I don't get it...
... Time is slowly moving. This sucks.
It's a wonder how with fury in my heart comes the enlightened writer within. It seems like it's the only thing I can do to make myself sane. Yet, blankness fills my mind and sadness fill the inner depths of my soul.
I'm weary and yet I hold a mask to my face. A fascade to hide the pain and confusion from within.
I don't get it...
I don't get why he didn't come...
I don't get why I even care...
I don't get why it hurts so much...
... why the pain still lingers... even until now.
I'm fine, believe me, I'm FINE.
Maybe it was just a long day and the unkept promise just made it worse.
Waiting for nothing... knowing all to well that nothing was to come.
I know not to keep my hopes up... but yesterday... yesterday was just not my day... and I was just hoping to that seeing him would make my heart smile... I wanted to feel his warm embrace... just make my day a bit brighter. Not to mention he didn't show on Sunday... though Sunday, I knew he wasn't coming... my hopes weren't up, thus no shattered hopes. But yesterday... even though I knew with each conversation that he wasn't going to end up at my door. Knowing all to well that he was too "busy" for me. I was mad at first... then it left with his persistent "I'll see you later".... but then the fury within came back as the hours drew closer and closer to 10...
....
ok... there's no more mask hiding what I'm feeling.
I'm holding back the tears that want to burst out. Any other day, hearing that bell ring and seeing him with my lunch... my heart would be smiling. Today... today I just felt complete emptiness. Not sure whether to be happy that there he was... RIGHT there... the only thing separating us was the circ desk... and the empty feeling inside.
He gave me lunch and said goodbye... and as I watched him walk out... I couldn't help but tear up. I missed him so much...
"I can't promise that I'll see you later or tomorrow... and I'm sorry for that. So I just wanted to say Hi to you, even if was just a minute or two... for me, that minute is enough to keep me smiling for the rest of the day."
My reply left unsaid: ... too bad those two minutes weren't enough to stop the tears from coming.
This feeling sucks. And yeah go figures he skipped work today again... and yeah... I don't know... this sucks.
It's a wonder how with fury in my heart comes the enlightened writer within. It seems like it's the only thing I can do to make myself sane. Yet, blankness fills my mind and sadness fill the inner depths of my soul.
I'm weary and yet I hold a mask to my face. A fascade to hide the pain and confusion from within.
I don't get it...
I don't get why he didn't come...
I don't get why I even care...
I don't get why it hurts so much...
... why the pain still lingers... even until now.
I'm fine, believe me, I'm FINE.
Maybe it was just a long day and the unkept promise just made it worse.
Waiting for nothing... knowing all to well that nothing was to come.
I know not to keep my hopes up... but yesterday... yesterday was just not my day... and I was just hoping to that seeing him would make my heart smile... I wanted to feel his warm embrace... just make my day a bit brighter. Not to mention he didn't show on Sunday... though Sunday, I knew he wasn't coming... my hopes weren't up, thus no shattered hopes. But yesterday... even though I knew with each conversation that he wasn't going to end up at my door. Knowing all to well that he was too "busy" for me. I was mad at first... then it left with his persistent "I'll see you later".... but then the fury within came back as the hours drew closer and closer to 10...
....
ok... there's no more mask hiding what I'm feeling.
I'm holding back the tears that want to burst out. Any other day, hearing that bell ring and seeing him with my lunch... my heart would be smiling. Today... today I just felt complete emptiness. Not sure whether to be happy that there he was... RIGHT there... the only thing separating us was the circ desk... and the empty feeling inside.
He gave me lunch and said goodbye... and as I watched him walk out... I couldn't help but tear up. I missed him so much...
"I can't promise that I'll see you later or tomorrow... and I'm sorry for that. So I just wanted to say Hi to you, even if was just a minute or two... for me, that minute is enough to keep me smiling for the rest of the day."
My reply left unsaid: ... too bad those two minutes weren't enough to stop the tears from coming.
This feeling sucks. And yeah go figures he skipped work today again... and yeah... I don't know... this sucks.