사랑의 Fortune- Chapter 25
Wow~ I can't believe I did it.... I'm so sorry for how long it's been since I last updated! But I hope this is the start of a new time! I think part of the problem was that people gradually stopped commenting, so I thought people weren't reading it anymore. Which made me lose interest in it myself... At any rate, after two wonderful readers commented a few months ago (O.o Has it really been that long since then?) I managed to get this out! (By locking myself in my room and doing nothing but write.)
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Two months. It's been two months since I'd last seen or heard from Hyukjae. The few times I've managed to talk to Sungmin or Heechul, during the times when Dad's been at work and Mom has been sleeping, they only say 'he's alright' and then change the subject roughly. As though that makes me feel any better.
Coughing, I turn around in my bed and look at the clock. It's ten to seven in the morning. I know I should get up, but I don't have the energy to do it yet.
"Hyung? Aren't you going to get up and get ready for school? We have to leave soon." Taeno asks, poking his head into my doorway.
"...I don't think I can, Taeno-ah. Call in sick for me, please?" I say, not bothering to lift my head.
"Ok then Hyung, but please, don't stay inside all day, it's not good for you." Taeno replies, and a pang of guiltiness runs through me at the worry in the his voice.
"I won't, ok?" I say, my eyes tracing the dark bruise on the back of my hand absentmindedly. I'll do as he says, I can never deny him anything after all, but I can't go too far. Dad told me last night that he wants me home when he gets home...
"Hyung... I don't want you to be hurt anymore." Taeno says, moving closer to my bed, and I move backwards to make more space for him to sit.
Wrapping my arms around Taeno's waist with a little difficulty, as I am still laying down, I rest my head against his side.
"It's for the best Taeno. I'd rather be hurt over and over than see you or mom be hurt." I say soothingly, and he nods sullenly.
"I understand and I'm grateful, but I still don't like it." He sighs, and gets up. I smile at him as he leaves.
"I love you too Taeno." I say as he leaves, and he looks back and smiles at me.
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Walking down the brightly lit marketplace, I can almost forget about the heavy burden over me. Smiling as I see a couple of kids playing near a fountain, I take a drink from the iced coffee in my hand.
"Hello Donghae, it's been a long time since I saw you last." A male voice sounds from behind me, and I sigh and turn around. I had guessed right. It was my ex-boyfriend Jungmin, with an unfamiliar girl attached to his arm.
"Hello Jungmin. I thought you had moved away." I say, and he smirks at me, sweeping pale blonde hair away from his eyes.
"I did for a year or two. After I graduated from high school though, I decided to come back and pursue my University here. Along with my fiancee of course." He replies, and the girl simpers on his arm. I raise my eyebrow, I could tell he thought the news would hurt me, although I didn't feel anything but slight disgust at how the girl hung off of him.
"Fiancee, huh? I'm surprised. Does that mean you've stopped whoring around then?" I ask, and the girl looks between me and him in shock. Apparently he's been keeping some secrets from her. Looking at Jungmin's slowly darkening face, I get the feeling I should be taking my leave soon.
As I slowly start backing away to leave, Jungmin smirks again, and the sinking feeling in my chest gets heavier.
"Well, you would know all about whoring, now wouldn't you? Your father still keeping you supplied with men to fuck?" He says, and as the colour slowly starts to drain from my face he sneers at me and turns around with the girl to leave.
Well, he would have. If he hadn't met a fist sent directly into his face. I stare in slight shock as Sungmin and Heechul (still shaking his fist from the impact of the punch) walk up to me, each hugging me in return.
"We went to your house but no one was home, so we figured you may be here, since you always have liked how busy it is here." Sungmin says, and I nod mutely. Heechul smiles, before turning around and starting to walk. Sungmin and I follow him automatically, out of habit.
"We hadn't heard from you in a while and were getting worried, so we felt that a visit was nessecary. We'll be staying with Heechul's parents for the weekend, and then going back to Seoul on Sunday." Sungmin explains, and I nod, and although I feel happy that Heechul and Sungmin are here, I still feel a bit depressed that Hyukjae hadn't come. Has he moved on then? It has been two months since we talked last.
I know I shouldn't let myself think like that, but so much of my life has gone wrong since I had last seen him, it would honestly not surprise me if he did leave me, like my mom had predicted. Wincing slightly as I step too heavily and I jar my bruised leg, the one which I had broke in the car accident a few months ago, I lean on Sungmin hyung while waiting for the pain to pass.
"Are you okay?" Sungmin hyung asks, and I nod my head briefly, shaking my leg out as the pain subsides.
"I'll be fine. Where are we going anyways?" I ask, and Heechul looks back briefly, looking me up and down.
"To my place. You look like you're starving yourself to death. So peaky." Heechul says, his demeanor oddly reminding me of Leeteuk hyung. I don't see the point of telling him that I had barely eaten in the past week. Dad had forgotten to give Mom money for groceries last week, and the supply of food in the house was running dangerously low. I had been giving most of my food to Mom and Taeno, so that they had the energy to keep going to school and working. I spent most of my time at home anyways, so it didn't matter much.
Sungmin sighs, and I look up at him. "You are, aren't you."
I always knew he knew me too well.
"Taeno and Umma are more important at the moment. I need to keep them healthy and safe. It's what I live for now. What I used to live for." I reply quietly, not looking at either of them. Heechul hyung looks back at me, and sighs.
"I still don't like it, and I still don't accept it." He says,unlocking the door to a black car, and ushering me in. The car smells like it had just been cleaned recently, and as if to back that up, I notice a rag and bottle of cleaner on the floor of the back seat of the car.
"There's nothing you can really do about it though." I snap, and regret at snapping at my friend consumes me almost immediately.
"Sorry hyung, it's just that I don't like it either, but I can't find any way out of it," I amend myself self-consciously, and before I can help it, "Besides whenever I can find happiness, it just seems to be taken away and I get thrown back into this mess all over again..."
Sungmin gazes levelly at me, and I look out the window in an attempt to avoid his gaze, futile though I know it to be.
"Donghae... You know that Hyukjae-" Sungmin starts to say before Heechul gives him a hard look and silences him.
"Hyukjae what?" I say, unable to stop myself from starting at his name. Heecuhl sighs, and I switch my attention between the two of them, wait for one to start speaking.
"Nothing, if you want to know you'll have to phone him yourself." Heechul says finally, staring determinatedly at the road.
"But hyung! You know that I can't do that. The last time I phoned him, Mom caught me, and now she checks the phone every day to see if his number is in the call list. She seems to think that it'll help me move on..." I trail off, biting my lip as a familiar heavy feeling in my heart takes over at the thought of Hyukjae.
“Use my phone then,” Heechul snaps, causing me to recoil slightly out of habit.
“Sorry Donghae, I didn’t mean to snap like that.” He apologises, and I smile at him reassuringly.
“It’s ok, I know you didn’t mean to…” I say, choosing not to reply to the demand of using Heechul hyung's phone.
We pull into Heechul hyung's driveway semi-smoothly, marred only by having to stop abruptly as one of Heechul hyung's cat darts out from under a tree and across the driveway.
"Damn Baengshin, why are you outside anyways?" Heechul asks, bending down to pick said cat up after he gets out of the car. I look around as I step out too, not having been here in months. The apple trees are getting little apples on them already, and Heechul's motorbike is still parked in the corner of the driveway.
"My parent's are out right now, so it'll just be the three of us for lunch. And my cat's, of course. Come on Baengshin, let's go see what we can make for lunch!" Heechul says, cooing at his cat as he leads my cousin and I into the house.
In the kitchen I sit down at the table, Sungmin beside me, and Heechul puts some milk out for the cats, Heebum having come into the kitchen not long after we had entered the house. It seems they'd been waiting for Heechul to feed them.
I blink as a small phone is thrust into my face, my eyes following the arm and ending up looking into Heechul hyung's serious eyes.
"I mean it Hae, phone Hyukjae. Heavens knows, you both need it." Heechul hyung says, and I look at him before slowly taking the phone. Heechul hyung lets out a satisfied smirk before getting Sungmin hyung to help him with lunch. I get up and walk over to the livingroom, staring at the phone in my hands.
What if he doesn't want to talk to me? Or what if he has someone new now?
Doubts run through my head as I take a deep breath before I type in Hyukjae's number, putting the phone up to my ear and trying to calm myself down, nervousness seeping through unbidden. It has been two months since my last contact with Hyukjae after all.
"Hello?" Hyukjae's voice comes through at the other end of the line, sounding slightly echo-y, as though he was in a bathroom.
"Hyukjae?" I say shakily, the nervousness increasing tenfold at the sound of Hyukjae's voice, and oddly enough, dissipating all together at the same time.
"...Donghae, is that you?" Hyukjae asks, sounding slightly astounded. A smile appears on my face at his tone, taking it as a good sign instead of bad.
"Yeah, it is." I say, relaxing back into the couch. A silence follows for a few seconds before Hyukjae lets out a breath.
"Donghae... Gods, I miss you." Hyukjae's voice sounds slightly strangled, and I wonder briefly if he's trying not to cry.
"I miss you too... I'm sorry I haven't been able to phone you, my mom's keeping a close eye on the phone, it's been hard enough phoning Heechul hyung and Sungmin hyung. How are you?" I ask, closing my eyes and concentrating on the barely audible sound of breathing coming from the other side of the line.
"It's alright, I understand. I've been... alright. I really miss you though. I wish I could see you. I'm sorry I couldn't come, but Teukkie hyung is threatening mutiny on me if I miss anymore school." He replies, and I let out a slightly shaky laugh as the tears spring up in my eyes.
"Yah, are you crying now Donghae-yah?" Hyukjae asks, and I wipe away a stray tear drop before I reply.
"N-no, are you?" I curse myself for the waver in my voice. Hyukjae gives a quiet sigh, and there's a slight pause before he speaks again.
"...Yeah.... I love you Donghae." Hyukjae says, and my hand quickly covers my mouth in a futile attempt to stop the tears from falling at the words that I'd been wanting to hear for two months coming from his mouth.
"Hyukjae... I love you too." I tell him, and I can practically hear his smile through the line. Or it could be his laugh.
"...Damn, the bell rang. I have to go now, Love." Hyukjae says, and I can indeed hear the school bell faintly ringing in the background, signalling what would be the end of lunch.
"Ok, I love you Hyukjae." I say, smiling even as I wipe my tears away.
"I love you too, and miss you a lot." Hyukjae replies before hanging up. I put the phone on the coffee table and walk back over to the kitchen.
Sungmin hyung looks over at me and smiles. "Feel better now?"
"Yeah, I do. Thanks Heechul hyung, Sungmin hyung." I reply, smiling as I sit down at the table.
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The rest of the weekend passes by way too quickly. On friday I made it back home about half an hour before Dad did, so I didn't get into any trouble. Dad himself was being nice to me that day, and had wanted me home so that he could surprise me with pizza, and a rented movie. He was leaving on a business trip for the rest of the weekend, so after he left, I'd convinced Mom to let Sungmin hyung and Heechul hyung stay over. Having always liked Heechul hyung, and since Sungmin hyung is her nephew, she agreed after only minimal begging.
"Dad comes back tonight, right Hyung?" Taeno asks me, and I look at him from across the table, the smell of Mom's and Sungmin hyung's cooking wafting across the room. Sungmin hyung is helping Mom cook lunch for us all, before him and Heechul hyung leave to go back to Seoul.
"Yeah, he'll be back around three." I reply, and grin as Mom looks at him before adding onto my sentence:
"So you better shower before then boys!" I give Mom a mock salute, having Heechul hyung and Sungmin hyung here, as well as the brief talk with Hyukjae that had taken place on Friday, having made me the happiest I had been in the past two months.
Heechul hyung sits down at the table, having just finished repacking his stuff, since he and Sungmin hyung are leaving just after lunch.
"Speaking of showers, why is there a rubber duck in the sink full of water in the bathroom?" Heechul hyung questions, and Taeno jumps.
"Uhh... I forgot about it. Be right back!" Taeno squeaks out before running out the kitchen. I take the thump I hear a second later to be Taeno falling as he tries running up the stairs.
"Do I want to know?" Sungmin hyung asks, putting the large plate of sandwiches on the table before helping Mom with moving over the five bowls of soup.
"I think he mentioned a science project involving a duck earlier." Mom comments, and I pull a sandwich from the plate to start eating.
"Not going to wait for your brother?" Heechul hyung asks bemusedly, and I look at him pointedly.
"I'm hungry." I say before taking a large bite out of the sandwich.
"Donghae! Wait for your brother!" Umma scolds, and I sigh before putting the sandwich down.
"Taeno!!!!!! HURRY UP!!!!" I wail, clutching my stomach and making starving motions, which really only results in Sungmin hitting the back of my head.
"Sorry! I'm back. Just had to do some recordings." Taeno says and sits down. With a sigh, Umma looks between Taeno and me before nodding in answer to my silent question.
"Eat then." Umma sighs, and I grin before starting in on my sandwich again. Everyone starts eating right after me, so silence reigns supreme for a few minutes.
"How's school going?" Umma asks, and I look up briefly to see her watching Sungmin hyung, who hastily swallows whats in his mouth before answering.
"Not too bad, with the last ranking update for the school, I went up to forty-fifth place from forty-ninth." Sungmin hyung says, and Umma smiles at him and pats his back in congradulations before turning to Heechul and asking how he was doing. Heechul hyung frowns at Sungmin hyung as he answers.
"With the updating of the rankings I'm now at forty-sixth place, courtesy of Mister Bunny." Heechul says, and sneers at Sungmin hyung when Sungmin hyung grins at him. I watch as Umma gets up and starts clearing up the lunch mess, before I get up myself to assist her.
"You don't have to Donghae." Umma protests, and I look between her and the table, where Heechul hyung and Sungmin hyung are just finishing their plates, Taeno having already finished and ran off somewhere in the house.
"Go and say goodbye to your friend and your cousin. They'll have to go very soon if they want to get back to Seoul early." Umma says, and I nod in reply before walking over to the two, who had just stood up from the table.
"She's right, we should get going now." Sungmin hyung says, much to my dismay, and the three of us walk into the hallway, Heechul hyung having already placed their things in his car.
"Take me with you, please?" I plead, and Heechul hyung just gives me a sad and wry smile.
"You know I want to, but that could be classified as abducting. And your mom and brother need you still." Heechul hyung says, and I sigh but nod in resignation anyways.
"Fine then... but tell Hyukjae that... that I said hello, ok?" I say, clearing my throat as it cracks in the middle of my sentence. Sungmin hyung nods, saying goodbye quickly and giving me a hug before following Heechul hyung out to the car.
"Bye Donghae, try and take care of yourself more." Heechul hyung shouts from the car at me as they back out of our driveway and start their journey back to Seoul. I sigh before turning around and walking back inside the house, depression starting in on me again almost instantly as my last outside connection makes their way back to Seoul.
Some selfish part of me, rather large I must admit, is wishing that I'm in the car with them, laughing and joking as I make may way out of this bad place and back to Seoul... to Hyukjae.
"I'm going to take a shower now, ok?" I tell Mom and Taeno, and at the nod I get from Mom, who is cleaning up the dishes from lunch, having turned down Sungmin hyung's offer to help, I make my way upstairs to the bathroom.
It's two in the afternoon right now, so by the time I'm done my shower, there will be just enough time for Taeno and Mom to shower before Dad comes home.
Closing the door behind me, I glance into the sink and there is indeed a green and blue rubber duck floating in a rather disgusting looking pool of water. Shuddering I turn my attention to the bath tub, immediately noticing that my favorite bubble bath is gone.
The odd colouring of the sink water makes sense now.
Rolling my eyes, I hurry to finish my shower quickly, wincing slightly as the clothes I'm wearing skate over the bruises on my back.
After I'm dressed and done my shower, I head downstairs to finish tidying the house in time for Appa to get home as Taeno takes his turn in the shower.
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I can hear the shower stop at almost the same time as I hear a car pull into our driveway. As bad as it is, I can't help the faint hope that springs up for it to be Hyukjae. I get up, knowing even against my hope that it's Appa, and call Taeno over to me.
"Yeah, Hyung?" Taeno asks, and I motion for him to sit, which he does slowly. The front door opens, and I hear Appa call out a hello.
"Welcome home Appa!" I call back, keeping Taeno behind me just in case. Appa walks into the livingroom, removing his hat to reveal short black hair. He sits down in the overstuffed chair beside the entryway as Umma walks into the livingroom.
"How did the meeting go dear?" Umma asks, and Appa looks up at her from his sitting position.
"We secured a partnership with Shinsung corps, but our shares fell by almost two percent this quarter." Appa says, before sighing and leaving the room, giving me a look that says to follow him. I close my eyes briefly before following. When I go to pass Umma, she briefly touches my arm, giving me a sad look. I give her a smile I don't really feel like having and continue on, feeling a pang of guilt and regret as I hear Umma collapse onto the chair with a sob, Taeno scurrying to comfort her afterwards.
I push open the already slightly open door to Umma and Appa's room, bowing slightly as I see Appa waiting for me.
"Lay down on the floor." Appa says and I do as he says, laying down on my stomach after taking off my shirt, already knowing what was coming, and prefering not to ruin another shirt.
Appa fingers a fading bruise lightly, sighing almost as if in regret, but I know it's been too long for it to have any true meaning.
"You know I don't want to keep doing this, but I got word this weekend of your.... special friend in Seoul." Appa says lightly, and I suck in a breath as his hand comes down hard over the old bruise on my back, feeling my chest protest as it's slammed into the hard floor by the force of the hit.
"Now, don't worry your head off over him. Since you left him and came back here, cutting off all contact with him, I left him alone. But did you honestly think I wouldn't find out? Of course, now you'll listen to me, won't you? Having feelings for people of your same gender is wrong. But still, I suppose so long as you insist on being gay, my friends have a pleasant outlet of frustration." Appa says, pausing in his abuse of my back, where he was alternating between hitting and digging his nails in to get up and rummage in his bedside drawer, which he kept locked from Umma.
"Ah~ Here it is." Appa turns back to me, and I pale slightly from my position on the floor, seeing the small wooden ruler in his hand.
"Appa...." I say, cringing as he gives me a sharp look before slapping my bare shoulder with the wooden stick.
"You know not to call me that in here! In here you're not my son, you're just a pathetic misguided kid, who needs to have his misdirection beat out of him! So don't call me that which you haven't earned!" Appa shouts, and I bite my lip hard enough to bleed as he brings the ruler down across my back.
I do my best to remain silent as he continues to slap the ruler against various parts of my body, eventually growing bored and then leaving me to lay in a heap on the cold floor.
I can still remember clearly the father who doted on me, who loved everything I did and said. Once upon a time, I could have honestly said that he was the best dad in the world. Even now, I can still occasionally see glimpses of that man, although rarely is it ever directed at me anymore, not since he found out I had a boyfriend anyways.
I slowly get up off the floor and make my way to my own room, finding the lightest shirt I own and putting it on over my battered, bruised -and thankfully not bloody this time- back. I can't hear any noise in the house right now, but I still feel a pressing need to get out of the house.
Stepping outside, I check the time on my watch, noting that it's about five in the afternoon, before slowly starting to walk down to the docks, which are about a twenty minute walk away in the same direction as the marketplace, although I end up taking a different path in order to avoid the crowded marketplace.
When I reach the docks, I turn right, heading for the less crowded area of the docks, the saltiness of the air from the ocean stinging me slightly, but allowing me to wake up from the stupor I've been in since I left my house. Sitting down on the edge of a dock, I look down in the water, watching a small school of tiny fish fluttering around a pole helping hold up the dock to my left. Sighing as they flit away from where I can see, I look up at the sound of a feminine voice speaking to me.
"Are you ok Oppa?" A little girl of about five or six asks, sitting down beside me, her faded yellow and blue sundress bunching up slightly around her knees. She looks up at me and grins, her eyes nearly dissappearing with the size of her smile.
"You looked so sad sitting here by yourself that I had to make sure you are alright." She says and I smile softly at her, unable to stop myself. This girl is just too adorable.
She looks out at the ocean and points.
"My Appa is out there somewhere. He went on a big ship, and Umma says that he'll be back in a few months. So he'll come back.... but I miss him." She looks up at me again as she says this, as though confiding a huge secret to me.
"Is there anyone that you miss, Oppa?" She asks me, and I have to look away as Hyukjae's image flashes across my eyes because of her question. She continues to look at me before nodding as if in realisation.
"There is. Is he out on a big boat in the sea too?" She asks, and I smile at the innocent question before facing her again and shaking my head.
"No, he's in Seoul." I tell her, and she tilts her head.
"Why don't you go and see him then? Tell you you miss him and drag him back here with you! Then you won't be sad anymore!" She exclaims before turning around as a lady walks down our pier.
"Haeri, what have I told you about running away from me?" She scolds, and the little girl stands up and hugs the lady.
"Sorry Umma, but this Oppa just looked so sad and lonely! He misses someone too, I think it's like how you miss Appa... But I don't see why he doesn't just go and see him. It's not like Appa, he's not all the way across the ocean." Haeri confides as the lady walks her down the pier slowly.
I turn back around to stare out at the ships coming into port a little ways down from where I am. If only it was as simple as she says, for me to just go and take Hyukjae and run away with him...
I stay there until it's almost dark, just thinking quietly to myself, and I only get up with the lamps come on, moving back towards home with a reckless thought burning in my chest that I just can't get rid of.
Just to see him, even briefly. I could work out the rest later. But tonight... tonight I think I can do as what the little girl suggested, to go with what I want most... Tonight I'll pack and head to Seoul.
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Please Read and Comment!
Here are the links to the other chapters, if no one remembers what happens. >.< Don't blame you there.
Chapter 1 Chapter 13
Chapter 2 Chapter 14
Chapter 2 (Part 2)
Chapter 3 Chapter 15
Chapter 4 Chapter 16
Chapter 5 Chapter 17
Chapter 6 Chapter 18
Chapter 7 Chapter 19
Chapter 8 Chapter 20
Chapter 9 Chapter 21
Chapter 10 Chapter 22
Chapter 11 Chapter 23
Chapter 12 Chapter 24
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Two months. It's been two months since I'd last seen or heard from Hyukjae. The few times I've managed to talk to Sungmin or Heechul, during the times when Dad's been at work and Mom has been sleeping, they only say 'he's alright' and then change the subject roughly. As though that makes me feel any better.
Coughing, I turn around in my bed and look at the clock. It's ten to seven in the morning. I know I should get up, but I don't have the energy to do it yet.
"Hyung? Aren't you going to get up and get ready for school? We have to leave soon." Taeno asks, poking his head into my doorway.
"...I don't think I can, Taeno-ah. Call in sick for me, please?" I say, not bothering to lift my head.
"Ok then Hyung, but please, don't stay inside all day, it's not good for you." Taeno replies, and a pang of guiltiness runs through me at the worry in the his voice.
"I won't, ok?" I say, my eyes tracing the dark bruise on the back of my hand absentmindedly. I'll do as he says, I can never deny him anything after all, but I can't go too far. Dad told me last night that he wants me home when he gets home...
"Hyung... I don't want you to be hurt anymore." Taeno says, moving closer to my bed, and I move backwards to make more space for him to sit.
Wrapping my arms around Taeno's waist with a little difficulty, as I am still laying down, I rest my head against his side.
"It's for the best Taeno. I'd rather be hurt over and over than see you or mom be hurt." I say soothingly, and he nods sullenly.
"I understand and I'm grateful, but I still don't like it." He sighs, and gets up. I smile at him as he leaves.
"I love you too Taeno." I say as he leaves, and he looks back and smiles at me.
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Walking down the brightly lit marketplace, I can almost forget about the heavy burden over me. Smiling as I see a couple of kids playing near a fountain, I take a drink from the iced coffee in my hand.
"Hello Donghae, it's been a long time since I saw you last." A male voice sounds from behind me, and I sigh and turn around. I had guessed right. It was my ex-boyfriend Jungmin, with an unfamiliar girl attached to his arm.
"Hello Jungmin. I thought you had moved away." I say, and he smirks at me, sweeping pale blonde hair away from his eyes.
"I did for a year or two. After I graduated from high school though, I decided to come back and pursue my University here. Along with my fiancee of course." He replies, and the girl simpers on his arm. I raise my eyebrow, I could tell he thought the news would hurt me, although I didn't feel anything but slight disgust at how the girl hung off of him.
"Fiancee, huh? I'm surprised. Does that mean you've stopped whoring around then?" I ask, and the girl looks between me and him in shock. Apparently he's been keeping some secrets from her. Looking at Jungmin's slowly darkening face, I get the feeling I should be taking my leave soon.
As I slowly start backing away to leave, Jungmin smirks again, and the sinking feeling in my chest gets heavier.
"Well, you would know all about whoring, now wouldn't you? Your father still keeping you supplied with men to fuck?" He says, and as the colour slowly starts to drain from my face he sneers at me and turns around with the girl to leave.
Well, he would have. If he hadn't met a fist sent directly into his face. I stare in slight shock as Sungmin and Heechul (still shaking his fist from the impact of the punch) walk up to me, each hugging me in return.
"We went to your house but no one was home, so we figured you may be here, since you always have liked how busy it is here." Sungmin says, and I nod mutely. Heechul smiles, before turning around and starting to walk. Sungmin and I follow him automatically, out of habit.
"We hadn't heard from you in a while and were getting worried, so we felt that a visit was nessecary. We'll be staying with Heechul's parents for the weekend, and then going back to Seoul on Sunday." Sungmin explains, and I nod, and although I feel happy that Heechul and Sungmin are here, I still feel a bit depressed that Hyukjae hadn't come. Has he moved on then? It has been two months since we talked last.
I know I shouldn't let myself think like that, but so much of my life has gone wrong since I had last seen him, it would honestly not surprise me if he did leave me, like my mom had predicted. Wincing slightly as I step too heavily and I jar my bruised leg, the one which I had broke in the car accident a few months ago, I lean on Sungmin hyung while waiting for the pain to pass.
"Are you okay?" Sungmin hyung asks, and I nod my head briefly, shaking my leg out as the pain subsides.
"I'll be fine. Where are we going anyways?" I ask, and Heechul looks back briefly, looking me up and down.
"To my place. You look like you're starving yourself to death. So peaky." Heechul says, his demeanor oddly reminding me of Leeteuk hyung. I don't see the point of telling him that I had barely eaten in the past week. Dad had forgotten to give Mom money for groceries last week, and the supply of food in the house was running dangerously low. I had been giving most of my food to Mom and Taeno, so that they had the energy to keep going to school and working. I spent most of my time at home anyways, so it didn't matter much.
Sungmin sighs, and I look up at him. "You are, aren't you."
I always knew he knew me too well.
"Taeno and Umma are more important at the moment. I need to keep them healthy and safe. It's what I live for now. What I used to live for." I reply quietly, not looking at either of them. Heechul hyung looks back at me, and sighs.
"I still don't like it, and I still don't accept it." He says,unlocking the door to a black car, and ushering me in. The car smells like it had just been cleaned recently, and as if to back that up, I notice a rag and bottle of cleaner on the floor of the back seat of the car.
"There's nothing you can really do about it though." I snap, and regret at snapping at my friend consumes me almost immediately.
"Sorry hyung, it's just that I don't like it either, but I can't find any way out of it," I amend myself self-consciously, and before I can help it, "Besides whenever I can find happiness, it just seems to be taken away and I get thrown back into this mess all over again..."
Sungmin gazes levelly at me, and I look out the window in an attempt to avoid his gaze, futile though I know it to be.
"Donghae... You know that Hyukjae-" Sungmin starts to say before Heechul gives him a hard look and silences him.
"Hyukjae what?" I say, unable to stop myself from starting at his name. Heecuhl sighs, and I switch my attention between the two of them, wait for one to start speaking.
"Nothing, if you want to know you'll have to phone him yourself." Heechul says finally, staring determinatedly at the road.
"But hyung! You know that I can't do that. The last time I phoned him, Mom caught me, and now she checks the phone every day to see if his number is in the call list. She seems to think that it'll help me move on..." I trail off, biting my lip as a familiar heavy feeling in my heart takes over at the thought of Hyukjae.
“Use my phone then,” Heechul snaps, causing me to recoil slightly out of habit.
“Sorry Donghae, I didn’t mean to snap like that.” He apologises, and I smile at him reassuringly.
“It’s ok, I know you didn’t mean to…” I say, choosing not to reply to the demand of using Heechul hyung's phone.
We pull into Heechul hyung's driveway semi-smoothly, marred only by having to stop abruptly as one of Heechul hyung's cat darts out from under a tree and across the driveway.
"Damn Baengshin, why are you outside anyways?" Heechul asks, bending down to pick said cat up after he gets out of the car. I look around as I step out too, not having been here in months. The apple trees are getting little apples on them already, and Heechul's motorbike is still parked in the corner of the driveway.
"My parent's are out right now, so it'll just be the three of us for lunch. And my cat's, of course. Come on Baengshin, let's go see what we can make for lunch!" Heechul says, cooing at his cat as he leads my cousin and I into the house.
In the kitchen I sit down at the table, Sungmin beside me, and Heechul puts some milk out for the cats, Heebum having come into the kitchen not long after we had entered the house. It seems they'd been waiting for Heechul to feed them.
I blink as a small phone is thrust into my face, my eyes following the arm and ending up looking into Heechul hyung's serious eyes.
"I mean it Hae, phone Hyukjae. Heavens knows, you both need it." Heechul hyung says, and I look at him before slowly taking the phone. Heechul hyung lets out a satisfied smirk before getting Sungmin hyung to help him with lunch. I get up and walk over to the livingroom, staring at the phone in my hands.
What if he doesn't want to talk to me? Or what if he has someone new now?
Doubts run through my head as I take a deep breath before I type in Hyukjae's number, putting the phone up to my ear and trying to calm myself down, nervousness seeping through unbidden. It has been two months since my last contact with Hyukjae after all.
"Hello?" Hyukjae's voice comes through at the other end of the line, sounding slightly echo-y, as though he was in a bathroom.
"Hyukjae?" I say shakily, the nervousness increasing tenfold at the sound of Hyukjae's voice, and oddly enough, dissipating all together at the same time.
"...Donghae, is that you?" Hyukjae asks, sounding slightly astounded. A smile appears on my face at his tone, taking it as a good sign instead of bad.
"Yeah, it is." I say, relaxing back into the couch. A silence follows for a few seconds before Hyukjae lets out a breath.
"Donghae... Gods, I miss you." Hyukjae's voice sounds slightly strangled, and I wonder briefly if he's trying not to cry.
"I miss you too... I'm sorry I haven't been able to phone you, my mom's keeping a close eye on the phone, it's been hard enough phoning Heechul hyung and Sungmin hyung. How are you?" I ask, closing my eyes and concentrating on the barely audible sound of breathing coming from the other side of the line.
"It's alright, I understand. I've been... alright. I really miss you though. I wish I could see you. I'm sorry I couldn't come, but Teukkie hyung is threatening mutiny on me if I miss anymore school." He replies, and I let out a slightly shaky laugh as the tears spring up in my eyes.
"Yah, are you crying now Donghae-yah?" Hyukjae asks, and I wipe away a stray tear drop before I reply.
"N-no, are you?" I curse myself for the waver in my voice. Hyukjae gives a quiet sigh, and there's a slight pause before he speaks again.
"...Yeah.... I love you Donghae." Hyukjae says, and my hand quickly covers my mouth in a futile attempt to stop the tears from falling at the words that I'd been wanting to hear for two months coming from his mouth.
"Hyukjae... I love you too." I tell him, and I can practically hear his smile through the line. Or it could be his laugh.
"...Damn, the bell rang. I have to go now, Love." Hyukjae says, and I can indeed hear the school bell faintly ringing in the background, signalling what would be the end of lunch.
"Ok, I love you Hyukjae." I say, smiling even as I wipe my tears away.
"I love you too, and miss you a lot." Hyukjae replies before hanging up. I put the phone on the coffee table and walk back over to the kitchen.
Sungmin hyung looks over at me and smiles. "Feel better now?"
"Yeah, I do. Thanks Heechul hyung, Sungmin hyung." I reply, smiling as I sit down at the table.
------
The rest of the weekend passes by way too quickly. On friday I made it back home about half an hour before Dad did, so I didn't get into any trouble. Dad himself was being nice to me that day, and had wanted me home so that he could surprise me with pizza, and a rented movie. He was leaving on a business trip for the rest of the weekend, so after he left, I'd convinced Mom to let Sungmin hyung and Heechul hyung stay over. Having always liked Heechul hyung, and since Sungmin hyung is her nephew, she agreed after only minimal begging.
"Dad comes back tonight, right Hyung?" Taeno asks me, and I look at him from across the table, the smell of Mom's and Sungmin hyung's cooking wafting across the room. Sungmin hyung is helping Mom cook lunch for us all, before him and Heechul hyung leave to go back to Seoul.
"Yeah, he'll be back around three." I reply, and grin as Mom looks at him before adding onto my sentence:
"So you better shower before then boys!" I give Mom a mock salute, having Heechul hyung and Sungmin hyung here, as well as the brief talk with Hyukjae that had taken place on Friday, having made me the happiest I had been in the past two months.
Heechul hyung sits down at the table, having just finished repacking his stuff, since he and Sungmin hyung are leaving just after lunch.
"Speaking of showers, why is there a rubber duck in the sink full of water in the bathroom?" Heechul hyung questions, and Taeno jumps.
"Uhh... I forgot about it. Be right back!" Taeno squeaks out before running out the kitchen. I take the thump I hear a second later to be Taeno falling as he tries running up the stairs.
"Do I want to know?" Sungmin hyung asks, putting the large plate of sandwiches on the table before helping Mom with moving over the five bowls of soup.
"I think he mentioned a science project involving a duck earlier." Mom comments, and I pull a sandwich from the plate to start eating.
"Not going to wait for your brother?" Heechul hyung asks bemusedly, and I look at him pointedly.
"I'm hungry." I say before taking a large bite out of the sandwich.
"Donghae! Wait for your brother!" Umma scolds, and I sigh before putting the sandwich down.
"Taeno!!!!!! HURRY UP!!!!" I wail, clutching my stomach and making starving motions, which really only results in Sungmin hitting the back of my head.
"Sorry! I'm back. Just had to do some recordings." Taeno says and sits down. With a sigh, Umma looks between Taeno and me before nodding in answer to my silent question.
"Eat then." Umma sighs, and I grin before starting in on my sandwich again. Everyone starts eating right after me, so silence reigns supreme for a few minutes.
"How's school going?" Umma asks, and I look up briefly to see her watching Sungmin hyung, who hastily swallows whats in his mouth before answering.
"Not too bad, with the last ranking update for the school, I went up to forty-fifth place from forty-ninth." Sungmin hyung says, and Umma smiles at him and pats his back in congradulations before turning to Heechul and asking how he was doing. Heechul hyung frowns at Sungmin hyung as he answers.
"With the updating of the rankings I'm now at forty-sixth place, courtesy of Mister Bunny." Heechul says, and sneers at Sungmin hyung when Sungmin hyung grins at him. I watch as Umma gets up and starts clearing up the lunch mess, before I get up myself to assist her.
"You don't have to Donghae." Umma protests, and I look between her and the table, where Heechul hyung and Sungmin hyung are just finishing their plates, Taeno having already finished and ran off somewhere in the house.
"Go and say goodbye to your friend and your cousin. They'll have to go very soon if they want to get back to Seoul early." Umma says, and I nod in reply before walking over to the two, who had just stood up from the table.
"She's right, we should get going now." Sungmin hyung says, much to my dismay, and the three of us walk into the hallway, Heechul hyung having already placed their things in his car.
"Take me with you, please?" I plead, and Heechul hyung just gives me a sad and wry smile.
"You know I want to, but that could be classified as abducting. And your mom and brother need you still." Heechul hyung says, and I sigh but nod in resignation anyways.
"Fine then... but tell Hyukjae that... that I said hello, ok?" I say, clearing my throat as it cracks in the middle of my sentence. Sungmin hyung nods, saying goodbye quickly and giving me a hug before following Heechul hyung out to the car.
"Bye Donghae, try and take care of yourself more." Heechul hyung shouts from the car at me as they back out of our driveway and start their journey back to Seoul. I sigh before turning around and walking back inside the house, depression starting in on me again almost instantly as my last outside connection makes their way back to Seoul.
Some selfish part of me, rather large I must admit, is wishing that I'm in the car with them, laughing and joking as I make may way out of this bad place and back to Seoul... to Hyukjae.
"I'm going to take a shower now, ok?" I tell Mom and Taeno, and at the nod I get from Mom, who is cleaning up the dishes from lunch, having turned down Sungmin hyung's offer to help, I make my way upstairs to the bathroom.
It's two in the afternoon right now, so by the time I'm done my shower, there will be just enough time for Taeno and Mom to shower before Dad comes home.
Closing the door behind me, I glance into the sink and there is indeed a green and blue rubber duck floating in a rather disgusting looking pool of water. Shuddering I turn my attention to the bath tub, immediately noticing that my favorite bubble bath is gone.
The odd colouring of the sink water makes sense now.
Rolling my eyes, I hurry to finish my shower quickly, wincing slightly as the clothes I'm wearing skate over the bruises on my back.
After I'm dressed and done my shower, I head downstairs to finish tidying the house in time for Appa to get home as Taeno takes his turn in the shower.
---
I can hear the shower stop at almost the same time as I hear a car pull into our driveway. As bad as it is, I can't help the faint hope that springs up for it to be Hyukjae. I get up, knowing even against my hope that it's Appa, and call Taeno over to me.
"Yeah, Hyung?" Taeno asks, and I motion for him to sit, which he does slowly. The front door opens, and I hear Appa call out a hello.
"Welcome home Appa!" I call back, keeping Taeno behind me just in case. Appa walks into the livingroom, removing his hat to reveal short black hair. He sits down in the overstuffed chair beside the entryway as Umma walks into the livingroom.
"How did the meeting go dear?" Umma asks, and Appa looks up at her from his sitting position.
"We secured a partnership with Shinsung corps, but our shares fell by almost two percent this quarter." Appa says, before sighing and leaving the room, giving me a look that says to follow him. I close my eyes briefly before following. When I go to pass Umma, she briefly touches my arm, giving me a sad look. I give her a smile I don't really feel like having and continue on, feeling a pang of guilt and regret as I hear Umma collapse onto the chair with a sob, Taeno scurrying to comfort her afterwards.
I push open the already slightly open door to Umma and Appa's room, bowing slightly as I see Appa waiting for me.
"Lay down on the floor." Appa says and I do as he says, laying down on my stomach after taking off my shirt, already knowing what was coming, and prefering not to ruin another shirt.
Appa fingers a fading bruise lightly, sighing almost as if in regret, but I know it's been too long for it to have any true meaning.
"You know I don't want to keep doing this, but I got word this weekend of your.... special friend in Seoul." Appa says lightly, and I suck in a breath as his hand comes down hard over the old bruise on my back, feeling my chest protest as it's slammed into the hard floor by the force of the hit.
"Now, don't worry your head off over him. Since you left him and came back here, cutting off all contact with him, I left him alone. But did you honestly think I wouldn't find out? Of course, now you'll listen to me, won't you? Having feelings for people of your same gender is wrong. But still, I suppose so long as you insist on being gay, my friends have a pleasant outlet of frustration." Appa says, pausing in his abuse of my back, where he was alternating between hitting and digging his nails in to get up and rummage in his bedside drawer, which he kept locked from Umma.
"Ah~ Here it is." Appa turns back to me, and I pale slightly from my position on the floor, seeing the small wooden ruler in his hand.
"Appa...." I say, cringing as he gives me a sharp look before slapping my bare shoulder with the wooden stick.
"You know not to call me that in here! In here you're not my son, you're just a pathetic misguided kid, who needs to have his misdirection beat out of him! So don't call me that which you haven't earned!" Appa shouts, and I bite my lip hard enough to bleed as he brings the ruler down across my back.
I do my best to remain silent as he continues to slap the ruler against various parts of my body, eventually growing bored and then leaving me to lay in a heap on the cold floor.
I can still remember clearly the father who doted on me, who loved everything I did and said. Once upon a time, I could have honestly said that he was the best dad in the world. Even now, I can still occasionally see glimpses of that man, although rarely is it ever directed at me anymore, not since he found out I had a boyfriend anyways.
I slowly get up off the floor and make my way to my own room, finding the lightest shirt I own and putting it on over my battered, bruised -and thankfully not bloody this time- back. I can't hear any noise in the house right now, but I still feel a pressing need to get out of the house.
Stepping outside, I check the time on my watch, noting that it's about five in the afternoon, before slowly starting to walk down to the docks, which are about a twenty minute walk away in the same direction as the marketplace, although I end up taking a different path in order to avoid the crowded marketplace.
When I reach the docks, I turn right, heading for the less crowded area of the docks, the saltiness of the air from the ocean stinging me slightly, but allowing me to wake up from the stupor I've been in since I left my house. Sitting down on the edge of a dock, I look down in the water, watching a small school of tiny fish fluttering around a pole helping hold up the dock to my left. Sighing as they flit away from where I can see, I look up at the sound of a feminine voice speaking to me.
"Are you ok Oppa?" A little girl of about five or six asks, sitting down beside me, her faded yellow and blue sundress bunching up slightly around her knees. She looks up at me and grins, her eyes nearly dissappearing with the size of her smile.
"You looked so sad sitting here by yourself that I had to make sure you are alright." She says and I smile softly at her, unable to stop myself. This girl is just too adorable.
She looks out at the ocean and points.
"My Appa is out there somewhere. He went on a big ship, and Umma says that he'll be back in a few months. So he'll come back.... but I miss him." She looks up at me again as she says this, as though confiding a huge secret to me.
"Is there anyone that you miss, Oppa?" She asks me, and I have to look away as Hyukjae's image flashes across my eyes because of her question. She continues to look at me before nodding as if in realisation.
"There is. Is he out on a big boat in the sea too?" She asks, and I smile at the innocent question before facing her again and shaking my head.
"No, he's in Seoul." I tell her, and she tilts her head.
"Why don't you go and see him then? Tell you you miss him and drag him back here with you! Then you won't be sad anymore!" She exclaims before turning around as a lady walks down our pier.
"Haeri, what have I told you about running away from me?" She scolds, and the little girl stands up and hugs the lady.
"Sorry Umma, but this Oppa just looked so sad and lonely! He misses someone too, I think it's like how you miss Appa... But I don't see why he doesn't just go and see him. It's not like Appa, he's not all the way across the ocean." Haeri confides as the lady walks her down the pier slowly.
I turn back around to stare out at the ships coming into port a little ways down from where I am. If only it was as simple as she says, for me to just go and take Hyukjae and run away with him...
I stay there until it's almost dark, just thinking quietly to myself, and I only get up with the lamps come on, moving back towards home with a reckless thought burning in my chest that I just can't get rid of.
Just to see him, even briefly. I could work out the rest later. But tonight... tonight I think I can do as what the little girl suggested, to go with what I want most... Tonight I'll pack and head to Seoul.
---
Please Read and Comment!
Here are the links to the other chapters, if no one remembers what happens. >.< Don't blame you there.
Chapter 1 Chapter 13
Chapter 2 Chapter 14
Chapter 2 (Part 2)
Chapter 3 Chapter 15
Chapter 4 Chapter 16
Chapter 5 Chapter 17
Chapter 6 Chapter 18
Chapter 7 Chapter 19
Chapter 8 Chapter 20
Chapter 9 Chapter 21
Chapter 10 Chapter 22
Chapter 11 Chapter 23
Chapter 12 Chapter 24