A Time of Self-reflection
There have been times lately where I would look in the mirror and the person gazing back at me is unrecognizable. It feels like I'm a stranger to myself. I don't know where anything in my life is going right now. Perhaps time has left me behind. I remember somebody telling me, "Don't wait for time, because when it comes, it'll run you over and not look back." I need to find myself again, find out what to do with it, find out where it's going. It's strange too. One would think you'd notice if something ran you over. Must've happened during the last of those depressive times. I don't miss those at all. I wish this thing could just pull the thoughts from my head and type them here. It's not that hard to get lost in there. Empty shadows and broken dreams cast a wary feeling in all that happens. Will this work out? Will I get hurt again? Sometimes I find this funny. A lot of girls say that they would like a guy who would treat them good, who would be there for them when they needed it, even if it means dropping whatever it is they're doing, a classic nice guy, and here I am, alone. Of course, I don't want a lot of girls, just one. Yes, I do realise that all of my problems won't magically melt away were I to have somebody, but they most certainly won't matter as much. It all depends on your point of view, at the time being. You could be thinking, 'stop your angsty blathering, life's not bad, people are dying elsewhere, get over it.' and I would agree. One of my gifts is being able to see practically anybody's point of view. Sometimes I forget that others don't have that. My dad, for example, is completely devoid of it. Sometimes, even I forget I have it. Life's not that bad. It's funny when people make a big deal out of such minute things. "Oh no! There's a stain on my shirt!" They should be happy it's not a bullet hole, that they're fortunate enough to not worry about starving or staying alive. I think by now you know where I stand on the Iraq thing. I must find myself...not the depressive one I am leaving behind...the happy one. I remember him. Seems so long ago too. When did he leave? I guess he's not entirely gone. I still help complete strangers whenever I see they need it. The great sense of humor comes around once in a while too. I can't draw though. Just don't feel like there is any 'inspiration'. No reason to draw. Having somebody to show it to would help. Even just a friend. My current roommates wouldn't care for it, nor would the neighbor. I don't have a scanner either so I won't be able to share them with anybody online. Once I get started, I'll be fine. I didn't care if anybody seen them before. I'd show them to others if they wished to see, but I usually kept them to myself. I'd rather share them now. Why draw if you're going to be the only one to see the things you have created? Maybe people several thousand years from now will find them. I wonder what they'll think. Will they think of them as from an individual, or would they take it as from our whole society? Who knows what will happen in that amount of time. What if the Aztecs were actually a small group of crazed fanatics, outcasts of normal society? I doubt anybody has ever thought that before. This has helped. There's no reason for me to feel low. I'm alive. I do know that life isn't all there is in this universe, but still, life is a gift. I think the only thing for me to do is to do the best I can. Perhaps along the way, I'll find that one person.