Motherhood
Motherhood
By Kymley
About: Julia
Rate: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine. Just messing with the characters if B&S
Summary: Set just before Julia leaves in series two.
Wrote for Love Bingo - Prompt Motherhood
Motherhood as it turns out is hard, so hard. I never thought it would be; I wanted something that would bring me and Tommy together and instead it might be the one thing that destroys us instead.
Why is it that so many people that can have children so easily?
They have kids and have their perfect family.
First Tommy couldn’t have children; that hurt but I could handle that. It’s not like it was his fault. It was a freak of nature. Then he does the stupid thing and asks Kevin for his sperm. I mean how did Tommy expect him to react; he should never of asked him, maybe then I wouldn’t be in this mess.
No, no, this is Kevin’ fault. He managed to lose Scotty over this. It’s not his fault.
It’s no one’s fault, not really.
But someone has to be blamed.
And that someone is Tommy.
Tommy was sterile, Tommy wanted to use his brothers sperm. Tommy decided to let William die.
My son is dead.
My son is dead and it’s all Tommy’s fault.
Why is it that Nora could have FIVE children and I can’t?
Why is it that Sarah and Joe who can barely be called a couple let only a happily married couple can have children?
Kevin, well Kevin couldn’t really have children anyway, that was different. Even if he was the biological father of one of my children, they weren’t his. Kevin would never understand.
Why is it the young, the drunk and the dangerous can have healthy children and I can’t.
Why can’t I?
These children were supposed to be the start of something new with Tommy, the start of a new era together, the start of our family. The start of something exciting and new; the start of something unique. Our children were supposed to complete us.
Both of these children.
Both children were supposed to be healthy and alive; I did everything that you were supposed to do and where am I now. Where is William now?
Life wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Motherhood wasn’t supposed to be like this.
These children were supposed to bring us together; instead they have torn us apart.
Julia looks down at her sleeping girl.
How is it that she is so small for her age - none of the clothes really fitted her. Shops don’t really cater for the premature babies. She’s still so small.
But she is my little girl.
She’s my girl.
The sentence keeps ringing in her head. She has a little girl. A perfect little girl. Here, here with her.
How can she still be so angry when she has want she wanted. She has a child that needs her. She has a family that needs her.
She needs help, help to get over the anger, help to get over the pain.
She needs to be there for her little girl; really that was what motherhood was all about, being there.
She turns around and looks for a item, she picks it up to use it and dials some very familiar numbers until someone answers.
“Mum...”
The End