You could climb to forever on Vinegar Hill.
Summer has come in like lion and left as a lamb. This transformation has stunned experts because in actually summer is a season and a measure of time, not something tangible that can be a magical, morphing animal. All jumbled mammal swapping aside, summer has lacked luster. It is mildly tarnished penny in a jar full of mildly tarnished pennies. Just because it wasn't shiny doesn't mean it didn't spend, because boy howdy I spent all this summer. There were hanging outs, hanging ins, ultimate frisbee until midnight, coffees till the morning, bad movies, good movies, zombification, glasses of gin, pinging pongs, cosmic bowling that was out of this world, regular bowling that was very down to earth, miniature golf even though I am a big kid, giving into myspace, working hard at hardly working, cities by the ocean that have more crustacean than you could possibly eat but you try anyway, making mistakes, making real steaks, flipping off a cliff, flipping off friends, Aquabats with Phenomenauts, and the pursuit of happiness.
Four days and I will be swimming off the sunny shores of Indiana, Pa. That is, of course, if it has suddenly decided to give up being land locked. It would be great for tourism. "College town suddenly no longer part of the continental United States. Early speculation from citizens has cited this move as 'Very, very, sweet.'" I wish this was the case because currently my tan is that of the cabana boy variety. Let's just say it looks like I am wearing skin tight shorts all the time, even when I am naked with no pants on. Also, I would probably train an abused dolphin that was caught in a tuna net to carry me from class to class. He would have one of those scars that looks like its going to go right down into the eyeball but just continues underneath it. He would be a very docile and obedient creature until you call him "Bumblebee" or "Chicken of the sea." Then he would wig like a toupee and start biting at you with his really tiny teeth. He'd have a name tag that says "Don't call me Bumblebee or Chicken of the Sea" and people would comically call him that and then get gnawed all over. I will call him Gerald and he will be Mr. Water Taxi.
I need to take life more lightly. Life is too important to take seriously. If I keep it up I'll find myself chewing on all those squishy stress balls filled with sand because I'd be so uptight. My Grandfather currently has this nasty little thing that the doctors are calling an inoperable, malignant tumor in his lung. It sounds pretty small deal, but it's actually as serious as a heart attack or even lung cancer! So, that's been thrown around my mind like those "trick" paper airplanes that were always supposed to do flips but always just smashed nose first into the ground. That is to say repeatedly and not with great success.
Oh well. Oh well is what you say when something is bothering you and you can't fix it.
How have you children been? Have your Susan Summers been sweet? You haven't just been sitting on your Patrick Duffys have you? Take it all step by step, day by day. Please regale me of your fun by contacting me somehow. I'd love to hear about it.
Kyle Lee Hufnagel
"The Chiquita Banana woman has gone amiss and I can only hope to wonder who got to eat her hat."