Your needs aren't necessary necessity.
Welcome to Octopustober the month of Cephalopods. I think it's nice we give them a whole month because they don't even have back bones. Not to say they are cowards or anything, because I'll be damned if a kracken didn't just try to eat my Grandpa's chartered fishing boat last Spring. And believe me, my Grandfather is something that puts the fear of God in creatures with less developed nervous systems, he calls them "Dumb shit sons of bitches" and they curl up into a ball because they are ashamed of themselves. Obviously my Pap Pap picked the kracken up by its squishy face and tossed it into a pot a boiling water and ate it even before it was done cooking, but the fact the squidington would even try to step to my Grandpappy is nothing short of amazing. It's dangerously close to bmazing. Let's observe some of the finer totally cool parts of these sea creatures.
1) They have a lot of sweet arms: While this is the most common things, it is also one of the best. They are totally the Mortal Combat Goro of the continental shelf. Are they going to punch you in the face, strangle your neck off, or give you a stiff bow into the *nads? All three and he will be eating catty-corner cheese sandwiches with his other arms.
2) They are shaped kind of like a football: If you were ever scuba diving and you felt the urge to throw the ole pigged skin around, hey. Bingo. These fellas extra appendages give them a spiral unmatched by any NERF brand ball. Completely kid safe too.
3) They have a beak: Okay, totally a beak. Toucan Same of the Atlantis. This thing can be used to crush walnuts, rocks, your bones, unwanted cell phone bills, shells of smaller creatures, probably a super ball, my Hot Wheels collector's case, the Star Wars Special Edition VHS Box Set with a total 2 hours of bonus footage at the beginning and end of the movies, and lastly jawbreakers. That bastard doesn't even need to suck on jaw breakers. Some people have all the luck.
4) Changes colors whenever it wants to: I woke up this morning and was all like "What do I want to wear?" The octopus woke up this morning and was like "I AM GOING TO BE GREEN AND PINK TODAY. AT THE SAME TIME." He is the complete Rambo of Camo and don't let any televangelist tell you otherwise. To be Frank with you guys, my name isn't Frank though, I have no idea why I said that televangelist thing. Like, at all.
5) They squish like none other. They squish better than white bread: As the title implies, these guys are the Bam Bam Bigelow Beast from the East when it comes to being the stress ball of the ocean. Guy: "Hey dude, I lost a quarter under that Soda Pop machine. Can you help me?" Otto the Octo: "Why certainly my good man, but first." Guy: Oh no. My face is being beaked and feasted upon by your many armed camouflaged body. Whatever shall I do I think I am dieing I am dead." Otto the Octo: "Good show old man, sporting chap. Now to retrieve your lost currency. I shall add it to my collection."
That pretty much says it all mans and girls. I am going to Michigan on Saturday to do something illegal for gains of the monetary value. If I feel secure enough in my internet identity I will explain it in more detail. Let's just say it deals with cans, Michigan, and taking cans to Michigan. I hope to put up some sweet amounts of pictures for you and yours. Also, something that is REALLY close to my heart is happening. My good friend, Lex Luthor is going to be shipped off to Air Force basic training in Texas. I don't want to see the jerk go. So we are giving him a send off the weekend of the 16th. He heads out the 18th. So, we decided the best way to remember our good times is to get smashed and forget everything. Traditional, yet new age. That weekend is going to be all Lex all the time, so no hanging out with anybody else from that old town I was in. Except for maybe my Momma, she is so nice.
*Note: Nads is funny again. Just thought you should know.
Kyle Lee Hufnagel
"Whiffle ball bats sting with whiffle ball slaps."