everything i see is full of pain.
Everywhere i look i see something with memories. i can't be in my house without remembering something that will make me cry. i look out the window and see the church where my friend's funeral just was. down the street is the school where i got teased so much when i was younger. i can't take the upper wentworth bus anymore. it goes by my father's house. i can't go by there without a feeling of sadness and trepedation. i can't walk down concession street, i used to go there with him. when i go to camtech i have to go the long way around. i can't go to hortons. any of them. i can't go to the y, he left me there one day when i was eight and never came back. i can't go to port dover, or anywhere around there. i can't go to harbour west. i can't ever go back there. it's too hard. i can't go to limeridge without remembering shopping with him or my old friends who i never see anymore. i can't go back to GLA, it makes me remember tony. walmart hurts. he took me there too. i can't go to canadian tire or home depot. i can't will myself to go into the barn on fennell. it's always so hard to walk into mountain music, because there's a chance i'll see him there. even the thing which brings me most joy, my guitars, hurt me, because he gave them to me. the aud is awful too, he took me to grade 8 night. downtown is bad too. every place in this city is full of painful memeories. i can't do this anymore. i can't be here. what i really want is to move with my aunt or someone. anyone. somewhere there are no memories. I'd move in with Carol in new york or one of my relatives in minnesota. anywhere but here. but at the same time i couldn't leave kyle, emily, jessie, cam and ryan. i think i'd do ok without them but i can't imagine how. all i know is i want to be anywhere but here, well anywhere but between port dover and north bay. too much here is killing me inside.