tired of being sick and sick of being tired
It's late and I still can't sleep.
I cut off all my hair. Well, not all of it, but a good bit. It got to the point that I was finding food in my hair and it was just driving me crazy. So, problem solved.
Lately, I haven't been sleeping at all. I don't try to stay up or anything, it just sort of happens that way. Insomnia. I've always had trouble with sleep, but lately it has been pretty bad. I feel like my body is trying to punish and destroy itself. I'm not sure. Maybe it's getting back at me for all the dumb things I have done to it in the past. Can't blame it.
The problem with not sleeping, at least for me, is that it turns you inside out. All day, I'm in some sort of altered state where nothing at all matters and emotion and pain are almost completely absent. I feel nothing and I see no good in anything around me. I am numb to most anything and find it extremely hard to take interest in anything. I make careless decisions and I don't think before speaking. I act on impulse.
These things slowly and painfully destroy my relationships, my motivation, my self-worth and self esteem, and push me farther and farther from the people that I want to be close to. I am, by nature, reserved and slow to trust people and I always seem to have an uncanny ability to distance myself from the people that I actually care about.
There are very few people that I let in close to me anyways, and I feel like I'm pushing them away. So, if I have or am doing this to you, all apologies. It is not intentional and I guaruntee it is not how I would have it.
I don't think I have anything else to say. Goodnight.
I cut off all my hair. Well, not all of it, but a good bit. It got to the point that I was finding food in my hair and it was just driving me crazy. So, problem solved.
Lately, I haven't been sleeping at all. I don't try to stay up or anything, it just sort of happens that way. Insomnia. I've always had trouble with sleep, but lately it has been pretty bad. I feel like my body is trying to punish and destroy itself. I'm not sure. Maybe it's getting back at me for all the dumb things I have done to it in the past. Can't blame it.
The problem with not sleeping, at least for me, is that it turns you inside out. All day, I'm in some sort of altered state where nothing at all matters and emotion and pain are almost completely absent. I feel nothing and I see no good in anything around me. I am numb to most anything and find it extremely hard to take interest in anything. I make careless decisions and I don't think before speaking. I act on impulse.
These things slowly and painfully destroy my relationships, my motivation, my self-worth and self esteem, and push me farther and farther from the people that I want to be close to. I am, by nature, reserved and slow to trust people and I always seem to have an uncanny ability to distance myself from the people that I actually care about.
There are very few people that I let in close to me anyways, and I feel like I'm pushing them away. So, if I have or am doing this to you, all apologies. It is not intentional and I guaruntee it is not how I would have it.
I don't think I have anything else to say. Goodnight.