(no subject)
So, Anna and I broke up on Tuesday.
I'm...not taking it very well.
Technically, I broke it off, but it wasn't really me. I felt like I had to, she wasn't happy and (well, this is what I thought at the time, I'm not so sure now) I thought that it was because she couldn't handle spending time with both her friends and I (they're quite needy, she once said that if she didn't see them for two weeks they wouldn't be her friends anymore), as she separated us due to her friends not liking me and me not liking one of her friends, and given that I love her, I'd do anything to make her happy, and I thought the only way to achieve that was to...break up with her. Let her be free. Of course, also given that I love her (and she said she loved me), I regretted my decision very shortly after. We spoke last night on the phone and she thinks some stuff that simply isn't true now. It was pretty horrible, I still love the girl and I'd take her back in an instant, but I don't know how it got into her (her friends or just....her somehow), but she said stuff that really hurt me. I'm not a horrible person and I wasn't a horrible boyfriend. I always did my best for her, I always tried to be as thoughtful as I possibly could. And the thing is I can't even be angry at her, I'm angry at whoever made her think these things or I'm angry at whatever piece of her made her think them, cus I just really can't believe that it's her. We only went out for 4 months but it's just...not her. And I still love her, and even if she didn't change her mind and acknowledge all the stuff was wrong I'd still take her back. But I know it's extremely unlikely to happen, she's determined it's over and I'm not going to annoy her by arguing constantly, I said my piece, I listened to the horrible things, I then e-mailed her as I had to get the stuff off my chest, I couldn't leave everything without defending myself. But I think that's it now. I hope it's not, but I'd say it is.
And it sucks.
I can't seem to eat without feeling very sick. I can't seem to lie in bed without thinking about it, so I've been staying up later and later in an effort to tire myself out.
How do you get over a girl you still love? And that deep in your heart you think she still loves you? How do you get over a girl when you didn't break up for any reason to do with the two of you, rather because the world got too much? Is that even why we broke up? I knew people would get to her quickly afterwards and pit her against me (y'know, cus they didn't like me), but I didn't think it'd work on her so quickly. I feel like I've lost her.
I never want to feel like this again. And this isn't emo David talking, this really, really hurts.
I'm...not taking it very well.
Technically, I broke it off, but it wasn't really me. I felt like I had to, she wasn't happy and (well, this is what I thought at the time, I'm not so sure now) I thought that it was because she couldn't handle spending time with both her friends and I (they're quite needy, she once said that if she didn't see them for two weeks they wouldn't be her friends anymore), as she separated us due to her friends not liking me and me not liking one of her friends, and given that I love her, I'd do anything to make her happy, and I thought the only way to achieve that was to...break up with her. Let her be free. Of course, also given that I love her (and she said she loved me), I regretted my decision very shortly after. We spoke last night on the phone and she thinks some stuff that simply isn't true now. It was pretty horrible, I still love the girl and I'd take her back in an instant, but I don't know how it got into her (her friends or just....her somehow), but she said stuff that really hurt me. I'm not a horrible person and I wasn't a horrible boyfriend. I always did my best for her, I always tried to be as thoughtful as I possibly could. And the thing is I can't even be angry at her, I'm angry at whoever made her think these things or I'm angry at whatever piece of her made her think them, cus I just really can't believe that it's her. We only went out for 4 months but it's just...not her. And I still love her, and even if she didn't change her mind and acknowledge all the stuff was wrong I'd still take her back. But I know it's extremely unlikely to happen, she's determined it's over and I'm not going to annoy her by arguing constantly, I said my piece, I listened to the horrible things, I then e-mailed her as I had to get the stuff off my chest, I couldn't leave everything without defending myself. But I think that's it now. I hope it's not, but I'd say it is.
And it sucks.
I can't seem to eat without feeling very sick. I can't seem to lie in bed without thinking about it, so I've been staying up later and later in an effort to tire myself out.
How do you get over a girl you still love? And that deep in your heart you think she still loves you? How do you get over a girl when you didn't break up for any reason to do with the two of you, rather because the world got too much? Is that even why we broke up? I knew people would get to her quickly afterwards and pit her against me (y'know, cus they didn't like me), but I didn't think it'd work on her so quickly. I feel like I've lost her.
I never want to feel like this again. And this isn't emo David talking, this really, really hurts.