Resurrection
Resurrection; PG-13; Sehun/Luhan; Angst, Romance
~2900 words
Slight!Lay/Luhan
Umm hi guys! There is shitloads of angst in here, just saying. You've been warned.
Sehun was dancing in the practice room when it all started. He had been trying to perfect this particular dance move, because he had somehow looked awkward among the rest of the members during the formation earlier. He had been so into it, he didn’t notice Luhan standing by the door, watching him silently, his eyes sparkling. It was only when he turned around, out of breath with sweat dripping down his chin, did he realise the older man’s presence.
“Oh hyung, you gave me a shock.”
“You looked so focused, I didn’t dare interrupt.” Luhan went further into the room, the door shutting with a small click behind him.
Sehun smiled, a slight twitch at the edges of his lips. “What brings you back here?”
Luhan hands him a towel to wipe his sweat, then rolls him a water bottle. Sehun catches it gratefully and downs the whole bottle in gulps. Luhan doesn’t answer, and when Sehun looks up, he finds Luhan staring at his reflection in the mirror, a slight smile on his face.
“Hyung?” He raises one eyebrow, staring back at the older man through the mirror. “It’s kind of creepy, you know. You standing there and staring at my reflection.” He chuckles a little, continues to wipe his face. When Luhan still doesn’t answer, Sehun worries a little and moves closer.
“Don’t.” Luhan had an arm raised in front of him. “I mean, don’t come closer.”
Sehun watched his hyung carefully, the other’s brows knitted and worrying his lips. “Hy…ung? Is something wrong?” He was whispering, mainly because he didn’t want to startle Luhan and also because he was afraid he might say something wrong. Sehun took another tentative step forward, eyes never leaving the other man in the room.
“Sehun, stop there.” Sehun did as told, slightly shocked by the strain in Luhan’s voice.
“Why?” He was fiddling with the empty water bottle, feeling worried and awkward because he was standing in the middle of the practice room with his friend having an internal debate with himself.
“Sehun, if you come any closer, I am going to kiss you.”
The shock must have been apparent on his face, because the next moment Luhan was shaking his head and rubbing his face with his hands. “I, just, I… forget it.”
Sehun didn’t know what came over him, but he found himself catching the older boy’s wrist just before he could grab onto the door handle. “Hyung. Is this why you came here? To kiss me?”
Luhan only sighed, making Sehun more and more irritated. “I, yes I did.”
He watched as the older man leaned against the door, wrenching his wrist away from Sehun’s grip and letting it fall to his side.
Sehun knew he was going to regret his words. His mind was blaring a loud NO NO NO but before he could stop it, he found himself stepping closer and leaning down to meet the other’s eyes.
“Then why didn’t you?”
The last thing he remembered before kissing Luhan was the surprise that flashed across the older boy’s eyes and the hollow clank of the empty water bottle hitting against the floor.
The thing is, Sehun had always known he had some sort of a crush on Luhan, which turned into full fledged infatuation after months of living together with him. Sehun found himself loving the way Luhan took care of everyone in the dorm, found himself staring and smiling whenever Luhan gets all shy in the face of a compliment. He acknowledges it, but only recently had he realised this infatuation had bloomed into something even more, something he didn’t dare to think about. He thinks about Luhan’s warmth when he hugs him (except Sehun is way taller so they end up with Luhan’s forehead hitting Sehun’s chin), and Luhan’s accented Korean whenever he tries to speak with everyone else. He realises he’s in deep trouble, when he couldn’t get Luhan out of his mind no matter what he was doing, but this, this kissing and panting and Luhan’s soft sound of surprise when Sehun accidentally bit his lips, it just confirms everything.
Sehun could feel his brain go into overdrive, sirens ringing and trying to pull him away, but all he could understand is his own name coming out of the other man’s mouth, and he thinks fuck it, he can always blame his heart later.
∞
“Sehun, I-all I want is this, no commitments or attachment or anything. If you are not alright with this, I understand. I, I will just leave.”
“Don’t leave. Don’t leave please.”
∞
Sehun finds himself agreeing to this no-attachment-and-feelings-involved affair with Luhan, and tries to calm his racing heart and tells himself not to get his hopes high, because there was a larger possibility that Luhan would just treat him as a channel for his pent up frustrations.
There was a higher chance that he would be the only casualty in the end.
∞
Sehun sees the look Luhan shoots him from across the table, and he hates it. Really. He hates it because he knows what Luhan is hinting at, and he couldn’t even fucking reject it because he was the one who agreed in the first place. He nodded, and wonders if he had just perfectly ruined a great friendship with his own hands.
It had been one week since that episode in the practice room.
He tries not to think about it when Luhan is kissing him against the bathroom door later on, his own hands grabbing onto the older man’s shoulders, trying to hang onto any last chance for resurrection.
He finds none, and ignores the pain as he watches Luhan leave the bathroom, telling him to come out five minutes later because we don’t want to raise suspicions.
∞
It’s not jealousy, Sehun tells himself as he watches Luhan hit Yixing on the head, crumpling in laughter and hanging onto Yixing’s arm as the other man pulls him into a headlock, threatening to break his neck because did you just hit me on the head?!
Sehun turns around harshly when their eyes meet, blinking back bitter tears as he convinces himself he’s not sad he’s not sad he’s not sad. But who was he kidding. He wipes at his tears furiously as he listens to Luhan’s laughter behind him, and tries not to think about how long it has been since Luhan had ruffled his hair and threw an arm around him, all big brother and doting. Nowadays it’s all lust lust lust, and when Sehun finds himself unable to take it anymore, he flees before Luhan can see his red rimmed eyes, but as he weeps silently into his hands in the bathroom later on, he realises it wouldn’t have mattered because Luhan wasn’t even looking in his direction, too busy pretending to hang onto Yixing’s every word.
Sehun tries to convince himself he’s not hurting, and bites down hard on his arm to muffle his sobs when he hears footsteps outside the bathroom. Open the door open the door he thinks, but the footsteps fade again and Sehun pretends his tears are falling only because he had bitten down too hard, the drops of blood on his hand providing a sanctuary for him to believe in his own lies.
He almost believes them. Almost.
∞
It was an accident, really, when Sehun’s heart decided to take over the control of his mouth, and he found himself staring at a very very shocked Luhan, who was in the middle of biting Sehun’s earlobes.
“What.” Luhan pushed away from him, backing away to put some distance between them.
Sehun’s head hit against the door due to the impact, and he could feel something burning at the back of his eyes. He keeps telling himself it’s the head that hurts, not the heart.
“I said I like you.”
“No you don’t.”
Sehun didn’t know which to be more surprised about, the hardness in Luhan’s voice or the definite denial Luhan shot back without a second thought.
“Hyung.” Sehun sighed, tired and exasperated. “It’s my feelings. Don’t you think I would be the one who knows myself best?” He stares at the floor, because he doesn’t think he has enough courage to look Luhan in the eyes.
“How could you.”
Sehun looked up at the tinge of betrayal and hurt lacing Luhan’s words, and he sees himself breaking even more. Luhan had his jaws set, and Sehun thinks he hasn’t seen the other so angry before. It hurts him to think that it would be his own blatant confession that brings so much anger to the older boy.
“You said you wouldn’t. We set rules.”
Sehun was exhausted. He just wanted to hide and cry in his bed, because the tears were going to fall any moment, and he doesn’t want Luhan to see him crying. Instead, he decided that it’s now or never. He had enough of this, of these secret touches and sneaky kisses in the hallway. He had enough of Luhan pretending not to see how much he’s hurting him.
“I liked you even before we started this-this thing. I just thought if I agreed you might be able to find out my feelings and reciprocate.” Sehun stares straight into Luhan’s eyes and smiles, all broken and watery and he doesn’t even bother hiding the bitterness behind his laugh. “Apparently not.”
He watches the emotions on Luhan’s face, and decides there and then that indeed, he had singlehandedly fucked up their friendship.
“Luhan.” The older boy startled a little, because it was the first time Sehun had addressed him by his name alone. “I don’t want to play this game anymore. Can we just stop this? I’m really really tired. I like you hyung, but if all you want is to continue this no-strings-attached affair, I’m out.”
Sehun waits for a reply, a yes no please get out of my life. Instead, he only watches as Luhan struggles with himself, and he’s had enough.
He walks out of the room, a single tear dripping out before he could wipe it away, and thinks that any reply would have been better than this.
Again he pretends he doesn’t hurt, that he’s already used to it, that he already knew and anticipated this outcome from the start and he had brought it upon himself, but as he sits on the staircase landing hugging his knees close to himself, used to the feeling of warm tears rolling down his face, he knows he’s not fooling anyone.
He’s in pain and hurting, and it’s obvious.
∞
Luhan is good at pretending too, Sehun realises, as he watches the other boy sitting at the dining table with Wu Fan and Baekhyun. I’m not in pain, Sehun watches Luhan smile and laugh, wide and glorious, and he gives up living in denial. He stares hard at the couch, eyebrows furrowed as he thinks about how the older boy had been ignoring him since his confession four days ago.
A pair of legs come into view.
Sehun looks up.
“Can we talk?”
Sehun pretends he does not feel Baekhyun’s eyes on him.
∞
Sehun fiddles with the hem of his shirt as he tries to adapt to the awkward silence. It seems that it’s the only thing that fills their time alone nowadays, and when did it become like this because we were supposed to be best friends and-
“I’m sorry.”
Sehun’s head shot up and he stared, watched as Luhan take a seat beside him on the bed tentatively. He wanted to shift away from the other boy, give himself a false sense of security and pretend that he won’t get hurt if he stays further away. There it is again, pretence. That’s all he’s ever good in now.
“I, I just want my friend back Sehun. Can we go back again?”
NO, Sehun wants to scream. He wants to tell Luhan how utterly selfish he was, because he had his feelings all exhibited and all Luhan did was run away without even a proper rejection so Sehun can give up. He wanted to hit Luhan, because he had been the one who started the fucked up affair, and now he wants Sehun to pretend they hadn’t been kissing each other for the past few weeks and revert back to normal even though he knows about Sehun’s feelings towards him. Sehun wants to shout, make Luhan realise that he’s in terrible pain, that he cries into his pillow every night when everyone else is sleeping, that he cries in the bathroom too, biting hard on his arm to muffle his sobs and the echoes that bounce off the walls.
Instead, all Sehun does is nod and wrap Luhan in his arms, as he slowly gets used to the warmth of the older boy again. He realises how much he misses this, the scent of Luhan overwhelming him and Luhan’s forehead hitting against his chin. He feels the tears coming, and he tries his hardest to stop them, because this is probably the best outcome for Sehun and Luhan and he doesn’t want to ruin it.
If Luhan feels a drop of tear dripping onto his shoulder, he doesn’t complain.
∞
Things are not normal, Sehun thinks as he watches apology creep on Luhan’s face, and he draws his hand back.
“I, Sehun I was just...”
“It’s okay hyung, I understand.” Sehun smiles, the edges of his lips trembling as he feels the familiar sense of dread settle in his heart.
“No, Sehun I was really just… shocked...”
Sehun pretends this doesn’t hurt him. He’s a man of steel, he tells himself. He’s already used to it. “Hyung I know.” He doesn’t want to listen anymore.
“I’m sorry.” Luhan covers his own hands gently, and Sehun hates himself for wanting to grab them, but that would probably scare Luhan, he concludes bitterly.
So Sehun moves his own hands out from under Luhan’s, and stands. He couldn’t bring it in himself to reply that it’s okay, because it wasn’t, so he smiles and leaves.
∞
Sehun can hear Chanyeol’s voice in the living room, loud and deep as he shouts something indecipherable. Then he hears the Chinese members speaking in Chinese, and he doesn’t understand anything, so he gets out of bed and tries to figure what the commotion is about. He stops by the corner when he hears Luhan’s voice, timid and nervous and exasperated.
“Stop being so loud please. I don’t want to wake Sehun up.”
I’m not touched, I’m not touched. This is nothing.
“And there’s nothing to be happy about. I’m just meeting Yixing for dinner after his guitar practice, what’s wrong with that?”
“Hyung there’s nothing wrong if he had asked everyone else out.” Sehun could hear the tease in Chanyeol’s voice. “He only asked you.”
“When he knows everyone else is free at this time too.” Zitao chimes in, nodding and high-fiving Chanyeol.
Sehun feels the stab of pain in his chest, and he hates himself for not being used to it even after feeling it for so many fucking goddamn times. Luhan is meeting Yixing Luhan is meeting Yixing. He feels like crying all over again, because why is it Yixing why isn’t it him why is life so unfair and what does Yixing have that he doesn’t.
He looks up and meets eyes with Baekhyun, who gives him a worrying look and come out, be brave. He braces himself and steps around the corner, watching as dread take over Luhan’s features when he realises Sehun has been listening all these while, and then all Sehun wants to do is run across the room and punch Luhan in the face, because how could he do this to him, how could he like someone else when he had been the one who wanted to kiss Sehun in the first place.
He vaguely registers Baekhyun shooing the rest of the members into his room, and Chanyeol’s indignant cry of how can we all fit in that tiny thing, but he doesn’t really remember because all he can see is Luhan ripping his heart out and throwing it on the floor, and he’s too tired to fight it.
“Go on, hyung.” He speaks when he sees Luhan opening his mouth, because he doesn’t want to hear him explain.
“It’s not a date.” Luhan insists, eyebrows furrowing.
“It’s okay you don’t have to explain.”
“Are you, are you okay?”
Sehun looks at Luhan, all small and worried and fragile, and musters up the most genuine smile on his face. It takes all of his energy and he feels like crumpling against the wall. “I’m okay.”
It’s the biggest lie he’s ever said, and his heart burns and screams as he watches Luhan walk out of the dorm.
The door slams, and everything hurts.
FIN.
- My first EXO fic! Hoping everyone likes it!
- HunHan sends me into this kind of mood, mainly because Sehun is quiet and Luhan is all caring and sigh.
- But most of the fics I've read, are all about how Luhan is waiting for Sehun, basically Sehun is the one that ruins their relationship and Luhan is waiting and waiting, so I thought NO THIS IS NOT THE CASE SEHUN IS KIND AND WAITS FOR HIS LOVER TOO. Is my EXO bias that obvious.
- Baekhyun is my lovely bias bias bias in EXO, followed by Sehun, if anyone cares.
- LEAVE A COMMENT TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK?
- I have a Baekyeol ROCKSTAR!AU brewing in my mind, anybody up for that as well?
♥
~2900 words
Slight!Lay/Luhan
Umm hi guys! There is shitloads of angst in here, just saying. You've been warned.
Sehun was dancing in the practice room when it all started. He had been trying to perfect this particular dance move, because he had somehow looked awkward among the rest of the members during the formation earlier. He had been so into it, he didn’t notice Luhan standing by the door, watching him silently, his eyes sparkling. It was only when he turned around, out of breath with sweat dripping down his chin, did he realise the older man’s presence.
“Oh hyung, you gave me a shock.”
“You looked so focused, I didn’t dare interrupt.” Luhan went further into the room, the door shutting with a small click behind him.
Sehun smiled, a slight twitch at the edges of his lips. “What brings you back here?”
Luhan hands him a towel to wipe his sweat, then rolls him a water bottle. Sehun catches it gratefully and downs the whole bottle in gulps. Luhan doesn’t answer, and when Sehun looks up, he finds Luhan staring at his reflection in the mirror, a slight smile on his face.
“Hyung?” He raises one eyebrow, staring back at the older man through the mirror. “It’s kind of creepy, you know. You standing there and staring at my reflection.” He chuckles a little, continues to wipe his face. When Luhan still doesn’t answer, Sehun worries a little and moves closer.
“Don’t.” Luhan had an arm raised in front of him. “I mean, don’t come closer.”
Sehun watched his hyung carefully, the other’s brows knitted and worrying his lips. “Hy…ung? Is something wrong?” He was whispering, mainly because he didn’t want to startle Luhan and also because he was afraid he might say something wrong. Sehun took another tentative step forward, eyes never leaving the other man in the room.
“Sehun, stop there.” Sehun did as told, slightly shocked by the strain in Luhan’s voice.
“Why?” He was fiddling with the empty water bottle, feeling worried and awkward because he was standing in the middle of the practice room with his friend having an internal debate with himself.
“Sehun, if you come any closer, I am going to kiss you.”
The shock must have been apparent on his face, because the next moment Luhan was shaking his head and rubbing his face with his hands. “I, just, I… forget it.”
Sehun didn’t know what came over him, but he found himself catching the older boy’s wrist just before he could grab onto the door handle. “Hyung. Is this why you came here? To kiss me?”
Luhan only sighed, making Sehun more and more irritated. “I, yes I did.”
He watched as the older man leaned against the door, wrenching his wrist away from Sehun’s grip and letting it fall to his side.
Sehun knew he was going to regret his words. His mind was blaring a loud NO NO NO but before he could stop it, he found himself stepping closer and leaning down to meet the other’s eyes.
“Then why didn’t you?”
The last thing he remembered before kissing Luhan was the surprise that flashed across the older boy’s eyes and the hollow clank of the empty water bottle hitting against the floor.
The thing is, Sehun had always known he had some sort of a crush on Luhan, which turned into full fledged infatuation after months of living together with him. Sehun found himself loving the way Luhan took care of everyone in the dorm, found himself staring and smiling whenever Luhan gets all shy in the face of a compliment. He acknowledges it, but only recently had he realised this infatuation had bloomed into something even more, something he didn’t dare to think about. He thinks about Luhan’s warmth when he hugs him (except Sehun is way taller so they end up with Luhan’s forehead hitting Sehun’s chin), and Luhan’s accented Korean whenever he tries to speak with everyone else. He realises he’s in deep trouble, when he couldn’t get Luhan out of his mind no matter what he was doing, but this, this kissing and panting and Luhan’s soft sound of surprise when Sehun accidentally bit his lips, it just confirms everything.
Sehun could feel his brain go into overdrive, sirens ringing and trying to pull him away, but all he could understand is his own name coming out of the other man’s mouth, and he thinks fuck it, he can always blame his heart later.
∞
“Sehun, I-all I want is this, no commitments or attachment or anything. If you are not alright with this, I understand. I, I will just leave.”
“Don’t leave. Don’t leave please.”
∞
Sehun finds himself agreeing to this no-attachment-and-feelings-involved affair with Luhan, and tries to calm his racing heart and tells himself not to get his hopes high, because there was a larger possibility that Luhan would just treat him as a channel for his pent up frustrations.
There was a higher chance that he would be the only casualty in the end.
∞
Sehun sees the look Luhan shoots him from across the table, and he hates it. Really. He hates it because he knows what Luhan is hinting at, and he couldn’t even fucking reject it because he was the one who agreed in the first place. He nodded, and wonders if he had just perfectly ruined a great friendship with his own hands.
It had been one week since that episode in the practice room.
He tries not to think about it when Luhan is kissing him against the bathroom door later on, his own hands grabbing onto the older man’s shoulders, trying to hang onto any last chance for resurrection.
He finds none, and ignores the pain as he watches Luhan leave the bathroom, telling him to come out five minutes later because we don’t want to raise suspicions.
∞
It’s not jealousy, Sehun tells himself as he watches Luhan hit Yixing on the head, crumpling in laughter and hanging onto Yixing’s arm as the other man pulls him into a headlock, threatening to break his neck because did you just hit me on the head?!
Sehun turns around harshly when their eyes meet, blinking back bitter tears as he convinces himself he’s not sad he’s not sad he’s not sad. But who was he kidding. He wipes at his tears furiously as he listens to Luhan’s laughter behind him, and tries not to think about how long it has been since Luhan had ruffled his hair and threw an arm around him, all big brother and doting. Nowadays it’s all lust lust lust, and when Sehun finds himself unable to take it anymore, he flees before Luhan can see his red rimmed eyes, but as he weeps silently into his hands in the bathroom later on, he realises it wouldn’t have mattered because Luhan wasn’t even looking in his direction, too busy pretending to hang onto Yixing’s every word.
Sehun tries to convince himself he’s not hurting, and bites down hard on his arm to muffle his sobs when he hears footsteps outside the bathroom. Open the door open the door he thinks, but the footsteps fade again and Sehun pretends his tears are falling only because he had bitten down too hard, the drops of blood on his hand providing a sanctuary for him to believe in his own lies.
He almost believes them. Almost.
∞
It was an accident, really, when Sehun’s heart decided to take over the control of his mouth, and he found himself staring at a very very shocked Luhan, who was in the middle of biting Sehun’s earlobes.
“What.” Luhan pushed away from him, backing away to put some distance between them.
Sehun’s head hit against the door due to the impact, and he could feel something burning at the back of his eyes. He keeps telling himself it’s the head that hurts, not the heart.
“I said I like you.”
“No you don’t.”
Sehun didn’t know which to be more surprised about, the hardness in Luhan’s voice or the definite denial Luhan shot back without a second thought.
“Hyung.” Sehun sighed, tired and exasperated. “It’s my feelings. Don’t you think I would be the one who knows myself best?” He stares at the floor, because he doesn’t think he has enough courage to look Luhan in the eyes.
“How could you.”
Sehun looked up at the tinge of betrayal and hurt lacing Luhan’s words, and he sees himself breaking even more. Luhan had his jaws set, and Sehun thinks he hasn’t seen the other so angry before. It hurts him to think that it would be his own blatant confession that brings so much anger to the older boy.
“You said you wouldn’t. We set rules.”
Sehun was exhausted. He just wanted to hide and cry in his bed, because the tears were going to fall any moment, and he doesn’t want Luhan to see him crying. Instead, he decided that it’s now or never. He had enough of this, of these secret touches and sneaky kisses in the hallway. He had enough of Luhan pretending not to see how much he’s hurting him.
“I liked you even before we started this-this thing. I just thought if I agreed you might be able to find out my feelings and reciprocate.” Sehun stares straight into Luhan’s eyes and smiles, all broken and watery and he doesn’t even bother hiding the bitterness behind his laugh. “Apparently not.”
He watches the emotions on Luhan’s face, and decides there and then that indeed, he had singlehandedly fucked up their friendship.
“Luhan.” The older boy startled a little, because it was the first time Sehun had addressed him by his name alone. “I don’t want to play this game anymore. Can we just stop this? I’m really really tired. I like you hyung, but if all you want is to continue this no-strings-attached affair, I’m out.”
Sehun waits for a reply, a yes no please get out of my life. Instead, he only watches as Luhan struggles with himself, and he’s had enough.
He walks out of the room, a single tear dripping out before he could wipe it away, and thinks that any reply would have been better than this.
Again he pretends he doesn’t hurt, that he’s already used to it, that he already knew and anticipated this outcome from the start and he had brought it upon himself, but as he sits on the staircase landing hugging his knees close to himself, used to the feeling of warm tears rolling down his face, he knows he’s not fooling anyone.
He’s in pain and hurting, and it’s obvious.
∞
Luhan is good at pretending too, Sehun realises, as he watches the other boy sitting at the dining table with Wu Fan and Baekhyun. I’m not in pain, Sehun watches Luhan smile and laugh, wide and glorious, and he gives up living in denial. He stares hard at the couch, eyebrows furrowed as he thinks about how the older boy had been ignoring him since his confession four days ago.
A pair of legs come into view.
Sehun looks up.
“Can we talk?”
Sehun pretends he does not feel Baekhyun’s eyes on him.
∞
Sehun fiddles with the hem of his shirt as he tries to adapt to the awkward silence. It seems that it’s the only thing that fills their time alone nowadays, and when did it become like this because we were supposed to be best friends and-
“I’m sorry.”
Sehun’s head shot up and he stared, watched as Luhan take a seat beside him on the bed tentatively. He wanted to shift away from the other boy, give himself a false sense of security and pretend that he won’t get hurt if he stays further away. There it is again, pretence. That’s all he’s ever good in now.
“I, I just want my friend back Sehun. Can we go back again?”
NO, Sehun wants to scream. He wants to tell Luhan how utterly selfish he was, because he had his feelings all exhibited and all Luhan did was run away without even a proper rejection so Sehun can give up. He wanted to hit Luhan, because he had been the one who started the fucked up affair, and now he wants Sehun to pretend they hadn’t been kissing each other for the past few weeks and revert back to normal even though he knows about Sehun’s feelings towards him. Sehun wants to shout, make Luhan realise that he’s in terrible pain, that he cries into his pillow every night when everyone else is sleeping, that he cries in the bathroom too, biting hard on his arm to muffle his sobs and the echoes that bounce off the walls.
Instead, all Sehun does is nod and wrap Luhan in his arms, as he slowly gets used to the warmth of the older boy again. He realises how much he misses this, the scent of Luhan overwhelming him and Luhan’s forehead hitting against his chin. He feels the tears coming, and he tries his hardest to stop them, because this is probably the best outcome for Sehun and Luhan and he doesn’t want to ruin it.
If Luhan feels a drop of tear dripping onto his shoulder, he doesn’t complain.
∞
Things are not normal, Sehun thinks as he watches apology creep on Luhan’s face, and he draws his hand back.
“I, Sehun I was just...”
“It’s okay hyung, I understand.” Sehun smiles, the edges of his lips trembling as he feels the familiar sense of dread settle in his heart.
“No, Sehun I was really just… shocked...”
Sehun pretends this doesn’t hurt him. He’s a man of steel, he tells himself. He’s already used to it. “Hyung I know.” He doesn’t want to listen anymore.
“I’m sorry.” Luhan covers his own hands gently, and Sehun hates himself for wanting to grab them, but that would probably scare Luhan, he concludes bitterly.
So Sehun moves his own hands out from under Luhan’s, and stands. He couldn’t bring it in himself to reply that it’s okay, because it wasn’t, so he smiles and leaves.
∞
Sehun can hear Chanyeol’s voice in the living room, loud and deep as he shouts something indecipherable. Then he hears the Chinese members speaking in Chinese, and he doesn’t understand anything, so he gets out of bed and tries to figure what the commotion is about. He stops by the corner when he hears Luhan’s voice, timid and nervous and exasperated.
“Stop being so loud please. I don’t want to wake Sehun up.”
I’m not touched, I’m not touched. This is nothing.
“And there’s nothing to be happy about. I’m just meeting Yixing for dinner after his guitar practice, what’s wrong with that?”
“Hyung there’s nothing wrong if he had asked everyone else out.” Sehun could hear the tease in Chanyeol’s voice. “He only asked you.”
“When he knows everyone else is free at this time too.” Zitao chimes in, nodding and high-fiving Chanyeol.
Sehun feels the stab of pain in his chest, and he hates himself for not being used to it even after feeling it for so many fucking goddamn times. Luhan is meeting Yixing Luhan is meeting Yixing. He feels like crying all over again, because why is it Yixing why isn’t it him why is life so unfair and what does Yixing have that he doesn’t.
He looks up and meets eyes with Baekhyun, who gives him a worrying look and come out, be brave. He braces himself and steps around the corner, watching as dread take over Luhan’s features when he realises Sehun has been listening all these while, and then all Sehun wants to do is run across the room and punch Luhan in the face, because how could he do this to him, how could he like someone else when he had been the one who wanted to kiss Sehun in the first place.
He vaguely registers Baekhyun shooing the rest of the members into his room, and Chanyeol’s indignant cry of how can we all fit in that tiny thing, but he doesn’t really remember because all he can see is Luhan ripping his heart out and throwing it on the floor, and he’s too tired to fight it.
“Go on, hyung.” He speaks when he sees Luhan opening his mouth, because he doesn’t want to hear him explain.
“It’s not a date.” Luhan insists, eyebrows furrowing.
“It’s okay you don’t have to explain.”
“Are you, are you okay?”
Sehun looks at Luhan, all small and worried and fragile, and musters up the most genuine smile on his face. It takes all of his energy and he feels like crumpling against the wall. “I’m okay.”
It’s the biggest lie he’s ever said, and his heart burns and screams as he watches Luhan walk out of the dorm.
The door slams, and everything hurts.
FIN.
- My first EXO fic! Hoping everyone likes it!
- HunHan sends me into this kind of mood, mainly because Sehun is quiet and Luhan is all caring and sigh.
- But most of the fics I've read, are all about how Luhan is waiting for Sehun, basically Sehun is the one that ruins their relationship and Luhan is waiting and waiting, so I thought NO THIS IS NOT THE CASE SEHUN IS KIND AND WAITS FOR HIS LOVER TOO. Is my EXO bias that obvious.
- Baekhyun is my lovely bias bias bias in EXO, followed by Sehun, if anyone cares.
- LEAVE A COMMENT TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK?
- I have a Baekyeol ROCKSTAR!AU brewing in my mind, anybody up for that as well?
♥