learning

[kyllaire]

i'm still learning.

i'm made of tissue, air, and emptiness

i can be crushed with words, opinions, and finding out those i love don't even know, much less want, and  absolutely don't need me

how much difference a week can make to a life

i can't handle some tihngs, i have no defense against others and i wish i couldn't feel anything

Comments

[mrsmiles]

Maybe I'll have to tell you about my latest student.

She's like you, cept she's got defense now.

Sometimes you need to defend yourself from your own vulnerabilities.

I wish I could help though.

"Maybe 'life is just a bowl of cherries' - but you'd better watch out for the pits." ~me~

[kyllaire]

Maybe I make all my own problems. ;-; I've been told that, and have felt like it myself. Blaming me is easier than the hurt of blaming others whome I love, most of the time, though I rebell against that finally, at some point when the hurt is really bad. I don't know, it feels like I should be able to make things better for everyone.. how many times have I said I wish I had a magic wand to make things ok for so many people we have known..? Defense is defense.. but sometimes it isn't enough. Happiness can be so fleeting, though we are lucky to have most of what we do, and often don't defend it as much as we should, to help it stay. Cherish is a good word

Re: "Maybe 'life is just a bowl of cherries' - but you'd better watch out for the pits." ~me~

[mrsmiles]

And I love a lot, as you know.

Do you think you love more than me, because I am such a Golem in defense?

You offer your love reletentlessly, passing it out like fliers to a grand opening of you, with the risk of being pillaged.

I offer different portions of that love, to the VIP deserving people, who have invested into me enough to warrant receiving that love.

The value of the love, is it different in the 2 situations, doubtful. Per person perhaps, but the love itself is raw and unmeasurable.

Defended, the love loses nothing, but in fact gains in that it isn't exploited and raped.

You can be my soda can (:P pop/boom-boom/etc) and I will affix appendages to you of popsicle stick and you can be "my buddy" XD

Re: "Maybe 'life is just a bowl of cherries' - but you'd better watch out for the pits." ~me~

[kyllaire]

thank you.

lol ::is now drawing a popsicle-stick/soda can doll::

I like you, do you know that? ::hugs a bunch, smiling::

thanks a lot, sweetie!

"~*~"

Re: "Maybe 'life is just a bowl of cherries' - but you'd better watch out for the pits." ~me~

[kyllaire]

tell me about your student. and what you're teaching.

Re: "Maybe 'life is just a bowl of cherries' - but you'd better watch out for the pits." ~me~

[mrsmiles]

What do you want to know?

I'm teaching about how to balance being nice/kind/etc. without sacrificing yourself in the process. How to be an alert, smart thinker, and to always be AWARE of everything, and to OBSERVE.

Re: "Maybe 'life is just a bowl of cherries' - but you'd better watch out for the pits." ~me~

[mrsmiles]

I was. I did. I lost me - it feels like, somehow I've lost my life. I've always been more interested in defending others than in defending myself. And I almost always won. Now..? So many things are hurting me at this minute that I don't think I can stand to think, to know, and especially I can't afford to feel it all. What a baby I am.

Re: "Maybe 'life is just a bowl of cherries' - but you'd better watch out for the pits." ~me~

[mrsmiles]

I'm sorry you allowed yourself to hurt like this.

It doesn't make you a baby, just hopeful of people/the world/life.

::holds you::