, Wolfram picked up the letter that had arrived from Gwendel by pigeon earlier in the day. He had read it once already but opened the rolled parchment to read it to himself again, trying to find a reason to smile. It neglected to inform him of the impending visit of the Maou but with keen insight on his brother’s part, included many sweet moments from home that both warmed and caused pain to his heart. Most of the letter spoke of the pony Wolfram had bought for Greta and how Yuri had run madly after her as she first decided to show off for him, afraid she’d fall and hurt herself. Wolfram thought it would have been a wonderful thing to have been there to see, getting to stand there and scold Yuri for not having more faith in their daughter. She was probably doing quite well with her horsemanship. She’d be better than her other father in no time.
There were other points in the letter about Conrad and the others, how they were all so busy it seemed time passed them by in an instant, but that his family still found time to miss him and how he hoped Yozak was not making him suffer. Wolfram was pleased no response was expected back because to inform him of the disgraceful circumstances he found himself in would take much more than a single parchment, and there was no pigeon alive who could bear the weight of it.
No, he decided. Not only for his pride but in honor of Frederick’s emotions, no one would ever know about this. He had felt the man a fool himself for falling for such simple tricks, but no one else would be allowed to think of him as anything but a kind and considerate man who had nothing but love to give. It wasn’t right to mock him in any sense.
Wolfram put the letter down, unable to lose himself in the scratched out memories of his home. Perhaps he didn’t deserve to feel better in light of what he’d done. For once, he thought about how Yuri must have felt, watching him fall apart in the bed beside him. It was a gut wrenching feeling to hurt someone you had no ill will towards, to know you were doing the right thing even when it caused so much obvious pain. Conrad was right; he had been making things more difficult on their king. He was the reason things lingered between them and wounds would not close.
“Yuri....” Wolfram whispered his name, letting the sound surround him in the warmth of fond memories. He wanted to see him again, apologize for making a delicate situation more complicated. Yes, he was still a wimp and a cheater and terrible friend. But it wasn’t all his fault. For Greta’s sake at least, they needed to try and be able to be around each other without wincing. Wolfram felt ready to try. As soon as he and Yozak arrived back at Blood Pledge Castle they would await the end of Yuri’s visit and the endless conversation could be picked up again.
That was, at least, he hoped they would reunite at Blood Pledge Castle and not a great deal sooner. As far as Wolfram was concerned, Yuri and Miss Jennifer were never to meet. As soon as he saw Yozak again, he would tell him everything and they would pack and be ready to leave immediately.
At least, it made sense to Wolfram that it should be so easy.
Author: Niko
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: YurixWolfram
Genre: Angst/Romance
Chapters: 13/?
Comments: End of series spoilers. Beta read by Karyx. Crossdressing.
Not more than several moments later, there was a knock at the door. Flying from the bed, face still red with fury, Wolfram grabbed his dressing gown and threw it on over his torn dress. The door creaked open slowly and from the hallway Frederick peered inside.
“My Princess, is everything alright?”
Wolfram grasped the robe shut and turned his back to the door. “Everything’s fine,” he lied, trying to dismiss the words Yozak had spoken though his own came out angry and hurt. “I’m sorry for disrupting you and Lady Emily. Please go back and enjoy your visit with your sister. I’m sure she has a lot to talk to you about.”
“I’m sure she does.” The door opened wider for entry, then closed quietly as footsteps came nearer. “But it can wait.”
Wolfram searched the room for some place to hide, then hurried to the curtained divider in the corner. “I’m changing for bed! A little privacy, please!”
Frederick halted in his step. “Of course, my princess. If I may, though...I would like to speak with you. I think I understand better now what is going on.”
Wolfram peered around the corner of the dressing screen, wary. “Fine. Sit there, but don’t peek.”
“On my word as a gentleman.”
He would take that for what it was worth, which was quite a bit so far as Wolfram had seen. Risky as it was, he began to undress, once sure there would be no silhouette to be cast for viewing pleasure. It felt very good to get out of the stuffy dress, and even better to slip the straps from his shoulders that supported the sack of flour likewise strapped around his waist.
“Your lover, was he a mazoku man?”
“Why do you ask?” Wolfram let the dress pool at his feet and set about the quick removal of the rest of his burden.
“You seem so interested in raising your child in Shin Makoku, but you yourself are human. I thought perhaps the reason was that you were afraid to raise a half-blooded child within human territory.” Frederick’s voice was calming and gentle. “Believe me when I say I am no stranger to this world’s prejudice.”
Wolfram paused, eyeing the place he presumed Frederick occupied through the screen. “You? What do you mean?”
“I mean my sister is half mazoku herself. We’re half siblings. She is very much my older sister from our late mother’s previous marriage. It is not something we commonly admit, though. Our neighbors, even some of our own people, wouldn’t be very pleased to know one among us was part of the enemy.”
“The mazoku aren’t your enemy,” Wolfram scolded him. “If anything, they are the only people taking great pains to rectify the prejudices of our world.”
“I know that. But still.... You asked me once why I flew the colors of Shin Makoku, do you remember?”
Wolfram held his breath, setting the flour sack on the stool. “Yes. I remember.”
Frederick paused, the rustle of his clothing showing signs of unease that his voice did not carry. “As long as our small township does not align itself with either side, we go relatively unnoticed. We have no great resources, no army to speak of; we simply exist on the borders of great nations. My sister is very much taken in by his majesty the Maou, though. His heroic deeds and compassion have given her and many like her hope for a better world. If she marries the Maou, we will become part of Shin Makoku. But it is my belief that if we are willing to marry into a country, we are willing to join them without marriage as well.”
That was it. Wolfram leaned against the wall, not sure what to think. A month in disguise in the company of Lord Ackart only to discover his intentions were true and noble in every aspect of his life. He’d succeeded in his task but with little jubilation. “That is...you are a thoughtful and wise leader.”
“I’m pleased you think so. I wish I could be more certain, though. The Maou is very young and inexperienced. If he makes any large mistakes, my home could be easily attacked and destroyed in retaliation. This is something we don’t have to worry about when we are not allied with them or anyone.”
Wolfram frowned for a moment as he rolled down his stockings. “Frederick, whether you are with Shin Makoku or not, they will protect you from all threats. Even though the Maou is inexperienced and young, that also means he is very optimistic and hopeful. I believe in what he says, even if it does sound like childish fantasies sometimes. One day we will all forget that there is a difference between us and live united as Yuri wants.”
There was light laughter. “You really believe in him that much?”
“I have had the pleasure to see him do great things.” Wolfram smiled sadly to himself and moved the flour so he could sit on the stool himself, wishing to bask in a state of undress for a bit before pulling on another girly garment. “I believe in him because has never let his people down.... He loves everyone equally and helps them without pause. If you speak to him about your concerns when he arrives, I’m sure he will find a way to put them to rest. Yuri doesn’t know greed and he’s not all that impressed with power. Integrity and honesty mean the most to him and you’ve plenty of both. Yuri will see that. He almost never overlooks the people he’s around.”
“This Majesty the Maou is a lucky man to have someone like you vouching for him.” Frederick’s voice came nearer the screen. “The way you speak of him, it’s as though you love him.”
Wolfram gathered his dressing gown closer. “I admire him a great deal. Please stay where you are.”
“Of course. I hope you realize, though, that you do not have to flee to Shin Makoku to find peace. I can still offer you and your child everything you need here. I don’t care if it’s half mazoku. It makes no difference to me or my family.”
Wolfram nodded though he knew he could not be seen. “I have considered that. But I still think it is best I leave. Sooner than later, in fact. Perhaps even tomorrow.”
“Have I...done something to offend you? Was it tonight in the parlor? I confess, I was a fool, but please do not judge me on the actions of a lonely man on one evening.”
Biting his lip and closing his eyes, Wolfram’s heart went out to the human noble. “I’m sorry. It wouldn’t work, no matter what you did. Because it’s my fault, not yours. I don’t want you to hold me in high respect, either; I’ve done nothing to earn it. Thank you for being such a generous host.”
He heard the dressing screen scuttle about the floor and glared up where the light had cast Frederick’s shadow. He hadn’t opened the screen, but his hand was laid against it, causing it to move slightly. His voice was choked and Wolfram realized with horror that the other man was crying. “Please...don’t leave me.... I love you.”
Wolfram listened to the sobs, his body trembling with guilt and shame. He wished Lord Ackart had turned out to be an evil man with poor intentions. Then the ruse could be justified at least, instead of his hiding behind the dressing screen while he broke another man’s heart. He’d made those sounds before not long ago, clutching to a one-sided love as though it would spread to the other’s heart if he only held on to it tighter. There was no solace to give him, no words that could be spoken to ease the pain. Wolfram had wished for them in his own time and none had ever come. At least in that, he understood. There was no pity for the human lord in Wolfram’s heart, only empathy. “I’m so sorry...I’m still in love with him, though.”
“Even though he abandoned you? Took you for granted and left you all alone?” Frederick choked out in disbelief.
“In his own way...he was being merciful.” Wolfram tried to explain it, to put into words what he felt was so hard to express. “If the child in him was not done being awed by the light of others’ beauty, he couldn’t be ready to settle down with me. Not with anyone I suppose.... I should stop taking it so personally in that respect. He’s too young and not done seeing what all the world has to offer. He used to look while I was there and it tore my heart to pieces every time. Whether he noticed or not, at least he had the decency to leave me before continuing to do so. I guess...it’s not so bad...I just miss knowing that no matter what, I was the one he was coming back to.” Wolfram gave a private, self-deprecating smile. “I guess there’s still a bit of a child in me too. I don’t like having to share, but when it comes to him, I always have to.”
Wolfram stood and placed his hand over the shadow of Frederick’s. “There’s a lot of reasons why I can’t stay here with you. And even if it seems like the smallest excuse, it’s the most important one. I’m still in love with someone else. And it’s not fair to you to drag this on any longer.”
“I don’t care if you don’t love me. So long as you’re near, I can be satisfied.”
“It doesn’t work that way. Believe me. I’ve tried.” Wolfram removed his hand and turned his back to the screen. “I’m ready for bed now. Please leave the room.”
Another desperate sob filled the air between them, but the shadow of Lord Frederick Ackart soon passed from sight. “Sweet dreams, my princess. May your prince wait for you there.” There was no hint of sarcasm or ill intent present in his sorrowful voice as he made his way out of the room.
The door opened and closed again, and Wolfram waited to be sure he was alone before wrapping the dressing gown around him and locking the door. If Emily had promised to kill him for making Yuri cry, he’d rather not deal with her after making her brother weep so openly.
Sitting on his bed, Wolfram ran his fingers through his hair and removed his contacts, blinking away the irritation they left. In the mirror he saw himself again, not the poor human girl he’d pretended to be for so long. It was sort of scary how accustomed he had become to the reflective image being someone very unlike himself. He was vain, he wasn’t afraid to admit it, and he enjoyed his appearance a great deal. He missed being perceived for his true gender and having the energy to enjoy the fine summer weather, preferably along side his daughter and king.
Looking to the bedside table, Wolfram picked up the letter that had arrived from Gwendel by pigeon earlier in the day. He had read it once already but opened the rolled parchment to read it to himself again, trying to find a reason to smile. It neglected to inform him of the impending visit of the Maou but with keen insight on his brother’s part, included many sweet moments from home that both warmed and caused pain to his heart. Most of the letter spoke of the pony Wolfram had bought for Greta and how Yuri had run madly after her as she first decided to show off for him, afraid she’d fall and hurt herself. Wolfram thought it would have been a wonderful thing to have been there to see, getting to stand there and scold Yuri for not having more faith in their daughter. She was probably doing quite well with her horsemanship. She’d be better than her other father in no time.
There were other points in the letter about Conrad and the others, how they were all so busy it seemed time passed them by in an instant, but that his family still found time to miss him and how he hoped Yozak was not making him suffer. Wolfram was pleased no response was expected back because to inform him of the disgraceful circumstances he found himself in would take much more than a single parchment, and there was no pigeon alive who could bear the weight of it.
No, he decided. Not only for his pride but in honor of Frederick’s emotions, no one would ever know about this. He had felt the man a fool himself for falling for such simple tricks, but no one else would be allowed to think of him as anything but a kind and considerate man who had nothing but love to give. It wasn’t right to mock him in any sense.
Wolfram put the letter down, unable to lose himself in the scratched out memories of his home. Perhaps he didn’t deserve to feel better in light of what he’d done. For once, he thought about how Yuri must have felt, watching him fall apart in the bed beside him. It was a gut wrenching feeling to hurt someone you had no ill will towards, to know you were doing the right thing even when it caused so much obvious pain. Conrad was right; he had been making things more difficult on their king. He was the reason things lingered between them and wounds would not close.
“Yuri....” Wolfram whispered his name, letting the sound surround him in the warmth of fond memories. He wanted to see him again, apologize for making a delicate situation more complicated. Yes, he was still a wimp and a cheater and terrible friend. But it wasn’t all his fault. For Greta’s sake at least, they needed to try and be able to be around each other without wincing. Wolfram felt ready to try. As soon as he and Yozak arrived back at Blood Pledge Castle they would await the end of Yuri’s visit and the endless conversation could be picked up again.
That was, at least, he hoped they would reunite at Blood Pledge Castle and not a great deal sooner. As far as Wolfram was concerned, Yuri and Miss Jennifer were never to meet. As soon as he saw Yozak again, he would tell him everything and they would pack and be ready to leave immediately.
At least, it made sense to Wolfram that it should be so easy.