cause life is short but sweet (?) for certain
i feel like more and more of my days are becoming roller coaster days. i'll have something to be really happy about- then something that'll just make it plummet to a point i feel i can't come up from. so i seek solace in weed. i understand what dj means now. if something great has happened, i'll want to go celebrate at dinner or a movie or hell, even a tattoo. but then something fucks up my day, and i find myself craving weed. i'm giving myself a false sense of relief. like the more bowls i smoke, the better the situation clears out in my mind. then, i wake up a little blurred, and see that the situation is exactly as it was the night before, minus a few functioning brain cells. and now that im out of that state of mind, all i know is, im sick of being who i was in highschool.
i'm sorry and i know i was wrong.
more than one person has asked me if i'm mad at them. i'm not trying to be, do i come off as that dettached? why have i been acting like this lately? no one here seems as happy as when they first started. i know exactly what i'd do if i could relive august to now. i think i've replayed it in my mind over and over.
1) not judge people too quickly
2) remember who the most important people in my life are
3) remember that i can't save everyone, but i can help some
if drugs arent going to be able to clear my mind, someone please tell me what. i'm at a breaking point that isn't destroying me externally or internally, it's just there. which is worse. painkillers and antibiotics could'nt even breach this. i believe 3 numbers could cure this- 703. but even still- i'll be there and have the problems i avoid dealing with when i come back down here.
I'M BEING WORN TO THE POINT OF TEARING. i'm sick of pointless fights, obligatory conversations, and false hopes.
sometimes i wonder why i even write here. would it even matter if i wrote here if i made it a private entry? where no one but me could read? but no. i'm a teenager, i like people to know the inner workings of my mind.
i think the first step to making me feel better, would be the one person i fear is angry at me the most to give me a hug that is genuine, like one that says "it's okay" without having to use words. but i doubt that. and i fear next week may be void of him, and if it is, it's my fault.
no amount of backspace could make this emptiness go away.
i'm sorry and i know i was wrong.
more than one person has asked me if i'm mad at them. i'm not trying to be, do i come off as that dettached? why have i been acting like this lately? no one here seems as happy as when they first started. i know exactly what i'd do if i could relive august to now. i think i've replayed it in my mind over and over.
1) not judge people too quickly
2) remember who the most important people in my life are
3) remember that i can't save everyone, but i can help some
if drugs arent going to be able to clear my mind, someone please tell me what. i'm at a breaking point that isn't destroying me externally or internally, it's just there. which is worse. painkillers and antibiotics could'nt even breach this. i believe 3 numbers could cure this- 703. but even still- i'll be there and have the problems i avoid dealing with when i come back down here.
I'M BEING WORN TO THE POINT OF TEARING. i'm sick of pointless fights, obligatory conversations, and false hopes.
sometimes i wonder why i even write here. would it even matter if i wrote here if i made it a private entry? where no one but me could read? but no. i'm a teenager, i like people to know the inner workings of my mind.
i think the first step to making me feel better, would be the one person i fear is angry at me the most to give me a hug that is genuine, like one that says "it's okay" without having to use words. but i doubt that. and i fear next week may be void of him, and if it is, it's my fault.
no amount of backspace could make this emptiness go away.