(no subject)
Today's one of the first days that I've woken up and all I've wanted to do is go back to sleep. Not in that good way, either, where I'm comfortable in bed and the sunlight's streaming in from the window and everything seems beautifully calm and still and I want to experience it more. Not like that, not like that at all. I wanted to go back to sleep because I didn't want to be awake. That's sick, and it's sad, that I've become that desperate for things to stabilize and for me not to have to sort out my emotions, that I'm trying to use sleep as an escape. Of course, once I fully comprehended what I was doing, I forced myself up out of bed and went for a bike ride. No slipping into becoming a recluce for me, thank you.
Things change. They changed. I'm generally okay with change, good at adapting to it, but the changes have been too rapid fire this time, and it's close to the feeling of being shoved onto an airport runway while a plane is landing and having about enough time to figure out that a way out is needed before being squashed.
It isn't as if I've been miserable the past few days or past couple of weeks. On the contrary. It's just that underlying all the fun and the pleasure and the thrills, there's been those unsettled feelings, ones I keep delaying sorting out. Unsettled feelings can only rest there so long. Pretty soon, they start demanding to be addressed and answered, and I think they're starting to begin their riot against me.
Maybe it's just me worrying that I'm beginning to start to hurt people. Maybe not even "beginning".
Things change. They changed. I'm generally okay with change, good at adapting to it, but the changes have been too rapid fire this time, and it's close to the feeling of being shoved onto an airport runway while a plane is landing and having about enough time to figure out that a way out is needed before being squashed.
It isn't as if I've been miserable the past few days or past couple of weeks. On the contrary. It's just that underlying all the fun and the pleasure and the thrills, there's been those unsettled feelings, ones I keep delaying sorting out. Unsettled feelings can only rest there so long. Pretty soon, they start demanding to be addressed and answered, and I think they're starting to begin their riot against me.
Maybe it's just me worrying that I'm beginning to start to hurt people. Maybe not even "beginning".