& i guess these could almost cry;
this is friends-locked in case harbouring such thoughts may even be crimes.
i had a dream. not very martin luther king-ish; it was a very emotional experience, i suppose? i robbed a bank. i don't know how exactly i did it; my dream started w/ me in possession of a huge bag of benjamins & trying to escape from the authorities. & most of the dream was me fleeing. there was no hand-to-hand combat, or any real altercation.. most of it was like disguise or hiding up & down buildings. a large part was carjacking though; there were scenes i'd run through a huge carpark & hijacking cars.. which were unusually all unlocked & started at the push of a button :/ funnily a large part of the dream centred on me choosing which cars to hijack.. colour, model & overall style. i actually managed to outlast the cops.. & i was home-free on a london bus. those hulking, red double-deckers. then i reached my stop & got off.. happy that i was clear. but then my dad got off the bus after me & told me to stop it, to surrender. both in the dream & in reality (i'd think) i felt this dramatic sense of guilt, dejection & sadness.. that i'd failed my dad & let him down. a strong sense of being inferior, shamed & unworthy. yet before i woke up, my last dream-thought was that i did not want any of the money in the bag, but only a little rubber ducky that was enclosed amongst them. interesting? i woke up w/ a great sense of emotional upheaval thereafter :/
at the same time, i just found out i've been dumped out of STB's scholarship process. this round was the first i had any hopes for, the first i felt that i did well & started dreaming of what came after. like after the first two, i'd mostly forgotten about it.. but this time it played on my mind, & i was so desperate for a reply. i'd even gotten round to the idea of a scholarship bond.. then the axe came falling down.
& it really hurts.
i had a dream. not very martin luther king-ish; it was a very emotional experience, i suppose? i robbed a bank. i don't know how exactly i did it; my dream started w/ me in possession of a huge bag of benjamins & trying to escape from the authorities. & most of the dream was me fleeing. there was no hand-to-hand combat, or any real altercation.. most of it was like disguise or hiding up & down buildings. a large part was carjacking though; there were scenes i'd run through a huge carpark & hijacking cars.. which were unusually all unlocked & started at the push of a button :/ funnily a large part of the dream centred on me choosing which cars to hijack.. colour, model & overall style. i actually managed to outlast the cops.. & i was home-free on a london bus. those hulking, red double-deckers. then i reached my stop & got off.. happy that i was clear. but then my dad got off the bus after me & told me to stop it, to surrender. both in the dream & in reality (i'd think) i felt this dramatic sense of guilt, dejection & sadness.. that i'd failed my dad & let him down. a strong sense of being inferior, shamed & unworthy. yet before i woke up, my last dream-thought was that i did not want any of the money in the bag, but only a little rubber ducky that was enclosed amongst them. interesting? i woke up w/ a great sense of emotional upheaval thereafter :/
at the same time, i just found out i've been dumped out of STB's scholarship process. this round was the first i had any hopes for, the first i felt that i did well & started dreaming of what came after. like after the first two, i'd mostly forgotten about it.. but this time it played on my mind, & i was so desperate for a reply. i'd even gotten round to the idea of a scholarship bond.. then the axe came falling down.
& it really hurts.