(no subject)
i am also very boring la. in the end it is among all the people who are so very much like myself that I feel comfortable.
but glad for that familiar four-year-old feeling of overwhelming pride and idk Wholesome Mutual Support.
had v long and good conversation w marcia after lou's play which felt necessary and idk if it made me feel better or worse about my Terrible Life Decisions but i just remember having a kind of tipsy lightness on the bus home even though i hadn't drunk anything
the play reminded me very much of, uh, a Soft Person, who taught me to dance
and the conversation, of a much less soft person, who taught me to dance
and idk these memories and conversations that have never materialised and comparisons have been replayed and rehearsed and analysed so many times in my head in the last month that at this point any external provocation might just instantaneously set off this large undifferentiated blob of images and thoughts, just being blobby behind my eyelids
it is uncomfortable, to feel like a stupid child who has been forced to grow up too soon.