Amsterdam and thoughts
Amsterdam's a cool city. Marijuana is legal there. I went with a group of 8 other people, and given that marijuana is legal there, and it is illegal here, this fact was our primary concern of the trip.
...that's the problem, there's not an awful lot to say. The only vaguely touristy activity we did other than being stoned 24/7 was to go to a sex show. The Sex Show was quite good though, alot less sleazy and filthy than I expected. The last act (as in, first but last for us...they go on a cycle in that show..) involved a rather good looking girl taking about 6 metres of ribbon out of her. Not from her mouth or ear, mind. But the atmosphere was quite good, on our row and the row behind us were the 9 of us and in front of us was a group of 6 americans who were similarly fascinated/humoured by the events, only more loudly than us. They were cool though. People have gotta stop hating america, it's such a very cool place. I always wanted to go there and finally did last year, and it's definitely just as good as I'd always hoped...but that's irrelevant right now.
Oh yeah, the drug thing is odd. I'm not sure what my opinions of the legalization are now. I mean I've been smoking recreationally on and off for about 3 years, I'm no regular user or anything but I'd like to think I've experienced enough of it to have an opinion..anyways, I've always argued for the legalization of marijuana. It's less harmful than cigarettes and even if it wasn't it's effects are such that it should be people's choice regardless - alot more damage certainly comes from alcohol use, and the problems that DO exist with marijuana wouldn't if it were controlled and taxed. So yeah, up until last week I was most certainly pro-legalization. Now I'm not so sure. See, marijuana being legal in Amsterdam seems to have led to drugs starting at ecstacy, as it were. Sounds odd, what I mean is there's at least 3 drugs dealers at each crossroad in the city at any time of the day. It's ridiculous. And I don't mean they look like they could be drug dealers, I mean you get asked if you'd like cocaine every 30 seconds or so when walking there. Maybe I just look like someone who'd buy drugs but jaysus that was crazy. However, this might just be because Amsterdam is the only place weed is legal, and as such you're gonna get far more people going there just for the drugs (like ourselves) and of course there's gonna be more drug users there's gonna be more hard drugs users; supply and demand sorta thing. But I don't know if it's purely supply and demand or if it's because weed is legal. Gave me something to think about anyway I guess..
So that's Amsterdam...I've also figured I'm going to start writing in my diary more. As in, here I suppose. It's nice to look back at thoughts you had years ago, consider how they've changed with age and stuff. Probably shouldn't make them all public, but for the last 2 years my thought-outputs have been my photos and my lyrics, neither of which are exactly easy to interpret in years to come :)
So umm, here's what's going on currently with me. I'm also going to omit stuff for obvious reasons (you know, in case you're talking to me regularly and know I'm not typing something...why that'd happen I know not)
But yeah, umm, I've never posted about social life or anything here at all so I'm not entirely sure how to go about it. I...don't take many photos these days, I occasionally borrow other people's cameras when I see an arty shot but haven't ever chased them down for them or used my own camera in a long time. I'm mainly concerned about music right now. It kinda hit me around October that I really needed to get my act together if I ever want to make it as a musician. So since then I've been playing an awful lot more, several hours a day sorta craic. It's quite easy when you're not doing much else though. I've become semi-decent I think, as in I'd be happy to gig on my own right now if it weren't for my lack of a backup singer. But I'm considering just doing that anyway and only playing songs that don't *really* need backup. I also sorta have a band now. As in I have a very talented guitarist and a similarly amazing drummer. It's sorta strange teaching people who are far better at their instruments than what I'm doing, but I guess on my real instrument I'm just as good (I just..never write for the piano), but it's kinda cool too. I also have a backup singer but he's awfully unreliable so I'm not sure what to do with him, he apparently learnt bass for a while ages ago though so if I write some easy bass lines to my songs it might eliminate the need for a bassist...we'll see! But yeah, happy with 2 of them anyway and they're fairly reliable and always have new stuff ready so...that's all going ok! Only problem I'm having musically atm is my lyrics - they're all either emo or not-really-about-anything. Don't get me wrong I quite like both styles of lyrics, I just need to vary more. I haven't written a happy song in ages, I don't know why, as I'll explain in the next paragraph (I know - you just can't wait!) my life is going grand, but whenever I sit down to write it's all bad stuff...who knows! Happy-writer's block or something.
Social life..umm, start with the bad stuff I guess. I cut off contact with Stephanie about a month and a half ago. I'd say most of you know that but just in case anyone's not clear, it was entirely my own decision, no big event happened or anything and if there has to be a bad-person (I don't think there is really) it'd definitely be me. I really shouldn't get into detail here for obvious reasons but I just felt/feel that it was something I needed to do, both for myself and for her. I'm not saying it was necessarily the right thing to do, but right now it seems we're both doing grand (well, only judging from her lj, but that's usually a good indication of someone's feelings I think), so it feels like it was right at the moment anyway. Of course I miss her an awful lot as a friend but sure, gotta do what ya gotta do and I think things will turn out better for both of us than they would have otherwise. That all sounds awfully morbid but that's probably just because it's 6am and the little things always bother you alot more at 6am :) It's hard to forget about someone completely when most of your older songs are about them :p but I think it'd be bad to forget about someone completely sorta thing anyway, not healthy to erase fairly major bits of your memory from your mind I'd imagine!
I'll cheer myself up by saying the brighter things! My social life is going great, since basically leaving the internet (most of the time I was on I was just talking to one person so I spend alot less time on now, which doesn't really make sense as I was on just as much before that happened) I've made lots more friends and become alot more...footloose I suppose. I've gone down to limerick 3 times in the past 3 months and have made some cool friends down there too (my best friend is in art college in limerick, in case it seems an odd place to visit!). I've also become alot closer to my best friend since leaving the internet, which sounds odd, but like, the footlooseness means I make an effort alot more in "real life" I guess. Rather than just going out when people call me I try to make contact myself sometimes now :p . Also girl-stuff has been going well. I seem to have become magically much more attractive to girls since last Summer, I dunno if it's the traveling or being more friendly or the when-you're-not-looking-they-want-you-thing or my looks somehow changing but I get an awful lot more attention from girls now, which is great! On new years I had the most gangsta thing ever happen to me, I was out with a big group and there were 3 girls I'd just met that night (only one was very good looking, but this isn't the point), and near the end one of them approached me and drunkenly stated in these very words "Listen John, we all want you so you're gonna have to pick." They had decided earlier that I looked like John Travolta and named me appropriately. I don't look anything like John Travolta but they were sober when they decided this so I'm not sure why that happened. Regardless, so very gangsta, my head could have exploded.
But yes, enough of my attractiveness, on more concrete affairs, I'm currently semi-seeing 2 girls. How that happened is strange, as you all know I'm not exactly the type to do such things, I mean I'm not going out with either and would be completely open if it came up as it's not cheating (besides, one of them still has a boyfriend I think, "it's complicated" apparently..) but yes, things are very complicated in the real world. The first girl happened because I started working in dunnes and made friends with her and while I did think she was awfully good looking I wasn't chasing her at all as to the best of my knowledge she had a boyfriend, not to mention I really wasn't in the mood for chasing given it was early December at the time, I also figured even if she didn't she'd be way out of my league anyway (I mean you all know I'm a cocky bastard but I'm not actually John Travolta!). But yes, long story short...actually fuck that I'm not doing anything, skip this paragraph if you're not interested in this long story. She was always very flirty but as I said wasn't chasing her. Then a few days before christmas my best friend Finbar rings me and enquires as to if I'm around for some drinking fun. However I was in work til midnight that night, but said if I wasn't wrecked I'd drive in soberly to say hello afterwards. So after work I realize I have no credit and so ask Sarah (aforementioned girl) if I can use her phone, so I ring Finbar and arrange where to meet him in town, after handing her phone back I politely invited her in, you know, expecting her to refuse, but she did not. So the two of us drove in (in my car, she has a much newer fancier car and a full license so I'm not sure why that keeps happening). When we arrive Finbar and Iarla (finbar's friend) are bushing with a lovely bottle of buckfast each, and they've acquired a drunken lawyer who's looking for "Divilment". We decide a lapdancing club must be the best place for divilment so he ends up paying us all in (well, sarah got in free, don't think they get many girls in there..) and a crazy (sober!) night was had by all, throughout which drunken Iarla was asking as to why Sarah and I weren't more than just friends and making it awkward but also making me realize maybe it is time for another girl. Then 2 nights later (on christmas eve of all times) after a long confusing conversation of me trying to find out if she did still have a boyfriend or not (all I could get was "nyeh", whatever that means) we ended up kissing in the parking lot and thus it began. Long uninteresting story for you there. But yes, have been seeing her on and off since, I'm not really sure how the whole thing is meant to work especially considering she seems to still have some sort of a boyfriend (I don't think she's cheating though, I'm not sure exactly what the story is) and with her only living 3 minutes drive away how often I'm meant to see her :p I'm used to it being...see girl at weekend, don't see girl during week, simple affair. I don't want a girlfriend for a long time yet though so I'm not really too concerned at all, just enjoying the ride. Not sure I'd go out with her anyway, she's incredibly good looking and quite fun but I have nothing at all in common with her really. She doesn't even really listen to music for god's sake :) . I brought her out drinking with my friends the Saturday before last and my drummer kindly requested that I "deck her!!!" for liking the Kaiser Chiefs. In fairness, the Kaiser Chiefs aren't bad, they're just overliked by everyone. Other girl...very opposite story. Like 2.5 weeks ago I hadn't seen Sarah in a week and she didn't reply when I texted her (turned out she had no credit, oh yeah, she doesn't even have the internet so can't webtext, I know, what the hell am I doing? No internet?!) so I had just figured that was over, and was at a houseparty, finbar's limerick next door neighbour's birthday who I've gotten to know from driving her up to Galway each time I've come back (passengers are great as they always pay my fuel, fantastic!) but yes, as such lots of Limerick people were up and I ended up talking to a girl in Finbar's class for ages and ended up kissing her at the end of the night (as in, she kissed me - I was drunk and she was sober, not really fair.), she's the opposite deal, has lots in common with me and I get along really well with her, she's big into lots of music I like and she's really cool and stuff. Not quite as good looking as sarah (more classic irishy good looking, curly brown hair and cute smile affair whereas sarah would be american modelly good looking, blonde perfect hair/skin/body etc) but still very cute and really really cool. I haven't actually seen her since that night, I forgot to warn her before I went to Limerick last and it turned out she was in Cork :p but there's been lots of texting and I'll probably head down in a week or two so we'll see. All good fun anyway, this girl stuff. And the Sarah thing has certainly given my confidence a huge boost, not sure I believe in leagues anymore. Just grin at any girl until she likes you. Every girl I've kissed since September (which isn't anywhere near a million, contrary to popular belief) has commented on me being smiley as a compliment. So I reckon grinning at girls is the key to getting them. I should write a book.
So yeah, that's about it really, life's going good, a few hiccups along the line with finding it hard to find a job and the stephanie thing and being fairly broke now but the good is certainly outweighing the bad right now! Oh and I got a benchpress and weights for Christmas so I've been training more than I was with the gym and am fairly strong and stuff now which is always good!
I have no idea how to end this, so will do so with the lyrics from a song I'm writing currently in case anyone wants to comment/critque, it isn't finished at all and is meant to be very simple in case any of ye poets notice the rhyming patterns/rhythm. :) Oh and it's not about anyone or anything like that in case that isn't obvious! Just general late night vague writings..
When every moment's a little bit later
When every smile is a big fat lie
And you walk lonely with all of your best friends
You look for answers you will never find
'Cus she is gone now, gone now forever
Though you thought she could never change
And nothing, no-one will make it better
Until you cannot recall her face..
I strum faster as I grow older
Though my lyrics seem to stay the same
I'm just a dreamer in a crowd of caffeine
I do hope I will never change
Do you remember tents in the garden?
Do you remember dizzy-games?
Do you miss wishing, you would grow older?
Will you ever watch the stars again?
Jaysus that was ridiculously long. Ah well, if you're considering whether to read it or not the above contains a summary of my music, social and love life over the last few months, and lyrics of a song thrown in for the craic!
...that's the problem, there's not an awful lot to say. The only vaguely touristy activity we did other than being stoned 24/7 was to go to a sex show. The Sex Show was quite good though, alot less sleazy and filthy than I expected. The last act (as in, first but last for us...they go on a cycle in that show..) involved a rather good looking girl taking about 6 metres of ribbon out of her. Not from her mouth or ear, mind. But the atmosphere was quite good, on our row and the row behind us were the 9 of us and in front of us was a group of 6 americans who were similarly fascinated/humoured by the events, only more loudly than us. They were cool though. People have gotta stop hating america, it's such a very cool place. I always wanted to go there and finally did last year, and it's definitely just as good as I'd always hoped...but that's irrelevant right now.
Oh yeah, the drug thing is odd. I'm not sure what my opinions of the legalization are now. I mean I've been smoking recreationally on and off for about 3 years, I'm no regular user or anything but I'd like to think I've experienced enough of it to have an opinion..anyways, I've always argued for the legalization of marijuana. It's less harmful than cigarettes and even if it wasn't it's effects are such that it should be people's choice regardless - alot more damage certainly comes from alcohol use, and the problems that DO exist with marijuana wouldn't if it were controlled and taxed. So yeah, up until last week I was most certainly pro-legalization. Now I'm not so sure. See, marijuana being legal in Amsterdam seems to have led to drugs starting at ecstacy, as it were. Sounds odd, what I mean is there's at least 3 drugs dealers at each crossroad in the city at any time of the day. It's ridiculous. And I don't mean they look like they could be drug dealers, I mean you get asked if you'd like cocaine every 30 seconds or so when walking there. Maybe I just look like someone who'd buy drugs but jaysus that was crazy. However, this might just be because Amsterdam is the only place weed is legal, and as such you're gonna get far more people going there just for the drugs (like ourselves) and of course there's gonna be more drug users there's gonna be more hard drugs users; supply and demand sorta thing. But I don't know if it's purely supply and demand or if it's because weed is legal. Gave me something to think about anyway I guess..
So that's Amsterdam...I've also figured I'm going to start writing in my diary more. As in, here I suppose. It's nice to look back at thoughts you had years ago, consider how they've changed with age and stuff. Probably shouldn't make them all public, but for the last 2 years my thought-outputs have been my photos and my lyrics, neither of which are exactly easy to interpret in years to come :)
So umm, here's what's going on currently with me. I'm also going to omit stuff for obvious reasons (you know, in case you're talking to me regularly and know I'm not typing something...why that'd happen I know not)
But yeah, umm, I've never posted about social life or anything here at all so I'm not entirely sure how to go about it. I...don't take many photos these days, I occasionally borrow other people's cameras when I see an arty shot but haven't ever chased them down for them or used my own camera in a long time. I'm mainly concerned about music right now. It kinda hit me around October that I really needed to get my act together if I ever want to make it as a musician. So since then I've been playing an awful lot more, several hours a day sorta craic. It's quite easy when you're not doing much else though. I've become semi-decent I think, as in I'd be happy to gig on my own right now if it weren't for my lack of a backup singer. But I'm considering just doing that anyway and only playing songs that don't *really* need backup. I also sorta have a band now. As in I have a very talented guitarist and a similarly amazing drummer. It's sorta strange teaching people who are far better at their instruments than what I'm doing, but I guess on my real instrument I'm just as good (I just..never write for the piano), but it's kinda cool too. I also have a backup singer but he's awfully unreliable so I'm not sure what to do with him, he apparently learnt bass for a while ages ago though so if I write some easy bass lines to my songs it might eliminate the need for a bassist...we'll see! But yeah, happy with 2 of them anyway and they're fairly reliable and always have new stuff ready so...that's all going ok! Only problem I'm having musically atm is my lyrics - they're all either emo or not-really-about-anything. Don't get me wrong I quite like both styles of lyrics, I just need to vary more. I haven't written a happy song in ages, I don't know why, as I'll explain in the next paragraph (I know - you just can't wait!) my life is going grand, but whenever I sit down to write it's all bad stuff...who knows! Happy-writer's block or something.
Social life..umm, start with the bad stuff I guess. I cut off contact with Stephanie about a month and a half ago. I'd say most of you know that but just in case anyone's not clear, it was entirely my own decision, no big event happened or anything and if there has to be a bad-person (I don't think there is really) it'd definitely be me. I really shouldn't get into detail here for obvious reasons but I just felt/feel that it was something I needed to do, both for myself and for her. I'm not saying it was necessarily the right thing to do, but right now it seems we're both doing grand (well, only judging from her lj, but that's usually a good indication of someone's feelings I think), so it feels like it was right at the moment anyway. Of course I miss her an awful lot as a friend but sure, gotta do what ya gotta do and I think things will turn out better for both of us than they would have otherwise. That all sounds awfully morbid but that's probably just because it's 6am and the little things always bother you alot more at 6am :) It's hard to forget about someone completely when most of your older songs are about them :p but I think it'd be bad to forget about someone completely sorta thing anyway, not healthy to erase fairly major bits of your memory from your mind I'd imagine!
I'll cheer myself up by saying the brighter things! My social life is going great, since basically leaving the internet (most of the time I was on I was just talking to one person so I spend alot less time on now, which doesn't really make sense as I was on just as much before that happened) I've made lots more friends and become alot more...footloose I suppose. I've gone down to limerick 3 times in the past 3 months and have made some cool friends down there too (my best friend is in art college in limerick, in case it seems an odd place to visit!). I've also become alot closer to my best friend since leaving the internet, which sounds odd, but like, the footlooseness means I make an effort alot more in "real life" I guess. Rather than just going out when people call me I try to make contact myself sometimes now :p . Also girl-stuff has been going well. I seem to have become magically much more attractive to girls since last Summer, I dunno if it's the traveling or being more friendly or the when-you're-not-looking-they-want-you-thing or my looks somehow changing but I get an awful lot more attention from girls now, which is great! On new years I had the most gangsta thing ever happen to me, I was out with a big group and there were 3 girls I'd just met that night (only one was very good looking, but this isn't the point), and near the end one of them approached me and drunkenly stated in these very words "Listen John, we all want you so you're gonna have to pick." They had decided earlier that I looked like John Travolta and named me appropriately. I don't look anything like John Travolta but they were sober when they decided this so I'm not sure why that happened. Regardless, so very gangsta, my head could have exploded.
But yes, enough of my attractiveness, on more concrete affairs, I'm currently semi-seeing 2 girls. How that happened is strange, as you all know I'm not exactly the type to do such things, I mean I'm not going out with either and would be completely open if it came up as it's not cheating (besides, one of them still has a boyfriend I think, "it's complicated" apparently..) but yes, things are very complicated in the real world. The first girl happened because I started working in dunnes and made friends with her and while I did think she was awfully good looking I wasn't chasing her at all as to the best of my knowledge she had a boyfriend, not to mention I really wasn't in the mood for chasing given it was early December at the time, I also figured even if she didn't she'd be way out of my league anyway (I mean you all know I'm a cocky bastard but I'm not actually John Travolta!). But yes, long story short...actually fuck that I'm not doing anything, skip this paragraph if you're not interested in this long story. She was always very flirty but as I said wasn't chasing her. Then a few days before christmas my best friend Finbar rings me and enquires as to if I'm around for some drinking fun. However I was in work til midnight that night, but said if I wasn't wrecked I'd drive in soberly to say hello afterwards. So after work I realize I have no credit and so ask Sarah (aforementioned girl) if I can use her phone, so I ring Finbar and arrange where to meet him in town, after handing her phone back I politely invited her in, you know, expecting her to refuse, but she did not. So the two of us drove in (in my car, she has a much newer fancier car and a full license so I'm not sure why that keeps happening). When we arrive Finbar and Iarla (finbar's friend) are bushing with a lovely bottle of buckfast each, and they've acquired a drunken lawyer who's looking for "Divilment". We decide a lapdancing club must be the best place for divilment so he ends up paying us all in (well, sarah got in free, don't think they get many girls in there..) and a crazy (sober!) night was had by all, throughout which drunken Iarla was asking as to why Sarah and I weren't more than just friends and making it awkward but also making me realize maybe it is time for another girl. Then 2 nights later (on christmas eve of all times) after a long confusing conversation of me trying to find out if she did still have a boyfriend or not (all I could get was "nyeh", whatever that means) we ended up kissing in the parking lot and thus it began. Long uninteresting story for you there. But yes, have been seeing her on and off since, I'm not really sure how the whole thing is meant to work especially considering she seems to still have some sort of a boyfriend (I don't think she's cheating though, I'm not sure exactly what the story is) and with her only living 3 minutes drive away how often I'm meant to see her :p I'm used to it being...see girl at weekend, don't see girl during week, simple affair. I don't want a girlfriend for a long time yet though so I'm not really too concerned at all, just enjoying the ride. Not sure I'd go out with her anyway, she's incredibly good looking and quite fun but I have nothing at all in common with her really. She doesn't even really listen to music for god's sake :) . I brought her out drinking with my friends the Saturday before last and my drummer kindly requested that I "deck her!!!" for liking the Kaiser Chiefs. In fairness, the Kaiser Chiefs aren't bad, they're just overliked by everyone. Other girl...very opposite story. Like 2.5 weeks ago I hadn't seen Sarah in a week and she didn't reply when I texted her (turned out she had no credit, oh yeah, she doesn't even have the internet so can't webtext, I know, what the hell am I doing? No internet?!) so I had just figured that was over, and was at a houseparty, finbar's limerick next door neighbour's birthday who I've gotten to know from driving her up to Galway each time I've come back (passengers are great as they always pay my fuel, fantastic!) but yes, as such lots of Limerick people were up and I ended up talking to a girl in Finbar's class for ages and ended up kissing her at the end of the night (as in, she kissed me - I was drunk and she was sober, not really fair.), she's the opposite deal, has lots in common with me and I get along really well with her, she's big into lots of music I like and she's really cool and stuff. Not quite as good looking as sarah (more classic irishy good looking, curly brown hair and cute smile affair whereas sarah would be american modelly good looking, blonde perfect hair/skin/body etc) but still very cute and really really cool. I haven't actually seen her since that night, I forgot to warn her before I went to Limerick last and it turned out she was in Cork :p but there's been lots of texting and I'll probably head down in a week or two so we'll see. All good fun anyway, this girl stuff. And the Sarah thing has certainly given my confidence a huge boost, not sure I believe in leagues anymore. Just grin at any girl until she likes you. Every girl I've kissed since September (which isn't anywhere near a million, contrary to popular belief) has commented on me being smiley as a compliment. So I reckon grinning at girls is the key to getting them. I should write a book.
So yeah, that's about it really, life's going good, a few hiccups along the line with finding it hard to find a job and the stephanie thing and being fairly broke now but the good is certainly outweighing the bad right now! Oh and I got a benchpress and weights for Christmas so I've been training more than I was with the gym and am fairly strong and stuff now which is always good!
I have no idea how to end this, so will do so with the lyrics from a song I'm writing currently in case anyone wants to comment/critque, it isn't finished at all and is meant to be very simple in case any of ye poets notice the rhyming patterns/rhythm. :) Oh and it's not about anyone or anything like that in case that isn't obvious! Just general late night vague writings..
When every moment's a little bit later
When every smile is a big fat lie
And you walk lonely with all of your best friends
You look for answers you will never find
'Cus she is gone now, gone now forever
Though you thought she could never change
And nothing, no-one will make it better
Until you cannot recall her face..
I strum faster as I grow older
Though my lyrics seem to stay the same
I'm just a dreamer in a crowd of caffeine
I do hope I will never change
Do you remember tents in the garden?
Do you remember dizzy-games?
Do you miss wishing, you would grow older?
Will you ever watch the stars again?
Jaysus that was ridiculously long. Ah well, if you're considering whether to read it or not the above contains a summary of my music, social and love life over the last few months, and lyrics of a song thrown in for the craic!