{FANFICTION} Tomorrow's Way (Chapter 15)
TITLE: Tomorrow's Way (Chapter 15)
PAIRING: PiDa (Yamashita Tomohisa/Ueda Tatsuya), some RyoDa, Akame.
RATING: PG (swearing)
SUMMARY: Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.
GENRE: Fluff, maybe a little angst, romance. AU.
DISCLAIMER: Do not own. I don't even own the title - it belongs to YUI.
A/N: First multichapter fic~
Ueda sat outside his shed, leaning against the wall with a book lying next to him and a guitar in his lap. Thumper bleated happily from atop the dog house, sporting Eri's old collar. He smiled, and continued strumming his guitar. Peaceful times like these were rare nowadays - they were being bustled around all the time, but today, he was writing a song.
This time, he wasn't writing a song because Nakamaru told him to. He was writing a song because he wanted to.
He sat there, plucking at his guitar strings, as Jin slid open the backdoor and poked his head out.
"Hey," he said, a wide grin on his face. "Guess what?"
"What?" Ueda asked, setting his guitar down.
"Guess who's coming out of hospital tomorrow?"
"Koki?!" Ueda practically squealed, leaping up.
Jin laughed. "Yeah. How awesome is that? We get our drummer back," he said. Le Ciel had been using a drummer Nakamaru and Kato had found for them, to record some of the songs. They liked the guy, sure, but he was no Koki, and everyone could hear the difference in the songs.
"Has the cancer been cut out?" Ueda asked.
"Yeah, but they're waiting for the results," Jin answered, before offering to make lunch. Ueda shook his head violently, before almost throwing his guitar and books into the shed and rushing inside.
"My cooking is not that bad! I can make a sandwich!" Jin complained, following the other into the kitchen.
"No, you can't," Ueda said, bustling around the kitchen with a large smile on his face. There was this sense of relief which had washed over him, leaving him feeling simply happy. There were no other words for it - he was completely and utterly happy at that time, knowing that his friend was on his way to recovery.
>>><<<
The album was taking shape, forming into something that they knew they could be proud of. It was taking so much out of them; they were either constantly in the studio, recording or practicing or writing, or sleeping off the night before at a gig.
Koyama's bar was too small for them now. They had been moved to larger venues, but Yamashita would still sit at the bar, watching them with a drink in his hand. The move was scary, but they had quickly adapted to it.
Out of every five songs Ueda wrote, Nakamaru would take one for the album. It was frustrating and upsetting, but Koki would always look over at him and give him a reassuring smile, and Ueda realised that he shouldn't be complaining over something so trivial. Koki wasn't complaining - he had every reason to - but he faced them all with one of his smiles, and carried on.
Junno had quickly wormed his way into their group, joining them at lunch breaks and flashing them his bright smile. Ueda liked his company - he was quiet, but lifted their spirits when they needed it. It seemed as though he really only wanted their company, because all he would do is sit there calmly as he ate, and then leave, throwing them a smile and a wave as the door shut behind him. Ueda liked the fact that the other seemed so comfortable with himself to be able do that.
So Ueda scribbled notes into his worn notepad, as Jin muttered lyrics to himself and Junno chewed in the corner. Nakamaru had asked Jin to write some songs, too, for some variation. Ueda refused to let himself feel upset about that piece of information.
Nishikido and Kamenashi were off getting the others lunch, from who-knows-where. Ueda would have been worried, were it not for Kamenashi, who he knew had better taste than Nishikido.
"Have a break, Ueda," Koki spoke up, lying on the bench in the recording studio. "You're gonna collapse from exhaustion."
"I'll be alright," he said. "I just need to finish this part..."
Junno leaned over and snapped his notebook shut with a smile. "Come on, Ueda. Overworking yourself isn't going to work."
Ueda grumbled, but settled back in his chair, putting his guitar down finally and resting his fingers, which had started to feel numb after pressing down the strings for so long. He sighed. "What am I going to do, then?"
"I don't know. Pretend to be a frog. Just stop writing," said Koki, covering his eyes with an arm.
"Fine," Ueda answered. They sat in silence for a while, Junno's chewing being the only sound in the room. Ueda eventually snapped, and brought his guitar back into his lap.
"Ueda Tatsuya, if you start--"
"Oh shush Koki, I'm not working," Ueda muttered, before sitting his fingers upon the strings once again. He lazily plucked at them, hands forming the chords without even thinking about them.
This was the song he played for Yamashita. It was the song he used to play, sitting against that cold brick wall for people's small change, before Yamashita had asked him if he wanted a coffee. It was a song that let him be himself.
"Woah, that's pretty," Junno murmured. Koki shushed him as he reached for his phone, which was beeping incessantly, and rushed out of the room.
When Ueda had finished the song, he looked up at the suddenly full room. "...what?" he asked.
The others had returned from fetching lunch, and set it upon the table. "You know," Kamenashi started, "Everytime I hear that song I love it more and more."
Ueda ducked his head. "Thanks."
"Is it yours?" Another voice suddenly asked. Nakamaru had walked in with Koki, and the others looked up.
"Uh...yeah."
"I like it. Can we use it for the album?"
Ueda didn't know what to feel. On one hand, it would be fantastic to record this song - he loved it, loved singing it - but on the other hand, he didn't know what Nakamaru would want to do with it. However, before he could say his opinion, Nakamaru was nodding at him and the others and leaving again, telling him to email them the lyrics and music.
Nishikido looked over the contents of his lunch at him. "You okay, Bambi?" he asked. Ueda nodded.
"Did Nakamaru even wait for an answer?" he thought to himself, but he must have said it aloud, for Nishikido shook his head.
"What Nakamaru wants, Nakamaru will get," Junno said softly.
"We've figured that one out already," Jin said, sighing and stacking his papers before putting them back into his bag. "Too many words to remember all at once," he complained.
>>><<<
Kato had decided that it would be a good idea to show Le Ciel's fans their process in recording. The camera crew arrived early one morning at the studio, interrupting the band as they tuned their guitars and learnt their lyrics.
The camera loved Jin. Perhaps it was because of the fact that he was the lead singer, and therefore automatically the leader of the band, but they never knew for sure.
Koki had just finished drumming his part to a new song, and the camera turned to Ueda.
"Ueda, this is your song, right?" the interviewer asked. Ueda nodded. "How do you feel when it's being recorded?"
Think of something interesting to say. "Good." What the heck?
The interviewer looked at him.
"I mean - I write the songs - Koki helps with the drum and bass parts. It's a strange feeling, having someone else sing the song that you wrote... but it's a good sort of feeling," Ueda added, and the interviewer nodded at both he and the cameraman.
"Ueda, it's your turn!" Junno called out, saving him from another question. "Good lu--"
"Excuse me, Taguchi, but do you mind? We're trying to film Tanaka now, and all we can hear is your voice."
Junno's face fell. "Oh, right, sorry."
Ueda felt sorry for the other, and patted him on the back before going into the room, whispering a 'thankyou' to him as he went past. Junno just shot him a small smile before rolling his eyes and waiting for Ueda to take position. Ueda laughed.
He noticed halfway through recording that the camera had turned to him as he played, and he fumbled, his fingers slipping on the fretboard of his guitar. He stopped, and Junno grimaced at him. He waited a while before Junno gave him the okay, and started again, feeling terrible. Ueda barely ever made a mistake when they were recording - they were his own songs, and he didn't want to hold the others up at all.
"Sorry," he said, as he came out of the studio. Junno just shook his head, telling him not to worry. He flopped down next to Kamenashi, who smiled at him before turning to the camera crew and pulling a face.
By the end of the day, Jin was practically pulling his hair out. He was still trying to learn the lyrics of the three remaining songs, but the camera was not getting out of his face. It took Koki to backflip in the middle of the cramped space to lure the camera off him, but it flicked back straightaway. Jin sighed, but carried on as professionally as he could. Ueda wasn't sure how much more the other could take without snapping.
When they had finished working, the camera crew took five more minutes of their time to ask how they thought the recording went, what they thought of the album, and why they loved music.
Ueda didn't know how to answer that last one. What did he love about music? He loved playing it, loved feeling it, loved hearing it. But how could he explain it?
"I..." he started. "I don't know," he said, honestly. The interviewer frowned. "How are you meant to describe why you like something? All I know is that I love making music and hearing it, but I can't tell you exactly why. I'm sorry, but that will have to do," he said, before bowing slightly to them and leaving.
"Heh, nice one, Bambi," Nishikido said, and Koki slung an arm around his shoulders.
>>><<<
Yamashita, much to Ueda's surprise, turned up weeks later as Jin and he were recording the vocals to some of their songs. Jin leapt up and embraced him immediately, but Ueda hung back, not sure what to do after not seeing the other for so long. Yamashita smiled at him, sending a strange yet familiar feeling down his spine, and he smiled back. Jin rolled his eyes to Junno, who just grinned. Neither Yamashita nor Ueda saw this.
"So, what're you up to?" Yamashita asked, sitting down and stealing Jin's sandwich.
"We should be finished at least four songs today," Junno answered. "All of which the amazing Ueda Tatsuya wrote himself."
Ueda laughed. "Really?" Yamashita said, turning to the other. "Did you write all the songs?"
"No, only some--"
"--most of them," Jin interrupted, sighing. "Seriously, Ueda, there are like two songs that you didn't write, and even then you wanted to compose the music."
"Shut up," Ueda said playfully, and walked into the booth to record. Junno flashed the other two a smile before focusing his attention on the redhead.
As Ueda sang, Yamashita turned to Jin. "How is everything?" he asked. Jin shrugged.
"Same as always. Wake up, come here, read some stuff, sing, stare at Kame, read some more," he answered, staring at the piece of paper in front of him. "I know this is what we wanted and all...but is it? Is fame all that great, Pi?"
Yamashita shrugged. "How am I supposed to know?" Jin sighed.
"Nevermind."
Ueda came out of the recording booth, and smiled breathlessly at them. They returned the smiles, and Jin chuckled slightly before flipping through his notes again. Junno fiddled with a few more buttons before he whirled around on his chair, and asked, "Do you guys wanna hear it? Just to see if your happy with it."
They nodded, Yamashita eager to hear the song. Junno pressed yet another button, and the music started flowing out of the speakers. The song itself had a strong beat, courtesy of Koki, and the guitar riffs were fantastic.
But there was something off.
Yamashita sat there, listening to the song and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt uncomfortably. He didn't know what it was, but it was there, a nagging feeling in the back of his brain. There was something wrong with the song.
Once it finished, Junno started the song they had recorded before that, just for Yamashita - the other two had already checked it over beforehand. This one started with Kamenashi's bass - a long, solo bass part as Jin sang, before Koki brought his drums in and Ueda and Nishikido followed. Yamashita scratched the back of his head. This one had it, too; this feeling. What was it?
Jin and Ueda couldn't sense it, apparently. Neither could Junno, as he clapped and congratulated them. Yamashita was so wrapped up with trying to decipher the songs, that he barely noticed Jin waving a hand infront of his face.
"What?" Yamashita snapped, and Jin jumped back.
"Sorry, grumpy-pants - you were spacing out. You don't do that usually," Jin said. "You okay? Did you like the songs?"
"Ah, y-yeah," he said, looking at Junno, whose eyebrows furrowed, clearly asking, 'Why aren't you looking at the people who are talking to you?'
"Yamashita?" Ueda asked softly. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I've gotta go," he said, picking up his bag before leaving abruptly.
Junno shrugged before moving back to his work. Jin and Ueda looked at each other.
What was all of that about?
>>><<<
That night, as Yamashita lay staring at his ceiling, he realised what was wrong.
>>><<<
Ueda was carefully re-reading through the lyrics to a song the following day, sitting in the small room off the recording booth. Junno was already there, but he gave up trying to strike up a conversation quickly, and started with his work.
The song Ueda was reading wasn't any old song, it was his song.
The song that Ueda usually played flawlessly was hard to grasp at this moment. He kept forgetting where he was supposed to sing - he was only backing up Jin's vocals. The song was faster than he had originally written, and it was difficult to remember.
Jin arrived soon, and quickly bustled into the booth, ready to record. He flashed a small smile to Ueda through the glass, and he nodded back. They both felt nervous. It was a song that held so much of Ueda himself, and Jin knew that, Ueda could tell. Jin felt that he was tampering with something very personal - it was a song that only Ueda should ever sing, and here he was, about to record it onto an album. Ueda could see it through his eyes as the other sighed and checked over the lyrics set upon the stand, waiting for Junno to signal him to start.
Ueda felt as though he was giving a part of himself away. He kept telling himself that it was just a song, nothing more, but as Jin started singing and he could see the words forming, he felt a jolt of sadness. This was the song he had always sung for Yamashita, but now Jin was singing it, closing his eyes as he felt the song.
It was different when they had recorded the music to the track. He could somehow ignore the fact that it was that particular song they were recording. Maybe it was because there was no singing involved. Ueda had always put all of his emotion into singing the song; both vocally and as he wrote it.
When Jin finished, he came out with another one of his small smiles. Ueda just smiled back, and walked past him to record his parts.
Junno had no idea what was going on.
>>><<<
Later on during the day, as Jin went to fetch himself a cup of water down the hall, Yamashita walked through the door. Ueda looked up, surprised.
"Yamashita?"
"Hey, Ueda..." Yamashita said, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.
"What's wrong?" Ueda asked, looking up at him.
Yamashita sat down next to Ueda, and suddenly shot Junno a look. Junno jumped, and then muttered, "Why don't Jin and I go grab you two some lunch? Yeah - I'll be back soon!"
"Thanks," Yamashita said, and Junno quickly left the room, closing the door behind him.
There was something wrong with Yamashita. He wasn't meeting his eyes, and kept sighing. Ueda's stomach flipped. Something was going on.
"I was thinking about those songs you let me listen to yesterday," Yamashita started. Ueda nodded. "And I realised that...something was wrong."
"What?"
"It sounds stupid, and I'm sorry, but there's something...missing." Yamashita held a hand up to stop Ueda from interrupting. "No, please, let me finish. When I heard those songs, I knew something was up. I mean, I liked them and all, but there was just something that wasn't there. I thought about it all night - it wouldn't let me sleep - and I realised that it lacked emotion. It lacked you."
"What are you talking about, Yamashita?" Ueda asked, blood rising to his face in anger. "I wrote those songs, how could I be missing from them?"
"That's not what I meant! I mean - you wrote those songs because Nakamaru and Shige told you to, right?"
"Yes, of co--"
"Not because you wanted to."
"What?"
"These aren't songs that you wrote from your heart, like all of the others. Can't you see that?" Yamashita asked, and Ueda jumped up.
"I tried my hardest--"
"I'm not saying they're no good!" Yamashita said, leaping up after the other and trying to catch his eye. "Please calm down. I'm just trying to tell you that when I listened to them, they seemed empty. Like you wrote them just because you could, not because you love to write." Ueda, face still red, was breathing rather heavily, but he calmed down slightly. Yamashita gingerly leant over to take ahold of his wrist. "There's a difference, I can tell," Yamashita murmured gently. "I just came to let you know."
And then he was gone, leaving Ueda upset.
He knew Yamashita was only telling him the truth, but the truth hurt. Especially after all of the hard work everyone had put into the album. Ueda's mood spiralled down, and he slumped back into the seat, holding his head in his hands.
>>><<<
Finally, finally the album was finished. It had taken them months, what with learning the songs and recording and photoshoots and makeup and performances. And then the album was released.
Ueda hadn't really spoken to Yamashita since their argument, but he didn't have time to contact the other. It wasn't as if he was ignoring him, though. He was just too busy.
The album came in at number two on the charts, and they were more than happy about that. Their celebratory party was hosted at Jin's place that night, and Ueda was determined to talk to Yamashita properly.
But Yamashita wasn't here yet, and the party had started over an hour ago. "Kamenashi?" he asked. The other man turned around, drink in-hand. "Do you know where Yamashita is?"
Kamenashi shook his head. "No idea," he said. "He should be coming, though. Have you seen Koki?"
"No, why?"
"No reason. We seem to be good at losing people, though," Kamenashi chuckled. Ueda forced a laugh, and carried on searching for the other. He would have been worried about Koki if he wasn't so focused on finding Yamashita.
"Jin? Where's Yamashita?" Ueda asked, peering into the kitchen. Jin looked up from pouring Junno a drink, and shrugged.
"Hello to you, too, Uepi," Junno said. Ueda just nodded distractedly. Junno had picked up this nickname for him - from where, he had no idea - and it had stuck.
"Oi, Bambi!" called Nishikido.
"How many nicknames does one person need?" Ueda said, as he turned. Jin giggled. "Nishikido? What is it?"
"Pi's here," the darker man answered, grabbing onto his wrist and dragging him away from the kitchen. "Uh - does anyone else call you Bambi?"
"No, why?"
"No reason," he answered quickly, and disappeared outside after finding Yamashita.
"Hi," Ueda said, turning towards the other man. But Yamashita didn't answer him. He just looked deep into his eyes with an unreadable expression on his face, until he grabbed ahold of Ueda's sleeve and dragged him to the frontyard."Wha--"
"Stop talking. Just come with me."
Yamashita dropped his hold of Ueda, and walked down the street, arms crossed. Ueda had to jog a little to catch up, and even then Yamashita didn't slow down. "Yamashita, what's...?"
"Wait." His voice was forceful, harsh. Ueda flinched back, not accustomed to hearing that kind of tone from him.
"O-okay..."
Yamashita led him down the street, and into another. They found themselves in the middle of a park, lit gently by streetlamps set along the side of it. Yamashita turned, then, to look into Ueda's eyes again, and whatever Ueda was going to say caught in his throat.
"You," Yamashita started. Ueda didn't know what he had done, but he found it difficult to meet his eyes. "Did you even pay any attention to what I said before?"
Ueda nodded, and cast his eyes down to the grass between their feet. "I did, really..." he said quietly.
"Then what the heck is this?" Yamashita hissed, throwing his copy of the album onto the ground. Ueda jumped.
"W-wha--"
Yamashita sighed, and picked the album back up. There was a low rumble from the sky, warning them about the rain which was about to fall. "You know, I kind of thought of it as my song," he said, staring at his fingers which were cleaning the cover of the CD. Ueda couldn't speak. "I don't know why - I had no right to - but you always seemed to play it for me." He paused, and Ueda wanted to reassure him; wanted to say, 'I did', but the words never came. "That was the song that made me-- That was the song that let me see your talent. In both singing and storytelling. But... with this..." Yamashita sighed again, and sank down onto the bench nearest them. Ueda couldn't move.
"Yamashita, I'm sorry," was all Ueda could manage. Yamashita looked up at him from leaning over his knees.
"It's too late, now. I tried to tell you; I tried to warn you that the songs were just being forced out of you. And then you do something like this. And do you know the worst part? The fact that Jin is singing it."
The first drops of rain fell upon the top of Ueda's head, but he couldn't feel them. Tears started pooling in his eyes. "Nakamaru told me to--"
"Stop. I don't care anymore," he said, and Ueda watched, wide-eyed, as the other stood, his back facing him. "You've lost yourself, Ueda Tatsuya. Call me when you find who you are again."
And then he was gone, the rain now falling heavily and leaving Ueda to fall to his knees in the middle of the park.
The first person who had ever said they liked his music; the first person he had ever loved; the first person who had given him a chance, was gone.
End of Chapter 15
A/N: We're nearing the end, guys. I think this story has around two or so chapters after this one - but I'll have an Akame offshot, just to wrap up their story completely.