May 30, 2004 20:29
My last fun birthday is a week from tomorrow. I am definitely going to get embarrassingly drunk.
Oh lord, I got a lot of stuff this weekend. Four pairs of pants, three pairs of underwear (not panties, you pervert) three shirts, one skirt, some socks. Most of it was my birthday present, and some I bought myself. We don't have to pay rent for June, so I'm richer right now than I will be at any other point this summer. And I'm expecting a check for $350 in the mail very soon, so good times. Student teaching is going to make my bank account cry. It'll be weird not to have a paycheck. I haven't not had an income since my 16th birthday, and budgeting is not my strong suit.
I woke up in a cold sweat this morning, having dreamt that my brother was going off to war and that I couldn't see him and that people were telling him it was his duty to die for his country and his fellow soldiers and he was holding his head high for once and I was screaming and he couldn't (wouldn't?)run away. If--when--he goes, I will not sleep for a year. He is a baby. I can't bear the thought. Not of this war, not this fight. It's not worth him. It's not worth any of them.