[fic] the monster in me wants to eat the boy in you
fic: the monster in me want to eat the boy in you (ao3)
fandom: The Heirs
characters: Tan, Youngdo, (/Eunsang)
word count: ~1000
summary: a "love letter" to Tan and Youngdo (completely non-spoilery past ep10)
a/n: prose is a highly overrated writing form. also the princess/knight/dragon imagery continues into this piece as with all the others
[i need a fucking intervention. this is just ridiculous.]Boys break hearts because they are reckless. They are foolhardy. They believe so much in their strength - have so much to prove - that they crash into the world and stomp upon hearts with their strength and their fervor. And they are beautiful. They smile big smiles, they fight the world for beauty, they love too deeply and it breaks the hearts of all who see them struggling and smiling and kicking and crying as they go.
Boys break hearts with hearts full and big and they make messes they don’t know how to clean up.
And the world loves them their foibles, for they are boys.
And boys are made to break hearts.
Monsters break hearts because they want to be heartless. They are hiding. They believe so much in their weaknesses - have so much to prove - that they storm into the world and stomp upon hearts with their strength and their fervor. And they are fearsome. They smile great smiles, they fight the world for pain, they feel too deeply and it breaks their hearts so they hide them away from all who would pity them.
Monsters break hearts with hearts broken and empty and they make messes just to see the pain.
And the world fears them their foibles, for they are monsters.
And monsters were made to crush hearts.
Some boys want so badly to be monsters that they will eat hearts and never notice that the act makes them sick.
Some monsters so badly want to be boys that they will give away their hearts and never notice they are piles of ash in their hands.
Some boys pretend to be monsters for so long their pain grows scales upon their skin and they breathe fire.
Some monsters pretend to be boys for so long that their skin becomes soft and they forget they once soared high.
Except they never forget.
That’s the final jab.
Pinocchio will always have a wooden soul, no matter how he grows.
The Tin Man will always have a clock for a heart, no matter how he loves.
That’s the joke.
The monster and the boy they are the same in the end.
They both play with hearts as a rule.
And no one ever wins.
(Because when you spend every day playing the discarded toy you lost sight of the monster within but that doesn’t mean that it is gone you can play the prince all you want but that smile and that glee you take in other’s pain shows the truth of what you are.)
(Because when you torture every day you lost sight of what having a heart is supposed to be and you show affection the way you show anger and it is all the same and you lose everything no matter how hard you fight, because the truth is you should never have started playing pretend to begin with.)
These are my rules, he says.
And I am the sheriff, he says.
How can you teach a boy to maim and not carry the pleasure of it within your breast? (We saw that smile, you didn’t try to hide, you love the pain you give others even if you don’t want the world to see.)
How can you follow the rules of war and not lose forever the innocence that once beat within your breast? (We see you still, you try to hide but it makes no difference, you turned your love into pain and that is all that is left.)
Where are the rules now, when you both collapse into love?
How can you expect to love now?
Now.
When love is possession for one.
When love is to conquer for another.
Now.
When love is unreachable so you take it.
When love is painful so you fight against it.
Now.
When the future drags you down so far that there is nothing left of that heart but ashes.
When memory drags you down so far that there is nothing left of you but blackness.
You breathed fire for so long you didn’t notice that you set fire to your own heart.
It burned to ashes in your breast long before you found the need for it (again).
Children are so foolish. They give away their hearts without a second thought.
You closed yours off for so long, you can’t even remember how it felt to have blood pumping in your chest.
You gave yours up to the monster you bred inside, hoping it would never break again if it was hidden away in the belly of the beast.
And now comes the princess in the tower.
Can she see the dragon inside of her knight?
Will she sense the prince inside her dragon?
How long will you fight to make her see what you aren’t?
How long until you realize you are the same?
The monster in you will destroy the man you were supposed to be.
The man you could be is lost inside the monster you pretended so long to be.
There’s nothing left.
You’re spinning your wheels, waiting for the moment to come along.
When the world realizes your hearts were broken first.
So you want pity?
So you are ready to be coddled into the night?
So you are hoping to be rescued from the dragon?
So you want someone to find your heart, like a buried treasure and return it to you safe and sound?
So you want to be forgiven of your sins and allowed to start over?
Boy, you are the dragon.
It’s time to build a new castle.
It’s time to kindle the fire back to life.
It’s time to stop pretending that you are something you are not.
A monster inside a boy.
A boy inside a monster.
Your heart has been there all along.
It was your choice to stop using it.
So now you want pity?
So now you want to be loved?
So now you want to be the boy without the monster?
So now you want the princess to fall in love with you and ride off into the sunset?
What a pretty dream.
Are there unicorns, too?
Do faeries sing at your wedding?
Does your bride blush prettily?
And what of that heart, charred and small and buried deep inside?
No amount of polish is going to make that a treasure.
Better stick to maiming and pillaging.
Better to find a monster to love.
Because that’s all you have left to offer.
eta: this makes appx 6300 words of fic in this fandom in the past few weeks. which is more than I've written for most of this year. (please don't ask me to back that up with data.)
also sorry for being so spammy today!
fandom: The Heirs
characters: Tan, Youngdo, (/Eunsang)
word count: ~1000
summary: a "love letter" to Tan and Youngdo (completely non-spoilery past ep10)
a/n: prose is a highly overrated writing form. also the princess/knight/dragon imagery continues into this piece as with all the others
[i need a fucking intervention. this is just ridiculous.]Boys break hearts because they are reckless. They are foolhardy. They believe so much in their strength - have so much to prove - that they crash into the world and stomp upon hearts with their strength and their fervor. And they are beautiful. They smile big smiles, they fight the world for beauty, they love too deeply and it breaks the hearts of all who see them struggling and smiling and kicking and crying as they go.
Boys break hearts with hearts full and big and they make messes they don’t know how to clean up.
And the world loves them their foibles, for they are boys.
And boys are made to break hearts.
Monsters break hearts because they want to be heartless. They are hiding. They believe so much in their weaknesses - have so much to prove - that they storm into the world and stomp upon hearts with their strength and their fervor. And they are fearsome. They smile great smiles, they fight the world for pain, they feel too deeply and it breaks their hearts so they hide them away from all who would pity them.
Monsters break hearts with hearts broken and empty and they make messes just to see the pain.
And the world fears them their foibles, for they are monsters.
And monsters were made to crush hearts.
Some boys want so badly to be monsters that they will eat hearts and never notice that the act makes them sick.
Some monsters so badly want to be boys that they will give away their hearts and never notice they are piles of ash in their hands.
Some boys pretend to be monsters for so long their pain grows scales upon their skin and they breathe fire.
Some monsters pretend to be boys for so long that their skin becomes soft and they forget they once soared high.
Except they never forget.
That’s the final jab.
Pinocchio will always have a wooden soul, no matter how he grows.
The Tin Man will always have a clock for a heart, no matter how he loves.
That’s the joke.
The monster and the boy they are the same in the end.
They both play with hearts as a rule.
And no one ever wins.
(Because when you spend every day playing the discarded toy you lost sight of the monster within but that doesn’t mean that it is gone you can play the prince all you want but that smile and that glee you take in other’s pain shows the truth of what you are.)
(Because when you torture every day you lost sight of what having a heart is supposed to be and you show affection the way you show anger and it is all the same and you lose everything no matter how hard you fight, because the truth is you should never have started playing pretend to begin with.)
These are my rules, he says.
And I am the sheriff, he says.
How can you teach a boy to maim and not carry the pleasure of it within your breast? (We saw that smile, you didn’t try to hide, you love the pain you give others even if you don’t want the world to see.)
How can you follow the rules of war and not lose forever the innocence that once beat within your breast? (We see you still, you try to hide but it makes no difference, you turned your love into pain and that is all that is left.)
Where are the rules now, when you both collapse into love?
How can you expect to love now?
Now.
When love is possession for one.
When love is to conquer for another.
Now.
When love is unreachable so you take it.
When love is painful so you fight against it.
Now.
When the future drags you down so far that there is nothing left of that heart but ashes.
When memory drags you down so far that there is nothing left of you but blackness.
You breathed fire for so long you didn’t notice that you set fire to your own heart.
It burned to ashes in your breast long before you found the need for it (again).
Children are so foolish. They give away their hearts without a second thought.
You closed yours off for so long, you can’t even remember how it felt to have blood pumping in your chest.
You gave yours up to the monster you bred inside, hoping it would never break again if it was hidden away in the belly of the beast.
And now comes the princess in the tower.
Can she see the dragon inside of her knight?
Will she sense the prince inside her dragon?
How long will you fight to make her see what you aren’t?
How long until you realize you are the same?
The monster in you will destroy the man you were supposed to be.
The man you could be is lost inside the monster you pretended so long to be.
There’s nothing left.
You’re spinning your wheels, waiting for the moment to come along.
When the world realizes your hearts were broken first.
So you want pity?
So you are ready to be coddled into the night?
So you are hoping to be rescued from the dragon?
So you want someone to find your heart, like a buried treasure and return it to you safe and sound?
So you want to be forgiven of your sins and allowed to start over?
Boy, you are the dragon.
It’s time to build a new castle.
It’s time to kindle the fire back to life.
It’s time to stop pretending that you are something you are not.
A monster inside a boy.
A boy inside a monster.
Your heart has been there all along.
It was your choice to stop using it.
So now you want pity?
So now you want to be loved?
So now you want to be the boy without the monster?
So now you want the princess to fall in love with you and ride off into the sunset?
What a pretty dream.
Are there unicorns, too?
Do faeries sing at your wedding?
Does your bride blush prettily?
And what of that heart, charred and small and buried deep inside?
No amount of polish is going to make that a treasure.
Better stick to maiming and pillaging.
Better to find a monster to love.
Because that’s all you have left to offer.
eta: this makes appx 6300 words of fic in this fandom in the past few weeks. which is more than I've written for most of this year. (please don't ask me to back that up with data.)
also sorry for being so spammy today!