Uhmmm Wow. Yesterday... and the day before
Well of course the week's been busy. It is camp time. We're now half way through!!! I don't know if I should be relieved or saddened. It's been crazy. And crazy good most of the time. So yes, Scott is the perfect man. I'm sure he doesn't want to be my boyfriend but he's perfect. HE HAS A DARTH VADER COSTUME--I mean a REAL ONE!!!!! WITH A VOICE SYNTHESIZER!!!!!!!!! Do I have to say more?? GODDESS!!!! It's not fair!!! The perfect man for me--*Sigh*
SO I have I REALLY asked him out--no. I've gone about it discreetly. If nothing else I want him for a friend. I'm not sure that I can go back to seeing him only twice a month. If nothing else I'm going to have to ask to hang out during the year. I dunno. I suppose life isn't fair. But perhaps when I look like a super model (yeah right) I'll get him.
When I'm with him I'm calm, collected, not drueling, but afterwards it's weird. I can replay every conversation and sadly I do--staring out into space and everything. Now if only he were doing the same thing.
Oh yes... so Thursday... Thursday he was nice to me. I mean it's Scott, despite our fight, he's not mean or anything. He's very helpful, friendly, but I mean he was NICE. Like OH MY GOD nice. I don't know if he knew I was having a bad day or what..... I mean CRAZY. I did tell him and Denise at the same time that I was having one of my bad days and if I disappeared for a while, I would reappear. He said something to the effect--Oh well as long as you scream outside, and I shook my head and said no, it'd be more like shaking and crying. And he didn't look horrified or anything he just sort of took note and nodded. Then he came out and helped with my project. MY PROJECT!!!!! This is the newly anti-social computer camp Scott. I realize that his computer camp was making soap too--but it was crazy. And when he thanked me he said that he hadn't done anything and Robbie, one of the computer counselors razzed him, scoffed oh yeah, you didn't do anything?!
Oh and I do talk to myself...a bit. And as I passed by Scott I did mutter I wish that I was manic, and he laughed he did. So now I don't have to walk up to him and tell him, by the way were you aware that I'm bipolar? He at least knows. And he doesn't treat me differently which is always a bonus.
At lunch I was popping soap out and he got up from his table and came over to me and said that the brownies I brought, were loverly and he thanked me for them. He said that he approved of them. And I laughed and thanked him. This Bizarre Scott like behavior is very different than moody Scott. VERY different. I'm empathic (except when I think I taint the mood with hopes) and it's different. Dunno what it is though.
Then Friday, well it was amazing. Scott and I were together for about 14 hours (except when computer camp was going on). I was talking to Denise when he walked in about a trifle that I brought, and he out of the blue said you brought trifle? How loverly. With this OH GOD I KNOW SHE CAN COOK expression. Again bizarre. Especially when he then locked himself in the computer lab. Well he did make several appearances. Especially after I was accused (as well as Summer Camp) of breaking several of the computers. I let Joe have it. I said that it wasn't us and that they were working when Scott left on Monday and were not working on Thursday when he came back. But obviously it was our fault... And maybe I attacked...a little. I can get a bit protective of my counselors, let alone the director of computer camp that I have a crush on. BELIEVE ME. I'm a force to be reconded with. Joe said that we had to put in a work order and get the computers fixed. And I argued a bit but agreed that we would do it. Christy (the acting director) was there for a few minutes so I asked Scott what I had to do and he said that he didn't know so I told him that I'd talk to Christy while he taught his class. She talked to Mark (former director) and Monday I get to make the phone call. And Scott smirks every time I ask him if he would rather make the phone call. He did write everything down for me though which is good.
Then chaos happened. It was International Day and the food poured in as well as the kids who made the biggest mess. And we had to clean it all up before lunch. There were four messy crafts--shoe polish was all over one set of tables. Red, white, and green paint all over the next. Rafia littered the floor. It was crazy. I started setting up tables and Scott must have seen that I was harrassed and told me that he'd help me once he got the computer kids in the gym.
He was incredibly helpful. I mean better than any of my counselors (don't get me wrong, I love them) but let's be honest. I knew he'd be director when he was my couselor for the first time 3 years ago. He helped clean, helped set up tables, scrubbed the tables with me, got me buckets when no one seemed to know what I was talking about, I mean fabulous. Of course the others helped too--but they all got conned into it. Scott volunteered. And then lunch occured... Other than almost murdering one lady, serving it went well. Then of course the counselors attacked the food. And there was a huge crowd--very claustrophobic. SO instead of having a break down. I stood back and watched and waited. Scott went past me and he gave me this concerned look and told me that I should get something to eat. I shook my head and said I would but that there were too many people. He gave me a look and I told him that I had a thing. He raised an eyebrow and asked "thing?" And I told him that I hated large crowds all around and that I freaked out and it was unpleasant. He nodded at me and and sat down near where I was standing. Eventually I did get some food--but then people were still coming behind where there was a seat. Scott offered me the seat and I shook my head and said that people would be behind me. And he got up and gave me his seat. Then he teased just a little-- he said now no one will go behind you and he moved his arm and body slighlty behind me and told me that he was just kidding. We didn't really talk during lunch, but I hope he knew how greatful I was to him. He was VERY sweet.
And then we took out the trash together and he didn't make me put it in the dumbster he took my bag and put it in too. Then he helped set up the movie, helped clean up again. I ironed the computer camp shirts. And when i messed one up he printed out a new transfer and used a spare shirt. MY HERO. He was awesome. And then he told me that there was no reason to add extra stress on me so we just wouldn't iron on the transfers. They could do it themselves. Caring and sweet... ??????
He started burning my cd-rs and I worked on burning the second master cd-r. He burned 140 cd-rs for me. This was after begging him by e-mail--but still! And the counselors swarmed on the trifle. There were only two bowls left. One for him and one for Dottie. I didn't even get to try any (I wanted him to get it). And apparently it was good...
We went back into the computer lab and we chatted a lot. In other words I got more information out of him than I ever have before. He doesn't drink anything with caffeine in it, only juice, milk, and water, mostly water he said. He had a Darth Vader costume, and he owns one of the expensive lightsabers. He likes the original batman. I even asked if he had any unusal food allergies LOL! Not my best moment, but the look on his face was priceless. "Huh, uhmm, what?" Brilliant, I tell you. I was trying to figure out what food he wanted for dinner. I told him I'd buy. And he told me he wasn't that hungry because he just had a large bowl of trifle. So he agreed on subs, and he eats mostly anything. Beef, chicken, pork, etc. Ha ha ha---asking questions. I also told him that he was my new favorite person and then he went up ten notches when he said he had a Darth Vader costume. Did I mention the Darth Vader costume?????? Did I???? Damn....
SO I snuck out the back door of the center, went and got us food, and snuck back in. Brilliant. Then I lied to the front counter and told them that I'd been there in the locked computer lab the whole time. THey gave me the look of locked in the computer lab with Scott????? And well yes I was, and it was delightful but not THAT delightful.
Later on I went and played computer games with the kids and they massacred me. Again. And Scott had the most lovely good bye expression... oh it was amazing. Radiant even. Or that could be the haze I was in... dunno. And he mentioned his eyes, and I actually looked at them and OH MY GODDESS!!!!! They're this ice blue color-my favorite color since 6th grade when I decided Luke Skywalker had ice blue eyes. And YEAH YEAH.
Again... not fair.
SO I have I REALLY asked him out--no. I've gone about it discreetly. If nothing else I want him for a friend. I'm not sure that I can go back to seeing him only twice a month. If nothing else I'm going to have to ask to hang out during the year. I dunno. I suppose life isn't fair. But perhaps when I look like a super model (yeah right) I'll get him.
When I'm with him I'm calm, collected, not drueling, but afterwards it's weird. I can replay every conversation and sadly I do--staring out into space and everything. Now if only he were doing the same thing.
Oh yes... so Thursday... Thursday he was nice to me. I mean it's Scott, despite our fight, he's not mean or anything. He's very helpful, friendly, but I mean he was NICE. Like OH MY GOD nice. I don't know if he knew I was having a bad day or what..... I mean CRAZY. I did tell him and Denise at the same time that I was having one of my bad days and if I disappeared for a while, I would reappear. He said something to the effect--Oh well as long as you scream outside, and I shook my head and said no, it'd be more like shaking and crying. And he didn't look horrified or anything he just sort of took note and nodded. Then he came out and helped with my project. MY PROJECT!!!!! This is the newly anti-social computer camp Scott. I realize that his computer camp was making soap too--but it was crazy. And when he thanked me he said that he hadn't done anything and Robbie, one of the computer counselors razzed him, scoffed oh yeah, you didn't do anything?!
Oh and I do talk to myself...a bit. And as I passed by Scott I did mutter I wish that I was manic, and he laughed he did. So now I don't have to walk up to him and tell him, by the way were you aware that I'm bipolar? He at least knows. And he doesn't treat me differently which is always a bonus.
At lunch I was popping soap out and he got up from his table and came over to me and said that the brownies I brought, were loverly and he thanked me for them. He said that he approved of them. And I laughed and thanked him. This Bizarre Scott like behavior is very different than moody Scott. VERY different. I'm empathic (except when I think I taint the mood with hopes) and it's different. Dunno what it is though.
Then Friday, well it was amazing. Scott and I were together for about 14 hours (except when computer camp was going on). I was talking to Denise when he walked in about a trifle that I brought, and he out of the blue said you brought trifle? How loverly. With this OH GOD I KNOW SHE CAN COOK expression. Again bizarre. Especially when he then locked himself in the computer lab. Well he did make several appearances. Especially after I was accused (as well as Summer Camp) of breaking several of the computers. I let Joe have it. I said that it wasn't us and that they were working when Scott left on Monday and were not working on Thursday when he came back. But obviously it was our fault... And maybe I attacked...a little. I can get a bit protective of my counselors, let alone the director of computer camp that I have a crush on. BELIEVE ME. I'm a force to be reconded with. Joe said that we had to put in a work order and get the computers fixed. And I argued a bit but agreed that we would do it. Christy (the acting director) was there for a few minutes so I asked Scott what I had to do and he said that he didn't know so I told him that I'd talk to Christy while he taught his class. She talked to Mark (former director) and Monday I get to make the phone call. And Scott smirks every time I ask him if he would rather make the phone call. He did write everything down for me though which is good.
Then chaos happened. It was International Day and the food poured in as well as the kids who made the biggest mess. And we had to clean it all up before lunch. There were four messy crafts--shoe polish was all over one set of tables. Red, white, and green paint all over the next. Rafia littered the floor. It was crazy. I started setting up tables and Scott must have seen that I was harrassed and told me that he'd help me once he got the computer kids in the gym.
He was incredibly helpful. I mean better than any of my counselors (don't get me wrong, I love them) but let's be honest. I knew he'd be director when he was my couselor for the first time 3 years ago. He helped clean, helped set up tables, scrubbed the tables with me, got me buckets when no one seemed to know what I was talking about, I mean fabulous. Of course the others helped too--but they all got conned into it. Scott volunteered. And then lunch occured... Other than almost murdering one lady, serving it went well. Then of course the counselors attacked the food. And there was a huge crowd--very claustrophobic. SO instead of having a break down. I stood back and watched and waited. Scott went past me and he gave me this concerned look and told me that I should get something to eat. I shook my head and said I would but that there were too many people. He gave me a look and I told him that I had a thing. He raised an eyebrow and asked "thing?" And I told him that I hated large crowds all around and that I freaked out and it was unpleasant. He nodded at me and and sat down near where I was standing. Eventually I did get some food--but then people were still coming behind where there was a seat. Scott offered me the seat and I shook my head and said that people would be behind me. And he got up and gave me his seat. Then he teased just a little-- he said now no one will go behind you and he moved his arm and body slighlty behind me and told me that he was just kidding. We didn't really talk during lunch, but I hope he knew how greatful I was to him. He was VERY sweet.
And then we took out the trash together and he didn't make me put it in the dumbster he took my bag and put it in too. Then he helped set up the movie, helped clean up again. I ironed the computer camp shirts. And when i messed one up he printed out a new transfer and used a spare shirt. MY HERO. He was awesome. And then he told me that there was no reason to add extra stress on me so we just wouldn't iron on the transfers. They could do it themselves. Caring and sweet... ??????
He started burning my cd-rs and I worked on burning the second master cd-r. He burned 140 cd-rs for me. This was after begging him by e-mail--but still! And the counselors swarmed on the trifle. There were only two bowls left. One for him and one for Dottie. I didn't even get to try any (I wanted him to get it). And apparently it was good...
We went back into the computer lab and we chatted a lot. In other words I got more information out of him than I ever have before. He doesn't drink anything with caffeine in it, only juice, milk, and water, mostly water he said. He had a Darth Vader costume, and he owns one of the expensive lightsabers. He likes the original batman. I even asked if he had any unusal food allergies LOL! Not my best moment, but the look on his face was priceless. "Huh, uhmm, what?" Brilliant, I tell you. I was trying to figure out what food he wanted for dinner. I told him I'd buy. And he told me he wasn't that hungry because he just had a large bowl of trifle. So he agreed on subs, and he eats mostly anything. Beef, chicken, pork, etc. Ha ha ha---asking questions. I also told him that he was my new favorite person and then he went up ten notches when he said he had a Darth Vader costume. Did I mention the Darth Vader costume?????? Did I???? Damn....
SO I snuck out the back door of the center, went and got us food, and snuck back in. Brilliant. Then I lied to the front counter and told them that I'd been there in the locked computer lab the whole time. THey gave me the look of locked in the computer lab with Scott????? And well yes I was, and it was delightful but not THAT delightful.
Later on I went and played computer games with the kids and they massacred me. Again. And Scott had the most lovely good bye expression... oh it was amazing. Radiant even. Or that could be the haze I was in... dunno. And he mentioned his eyes, and I actually looked at them and OH MY GODDESS!!!!! They're this ice blue color-my favorite color since 6th grade when I decided Luke Skywalker had ice blue eyes. And YEAH YEAH.
Again... not fair.