today on SomethingAwful.com
an article about acceptable small talk conversation topics in the work place.
"Monday's are the worst, of course, because everybody enjoys revelling in their sorrow that it's no longer the weekend. On Tuesdays they will continue the gripe, complaining that they still have most of the week to go, but at least they are past Monday. On Wednesday, its time to comment on how slow the week is going, but on the bright side, half of it is over with now. Thursday is the day for talking about how they wish it were Friday instead of being Thursday. On Friday, everything will be shits and giggles and everyone spends the day shooting firecrackers out of their ass. The clouds of their gloomy life have parted, and now little cherubs flutter in the sunlight, guiding them into the weekend. Saturday will consist of squabbling with their spouse, chasing around their ADD kids, and powerwashing their deck. On Sunday, they will lay in bed, paralyzed with depression because they have to go to work the next day. Then it's back to work on Monday, to start compiling an Excel spreadsheet on the pros and cons of shooting themselves with a shotgun.
Religion
I learned that this is a poor subject for small talk the hard way. I don't know how the topic came up but I started telling a group of people how God was a joke and we evolved from monkey-men that rode around on horses like in the movie Planet of the Apes. For some reason these co-workers became extremely offended and one even pressed a cross into my forehead, branding a wicked scar there and causing me to howl in agony. Then I was crucified and was going to be burned alive as a heathen, but thankfully the work shift ended. This is an example of how it can be dangerous to admit that you love Satan to a bunch of Jesus-loving yuppies. Leave that pentagram belt buckle at home."
i am eating mini rolos for breakfeast. god damn.
"Monday's are the worst, of course, because everybody enjoys revelling in their sorrow that it's no longer the weekend. On Tuesdays they will continue the gripe, complaining that they still have most of the week to go, but at least they are past Monday. On Wednesday, its time to comment on how slow the week is going, but on the bright side, half of it is over with now. Thursday is the day for talking about how they wish it were Friday instead of being Thursday. On Friday, everything will be shits and giggles and everyone spends the day shooting firecrackers out of their ass. The clouds of their gloomy life have parted, and now little cherubs flutter in the sunlight, guiding them into the weekend. Saturday will consist of squabbling with their spouse, chasing around their ADD kids, and powerwashing their deck. On Sunday, they will lay in bed, paralyzed with depression because they have to go to work the next day. Then it's back to work on Monday, to start compiling an Excel spreadsheet on the pros and cons of shooting themselves with a shotgun.
Religion
I learned that this is a poor subject for small talk the hard way. I don't know how the topic came up but I started telling a group of people how God was a joke and we evolved from monkey-men that rode around on horses like in the movie Planet of the Apes. For some reason these co-workers became extremely offended and one even pressed a cross into my forehead, branding a wicked scar there and causing me to howl in agony. Then I was crucified and was going to be burned alive as a heathen, but thankfully the work shift ended. This is an example of how it can be dangerous to admit that you love Satan to a bunch of Jesus-loving yuppies. Leave that pentagram belt buckle at home."
i am eating mini rolos for breakfeast. god damn.