Biting the Bullet
With the bottle pressed to my lips, I tilt back my head and bite the bullet. Cool liquid slides down my throat; bittersweet as it fills me and ebs away my pain. I hear more screaming, more angry cries.
I hear the sound before I feel the pain; her skin meeting mine harshly. I fall to the ground without making a noise. The bottle tumbles from my hand and rolls across the floor, spilling the remainder of it's contents onto the carpet. There are more screams and I feel a kick to my side. I stifle a cry of pain.
Even as my wife is in hysterics, even as her mind escapes her, I find myself wondering where he is. What is he doing? Is he thinking about me? Is he worried? He should be. But I hope he isn't.
This is what I deserve.
I can taste blood as her foot makes contact with my stomach. I bite back another cry and choke a bit as the wind is knocked from me. Her tears splatter her face and drop onto mine. How could I have done this to her? Why did I lie? I had broken my beloved into a million pieces.
She yanks me up by the hair and screams into my face. I hold eye contact and take every word to heart. This is my fault. How could I do this to her? I'm such a fucking selfish bastard. It's always about me; my gratification.
The beatings continue. I just take the pain. I don't bother fighting. I don't want to hurt her. Why shouldn't I suffer? This is all my fault. I've hurt her beyond repair. I've torn her to shreds. This is divine punishment. Who am I to interfere? Why try to stop her? Why fight the inevitable?.
I see the look on her face as she stabs me; over and over and over again. The knife cuts into my skin; cold and sharp, a pain unimaginable. Still I do not scream, I do not cry out. I welcome death, for what I have done.
This is what I deserve.
"Billie Joe, stay with me; breathe. Whatever you're seeing, it can't hurt you. Billie, I'm right here." I blink open my eyes to see Mike leaning over me. My breathing is struggling to regulate.
It's no more than a whim of my sick mind; an illusion caused by my guilt.
"Mike..." I gasp. "I can't do this...I can't come with you tonight..."
"Billie Joe, it's just an attack; it'll pass and everything will be fine. And then I can show you, just how much I love you." Mike murmurs softly, reassuringly.
"Mike...I have a wife...I have to go home to her..."
"Billie, don't do this to me." Mike pleads with me.
"And do this to Adie?"
"So you're just going to lose me?"
I turn away from him with tears in my eyes, air filling my lungs normally and pain stinging at me. "Don't make me make that choice."
-x-
With the bottle pressed to my lips, I tilt back my head and bite the bullet. Mikey hasn't talked to me since that night. I've kept my wife, but lost my best friend and the man I love. All I have left in me is pain.
And pain is all that I deserve..
I hear the sound before I feel the pain; her skin meeting mine harshly. I fall to the ground without making a noise. The bottle tumbles from my hand and rolls across the floor, spilling the remainder of it's contents onto the carpet. There are more screams and I feel a kick to my side. I stifle a cry of pain.
Even as my wife is in hysterics, even as her mind escapes her, I find myself wondering where he is. What is he doing? Is he thinking about me? Is he worried? He should be. But I hope he isn't.
This is what I deserve.
I can taste blood as her foot makes contact with my stomach. I bite back another cry and choke a bit as the wind is knocked from me. Her tears splatter her face and drop onto mine. How could I have done this to her? Why did I lie? I had broken my beloved into a million pieces.
She yanks me up by the hair and screams into my face. I hold eye contact and take every word to heart. This is my fault. How could I do this to her? I'm such a fucking selfish bastard. It's always about me; my gratification.
The beatings continue. I just take the pain. I don't bother fighting. I don't want to hurt her. Why shouldn't I suffer? This is all my fault. I've hurt her beyond repair. I've torn her to shreds. This is divine punishment. Who am I to interfere? Why try to stop her? Why fight the inevitable?.
I see the look on her face as she stabs me; over and over and over again. The knife cuts into my skin; cold and sharp, a pain unimaginable. Still I do not scream, I do not cry out. I welcome death, for what I have done.
This is what I deserve.
"Billie Joe, stay with me; breathe. Whatever you're seeing, it can't hurt you. Billie, I'm right here." I blink open my eyes to see Mike leaning over me. My breathing is struggling to regulate.
It's no more than a whim of my sick mind; an illusion caused by my guilt.
"Mike..." I gasp. "I can't do this...I can't come with you tonight..."
"Billie Joe, it's just an attack; it'll pass and everything will be fine. And then I can show you, just how much I love you." Mike murmurs softly, reassuringly.
"Mike...I have a wife...I have to go home to her..."
"Billie, don't do this to me." Mike pleads with me.
"And do this to Adie?"
"So you're just going to lose me?"
I turn away from him with tears in my eyes, air filling my lungs normally and pain stinging at me. "Don't make me make that choice."
-x-
With the bottle pressed to my lips, I tilt back my head and bite the bullet. Mikey hasn't talked to me since that night. I've kept my wife, but lost my best friend and the man I love. All I have left in me is pain.
And pain is all that I deserve..