Walk Me Around In A Mask
Ugh, my first day of being able to breathe through my nose and be able to taste food again. And neither one of those luxuries are up to par but they are better than they have been. I hate colds. Well, I don't think anyone likes being sick but anyway...I've been told a number of times over the last few days that I'm cute when I'm sick. Maybe I should be sick more often then since being snot nosed makes me cute. lol. But no, I think it's because I never do drugs, and it's even hard to get me to take Tylenol or cold medicine, but when I do I'm a little...strange. Basically I act like a drunk. A fun drunk, but nonetheless a drunk. ...Maybe I don't need expensive anti-depressants that may not even work. Maybe all I need is a couple of gelcaps of DayQuil and woo! automatic happiness.
As for that whole happiness thing I am doing good but It's kind of like I have a small bit of sadness sitting on my heart like a little weight. One that can grow. Like if I'm not careful or if something is said I could be right back down again. I don't want to be like that but I guess it's better than what I have been for the past month. I was a little scared of myself at that time.
My manager has left a couple of reminder notes at work and I can't help but think that they are aimed at me. There are a couple of things I skip out on at night if I feel they aren't completely necessary because where I work I'm alone once it's closing time and the things I skip out on require me going out alone in the dark. I don't like that but I guess I will start doing it. We have mace behind the desk so I may put that in my pocket before I go out. A lot of drug deals go on in the parking lot behind the place and next to that parking lot is a mini-forest. So yeah, a liittle unnerving.
The other thing is talking to the customers. I can do that but really only if they start it. I'm not good at starting conversations and sometimes bad at keeping them going. I'm a shy person. I can't help it. However, they knew this when they hired me. I wish I could get over being so shy. I wish I was like the kids I see who are in drama because they just don't really care what people think and no matter how they look, how big or small they are, they are comfortable with their selves. I want to be like that but I don't know if I ever will me. I want to be a good worker. I mean, this is an easy job and I get paid $7.50 and hour where most 17 year olds are getting minimum wage. I am grateful for my job but I don't feel like a good worker most of the time. And I don't want to be fired because the next time I was applying for a job and I had to give the reason for my losing my job it would probably work against me unless I was going to do a job where I didn't have to talk to anyone.
Oh well, maybe I'm just paranoid.
As for that whole happiness thing I am doing good but It's kind of like I have a small bit of sadness sitting on my heart like a little weight. One that can grow. Like if I'm not careful or if something is said I could be right back down again. I don't want to be like that but I guess it's better than what I have been for the past month. I was a little scared of myself at that time.
My manager has left a couple of reminder notes at work and I can't help but think that they are aimed at me. There are a couple of things I skip out on at night if I feel they aren't completely necessary because where I work I'm alone once it's closing time and the things I skip out on require me going out alone in the dark. I don't like that but I guess I will start doing it. We have mace behind the desk so I may put that in my pocket before I go out. A lot of drug deals go on in the parking lot behind the place and next to that parking lot is a mini-forest. So yeah, a liittle unnerving.
The other thing is talking to the customers. I can do that but really only if they start it. I'm not good at starting conversations and sometimes bad at keeping them going. I'm a shy person. I can't help it. However, they knew this when they hired me. I wish I could get over being so shy. I wish I was like the kids I see who are in drama because they just don't really care what people think and no matter how they look, how big or small they are, they are comfortable with their selves. I want to be like that but I don't know if I ever will me. I want to be a good worker. I mean, this is an easy job and I get paid $7.50 and hour where most 17 year olds are getting minimum wage. I am grateful for my job but I don't feel like a good worker most of the time. And I don't want to be fired because the next time I was applying for a job and I had to give the reason for my losing my job it would probably work against me unless I was going to do a job where I didn't have to talk to anyone.
Oh well, maybe I'm just paranoid.