and you ask me what i want this year...
i've fucked everything up...again. and after a weekend of my usual ramblings and absurd happenings, i have put my faith and hope back into the one guy who is willing to make me feel human after all the shit i put him through. he knew i'd come back too. i knew i'd go back. no one knows what to think anymore. and i think that's 100% of the problem. i have to stop worrying about trying to explain myself to everyone. i love him. if that isnt an explanation, then nothing really is. guaranteed anyone who is reading this is/has/will be so deep in love with someone that when you're not with them, or fear they dont want you because you're CRAZY and have moments when you feel like an addict to worst case scenarios that your stomach is screaming, and your jaw gets tight, and you feel like no amount of food could fill the hunger that's in you. and thats how i feel. i love dj. he is the first person to let me break down in front of him. and for whoever thinks he's not right for me, or i'm not right for him, maybe you're right. but i will never regret being so disgustingly imperfect and somehow him finding the perfection in a person so broken and tired and weak and needing. i may have made poor decisions in my life, but i will never regret having him in my life. and i hope he decides to take me back, and stick by me through my madness, and watch me grow into a complete person. cause i cant be complete without him. the details neednt be shared, because love is not small details, it's the whole picture that is painted in front of you, and how in retrospect you realize that every small thing that you've had to endure meant leading up to them. i'd endure every heart break and wretched experience if it meant meeting him in july, and loving his orange eyes. okay, im done.