(no subject)
Songfic challenge ficlet - Dearly Departed
Disclaimer: Do not own. Anything.
Warnings: Angst. But not too much of it, because I cannot write well enough for that to be the case.
The door opened shafting light into the darkness. I walked in, toed my shoes off and let the door catch-lock itself behind me.
The black settled again. And there was no comfort in it. No arms reaching out to draw me close. No sly, slithering tease lashing my attention. No refuge from a life alone.
Giving in, laying down. Forgetting. I wish it came easily. I wish it came at all.
But on and on, day after day, mission followed mission as the moon waxed and waned and life tortured itself out in minutes that echoed with emptiness. Where ghosts flitted at the edges of my vision, but never turned themselves into love. Never into my love, with his voice. His heart. Beating close to mine.
Another deep breath and I turned myself towards bed. To cold sheets which ignored the shivers that danced through me.
He would never come home. I would always miss him. My partner. My friend. My unbeknownst love.
And I couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t his choice. He had no choice. Children. Adults. Greed. Money. Never a good combination. Though to be fair, I’ve only had limited exposure to the relationships between adults and children.
The sun shining in the daytime hurt less than the nights. The beams of warmth inflicted less … less pain, though pain isn’t a word big enough to encompass the loss of all that matters, all that I care about. Duo needs to come home. Sweetheart, come home. Come home and I’ll tell you how I feel about you. But, please, please. Just ..
More days passed, more months. Reports protected six ways to Sunday land on my desk intermittently. Another breakthrough. Another success building on the last one. But I know it won’t be over soon.
It’s been years since I saw the first file on this case, since I watched Duo pick it up and make it his.
And sometimes … sometimes, I think I’ll never feel his heart beating next to mine again. Never know another guilt - drenched night of soul-deep joy when his nightmares chase him from his room to mine - into my arms, into my bed.
My angel of darkness who is made of light. The man who by saving the world has damned me.
Yet what is my life against those of many. What is one man’s worth, one man’s love - undeclared, unreturned love at that, against the worth of a thousand futures yet to begin truly writing their own lives, their own loves, their own worth.
And so, I wait in the darkness - I wait for my light, to bring life back to me.
Lyrics
Sweetheart
How I miss your heart
Beating next to mine
The right words were always hard to find
When all our time’s was fine
When darling you were mine
Oh mine
And I know
I know you had no choice
But how I miss your voice
Singing right with mine
Flesh of my flesh
Soul of my soul
I come back home
Though this darkness cannot hurt us
Coz they made you from the light
It don’t hurt us
Don’t be(?) us
We will make it through this night
Sweetheart
How I miss your heart
Beating next to mine
Flesh of my flesh
Soul of my soul
I come back home
Listen here: http://www.npr.org/programs/asc/archives/bestof2004/songs.html#devotchka