(no subject)
Okay, real update time, 'cus Finbar told me to and he's a cranky old bastard now that his degree is coming to an end. Maybe this will give you something to waste three minutes of your time on. Much love.
So...what's happened since December...I'm gonna try and do it month by month, but it's gonna be awwwfully hazy.
First of all, answering the future of the last entries I guess!
The last proper entry was....annoyed at myself for drinking so much, resoluting not to drink so much, etc. I didn't drink in January in fairness. Also I figured I just about passed my exams, which wasn't true, out of 6 modules I got 4 A's, 1B and 1 C, 2 of the A's being A+s. There was only one grade I wasn't happy with, so not too bad considering how much I went in. I also didn't drink for the entire month of January, which allowed me to save up a whole lot of money for February :p . Then there was the girls thing, the girl I thought I fucked over turned out to be fine after a few days, and while we don't talk half as much as we did we're certainly on good terms I think. And I did try to forgive Anna in the end, and we're on good terms too and talk occasionally, once I make sure not to remember/bring up any of the bad stuff regarding her, it's all good. I don't think you can ever be friends properly with someone like that, but she did say sorry for everything, and at the end of the day, once the bad stuff isn't in our heads of course we still get on well, we did go out like.
The other resolution was fitness/slimming. I'm not sure about the slimming bit, but I'm certainly slimmer, and a whoooole lot fitter. Went from struggling to do 5km to running 8-10km a session without issue. I've had to stop for the last two weeks cus I got a tattoo (that'll come up later!), but I'll be back training very soon!
So I guess while I haven't thought about those resolutions much since, everything did kinda work out :)
I'm gonna try and recount the months, definitely leaving out tonnes of important things.
So January was spent as I said, not drinking. I made my first ever golden week in college (a golden week in NUIG, dunno about other colleges, means going to every one of your lectures for a week, it's a bit ridiculous as in most universities it'd be a given that you'd attend everything...not here...), and generally made my life better. It had gotten to a stage where I just didn't like who I was, as a person, physically, academically and musically. So it was definitely a good idea to give up drink, save my money, and fix it all. Of course you can never fix everything, but it definitely helped :) nothing really exciting happened I think, though. I discovered I really like Complex Analysis in maths. Which was nice as while I dunno if I'll ever work in it (we don't get to study it again for the rest of the degree), it was nice to finally find something I'm vaguely passionate about. Studying for the exam was actually fun. Complex analysis is the study of maths relating to Complex numbers; a complex number is x + iy, where x and y are real numbers, like ones you'd see every day, and i is the number such that i^2 = -1, known as "imaginary" because you can't have a square root of a negative number. It's an area that scares alot of people, but it's really interesting.
February was Berlin and it's aftermath. It was a juggling trip, and like all traditional juggling trips there was far more drinking involved than juggling, at a seriously ridiculous ratio. I mean I was juggling more than everyone else in the group and I might have done.....8 hours...max...
It was also the first trip I've ever organised in my life. And bringing 20 people to a foreign country is a pretty big first trip. It all went perfectly though, and kinda proved to myself that I was ready to run the society next year. Which, if we look into the future of this entry, I will be doing.
We had a great time altogether, and might just return again next year, if nothing better comes up.
There was definitely a few days of recovery after Berlin, and I can't really remember the rest of February after that..so onto March.
Rag week went well at the start of March. We got drunk every day as always. The first day was really spectacular, started off at 12 beside the college with a big group of people, got our drink taken off us by the guards but just went to the offie and bought more, drank buckfast all day and went to a rave in a field which was so very awesome til the guards shut that down too. Damn police. Not sure what happened the rest of the week....think it was just normal kind of messiness.
On St Patrick's day my family and I left for sunny Spain!
The trip was really nice, spent most of my days alone juggling in parks, but talked to a few people, and it was lovely spending time with my extended family (we were over for my cousin's wedding) and especially with my sister. I've gotten so used to her living in Budapest that I don't really miss her as such anymore. But when we're together again it's like old times, when she'd come into my room and we'd spend hours half on the internet/watching movies/half chatting away about nothing. There was also a few strange life changing moments. I decided I wanted tattoos, for one. As in, I'd wanted a tattoo for about a year, but I decided it was time to actually make concrete what I want and go get it. I also decided (after an awfully annoying incident in which I really liked the look of a spanish girl but couldn't pluck up the courage to talk to her at the wedding, and it turned out a few days later that she had liked me. Fuck.) to never let a girl I like just get away. With the exception of people I've been friends with too long and not wanting to risk their friendship of course, that one is always present. But if I meet a girl now, and I like her, I'm gonna try before we become friends, or before she vanishes away again. Cus life is too short, and a girl saying no really aint so bad. And awfully rare if you're me. Ho-ho-ho.
Onto April! Lectures ended soon after my return, so it was study month. But then the sun came out. So studying didn't happen. Spent two weeks of awesomeness in which we hung around the spanish arch or the beach, just having fun in the sun, usually drinking chilled wine in the sun, then going out at night. It sounds like a typical thing to do, but it really was very nice. I even had a girlfriend for two days of it, which turned out to be a terrible idea, hence ending after two days. But it was very fun! Then exam madness happened. A week was spent in serious cram mode getting ready. And in fairness, I think it worked. Once I didn't fail my crappy mechanics module (my only pass subject, and the only one I'm terrible in - 10% is for attendance, but you have to be at 90% of lectures to get that 10% or it's 0. And when you go away for two weeks in the semester this is impossible) This subject really annoyed me in general, as it just shows how bad the system/lecturer can be, when I have one pass subject and struggle to pass it, while getting A's in my honours ones), I *think* I did okay. What I need/hope is for first class honours averages in Maths and Computer Science, which have two modules each and made up 2/3 of my credits this year. This is because they're the subjects I'll be keeping on next year so once I didn't fail anything they're all that matters, and because I *need* to get a first in third and fourth year, so that I can get the hell out of this country and go do my phd or whatever somewhere else. If I don't get a first it's straight into industry I'd say. Dublin at a push but even then I dunno. It's like that Bright Eyes song, a spindle a darkness a fever a necklace,
"I don't want to wake up in the same old bedroom,
eat breakfast in the same old kitchen,
every room in my house is the same old room,
cus I've been here too long."
The exams were celebrated in...well, not style as such. Colum got back from America and we drank a litre of rum each all day in celebration, and it all gets hazy after about 7pm. I ended up home before 12, though, so we can presume I didn't do anything too stupid.
The day after my exams finished I got my first tattoo. Pictoooor:
It's currently a shaded treble clef, about 3" tall, on my left leg. It'll be increasing dramatically in size in a few weeks though, as my summer plans are as follows:
28th - 31st May: Galway Juggling Convention. While I'm not helping to organize it or anything (I really don't want to), I'm looking forward to it. I'm awfully big into my juggling these days so it's good to go to these things, and this one is right here!
1st - 10th June: Budapest. Going over to visit me sister, and to get the rest of my tattoo done. She has a tattoo artist friend over there, and being that everything is cheaper over there, I should be able to do the holiday+tattoo for only about 60e more than it would have cost to do the tattoo here. Of course I'll probably spend far too much on booze and stuff over there, but fuckit. Cheap flights, free accomodation, why not!
Sometime around the 20th of June: Limerick for a night or two, Finbar's finally finishing up and gotta go down to see if he's any good yet. And maybe we can actually have some fun down there once he's stopped complaining about all the work he had to do for it.
6th - 20th July : Going to France. It's my 21st birthday on the 14th, Bastille day over there, and I didn't want to have a normal 21st cus I'm not good at making people come to parties. So I'm just gonna have a night out here, and anyone who can make it over to Paris for 12th-16th or thereabouts is more than welcome. A few of us figured we'd make a holiday out of it, so we're going camping til the 12th and after the 16th, too. Gonna keep it cheap and relaxing and drink lots of wine, then crazy and 21stish in Paris. They're all celebrating my birthday for god's sake, they just don't know it.
29th July - 2nd September : Boston! I'm going over on my own, it's something I've wanted to do for a while, go somewhere where all I have is a place to stay (my uncles live there), not knowing anyone etc. In fairness technically I've done it before in Boston a few years back, but it wasn't the same idea, I went over to visit my uncles and see the place etc. This time it'll be an adventure, and I'll be 21 so I can actually drink over there. Gonna go to juggling meetings, meet some couch surfers, maybe even check out internet dating, who knows :p
So, that's about it, long overdue, but hey, it's a pretty damn long entry. To summarize my life at the moment:
Single and fairly happy with it, but I'd like to meet more girls just even to have the potential :p
Doing pretty well on the piano, writing some nice stuff I think and playing lots of contempary. Might actually get around to that diploma soon..
Have no job for the summer so gotta live cheap to pay for all my stuff, but I'm okay with that!
While I spend alot of my time bored, I really shouldn't, tonnes to do, I'm gonna take up photography again, I've said it a million times, but now I really don't have anything better to do. And it's Summertime.
I'm gonna end this with an emo quote from myself. It's something I wrote in my personal diary (not factual, just thoughts and feelings and stuff instead, just as infrequently updated though..), I was feeling down and generally crappy at the time, but I think it's kinda nice. Terribly bad in other ways, mostly in that it sounds like a 14 year old suicidal kid wrote it. Oh well. Prepare for emoness:
She isn't who I wanted
I don't need anyone
I need someone
So that I can not want them
And be sad again
Because it's all about change
To be happy isn't to be happy
It's to not be sad for a while
To escape the loneliness -
But it'd be nothing if you never came back.
Home to yourself
Writing in a diary
Cus you can't say it to her.
Until my city crumbles
I'll lie to her so I can sleep
Until then
I have loneliness, music, and numbers
So...what's happened since December...I'm gonna try and do it month by month, but it's gonna be awwwfully hazy.
First of all, answering the future of the last entries I guess!
The last proper entry was....annoyed at myself for drinking so much, resoluting not to drink so much, etc. I didn't drink in January in fairness. Also I figured I just about passed my exams, which wasn't true, out of 6 modules I got 4 A's, 1B and 1 C, 2 of the A's being A+s. There was only one grade I wasn't happy with, so not too bad considering how much I went in. I also didn't drink for the entire month of January, which allowed me to save up a whole lot of money for February :p . Then there was the girls thing, the girl I thought I fucked over turned out to be fine after a few days, and while we don't talk half as much as we did we're certainly on good terms I think. And I did try to forgive Anna in the end, and we're on good terms too and talk occasionally, once I make sure not to remember/bring up any of the bad stuff regarding her, it's all good. I don't think you can ever be friends properly with someone like that, but she did say sorry for everything, and at the end of the day, once the bad stuff isn't in our heads of course we still get on well, we did go out like.
The other resolution was fitness/slimming. I'm not sure about the slimming bit, but I'm certainly slimmer, and a whoooole lot fitter. Went from struggling to do 5km to running 8-10km a session without issue. I've had to stop for the last two weeks cus I got a tattoo (that'll come up later!), but I'll be back training very soon!
So I guess while I haven't thought about those resolutions much since, everything did kinda work out :)
I'm gonna try and recount the months, definitely leaving out tonnes of important things.
So January was spent as I said, not drinking. I made my first ever golden week in college (a golden week in NUIG, dunno about other colleges, means going to every one of your lectures for a week, it's a bit ridiculous as in most universities it'd be a given that you'd attend everything...not here...), and generally made my life better. It had gotten to a stage where I just didn't like who I was, as a person, physically, academically and musically. So it was definitely a good idea to give up drink, save my money, and fix it all. Of course you can never fix everything, but it definitely helped :) nothing really exciting happened I think, though. I discovered I really like Complex Analysis in maths. Which was nice as while I dunno if I'll ever work in it (we don't get to study it again for the rest of the degree), it was nice to finally find something I'm vaguely passionate about. Studying for the exam was actually fun. Complex analysis is the study of maths relating to Complex numbers; a complex number is x + iy, where x and y are real numbers, like ones you'd see every day, and i is the number such that i^2 = -1, known as "imaginary" because you can't have a square root of a negative number. It's an area that scares alot of people, but it's really interesting.
February was Berlin and it's aftermath. It was a juggling trip, and like all traditional juggling trips there was far more drinking involved than juggling, at a seriously ridiculous ratio. I mean I was juggling more than everyone else in the group and I might have done.....8 hours...max...
It was also the first trip I've ever organised in my life. And bringing 20 people to a foreign country is a pretty big first trip. It all went perfectly though, and kinda proved to myself that I was ready to run the society next year. Which, if we look into the future of this entry, I will be doing.
We had a great time altogether, and might just return again next year, if nothing better comes up.
There was definitely a few days of recovery after Berlin, and I can't really remember the rest of February after that..so onto March.
Rag week went well at the start of March. We got drunk every day as always. The first day was really spectacular, started off at 12 beside the college with a big group of people, got our drink taken off us by the guards but just went to the offie and bought more, drank buckfast all day and went to a rave in a field which was so very awesome til the guards shut that down too. Damn police. Not sure what happened the rest of the week....think it was just normal kind of messiness.
On St Patrick's day my family and I left for sunny Spain!
The trip was really nice, spent most of my days alone juggling in parks, but talked to a few people, and it was lovely spending time with my extended family (we were over for my cousin's wedding) and especially with my sister. I've gotten so used to her living in Budapest that I don't really miss her as such anymore. But when we're together again it's like old times, when she'd come into my room and we'd spend hours half on the internet/watching movies/half chatting away about nothing. There was also a few strange life changing moments. I decided I wanted tattoos, for one. As in, I'd wanted a tattoo for about a year, but I decided it was time to actually make concrete what I want and go get it. I also decided (after an awfully annoying incident in which I really liked the look of a spanish girl but couldn't pluck up the courage to talk to her at the wedding, and it turned out a few days later that she had liked me. Fuck.) to never let a girl I like just get away. With the exception of people I've been friends with too long and not wanting to risk their friendship of course, that one is always present. But if I meet a girl now, and I like her, I'm gonna try before we become friends, or before she vanishes away again. Cus life is too short, and a girl saying no really aint so bad. And awfully rare if you're me. Ho-ho-ho.
Onto April! Lectures ended soon after my return, so it was study month. But then the sun came out. So studying didn't happen. Spent two weeks of awesomeness in which we hung around the spanish arch or the beach, just having fun in the sun, usually drinking chilled wine in the sun, then going out at night. It sounds like a typical thing to do, but it really was very nice. I even had a girlfriend for two days of it, which turned out to be a terrible idea, hence ending after two days. But it was very fun! Then exam madness happened. A week was spent in serious cram mode getting ready. And in fairness, I think it worked. Once I didn't fail my crappy mechanics module (my only pass subject, and the only one I'm terrible in - 10% is for attendance, but you have to be at 90% of lectures to get that 10% or it's 0. And when you go away for two weeks in the semester this is impossible) This subject really annoyed me in general, as it just shows how bad the system/lecturer can be, when I have one pass subject and struggle to pass it, while getting A's in my honours ones), I *think* I did okay. What I need/hope is for first class honours averages in Maths and Computer Science, which have two modules each and made up 2/3 of my credits this year. This is because they're the subjects I'll be keeping on next year so once I didn't fail anything they're all that matters, and because I *need* to get a first in third and fourth year, so that I can get the hell out of this country and go do my phd or whatever somewhere else. If I don't get a first it's straight into industry I'd say. Dublin at a push but even then I dunno. It's like that Bright Eyes song, a spindle a darkness a fever a necklace,
"I don't want to wake up in the same old bedroom,
eat breakfast in the same old kitchen,
every room in my house is the same old room,
cus I've been here too long."
The exams were celebrated in...well, not style as such. Colum got back from America and we drank a litre of rum each all day in celebration, and it all gets hazy after about 7pm. I ended up home before 12, though, so we can presume I didn't do anything too stupid.
The day after my exams finished I got my first tattoo. Pictoooor:
It's currently a shaded treble clef, about 3" tall, on my left leg. It'll be increasing dramatically in size in a few weeks though, as my summer plans are as follows:
28th - 31st May: Galway Juggling Convention. While I'm not helping to organize it or anything (I really don't want to), I'm looking forward to it. I'm awfully big into my juggling these days so it's good to go to these things, and this one is right here!
1st - 10th June: Budapest. Going over to visit me sister, and to get the rest of my tattoo done. She has a tattoo artist friend over there, and being that everything is cheaper over there, I should be able to do the holiday+tattoo for only about 60e more than it would have cost to do the tattoo here. Of course I'll probably spend far too much on booze and stuff over there, but fuckit. Cheap flights, free accomodation, why not!
Sometime around the 20th of June: Limerick for a night or two, Finbar's finally finishing up and gotta go down to see if he's any good yet. And maybe we can actually have some fun down there once he's stopped complaining about all the work he had to do for it.
6th - 20th July : Going to France. It's my 21st birthday on the 14th, Bastille day over there, and I didn't want to have a normal 21st cus I'm not good at making people come to parties. So I'm just gonna have a night out here, and anyone who can make it over to Paris for 12th-16th or thereabouts is more than welcome. A few of us figured we'd make a holiday out of it, so we're going camping til the 12th and after the 16th, too. Gonna keep it cheap and relaxing and drink lots of wine, then crazy and 21stish in Paris. They're all celebrating my birthday for god's sake, they just don't know it.
29th July - 2nd September : Boston! I'm going over on my own, it's something I've wanted to do for a while, go somewhere where all I have is a place to stay (my uncles live there), not knowing anyone etc. In fairness technically I've done it before in Boston a few years back, but it wasn't the same idea, I went over to visit my uncles and see the place etc. This time it'll be an adventure, and I'll be 21 so I can actually drink over there. Gonna go to juggling meetings, meet some couch surfers, maybe even check out internet dating, who knows :p
So, that's about it, long overdue, but hey, it's a pretty damn long entry. To summarize my life at the moment:
Single and fairly happy with it, but I'd like to meet more girls just even to have the potential :p
Doing pretty well on the piano, writing some nice stuff I think and playing lots of contempary. Might actually get around to that diploma soon..
Have no job for the summer so gotta live cheap to pay for all my stuff, but I'm okay with that!
While I spend alot of my time bored, I really shouldn't, tonnes to do, I'm gonna take up photography again, I've said it a million times, but now I really don't have anything better to do. And it's Summertime.
I'm gonna end this with an emo quote from myself. It's something I wrote in my personal diary (not factual, just thoughts and feelings and stuff instead, just as infrequently updated though..), I was feeling down and generally crappy at the time, but I think it's kinda nice. Terribly bad in other ways, mostly in that it sounds like a 14 year old suicidal kid wrote it. Oh well. Prepare for emoness:
She isn't who I wanted
I don't need anyone
I need someone
So that I can not want them
And be sad again
Because it's all about change
To be happy isn't to be happy
It's to not be sad for a while
To escape the loneliness -
But it'd be nothing if you never came back.
Home to yourself
Writing in a diary
Cus you can't say it to her.
Until my city crumbles
I'll lie to her so I can sleep
Until then
I have loneliness, music, and numbers