Little Dreams: Chapter 4
omg this chapter will make you cry. that is a warning!
Title: Little Dreams
Author: bard_of_death
Rating: R (NC-17 later)
Warning: cursing, nudity, extreme angst, homosexual situations
Pairing: Yuuri x Wolfram, Yozak x Conrad (Wolfram POV)
Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama, yaoi, AU-ish
Chapter: 4/23
Comments: R and R my minions! TRY NOT TO CRY FOR HIM!
Summary: It's been 5 years since Yuuri's return, a few years since he's decided to stay in Shin Makoku permanently. Wolfram contemplates his feelings and falls into a sense of forlorness and hopelessness. Set after the series.
The sunset is especially orange tonight, a little more chilliness in the air as well. It might be too cold to be sitting outside, but I never miss my evening habitual ritual. Though, I have seen this same sun setting a thousand times and grow quickly bored with it. At least that’s what I tell myself. I don’t want to be here when Yuuri comes to bed, I don’t know if I can muster the anger to face him.
With a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, I make my way out into the courtyard. My legs carry me to the garden. The ‘Beautiful Wolfram’ looks gloomy in the dying sunlight, but the ‘Conrad stands on the Earth’ look radiant. Idly, I pick one of each and stroke the petals like it’s a nervous twitch. The petals are soft, like baby’s skin, and so flimsy in my fingers.
Each piece of the castle I pass reminds of fond or not-so fond memories of Yuuri. I walk over the field in which our first duel occurred, cementing our engagement, I pass underneath the window that I painted Yuuri sitting in, I see the old, abandoned building in which our bee bear family was born, and then my heart lurches painfully. I arrive at the junction between two buildings, the place where Yuuri gave me the kiss.
Time slows for me. My hands glide along the cold, slate walls as my mind retreats into my memory. One would think it’s a happy memory, but no, there were no fruits of love that sprouted from that meeting. It was an ever-present reminder of what I don’t and cannot have.
Vividly, I recall the look on his face as if he’s here with me. The heat of his breath feels like it’s been lingering on my lips forever. The imprint of his hands on my body has been eternally etched into my skin, and it really is like he’s here.
A great feeling of helplessness washes over me, cleansing me of my little dream and dragging me back into reality. Falling to my knees and clutching the wall, I weep openly. For the first time in years I just let myself cry, my whole body shaking. I’m so cold, I don’t know what to think, and I don’t know what to do! I feel the panic welling up in my throat as an angry, disheartened scream threatens to cascade from my mouth. The metallic taste of blood coats my tongue as I bite my lip hard to keep from crying out loud.
The whole world is a blur to me, like I’m looking through the bottom of a wine glass. Shaking has made me so tired that I can’t keep my weeping up. My forceful tears turn into weak blubbering and incoherent rambling. I’m not entirely sure of what I’m saying, but it sounds along the lines of “why won’t he love me?” and “what have I done wrong?” Both questions that I can’t answer for myself.
Something large and warm sheaths my back and I dither from surprise. Turning around I see Conrad standing behind my crouching form. He squats next to me, his hand covering my back, rubbing up and down in a comforting fashion.
I want to be left alone, I want to shove him away from me so that I can suffer on my own, but his friendly arms curl around me. Oh Shinou, how I missed physical, caring contact. I haven’t had any, of any kind, for years. I had physically and emotionally shielded myself from everyone and I had forgotten how warm if feels to be touched.
Forlorn nostalgia makes me start to cry harder again, grasping the fabric of his shirt and crushing it between my fingers. For a moment, it’s Yuuri holding me, his larger body protecting me from the cold. Desperately, I call out for him, my voice scratching from strain.
Conrad shushes me sweetly and his voice devastates my illusion. His warm arms tighten and I can feel him rocking us back and forth like a mother cooing her frustrated baby to sleep. Casually I recall a sensation of my youth that lives in Conrad’s arms and no one else’s. Over the years I had forgotten that he was the one who basically raised me.
He doesn’t ask what’s wrong, I’m sure he already knows. The only thing he can do for me is try to sooth my broken heart. He picks me up in his loving arms and carries me, bridal style, back into the castle and to my own room, not Yuuri and my room.
By the time he lays me down in my foreign bed, I’m half asleep from exhaustion due to sobbing. In my sleepy haze, I clasp onto Conrad’s receding arms as he tries to leave me to sleep. “Please, don’t leave me...” My eyes are closed and almost all my senses are hazy but I can feel him shed his boots and slide into bed with me, his arms around me once again. “...Yuuri...” I sigh before I’m swallowed by slumber.
Title: Little Dreams
Author: bard_of_death
Rating: R (NC-17 later)
Warning: cursing, nudity, extreme angst, homosexual situations
Pairing: Yuuri x Wolfram, Yozak x Conrad (Wolfram POV)
Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama, yaoi, AU-ish
Chapter: 4/23
Comments: R and R my minions! TRY NOT TO CRY FOR HIM!
Summary: It's been 5 years since Yuuri's return, a few years since he's decided to stay in Shin Makoku permanently. Wolfram contemplates his feelings and falls into a sense of forlorness and hopelessness. Set after the series.
The sunset is especially orange tonight, a little more chilliness in the air as well. It might be too cold to be sitting outside, but I never miss my evening habitual ritual. Though, I have seen this same sun setting a thousand times and grow quickly bored with it. At least that’s what I tell myself. I don’t want to be here when Yuuri comes to bed, I don’t know if I can muster the anger to face him.
With a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, I make my way out into the courtyard. My legs carry me to the garden. The ‘Beautiful Wolfram’ looks gloomy in the dying sunlight, but the ‘Conrad stands on the Earth’ look radiant. Idly, I pick one of each and stroke the petals like it’s a nervous twitch. The petals are soft, like baby’s skin, and so flimsy in my fingers.
Each piece of the castle I pass reminds of fond or not-so fond memories of Yuuri. I walk over the field in which our first duel occurred, cementing our engagement, I pass underneath the window that I painted Yuuri sitting in, I see the old, abandoned building in which our bee bear family was born, and then my heart lurches painfully. I arrive at the junction between two buildings, the place where Yuuri gave me the kiss.
Time slows for me. My hands glide along the cold, slate walls as my mind retreats into my memory. One would think it’s a happy memory, but no, there were no fruits of love that sprouted from that meeting. It was an ever-present reminder of what I don’t and cannot have.
Vividly, I recall the look on his face as if he’s here with me. The heat of his breath feels like it’s been lingering on my lips forever. The imprint of his hands on my body has been eternally etched into my skin, and it really is like he’s here.
A great feeling of helplessness washes over me, cleansing me of my little dream and dragging me back into reality. Falling to my knees and clutching the wall, I weep openly. For the first time in years I just let myself cry, my whole body shaking. I’m so cold, I don’t know what to think, and I don’t know what to do! I feel the panic welling up in my throat as an angry, disheartened scream threatens to cascade from my mouth. The metallic taste of blood coats my tongue as I bite my lip hard to keep from crying out loud.
The whole world is a blur to me, like I’m looking through the bottom of a wine glass. Shaking has made me so tired that I can’t keep my weeping up. My forceful tears turn into weak blubbering and incoherent rambling. I’m not entirely sure of what I’m saying, but it sounds along the lines of “why won’t he love me?” and “what have I done wrong?” Both questions that I can’t answer for myself.
Something large and warm sheaths my back and I dither from surprise. Turning around I see Conrad standing behind my crouching form. He squats next to me, his hand covering my back, rubbing up and down in a comforting fashion.
I want to be left alone, I want to shove him away from me so that I can suffer on my own, but his friendly arms curl around me. Oh Shinou, how I missed physical, caring contact. I haven’t had any, of any kind, for years. I had physically and emotionally shielded myself from everyone and I had forgotten how warm if feels to be touched.
Forlorn nostalgia makes me start to cry harder again, grasping the fabric of his shirt and crushing it between my fingers. For a moment, it’s Yuuri holding me, his larger body protecting me from the cold. Desperately, I call out for him, my voice scratching from strain.
Conrad shushes me sweetly and his voice devastates my illusion. His warm arms tighten and I can feel him rocking us back and forth like a mother cooing her frustrated baby to sleep. Casually I recall a sensation of my youth that lives in Conrad’s arms and no one else’s. Over the years I had forgotten that he was the one who basically raised me.
He doesn’t ask what’s wrong, I’m sure he already knows. The only thing he can do for me is try to sooth my broken heart. He picks me up in his loving arms and carries me, bridal style, back into the castle and to my own room, not Yuuri and my room.
By the time he lays me down in my foreign bed, I’m half asleep from exhaustion due to sobbing. In my sleepy haze, I clasp onto Conrad’s receding arms as he tries to leave me to sleep. “Please, don’t leave me...” My eyes are closed and almost all my senses are hazy but I can feel him shed his boots and slide into bed with me, his arms around me once again. “...Yuuri...” I sigh before I’m swallowed by slumber.