I am so fucked.
So I got caught sneaking out this morning.
Man, oh, man.
I snuck out last night to go to Marcos Ytturi's "back in texas" party, and stupidly fell asleep there, forgetting that my phone was on silent and I wouldn't be able to hear my alarm.
I was planning on being back at 3 or 4am....I ended up waking up at 7am...with 6 missed calls from my mom.
I really can't explain that "oh shit" feeling....but really, it's pretty fuckin' awful.
The thing is, I don't feel so bad about getting caught or punished...I just feel bad about making my poor mother go through so much. She was absolutely worried sick about me. I heard her crying on the phone when I called her to let her know I was okay and coming home. I felt just so sick to my stomach. Awful. My mother never cries like that, so to hear her so beside herself really just eats me up inside. It makes everything else not seem worth it at all.
I mean, I've snuck out plenty of times before, but this is the first time I've ever gotten caught, and man, guys, it's the pits. I don't know if she'll be able to trust me from now on...or if she'll always be paranoid, or uber-worried when I go out. I ended up telling her about 90% of the truth...I figured it was better to just be honest and fess up about it all.
God, that poor woman....she called Chels's dad, Chels, Dee...she even went up to Bally's where I work out to ask around....she asked the people up there if they noticed me working out with someone...hanging out with someone...some sort of lead to my "disappearance."
All I could do was just apologize over and over and tell her I knew how incredibly stupid and foolish I am. And really, I am. I'm at the point where any punishment I get I'll be thinking to myself, "Man, that's super generous...shouldn't the punishment be worse?"
See...there's something you may not understand: my mother was a total straight edge when she was young. Well, she's still one, in fact. I don't think she ever tried to sneak out in her entire life, so I'm not sure she has any empathy to give to the situation. No sort of, "Hey, I was a kid once to" kind of thing to lend to the experience. My father, I know, has plenty of experience in that sort of situation, but really, if you know my father, being rational about the situation would just -not- be happening.
Man....this blows. This and my 10:30 curfew (which was 10pm for a while.) As some of you may know, my father implemented a 10:30 week-night curfew on me about 4 or 5 weeks ago. Mainly his issue was just my safety, because as every parent will tell you: "Nothing good ever happens after 10 'o clock." [My mothe actually stepped in a couple days after it was first implemented and got it pushed back to 10:30 for me. Go, Mom.]
So yes, I'm 20 years old with a bullshit 10:30 curfew. Preeeetty much sucks. Really, you'd think they'd see it coming...Implementing such a restrictive curfew on a college kid just isn't bueno at this point. I mean, I do my own thing the rest of the year, and coming home to a 10:30 summer curfew just isn't koscher. I think a rational parent would almost expect me to sneak out at some point with a freaking curfew like that anyway...Ah, well. In any case, it's been a big point of contention between my parents and myself (as one might imagine, I didn't take it sitting down...). I just wish I was given enough freedom so I wouldn't feel like I have to sneak around. 'Cause really, I'm gonna do what I 'm gonna do, and I'd rather have my parents on board and knowledgeable of the situation than not. It's just hard to be the free-spirited, live-it-up kind of college gal when my parents still think I'm in high school. I guess I just feel like I should have about the same amount of freedom as my other friends my age currently have. I just feel stifled.
Ah, well.
Point is, I love my mother tremendously and hate to see her upset at my expense. I feel like the biggest douchebag ever for making her upset. I don't feel like one for being 20 years old and driving over to see my friends for a bit...that seems natural, and okay for my age. Making my mother cry and freak out...now that's just unacceptable.
I'm glad I'll be leaving to go back to San An soon. I can't really look her in the eye yet.
Sorry as well to Dee, Chels, and Chels's dad. Didn't mean to make y'all worry. : /
Pretty sure I'm gonna be grounded. Soooo....yeah. It's been nice seein' you all this summer while I could. ^_^;;
I never thought sneaking out one little time would make me feel like such a douchebag.
-Suze
Man, oh, man.
I snuck out last night to go to Marcos Ytturi's "back in texas" party, and stupidly fell asleep there, forgetting that my phone was on silent and I wouldn't be able to hear my alarm.
I was planning on being back at 3 or 4am....I ended up waking up at 7am...with 6 missed calls from my mom.
I really can't explain that "oh shit" feeling....but really, it's pretty fuckin' awful.
The thing is, I don't feel so bad about getting caught or punished...I just feel bad about making my poor mother go through so much. She was absolutely worried sick about me. I heard her crying on the phone when I called her to let her know I was okay and coming home. I felt just so sick to my stomach. Awful. My mother never cries like that, so to hear her so beside herself really just eats me up inside. It makes everything else not seem worth it at all.
I mean, I've snuck out plenty of times before, but this is the first time I've ever gotten caught, and man, guys, it's the pits. I don't know if she'll be able to trust me from now on...or if she'll always be paranoid, or uber-worried when I go out. I ended up telling her about 90% of the truth...I figured it was better to just be honest and fess up about it all.
God, that poor woman....she called Chels's dad, Chels, Dee...she even went up to Bally's where I work out to ask around....she asked the people up there if they noticed me working out with someone...hanging out with someone...some sort of lead to my "disappearance."
All I could do was just apologize over and over and tell her I knew how incredibly stupid and foolish I am. And really, I am. I'm at the point where any punishment I get I'll be thinking to myself, "Man, that's super generous...shouldn't the punishment be worse?"
See...there's something you may not understand: my mother was a total straight edge when she was young. Well, she's still one, in fact. I don't think she ever tried to sneak out in her entire life, so I'm not sure she has any empathy to give to the situation. No sort of, "Hey, I was a kid once to" kind of thing to lend to the experience. My father, I know, has plenty of experience in that sort of situation, but really, if you know my father, being rational about the situation would just -not- be happening.
Man....this blows. This and my 10:30 curfew (which was 10pm for a while.) As some of you may know, my father implemented a 10:30 week-night curfew on me about 4 or 5 weeks ago. Mainly his issue was just my safety, because as every parent will tell you: "Nothing good ever happens after 10 'o clock." [My mothe actually stepped in a couple days after it was first implemented and got it pushed back to 10:30 for me. Go, Mom.]
So yes, I'm 20 years old with a bullshit 10:30 curfew. Preeeetty much sucks. Really, you'd think they'd see it coming...Implementing such a restrictive curfew on a college kid just isn't bueno at this point. I mean, I do my own thing the rest of the year, and coming home to a 10:30 summer curfew just isn't koscher. I think a rational parent would almost expect me to sneak out at some point with a freaking curfew like that anyway...Ah, well. In any case, it's been a big point of contention between my parents and myself (as one might imagine, I didn't take it sitting down...). I just wish I was given enough freedom so I wouldn't feel like I have to sneak around. 'Cause really, I'm gonna do what I 'm gonna do, and I'd rather have my parents on board and knowledgeable of the situation than not. It's just hard to be the free-spirited, live-it-up kind of college gal when my parents still think I'm in high school. I guess I just feel like I should have about the same amount of freedom as my other friends my age currently have. I just feel stifled.
Ah, well.
Point is, I love my mother tremendously and hate to see her upset at my expense. I feel like the biggest douchebag ever for making her upset. I don't feel like one for being 20 years old and driving over to see my friends for a bit...that seems natural, and okay for my age. Making my mother cry and freak out...now that's just unacceptable.
I'm glad I'll be leaving to go back to San An soon. I can't really look her in the eye yet.
Sorry as well to Dee, Chels, and Chels's dad. Didn't mean to make y'all worry. : /
Pretty sure I'm gonna be grounded. Soooo....yeah. It's been nice seein' you all this summer while I could. ^_^;;
I never thought sneaking out one little time would make me feel like such a douchebag.
-Suze