Thoughts of futures to come.
If there was a way, to have what you wanted what would you choose? I was laying on the porch this morning staring at the light polluted sky, trying to make out the small patterns I once memorized as a child. They now seem unfamiliar to me and so distant... I felt as though I was looking in a mirror and what I was seeing wasn't me. It's tough... waking up in the morning and not knowing whats going to happen that day or further into the future even, but knowing time is edging ever closer to it's pinnacle. We all die, and I feel like there is nothing I will ever do to make a change for the better, maybe I really am set in my ways, and there is a little human inside me after all. I've spent all my life loathing this body, this society, and knowing that the future would hold nothing for me because of my upbringing... but who's fault is it really? Mine, or my parents? That's the conundrum I've been stuck on for years.
All I really want is a little peace of mind, but as time goes on the answers to all of my questions just seem to elude me. It's funny, I believe we are closer to knowing the meaning of life as children, because as I age I find myself troubled by so many new influences within my dreary excuse for an existence. The questions are piling up in my head, and in the end I know I will be wondering and caring more about my mortality and what happens when I die... What will happen to all the ones I loved, and cared for? All that will be gone and time will no longer matter... my memories extinguished... my body an expended vessel... and yet, the world remains as it was that split second before death.
If there was anything I could attain before dying is the chance to relive my childhood knowing what I know now, then maybe I would be something... then again maybe not...
All I really want is a little peace of mind, but as time goes on the answers to all of my questions just seem to elude me. It's funny, I believe we are closer to knowing the meaning of life as children, because as I age I find myself troubled by so many new influences within my dreary excuse for an existence. The questions are piling up in my head, and in the end I know I will be wondering and caring more about my mortality and what happens when I die... What will happen to all the ones I loved, and cared for? All that will be gone and time will no longer matter... my memories extinguished... my body an expended vessel... and yet, the world remains as it was that split second before death.
If there was anything I could attain before dying is the chance to relive my childhood knowing what I know now, then maybe I would be something... then again maybe not...