I know that I don't have real problems

[kymalien]

I know that I don't have real problems... When I say that I'm broke, it means I can't afford the venti sugarfree vanilla skim carmelmachiato (sp?). I mean come on... I know. I whine. People have all these worse problems than me and I can get consumed by mine... it's crazy. The sad thing is that at some point--these stupid little things will lead to my suicide. Come on people--it's just a matter of time. They're changing the levels of my medication again... at one point will it stop working? As it is I was happy on my current dose--but apparently it's too risky. There were mood swings. Could it be because I fell for a guy that had a girlfriend? Or went to sleep because I couldn't deal with my feelings? I mean really... CLEARLY I have no idea what's good for me. I went down on my medication--I told them I was doing, I did it, and suddenly because I'm still having mood swings (uhmmm when have I not? When is humanity being sacrificed?

I have no idea how you all live. I have none at all. I have mood swings--I don't just have something happen so then I'm happy and then something bad happens so then I'm sad. That's not the way my life is--or ever was. I tried to commit suicide at 5. It's true.

But at times my small things are monumental. I feel anxious about money a lot lately, I'm not used to that, I'm less obsessed with time, more consumed by weight or the fact that I can't get skinny, it the scheme of things--I knew that Scott wouldn't work out. I can't help wanting to to still. But that'll fade too.

If my only problem is not being able to hang out with friends and bottling up my emotions really it can't be that bad right?