Quit treating me like I'm twelve, please!
I should probably be studying for my Algorithms final tomorrow (technically I'm "taking a break"), but this has been bothering me for a while.
Last week a classmate and I started talking about egg and sperm donation. (Yeah, don't ask how we got to that topic. I don't know.) Apparently being a long-term egg donor can leave a woman barren. When I told him that I didn't care if I became infertile, though I would be hesitant to become a donor for other reasons, he looked at me like I was insane.
When I told him my reasons, he said "You'll change your mind in a few years." Why do people keep telling me this?! I've heard this and similar responses more times than I can count, from relatives, friends, and even people my own age. It's like they think I'm still a third grader, oblivious to the way the world works and too scared to play with the boys because I'll get cooties. No, I do not want children. I haven't wanted children for as long as I can remember. I don't think I'm going to change my mind any time soon. Why is that so hard for people to grasp?
I'm also sick of people telling me my reasons aren't good enough. If I say that I don't like children, they act like I'm too young to understand. If I mention financial reasons, I'm labeled as a horrible person. Yes, I would rather spend the money I earn on myself than on some nameless child who doesn't even exist yet. Providing for a dependent for 18 years while receiving practically nothing in return is not my idea of a good investment. I have a dozen other legitimate reasons, but each one is shrugged off as unimportant or selfish.
The other common response to my "I don't want children" revelation is "I'm not sure your husband will approve of that." I can't begin to describe how annoyed this makes me. First, it assumes I even want a husband. (I don't, particularly.) More importantly, it assumes that I wouldn't bother to tell my spouse until after we were married. "By the way, honey, let's not have a family after all" is not something that you forget to mention before the wedding. You need to talk about these things before you enter a long-term relationship. Do people really think I'd be stupid enough to not talk about these things before-hand?
Maybe it's just me, but I feel like I wouldn't receive nearly as much grief if I were a guy. Just because I have two X chromosomes, I'm expected to pop out babies and enjoy it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a feminist and I don't mean to sound like one. I do, however, think there are ridiculous double standards for both genders. This is one of the double standards for women that drives me insane.
Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I'm sick of being treated like a child or a freak of nature just because my plans don't follow the "standard" set by society.
In other news, I slept through the closing time of the GA I was hosting. I jumped out of bed three hours too late and rushed to the computer, already planning my apology to the comm. Thankfully we won it for the starting bid. If someone had bid just one yen higher than me, we would have lost the auction thanks to my stupidity. I can't decide if I feel more relieved or ashamed. Just because we won doesn't excuse my actions...
Last week a classmate and I started talking about egg and sperm donation. (Yeah, don't ask how we got to that topic. I don't know.) Apparently being a long-term egg donor can leave a woman barren. When I told him that I didn't care if I became infertile, though I would be hesitant to become a donor for other reasons, he looked at me like I was insane.
When I told him my reasons, he said "You'll change your mind in a few years." Why do people keep telling me this?! I've heard this and similar responses more times than I can count, from relatives, friends, and even people my own age. It's like they think I'm still a third grader, oblivious to the way the world works and too scared to play with the boys because I'll get cooties. No, I do not want children. I haven't wanted children for as long as I can remember. I don't think I'm going to change my mind any time soon. Why is that so hard for people to grasp?
I'm also sick of people telling me my reasons aren't good enough. If I say that I don't like children, they act like I'm too young to understand. If I mention financial reasons, I'm labeled as a horrible person. Yes, I would rather spend the money I earn on myself than on some nameless child who doesn't even exist yet. Providing for a dependent for 18 years while receiving practically nothing in return is not my idea of a good investment. I have a dozen other legitimate reasons, but each one is shrugged off as unimportant or selfish.
The other common response to my "I don't want children" revelation is "I'm not sure your husband will approve of that." I can't begin to describe how annoyed this makes me. First, it assumes I even want a husband. (I don't, particularly.) More importantly, it assumes that I wouldn't bother to tell my spouse until after we were married. "By the way, honey, let's not have a family after all" is not something that you forget to mention before the wedding. You need to talk about these things before you enter a long-term relationship. Do people really think I'd be stupid enough to not talk about these things before-hand?
Maybe it's just me, but I feel like I wouldn't receive nearly as much grief if I were a guy. Just because I have two X chromosomes, I'm expected to pop out babies and enjoy it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a feminist and I don't mean to sound like one. I do, however, think there are ridiculous double standards for both genders. This is one of the double standards for women that drives me insane.
Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I'm sick of being treated like a child or a freak of nature just because my plans don't follow the "standard" set by society.
In other news, I slept through the closing time of the GA I was hosting. I jumped out of bed three hours too late and rushed to the computer, already planning my apology to the comm. Thankfully we won it for the starting bid. If someone had bid just one yen higher than me, we would have lost the auction thanks to my stupidity. I can't decide if I feel more relieved or ashamed. Just because we won doesn't excuse my actions...