Fic: Just Like Any Other Day
Title~ Just Like Any Other Day
Fandom~ Infinite RPF
Pairing~ 2Woogyu
Word Count~ 2873
Summary~ Woohyun- gender!swap
Author's Note~ This is … okay. So this is actually kind of weird. This is a snippet of a fic that will probably never be fleshed out (mostly because I don’t know how much more pain I can stand putting Woohyun through) … so - the reasons, the discovery, the conclusion of the gender!swap are not here. This is - just one snippet of what could have been a very long full-length fic. Which … I kind of like? It’s a little lazy of me and I’m sorry for that - but: since this is the first time writing in this fandom, the fact that I wrote over 2,000 words that I’m not terribly unhappy with is kind of awesome!? ((I can't believe I did this....))
Goes without saying, but: this is for Lauren, Jamie, and Eleonore especially. Love you ladies! Isn’t our fandom the most lovely fandom?
[Nam Woohyun has completely ruined my life]
Dongwoo lazily traced circles on the back of Woohyun’s hand with his long fingers.
Just like it was any other day. Just like they were sitting in their living room, the others sprawled all around them and Dongwoo’s head in his lap - eternally laughing, eternally smiling. Just like their hands belonged together, wrapped up in each other, tickling and exploring each crevice as if it was for the first time - as if they had done this every day of their entire lives.
Only it wasn’t any other day and they weren’t in the privacy of their dorm, surrounded by Infinite, teasing Sunggyu and laughing at Sungyeol’s efforts to amuse everyone. The sun was warming the skin on the back of Woohyun’s neck - they were outside. They were outside, holding hands. Because today wasn’t normal. And even though Dongwoo’s lazy circles across Woohyun’s skin would have - at any other moment - relaxed him (or driven him to distraction until he pulled the older boy into a dark corner and pressed his body fully into the other’s - until those lazy circles were mirrored by tangling tongues, until one or both of them was breathless), today they were just another sign that something was so very wrong.
Woohyun sighed and flipped his ponytail over one shoulder, wrenching his hand away from Dongwoo’s ministrations. Dongwoo hummed softly and leaned over to pull on Woohyun's hair, the ends of which he was now chewing on sullenly. Woohyun leaned away and glared at the boy sitting across from him.
Even in loose-fitting, ragged clothing - nothing could hide Dongwoo’s natural grace and self-confidence, the well-formed body underneath. Woohyun watched a woman walk past them, her eyes caressing his comrade’s form with a look of clear appreciation - her eyes lingering where his biceps peeked out from under his sleeveless hoodie - Woohyun didn’t have to follow her gaze to know what she saw. He knew more intimately than she ever would.
It was not like Woohyun to be possessive of Dongwoo - not in such a public setting. But watching that woman look at him as if he weren’t even there, as if Dongwoo’s gorgeous body existed just for her in that moment, filled him with a sudden emptiness. He wanted to run to her, to explain who he was, to sing for her - to make her see him, Nam Woohyun, her idol. He grasped for Dongwoo’s hand and smiled up at him. It was all it took for his lover to simply smile back, to be at ease again. Woohyun sneaked a look at the woman who was passing, his fingers now twirling in satisfaction with Dongwoo’s.
She gave him a look of utter contempt.
Woohyun froze as the woman’s gaze travelled over his body - his female body - unable to move or look away. His hair was a mess, he knew - nothing he did could convince the long locks to look even halfway presentable, strands flew out of the elastic band and where sloppy ponytail ended, there was clear evidence that he had been chewing on the strands most of the afternoon. The simple dress Sungjong had picked out for him earlier that day hung loose on his body - by all accounts it should have been flattering. But nothing was. No matter what cut, what fabric, what style - it did not matter, Woohyun was cursed to look as though he was wearing a paper sack over his thin, lanky frame. The current dress was put on in desperation - Sungjong had literally lost patience and stormed out after Woohyun had pulled it over his head. After a week of this - he refused to wear a bra, it was clear he didn’t really need one anyway, only Sunggyu had really noticed when he stopped. On his feet were a pair of worn sneakers - he had put in a valiant effort with the heels Sungjong gleefully brought him, but he couldn’t stand in them, let alone walk. It made no sense to him (the first shopping experience resulting in him lying on Sunggyu’s bed in the fetal position, Dongwoo curled up behind him and Sunggyu nervously flitting around, trying to stop him from crying with food and stuffed animals and basically anything he could get his hands on) that this body could not do the things he knew he could do before.
Nam Woohyun could do anything he set his mind to. Except this. Except be this person he wasn’t.
Woohyun’s body did what he told it to do - it did what was needed. Sometimes there was a fight, sometimes Woohyun thought he’d never enjoy food again, would never leave the gym, would never find the perfection he was seeking and so desperately needed. But after some time his body - his true body - and he had to some sort of accord. He had learned to work with it, instead of fighting it. Now, he felt like he had to start all over.
The woman’s gaze focused on Woohyun’s hand twirled up in Dongwoo’s and smirked, sauntering off with her hips swaying in an even more pronounced way. Woohyun felt tears burning the back of his eyes at that look and turned away. Dongwoo didn’t see the woman, he just looked happy to be in a public place with Woohyun, holding his hand without fear.
Woohyun’s legs swung under him and he sighed.
It had been like this all day - his one day out of the dorms, away from their crazy scehedule, in so long. Dongwoo was so excited, Woohyun tried to make it a good day for his sake. But he just couldn’t keep up the facade in that body - that didn’t listen to him. That slumped when he told it to straighten, that was awkward where Woohyun was usually so poised. He felt like a small child, his limbs completely out of his control, his body separate from him.
And everywhere they went, he saw the same thing: women ogling Dongwoo and smirking, laughing at Woohyun.
For Dongwoo this was a day without fear (though Woohyun was pretty sure Dongwoo wasn’t afraid of anything, least of all social judgment), a day when he could walk around in public and buy his girlfriend gifts and dinner - things that they had dreamed of doing together so often, but were so physically incapable of doing. Not just because of their schedules, or because of their famous faces, but also because of their shared gender. Walking onto a stage hand-in-hand made the fangirls squeal with delight, but walking into a public theatre as “civilians” hand-in-hand was still much too risky. It was one thing to show affection - quite another to openly flaunt a romantic relationship in public.
For Dongwoo, it had been a perfect day. He had blushed with pleasure when the ajumma had teased him for not buying Woohyun dessert at the café. He had gleefully played the arcade games and won Woohyun an obnoxiously oversized stuffed giraffe that he carried around by the neck as if it were the most thrilling possession of his life. He had sit chastely next to Woohyun during the movie, buying them popcorn and soda; preening over himself and his generous nature.
Woohyun had taken the day in stride - it wasn’t like he hadn’t dreamed of a day like this for the two of them as well. His discontent was not in the fact that Dongwoo was able to play boyfriend, was delighting so much in showering Woohyun with the delicate intricacies of a public relationship the way most men did as a sign of status to other men - showing off their generosity and love with presents and dinners. This didn’t rankle Woohyun in the slightest.
He hadn’t noticed the men walking by, their faces appreciative and slightly jealous of the man in the mask holding hands with a lanky, boyish girl with a natural beauty and forthrightness. He didn’t notice their eyes take in his form and smile appreciatively.
He couldn’t.
What he had noticed - what made his eyes smart with unshed tears, what made him hide into Dongwoo’s side like a frightened rabbit, what made him blush with fury - was the women. The women, who were so obviously appreciative of Dongwoo’s masculine frame, looked on Woohyun’s sloppy appearance with shallow disdain. He was not beautiful or accomplished the way that they were. He forgot to cross his legs at dinner - he cowered into the booth when the ajumma glared down at him. He laughed too loud when Dongwoo won the ridiculous giraffe. He slumped in his seat at the theater. He was doing it all wrong - they hated him for it. They hated him for having Dongwoo, in spite of his slovenliness. In spite of the fact that he didn’t know the rules to their game.
He wanted to go back to the dorms. He wanted to escape the eyes that followed him everywhere. He thought of greasy-Woohyun and looked down at the skinny knees peeking out from under the thin dress and shook his head. There was nothing, nothing he could do with this body that he could have done with his real one. There was nothing he could do to convince the women that passed that his hand belonged inside Dongwoo’s.
All he wanted was to go back to the safety of the dorm. To curl up on the floor with Dongwoo and pretend this day never happened - pretend he had never had to deal with those judgmental faces - just sit and enjoy Infinite for a moment, before it became clear that he was stuck in this body forever and that life he had worked so hard for was officially dragged from him forever.
When he finally was able to break himself out of his self-flagellating reverie, Dongwoo was looking at him inquisitively. His phone was buzzing on the table next to their hands.
It was leader. Woohyun used his spare hand to pick it up and press the large green button flashing over Sunggyu’s face on the screen he held on to Dongwoo’s hand for dear life, it was his life-line, “Yes, hyung?”
“Don’t you mean oppa?” Sunggyu’s voice was low and husky - teasing. He had not been happy with Woohyun’s transformation. While Dongwoo had embraced the change with good humor and innocent pleasure, Sunggyu had shied away from them, becoming almost sullen in his silences. Refusing to touch Woohyun, even though it was the only thing the other man wanted.
Woohyun’s breath caught and his eyes lit up, he looked over at Dongwoo and smiled as he said, “Yes, oppa?”
Dongwoo watched Woohyun's small face grow more animated as he talked to leader on the phone and smiled softly to himself.
It had been a supremely long day and Dongwoo was a bundle of nerves. Not much rankled the young man, but watching someone he loved so dearly suffering through so much discomfort made him feel desperate and helpless. The most he could do was keep laughing, keep moving, keep pretending he hadn't noticed Woohyun's darkening mood.
Dongwoo splayed open Woohyun's fingers, running his own delicately down the other's palm. It wasn't the palm he was used to; this was so small and small boned. Dongwoo felt as though he had to treat it even more delicately, as if his own hands could crush or injure it just by holding on too tight. Dongwoo felt that way about Woohyun a lot - even before this unprecedented body changing event - the younger man was so much more fragile than anyone else could imagine. The only other person who could conceptualize just how thin of an armor Woohyun wrapped around himself was Sunggyu. They stood next to him, on either side, trying so hard to be his champions while the idiot insisted on fighting the world himself. Always before he had been able to fight the world with a smile, had been able to merely grease his way into the good graces of the public. Had managed to win the rest of Infinite over with his humor, his diligence, his serious devotion to the group. But he was so easily broken, it drove Dongwoo to distraction, having to watch him throw himself into a world that could so easily chew him up and spit him out.
He looked up, curious to see if the new hand meant a new reaction. But Woohyun's eyes were open and honest, darkening and softening as Dongwoo traced the lines on his new palm. It was good to know that he was still the same - he was still Woohyun - even in that body.
Not that it wasn’t painfully obvious. Woohyun wore his female frame like an ill-fitting suit. All his mannerisms - so greasy, so painstakingly careful and planned - were too masculine, too at odds with his body now. Before he had flaunted the line between male and female - had been so cheesy, so loving, so dorkily honest in his grease.
And Dongwoo saw it on his face, the confusion - the hurt pride. He had hoped this day out of the dorms would help Woohyun feel better - that he’d stop worrying so much. But Woohyun couldn’t change his whole being in an afternoon, couldn’t stop seeking the attention of the women who now dismissed him. He didn’t understand the rules - how could he? Dongwoo understood them only abstractly, following his sister’s lead when dealing with more than one female. Woohyun had never lived with a girl the way he had, but there were some things that could not be taught.
How to sit, how to stand, how to laugh, how to smile…there was an unspoken rule for everything and as much as Woohyun would deny it, he clung to the rules with ferocity. Yes, he broke them, flaunted them, played with them; but not knowing them was killing him. Not being able to fit was going to break him once and for all.
Woohyun hung up the phone and looked over at Dongwoo, “What do you want to do next?”
Dongwoo’s felt his heart break at that expression - Woohyun trying so hard to give him what he wanted. He was too generous, sometimes. Too giving. His whole self was on display at every moment, ready to be sold for the slightest attention - the barest trace of affection.
Dongwoo swept around the table and wrapped his arms around Woohyun - still so him even in a body that held him awkwardly - and kissed him. Kissed him good. Kissed him as if that was all it would take to extract the pain from Woohyun’s eyes.
Sungyu stared down at his phone and considered pressing talk again. He fought it, the urge to call back. The urge to hear Woohyun’s voice again. He side-eyed the room full of managers and producers that were waiting to talk to him. There was so much he needed to do that day. Woohyun and Dongwoo could take a day off and have a day of perfect-couple activities, but Sungyu was Leader. He couldn’t play away his day.
He wouldn’t choose to spend the day out walking around and tiring himself out, anyway. Hiding in public, afraid of being seen or recognized. He’d choose to wrap himself around Woohyun and sleep the day away - in bed, softly petting and kissing Dongwoo at intervals when it was needed, just whiling the day away with his two favorite people. Let the world pass them by, make love lazily and slowly, forget about duties and schedules and plans and other people and Infinite and even food and just be wrapped up in each other.
His phone buzzed.
;p the day is pretty but there is no gyu - what are a woo to do?
Sungyu’s hand shook. Dongwoo’s txt-messages rarely made sense. Puzzling them out sometimes lead to swearing and hostile silences on Sungyu’s part (until he pulled Woohyun to him and the explanation was given after a moment of requisite teasing). This one pulled at him - he should be with them today. He should be holding Woohyun’s hand as he negotiated the world in his new body. He should be with them, smiling, joking, laughing, pulling Woohyun to him on the street and kissing him madly, protecting him.
All day, Dongwoo had been sending cryptic, slightly melodramatic messages, until Sungyu finally excused himself politely from the third meeting that day and called Woohyun himself.
Sungyu heaved a sigh. Woohyun had sounded on the verge of tears. He couldn’t hide something like that - his voice got thick and heavy, and in this body just slightly more high-pitched (after only a couple hours, Sungyu had memorized this body the same way he had the last one, knew all of its quirks, felt each struggle to adjust, worshipped it the way he always worshipped Woohyun) and his laughter was just a little more forced.
He wanted to go to them.
But he didn’t.
Sungyu walked back into the meeting and squared his shoulders. The managers never knew his heart was somewhere else. He was Leader. And Woohyun would want him to put Infinite first.
(he hoped)