{fic} Oneshot: VERSE. (part3)
“Tadaima.” you say to no one in particular. In deep contemplation, you don't notice that the door wasn't actually locked, and that you didn't eat before you left three hours ago so there's no reason for the unwashed dishes on the sink. Miraculously (more like the fact that Mini's been stalking you for three consecutive weeks now, and that you feel another stalker besides her, the one who's eyes you feel piercing your soul) Kenta gives you the whole week off, and with pay. You can't bring yourself to refuse because the rest is well-needed and well-earned, and you actually want to try and investigate where Ryu's gone to all those times he's not home. With his behavior and your relationship (relationship? the voice in your head argues) on the rocks, you're barely convinced he's still that diligent student he once claimed to be during freshman year.
Door slightly ajar and with a faint light from his table, you curiously peek inside Ryu's room.
Ryu is home. By some pagan god's power Ryu is home. The urge to barge in and tackle the boy is overpowering, but his sentence freezes you.
“I hate you so much.”
As quietly as possible you step back, just so you have enough space to see him.
Then there is another voice. “I love you too, honey.” followed by a chuckle. The small voice coming from the pascon belongs to nobody else but your other best friend.
“You should be here by now. Why's your room mate an idiot anyway?”
“I didn't choose to pair up with him, you know.” Take's voice is raspy, probably from altered by the airwaves or from the lack of sleep. “Anyway, something's terribly wrong with you.”
“What?” Ryu's confused, you note to yourself.
“You're showing. Hayato's told me.”
You see your housemate freeze at the mention of your name. “H-Ha-Hayato?” He tries, but utterly fails to show composure. Take is laughing at the other line and you desperately want to know why. “What did he say?”
“You've been avoiding him. And you're not coming home ei-”
“WHAT?!” He half shouts. “I come home everyday, for your information.”
“Well not when you know he'll be around. You should just say it already.”
There is a slam of fists and the sound of plastic keys flying, Take's curses faint in the background. “NO. Nobody, I mean NOBODY is saying anything. I don't even know how those two know, I'm guessing it was you. How did you even manage to talk to Hayato?”
Take is sighing on the other side of the video call, arms folded in front of his chest and frown in place. “I called him a few weeks ago to say I couldn't make it. You know, when you refused to switch on your mobile and Tsuchi went ballistic on me.” There is annoyance on both their faces, and shock in yours. Wasn't Ryu's mobile lost months ago? Since when did he get a new one, and why didn't he get your number?
“I told you I don't open my phone when I crash here. Hayato might call.”
“That's your cue to answer, idiot.”
Call? But you don't know his number! What the hell was going on?
“But that's the point in avoiding him-so I won't have to contact him in any way. And don't idiot me, you were supposed to be here weeks ago.”
The conversation is confusing you further, and the two aren't helping much with the ambiguous details. Still, you can't help but eavesdrop, hoping to find the answer as to why Ryu's been avoiding you like the plague.
“Let it go already, Ryu-chan. I said I was sorry. Even Tsuchi's forgiven me for missing the wedding.”
“But I need your help.” Your ears must be playing tricks on you, because Ryu never whines. “You're such a lousy best friend.” The composed voice is back, and for a moment the whining part actually seems like a trick, but Take's stuffing a giggle down.
“I told Hayato, you know.” Take says seriously, after the giggle fit.
“WHAT? YOU DID WHAT?” In all the years you have known Ryu the only time you've ever seen him shout is-well, never. This out of control Ryu is a new sight to you, so much that it makes you gape in mixed amazement and fear that at some point they will catch you listening in on their talk.
“Sheesh, calm down. I told him about that fight we had in elementary. When you gave him his ring.”
Take knows about the ring? But that topic was never brought up in any of their conversations! The only recognition Ryu gave you regarding that ring was the small smile in his face during your first day in Kurogin, when he saw you slipping it on your finger for the first time.
“What exactly did you say?” Ryu grits out, you can see the veins on his hands from gripping the sides of the computer chair too tight.
“That you told me something important that day. And that I freaked.” Another sigh from Take; it doesn't fit his baby face to be sighing so much. “We're all adults now, Ryu. Don't you think it's about time you got this out of the shadows?”
“Take,” Ryu starts, voice exhausted from all the arguing and hiding, “you've known me for what, twelve years? You know my answer.” He's holding his head in his palms now, absently rubbing his temples.
“That stubborn attitude of yours will kill either one of you, I swear. Most probably Hayato first. He'll die of confusion and you'll die of too much depression from mourning over his death.”
You have to laugh at that; Take's always been able to make jokes out of anything.
“I hate you, really.” Ryu's laughing, too. Your heart suddenly feels a bit lighter hearing his laughter, actually seeing him. The clock sounds eight in the evening.
“Ryu-chan, I need to go. Will you be fine?” You hear the shuffling of papers on Take's side of the conversation.
If you could see Ryu right now you know he'd be smirking. “I'll be alright, Take. Thanks for your time.”
The roommate's voice can be heard somewhere in the background, and Take huffs in annoyance. “If anything's wrong just call Hyuuga, okay? I'm sure he's free enough to help.” Hyuuga? Even Hyuuga knows? What secret is this that everyone knows except for you? “Take care, Ryu-chan. Bye~” The speaker makes a beep that signifies the end of their video call, and you suddenly realize you have to be out of the vicinity of Ryu's room or he'll probably never talk to you again.
“Ow!” The door of your room hits your foot; running was not a good idea, apparently. You get in and slam the damned door before Ryu notices your presence, but only a few seconds after you sit on the bed there's already a knock, a 'Hayato, I'm coming in', and a brown-haired best friend invading your personal space.
“What happened?” he asks, eyeing you with curiosity and is that a tinge of concern? “I thought I heard a crash.”
You're rubbing your ankle absently. “Nothing, nothing.” You pause to look at him-a thorough look to see what's changed. He's thinner, a bit more exhausted; his eyebags are bigger, hair shorter, but still the same Ryu. Still your Ryu, your best friend. “I-hey, long time no see, stranger.”
The way he fidgets under your words frustrate you. “Hey,” he shrugs his shoulders, walks slowly to sit beside you. “You sure you're okay?”
You blink twice, taking in his words. This is the most Ryu's ever spoken to you in the last four months or so. It's so surreal you're actually scared you might wake up. “Yeah,” you try slowly, the words still a jumble of syllables coming out due to your amazement at this moment, “yeah. I'm great.”
The back of his hand is touching your forehead and you try not to flinch. “You look pale, Hayato. Are you sick?”
Pale? Pale? His sudden concern and closeness to you must have brought about that reaction, you try to rationalize. “I'm fine, I promise.” Scratching the back of your neck, you give him an uneasy smile. Suddenly Ryu looks a bit too shy and awkward with what he just did, and you have to wonder why; you've been familiar with each other all these years, He mumbles an 'okay' and is getting up to leave when it dawn upon you-you don't want to end the conversation just yet.
“Ryu?” your wrist catches his arm, and he looks at you with those eyes, unreadable and questioning.
You try not to waver. “You'll stay tonight, yes?”
He's looking at you like you've grown an extra pair of eyes or something. He tries to get your hold on him loose, but your reflex action manages the opposite; he's staring at your hand.
“Stay, okay?”
“I-I can't,” his voice low, eyes not looking at you. “I promised someone I'd go out tonight.”
“But-”
His other hand moves to touch yours, and you start. “I-” you know he's debating on whether to continue or not, so you squeeze the arm you're holding to reassure him, “I promise I'll come back tonight. How's that sound?”
A smile slowly makes it's way to your face, and you nod your head twice. You let him get up and silently leave the room.
He doesn't come home that night.
~0~
Three cans of beer a meal, a shot of whiskey or two-or six, it really depends on how anxious you are. It's been four days since Ryu left, and somehow the boy knows it's your week off. It's lonely-everyone moving forward with their lives and you being stuck in some god-forsaken dumpster trying to figure out how they've all managed to go on without even saying goodbye to you. Back in the days you used to be leader, and your word was their mantra. Nowadays nobody even bothers to ask if you're still holding up.
There's one number you've not called for months, one person you've not talked to and asked if he's in on the secret. You pick up your mobile from the table (the digital watch says two in the afternoon), press and hold 4.
“This is Hyuuga, who's calling?”
“Are you still in Hokkaido, jerk?”
“Eh?” A long pause. “Hayato? Are you alright man? You sound drunk!”
“Do you know their secret?” You're slurring and very annoying right now, but Hyuuga doesn't have the right to complain, especially if he knows what's really going on.
“Secret?” His voice sounds intrigued, and you wonder if this conversation will be of any help at all. But Take said Ryu could call Hyuuga if anything goes wrong, right?
“Hayato?”
The most you can manage is a 'hmmmm'. The colors are all fuzzy now, your head's too light and it's just a bit warmer than usual, the images turning into abstract.
“Hayato,” he sounds genuinely worried. Should you get into trouble more often so that they'd worry about you? Maybe Ryu would come home if you got sick for real. “Hayato, what's wrong?”
There are hiccups, more fuzzy colors and dancing images. “Hyuuga,” you try to make the words sound right, but your ears are ringing and you have no idea how they sound anymore. “Hyuuga, I want my best friend back.”
The line disconnects as you plunge into darkness.
~0~
You wake up to a leg on your waist and a hand riding up your shirt, resting on your chest. It is pitch black and you feel more than you see that there is definitely a person next to you-almost on top of you. And the floor isn't so hard and cold anymore. The moonlight from the window is barely passing through the draped curtains and you realize you're in your room, the glow-in-the-dark clock on the wall (Take got it for you one time when the three of you went shopping) saying eleven in the evening. Slowly, you reach over to switch your bedside lamp on.
There is a mop of brown hair on your bed to whom the limbs covering yours belong to. The sight of your best friend sleeping on you is slightly weird, if not disturbing, but you feel at peace and relieved that he is here. After four days of waiting he's here, he's home and-
You remember how you passed out on the couch, with Hyuuga on the phone.
I want my best friend back.
Staring at the body beside you, the sleeping boy with his face hidden in your pillow confuses yo even more. It's weird how Ryu managed to drag you into bed, considering how heavy you are. You're almost touching his face, but then Ryu shifts a bit, moves the leg over your waist so that you're nudged closer to him. The proximity overwhelms you, and it feels like you want to scream your loudest. Will he be around just in your dreams now? A silent cry escapes your lips.
You turn off the light and gently wrap an arm around his waist, unshed tears in your eyes as you will yourself to go back to sleep. You fear waking up alone, Ryu being someplace again, away from you, away from what used to be the best thing you had, you realize.
The next morning you wake up to find your fear coming true.
The bed is warm, though, and it smells of Ryu, only without alcohol and you try to think positive-Ryu wasn't in drunken stupor when he went and slept next to you last night. But was the warmth really from Ryu, or was it your hallucination-
“Hayato?” the boy peeks from your door, eyes still puffy from sleep. “Breakfast's ready, I made pancakes.”
The smile on his face is bright like the sun, and his voice like the chorus of a thousand angels.
He's not a dream.
~0~
He starts being normal with you again after that incident. If normal can be established once again, you try to reason with your head. However the incident is never mentioned again, which you're okay with as long as you get Ryu back. There are no weird messages from Hyuuga, no inquiring phonecalls from Take, and no secretive video conversations between Ryu and any of your friends. So far, nothing too odd has happened yet.
The ramen shop is also graced by his presence once in a while, while Tsuchi and Ai also come by from time to time-Ai's on her eighth month now. There's still the lingering feeling of something about to break loose, and you're always on your guard, always on the look out for those pair of eyes watching over you from some corner of the street, or some post on the other block.
“Welco-Mei!” Kenta's cheerful greeting echoes over the restaurant as Mini enters, a wave directed to him and a smile directed to you. The two of you have managed to be civil as well, despite her stalking and advances on you still occurring at the most untimely moments.
Like now.
The girl skips over to you. “Hayato-chan!” She's hugging you like a wrestler's bear hug is worth, the contact making your limbs freeze and numb. The girl is absolutely warm, and yet her touch makes you shiver,makes you feel uncleaned, like she doesn't belong next to you, like you can't stand being with her.
She pulls away and tilts her head cutely to the side when you freeze up, “Hayato-chan?” hands holding your arms and slightly shaking you. She's blinking, and you're obviously not, stunned and dreading to move; the weird sensation is there again, the uneasiness of someone's eyes on you, someone in the shadows looking at your every move.
Everything's all fuzzy when the door opens and Ryu's at the door with Tsuchi and Ai , just as Mini leans over and kisses your cheek. There is red, and you're being dragged away by a very angry Odagiri Ryu outside. You're too flushed and confused to absorb all that's happening, you barely see Tsuchi and Ai stare at the two of you voicelessly as you swoosh by the door.
You come back to reality just as you reach the top of the stairs leading to your apartment, the next second Ryu's frustrated grunt on how the key won't fit the stupid lock passes your ears, the sound not even registering. He kicks the door open, and you're barely even inside when it's slammed close and there are lips on yours; you are pressed to the wall with a persistent tongue in your mouth-
“Woah. Ryu-” you're panting, and your hands are on his shoulders, shoving him at an arms length, your eyes gazing at him in shock, confusion, and thousands of questions.
The person staring back at you has eyes boring through your soul and peircing through your being. Those eyes, you see, aren't unreadable and hiding behind a mask anymore. Instead you see them with something that's refused to reveal itself until now; eyes smoldering with love, pure and unadulterated love. The eyes staring back at you are Ryu's.
You remember Tsuchi's looks everytime Ryu would be up to something unusual. And Ai, the girl who actually found out before you did about everything that's going on. Is that how dense you were? To have an outsider find out about this long before you? Memories of your conversation with Hyuuga replay-how you were sad and alone and wishing for Ryu back, and how later that night he was by your side, keeping you safe.
And you realize, finally. You understand what Take told you on the phone, about the shock from knowing Ryu's only hidden thing from you, and his keeping this secret for over a decade. There is fear in those eyes. So much love and yet so much fear, of being rejected and unloved, of giving everything to be not noticed or taken for granted, of unknowingly showing affection that in the end is meaningless because you're intentions are different.
Thirteen years. Irreplaceable thirteen years with so much memories and countless days that you have utterly wasted; thirteen years of looking forward to tomorrow, of wanting to see Ryu smiling back at you, and not even knowing why. You see those eyes eating you up from the inside out, those brown orbs full of love and sadness, and you want to take the pain away, want to replace all the grief with joy. There is so much you want to do to be able to see him smile, to keep Ryu by your side always, that feeling of loneliness when he's gone killing the warmth in your heart. You're in so much pain that even just the tiniest hint of Ryu's presence can make some part of the hurt go away, and you finally get it after thirteen years of ambiguity and indecision and complacency.
You've been in love with Ryu all along.
“Ryu...” the whisper passes your lips before you catch your breath, vision hazy from the unshed tears of your relaization, of your ignorance, of finally being enlightened. The million words you want to say get caught up in that lump in your throat, the abrupt movement of Ryu startling you.
Head bowed and voice quivering, he softly says, “I should go.”
Ryu's out of the building and taken your heart before you can even reach out to stop him.
~0~
Part 4.