[fic] i don't want to name you tonight, let's just stay faceless in the darkness
fic: I don't want to name you tonight, let's just stay faceless in the darkness (ao3)
fandom: The Heirs
pairing: Rachel/Eunsang
rating: porn?
word count: ~1000
a/n: to celebrate the end of vergoldung's physics final (you really don't deserve this you know)
I know what it's like to not be wanted.
The first time they shared these words they were halting and were covered in lies and half-spoken truths and were blocked by the sheer perversity of strangeness.
It's amazing what Eunsang will let slip to strangers, Rachel will later think (her hands sliding up Eunsang's skirt, her breath hitching against Eunsang's collarbone, her cunt warm and pressed solidly against Eunsang's thigh) that it's amazing what barriers Eunsang will put up once, even after just learning someone's name.
She only likes to be exposed when there's nothing to lose.
(Rachel doesn't understand this - there's always something to lose.)
(She spends months trying to break her of this until she realizes they've already lost everything and she didn't win and there's nothing left to prove.)
(She never stops trying anyway.)
Trying to prove that there's still something left to lose.
As if she hasn't put everything on the table long ago.
As if they both aren't pretending they still have something to hide.
The second time they share these words they are both running away and it's not even true for both of them anymore - but they need it to be true - and Rachel says it in anger with malice and she spits the words in Eunsang's face. She doesn't flinch. (Rachel will learn that she never flinches. No matter how tight Rachel pulls the ropes, how menacingly she flails her whip, Eunsang never flinches. It drives her mad until it drives her to kiss those impertinent lips and then it's all over anyway. Because neither one of them knows how to back down anymore.)
(That's all they've ever done.)
(Even when they swore they didn't.)
The third time they share these words it's a game and there is laughter behind their eyes. They find a girl (they find a dozen girls) in a bar or a club or a concert (darkness blurs together under strobe lights and deafening stages) and their fingers whisper a promise and their lips find skin to skin and they dance and promise wanting.
They are good at wanting - these girls who are never expected or waited on or wanted.
They are so very good at proving that they want whatever Eunsang tells them to want. (Sometimes it's Rachel's voice that they follow - but she likes to play, she loves to play, she loves to show off what she can do under Eunsang's watchful gaze. She likes to heed the words on the air and push their strays found in the darkness to their limits - their lips on her thighs her hands in their hair and her eyes on her eyes and that's all they need anymore.)
They always take girls because girls want so much more and so much more desperately and that desperation feeds them - it cloaks their own spiraling need. (Rachel sometimes imagines a life married behind a perfect house and a perfect facade trailing around a man like a lost puppy and she hurts Eunsang's little strays for the sake of it, they lie wasted at her feet and she takes Eunsang in her arms and loses herself in those lips and limbs and that hair and that scent her mouth between her silky thighs and this is triumph and wanting and seduction and that man and that waiting house are punished every time she hears Eunsang whimper out her name in the dark her fingers pulling at Rachel's hair her knees buckling beneath her like water.)
(They are never sated.)
The last time they share these words it's not at all what she expected.
It's still night but the room is ablaze with a cityscape (they run and they run but they stick to the lights and the noise and the crowds so that if one wants to disappear they can so that if one needs to escape they can so that the lights never go out because silence is deafening and they aren't ready to be still and quiet - that's all they were trained to do their whole lives long so now they scream into buzzing nights and dare the world to notice) (Eunsang likes to make her scream and Rachel likes to throw back her head and throw her whole body into the action because this is what they fought for so let's take it and keep it and fuck all else) and Eunsang's silhouette is blackness against the light in the window.
Rachel waits with even breath, not stirring just watching.
They didn't take a girl tonight.
Not back to their endless string of hotels, that is.
Rachel found her fingers in a pretty young girl with bright, shining eyes in the bathroom of a club - she came too fast with soft little whimpering breaths - and Eunsang threw her away, taking Rachel for herself in the aftermath, the door slammed in the girl's face, Eunsang on her knees and Rachel's hands crawling up a wall for something to hold onto.
(Sometimes there's nothing to hold onto and she feels like she's flying or floating or drowning and she doesn't care much which.)
After a few minutes, Eunsang slips back into bed and twines herself around and through Rachel (as though she was always there and never left and no Rachel doesn't feel cold when she's not there beside her and no their fingers don't twine together like that's all they've ever done), "Sorry I woke you."
Rachel grunts, refusing to give up her facade.
Eunsang begins to draw patterns on Rachel's naked stomach and thighs and breasts. She smiles when Rachel's body moves into her hand, impatient and wanting.
She is always so wanting.
They are both so full of so much need.
Just before Eunsang ducks her head down to kiss Rachel's exposed hipbone she whispers, "I know..."
The rest is lost in Rachel's pants and unrestrained moans. And she doesn't think about what it means when she pulls Eunsang's wet mouth up to meet hers and loses herself in the taste of herself on her lover's tongue, their hands pressing into each other and their gasps echoes in each other's mouths.
I want you.
Is the one thing they'll never say.
a/n: so what if I refuse to watch past ep16 and so what if the series is over? still going to haunt your flists with angsty-porn in this fandom until the day comes that something better comes along
Also I apologize for flooding your flists but apparently I'm full of gifts today!
fandom: The Heirs
pairing: Rachel/Eunsang
rating: porn?
word count: ~1000
a/n: to celebrate the end of vergoldung's physics final (you really don't deserve this you know)
I know what it's like to not be wanted.
The first time they shared these words they were halting and were covered in lies and half-spoken truths and were blocked by the sheer perversity of strangeness.
It's amazing what Eunsang will let slip to strangers, Rachel will later think (her hands sliding up Eunsang's skirt, her breath hitching against Eunsang's collarbone, her cunt warm and pressed solidly against Eunsang's thigh) that it's amazing what barriers Eunsang will put up once, even after just learning someone's name.
She only likes to be exposed when there's nothing to lose.
(Rachel doesn't understand this - there's always something to lose.)
(She spends months trying to break her of this until she realizes they've already lost everything and she didn't win and there's nothing left to prove.)
(She never stops trying anyway.)
Trying to prove that there's still something left to lose.
As if she hasn't put everything on the table long ago.
As if they both aren't pretending they still have something to hide.
The second time they share these words they are both running away and it's not even true for both of them anymore - but they need it to be true - and Rachel says it in anger with malice and she spits the words in Eunsang's face. She doesn't flinch. (Rachel will learn that she never flinches. No matter how tight Rachel pulls the ropes, how menacingly she flails her whip, Eunsang never flinches. It drives her mad until it drives her to kiss those impertinent lips and then it's all over anyway. Because neither one of them knows how to back down anymore.)
(That's all they've ever done.)
(Even when they swore they didn't.)
The third time they share these words it's a game and there is laughter behind their eyes. They find a girl (they find a dozen girls) in a bar or a club or a concert (darkness blurs together under strobe lights and deafening stages) and their fingers whisper a promise and their lips find skin to skin and they dance and promise wanting.
They are good at wanting - these girls who are never expected or waited on or wanted.
They are so very good at proving that they want whatever Eunsang tells them to want. (Sometimes it's Rachel's voice that they follow - but she likes to play, she loves to play, she loves to show off what she can do under Eunsang's watchful gaze. She likes to heed the words on the air and push their strays found in the darkness to their limits - their lips on her thighs her hands in their hair and her eyes on her eyes and that's all they need anymore.)
They always take girls because girls want so much more and so much more desperately and that desperation feeds them - it cloaks their own spiraling need. (Rachel sometimes imagines a life married behind a perfect house and a perfect facade trailing around a man like a lost puppy and she hurts Eunsang's little strays for the sake of it, they lie wasted at her feet and she takes Eunsang in her arms and loses herself in those lips and limbs and that hair and that scent her mouth between her silky thighs and this is triumph and wanting and seduction and that man and that waiting house are punished every time she hears Eunsang whimper out her name in the dark her fingers pulling at Rachel's hair her knees buckling beneath her like water.)
(They are never sated.)
The last time they share these words it's not at all what she expected.
It's still night but the room is ablaze with a cityscape (they run and they run but they stick to the lights and the noise and the crowds so that if one wants to disappear they can so that if one needs to escape they can so that the lights never go out because silence is deafening and they aren't ready to be still and quiet - that's all they were trained to do their whole lives long so now they scream into buzzing nights and dare the world to notice) (Eunsang likes to make her scream and Rachel likes to throw back her head and throw her whole body into the action because this is what they fought for so let's take it and keep it and fuck all else) and Eunsang's silhouette is blackness against the light in the window.
Rachel waits with even breath, not stirring just watching.
They didn't take a girl tonight.
Not back to their endless string of hotels, that is.
Rachel found her fingers in a pretty young girl with bright, shining eyes in the bathroom of a club - she came too fast with soft little whimpering breaths - and Eunsang threw her away, taking Rachel for herself in the aftermath, the door slammed in the girl's face, Eunsang on her knees and Rachel's hands crawling up a wall for something to hold onto.
(Sometimes there's nothing to hold onto and she feels like she's flying or floating or drowning and she doesn't care much which.)
After a few minutes, Eunsang slips back into bed and twines herself around and through Rachel (as though she was always there and never left and no Rachel doesn't feel cold when she's not there beside her and no their fingers don't twine together like that's all they've ever done), "Sorry I woke you."
Rachel grunts, refusing to give up her facade.
Eunsang begins to draw patterns on Rachel's naked stomach and thighs and breasts. She smiles when Rachel's body moves into her hand, impatient and wanting.
She is always so wanting.
They are both so full of so much need.
Just before Eunsang ducks her head down to kiss Rachel's exposed hipbone she whispers, "I know..."
The rest is lost in Rachel's pants and unrestrained moans. And she doesn't think about what it means when she pulls Eunsang's wet mouth up to meet hers and loses herself in the taste of herself on her lover's tongue, their hands pressing into each other and their gasps echoes in each other's mouths.
I want you.
Is the one thing they'll never say.
a/n: so what if I refuse to watch past ep16 and so what if the series is over? still going to haunt your flists with angsty-porn in this fandom until the day comes that something better comes along
Also I apologize for flooding your flists but apparently I'm full of gifts today!